If Love Is The Answer, Could You Repeat The Question?

So it’s like this: You wake up in an empty bed. And maybe that’s actually a good thing given the events. You lay there considering your options.

You could stay in bed all day, pretending like he doesn’t even exist until he comes to bed and nothing will get fixed at all but you won’t have to face him either.

Or you could suck it up, go out there and apologize and things would go back to normal. But there’s a small voice in your head saying that you shouldn’t have to because it’s not your fault that he’s being frigid. Except he did apologize last night, it didn’t sound very sincere, but it was an apology nonetheless.

You lay there for a while longer, caught up in your silent debate until your stomach is screaming at you to go get something to eat since you were too occupied last night to eat. You throw back the blankets and get out of the bed, quietly walking down the hall. You aren’t expecting him to notice you or acknowledge that you’re awake because when he’s busy he’s unaware of everything going on around him, but the second you’re in sight his head snaps up and his eyes harden instantly.

You veer off into the kitchen just to avoid his glare and you’re not sure why he’s so mad because it should be you giving him dirty looks but nothing is turning out to be the way you thought it was going to be so would this be any different.

The coffee had just finished brewing as you grabbed two cups and filled them, which tells you he hasn’t been up much longer than you have. You couldn’t blame the action on habit; it was just something you felt the urge to do. You took the coffee out to him and set it down. He didn’t even bother to look up at you or say anything. You sat down on the couch as far away from his as you could get.

There was a tense silence in the room and you had to say something before the walls started to cave in and crush you.

“Do you want help?” You ask quietly.

“No,” He says sharply and is still refusing to look at you. You feel you’re heart sink so low you’re pretty sure it fell out. You can’t take another minute of the icy cold silence enveloping the room so you stand up and go back into his room. You don’t go back to bed though, you need to do something, you need to keep busy because if you don’t your thoughts will eat you alive and you’ll end up crying and this is a really petty and stupid thing to be crying over so instead you opt to take a shower.

Showering only kills half an hour though so you stay in the bathroom and as slowly as possible you straighten your hair again. Once that’s done you’re not really sure what to do with yourself. You go to put your bag back in his room when you spot your guitar case. You aren’t really sure why you brought it in the first place because you’re probably not going to have time to play on the road but it’s here now and you need something to do.

You take it out of the case and bring it over to the bed where you get comfortable and strum a few times.

You consider playing an All Time Low song just to get under his skin, especially one of the ones that are always on their set lists but you decide it’s not a good time to annoy him any more than he already is. Instead you start to play Semi Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind because it’s the one you were working on learning before you left. It’s a relatively easy song to play and you skip the intro do-dos before singing. And yeah you can actually sing decently. Not as good as Hayley Williams or someone like that, but good enough to not want to make people claw their ears off.

After Semi Charmed Life you start the intro for Feeling This because it’s the only Blink 182 song you ever bothered to learn. And you’re not quite sure why you’re playing songs from these bands but you decide to work on something more original.

For the better part of the afternoon you stay locked away in his room, doing random covers and writing a few songs that weren’t that good.

A knock at the door made you jump. You set the guitar down and walk across the room, opening the door to come face to chest with him. You look up at him despite your better judgement and try to ignore the smell of aftershave that makes you want to attack him. You can clearly see the trail of love bites on his neck that his shirt is covering and you’re curious to see what the rest of his neck and collarbone looks like.

“Can we talk?” He asks, looking shy and nervous and had he looked any other way you probably would have said no, but the vulnerable look in his eye compelled you to nod.

You follow him out to the living room and he sits down, motioning for you to sit next to him but you shake your head, you need to stand for some reason.

“Look about last night—” He starts, but you cut him off because you don’t want to hear him make excuses about why he didn’t want you touching him.

“No it’s fine, I get it.” You say quietly.

“Wait what—” It clicks in his mind what you meant. He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up a little bit more and sighs. “That’s not what it is okay? It’s not you it’s me.”

You snort at that. “Do you really expect me to believe that?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“Because when you’re in control anything goes but when I try to do anything you shut me out.” Okay so maybe it only happened once but it was probably bound to happen again.

“It has nothing to do with you directly.” He said, his voice starting to rise.

You take back what you said about him not being hot and cold because he definitely can’t make up his mind which he is anymore.

“Then what is it about?” You ask a little bit louder than necessary.

“Nothing,” He mumbles and you want to rip out you hair because he’s being so fucking frustrating.

“God dammit you’re so fucking frustrating.” You repeat your thoughts aloud.

“Me? Who’s the one that got mad for no reason?” And now he’s on his feet and it’s become a competition to see who can yell the loudest.

“No reason? I’m pretty sure I had a damn good reason to be pissed off. Let me get you all worked up and turned on for the second night in a row and then leave you hanging.”

“You weren’t the only one disappointed last night, princess.” There’s something really attractive about him being mad and you just noticed that he’s been getting closer and closer to you.

“Yeah well that was your choice, not mine.”

“Who was the one that stopped it the first night?”

Okay he had you there. You had no argument for that one so you went back to the original reason to why you’re fight with him in the first place. “Yeah well you stopped it last night for no apparent reason so.”

“It wasn’t for no reason.”

“Then what is this reason?” But he refused to answer you. “Why won’t you just fucking tell me?”

“Why should I?”

Maybe so you can finally put all the stupid insecurities eating at you away. “Don’t be like this. Just tell me.” You yell. By now you’re in each other’s faces, breathing hard and glaring.

“Tell me.” You say from behind clenched teeth. He still doesn’t answer instead he kisses you. This kiss is rougher, needier and more passionate than any of the others. Had it not been for the fact that he had backed you up into the wall behind you, you probably would have fallen because it left you light headed and weak in the knees. He presses you against the wall with one hand intertwined with yours pinned above your head and the other on your hip.

Just as you were getting into it and as abruptly as he has started to kiss you, he stopped. He let go of your hand and rests his head against the wall beside yours while you play with the hair on the back of his neck.

“I want you so bad.” He breathes quietly in your ear.

“Then what’s stopping you?” You ask just quietly.

“I don’t want things to change.” He finally admits.

“Who said they have to?”

“What if they do?”

“They won’t if you don’t let them.”

You brush his cheek with your thumb and give him a small smile. You understand what he means by it changing things because you thought about how it could possibly ruin your friendship or make things weird, but c’mon, you’ve been making out for three nights straight. That should be a sign that if things went further it wouldn't have that much effect.

“I understand why you’re hesitant and I’m sorry I got mad.” You’re still talking softly because it seems like talking any louder would ruin the moment. He rests his forehead against yours relief written all over his face. You feel kinda bad about blowing it up so much, but he was being stubborn so it wasn’t completely all on you.

You’re tempted to ask where this leaves you with him, because you’re not sure if this is friends with benefits or just make out buddies or what but you keep it to yourself knowing now isn’t the time.

“Now what?” You ask.

“Let’s watch a movie.” He answers, unpinning you from the wall. The absence of his body against yours left you cold and you repress a shudder. You go to sit on the couch but he shakes his head.

“My room instead.”

You leave him to pick out a movie, not caring what you watched and headed into his room. You put away you guitar that you left on his bed and changing back into shorts because it’s sweltering in his room for some reason. You climb into the bed just as he comes in, closing the door behind him. He goes over to the flat screen TV nailed to the wall above his dresser and put the movie in.

He turns off the lights, takes off his shirt, dropping it to the floor before crawling into the bed. He automatically opens his arms as a signal for you to cuddle with him. You don’t even think twice before moving closer and putting you head on his chest. You can hear his heart beat and it’s slightly faster than normal, and you wonder if you make him as nervous as he makes you.

So it’s like this: You woke up to an empty bed this morning but you wouldn’t change a single thing that’s happened since then.