If Love Is The Answer, Could You Repeat The Question?

So it’s like this: You just got off another fucking airplane. Had it not been for a warm hand in yours and him whispering comforting things, mixed in with a few dirty ones, you probably would have freaked out, although, you’re kinda freaking out anyway because you’re about to meet bits and pieces of the rest of the crew. You’re not sure when you’re supposed to be meeting up with the band but it would probably be tonight seeing as the first show is tomorrow.

Despite your nervousness, you still have a smile plastered to your face as it hasn’t left since that night. Every time you thought about it you couldn’t help but to get a fluttery feeling (more so than you already have to begin with) and smile like an idiot. That night definitely didn’t make things weird between you two, if anything it made you closer. He hadn’t stopped treating you like his girlfriend either, hence him leading you through the airport by the hand to the luggage gathering area thing that you didn’t know the name of because it didn’t really matter to you.

You realize that this was probably a bad position to be in because you still didn’t know if he had actual feelings for you or if it was just pure lust and most girls would object to being in a half-assed relationship but you didn’t really care right now because this was almost what you wanted. You completely ignored the fact that this could and probably would end badly.

You wait patiently by his side while you wait for your luggage when his phone rings and he drops your hand. You don’t make the connection between him letting your hand go and the text he got until someone yells his name and you both turn to see Vinny standing there with a bag in his hand. He immediately leaves your side and they do that bro hug that he’s actually really bad at but it’s cute anyway.

He brings Vinny over to you and introduces you to him, as if you didn’t already know who he was.

“It’s great to meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Vinny says, shaking your hand and smiling down at you. And you start to wonder what he’s said about you to his friends and if any of them know about your late night bed adventures or if you’re nothing but his dirty little secret. What if he was ashamed of you in front of the others? You know you’re not drop dead gorgeous like the other girls he’s probably brought around.

Suddenly you’re extremely self-conscious about yourself and your insecurities start to eat away at you and you can feel your good mood dissolve instantly into a quieter, darker one. You watch from a slight distance as him and Vinny stand there, laughing and talking. He glances over at you, flashing a quick smile before turning his attention back to what Vinny was saying. You don’t bother returning the smile even though your stomach exploded into butterflies. It almost annoys you how such little things could cause such a reaction inside of you.

You see your bag coming around on the carousel thing and are glad for the temporary distraction from staring at him against your better judgement. You pick up your bag at the same time he does and then start to trail him and Vinny out of the airport.

“So what’s the plan bro?” Vinny asks him.

“Things got mixed up and everyone got the really late flights so it’s just us three until at least midnight.” He explained. This was news to you since he never bothered to mention that. You knew there had been a mix up with all the flights but you didn’t think it was that bad.

“Are we going to get to the first show on time?”

“Yeah, it’s only a few hours away, not even so as long as we pull out by 3am we should be good.”

You follow them to the taxi waiting outside the doors and put your bag in the trunk with theirs. You get into the car after him with Vinny on his other side. They dive right back into a conversation about sports and you lean your head against the window.

“We should make a pit stop at the liquor store since I’m sure the bus didn’t come pre-stocked.” Vinny says and he’s quick to agree, telling the driver to find the nearest store. You weren’t expecting him to turn his attention to you after.

“You okay? You’re really quiet.”

“I almost forgot she was here,” Vinny laughed and you smile at them, even if it’s forced.

“I’m fine, just really tired.” It’s not really a lie considering he kept you up really late, not wanting to let his lips leave yours for longer than a few seconds, and the plane ride was exhausting too.

He nods slightly, instantly catching on to the fact that that isn’t the only reason you’re being dead silent, but doesn’t press the matter further. The taxi pulls into a parking lot and he slides out of the car after Vinny, but turns around before closing the door. “Do you want anything?”

You shake your head once, leaning it against the window as the door closed. You were dying to know what he and Vinny were talking about in the store, if it was about you and your abrupt, unusual silence, if it was good or bad. You just wanted to know how he felt instead of constantly guessing.

They were back sooner than you would have expected. After putting most of the alcohol they bought in the trunk, he slid into the back seat again, this time sitting a lot closer to you than before. You could feel the warmth coming from him body and it was comforting, but not enough to pull you from the bad mood that hung around.

Twenty more minutes of sports talk and you were finally at the bus. It took a lot of control not to throw yourself out of the car instantly but you managed to calmly get out and retrieve your bag, grabbing a case of beer to help them out and following him, once again, to the door of the bus. He abruptly turned to you. “Can you reach into my front left pocket and grab my keys since you’re the only one with a free hand.”

You could’ve sworn he was doing this on purpose because it was just as easy for him to set the booze down and do it himself, but still you slid your hand into his pocket, pulling out the keys, “Which one?” you ask.

“The small one with the black around it,” He answers and you then realize that all his keys are color coated. You unlock the door, holding it open for them and closing it behind you. You set the case of beer down next to the other bags on the granite counter and look around. The bus is fucking huge, with tile floors and leather couches.

“Is this is the band or crew bus?” You ask, putting your bags down and sitting on the couch, not really knowing what else to do. They both seemed so comfortable here, moving around to unpack the alcohol and other drinks they apparently bought.

“Band bus,” Vinny answered, “There’s eight bunks on here, so it’s us three plus the band.”

“And an extra for sex?” You joke.

“More like for Alex and Jack to jerk off in instead of their own.” He said over his shoulder as he bent down to grab something out of the bottom drawer and you can’t take your eyes off his ass even though you probably should look away since Vinny’s sitting across from you watching. He stands up again with a bottle opener in hand and turns around. You don’t bother to hide the fact you were staring at him the entire time, subtly was never your strong suit. He pulled out three beers from the fridge, opening them and handing one to you and Vinny. You weren’t really in the mood to be drinking but you didn’t have much of a choice as you took the beer from him.

“Isn’t it a little early to be drinking?” You ask, smiling slightly.

“Its past one in the afternoon, it’s acceptable.” Vinny grinned and he nodded in agreement, taking a seat beside Vinny.

“What are we even supposed to do for the next eleven hours?”

“Enjoy the only peace and quiet you’ll get for the next three months.” He says before tugging at the collar of his shirt. “Is it just me or is incredibly hot in here?”

“It’s just you,” You grin, hoping he caught the joke. He gives you a look that makes it crystal clear no one knows about what has gone on between you and you can’t make jokes like that and your mood slips a little bit more.

“Am I missing something?” Vinny asks as you take a long chug from the beer. You haven’t eaten since yesterday so you’re going to get drunker faster if you keep chugging.

“What are you talking about?” He asks and you can see a hint of panic in his eyes. You don’t really see the problem with letting his best friend in on the secret, but apparently he does.

“It just seems like there’s something going on between you two.” Vinny says, looking at you both suspiciously. Either he’s really observant or it’s really obvious.

“What makes you think that?” You jump in.

“Just the way you look at each other.” He states. There’s a moment of silence while you basically stare him down waiting for him to deny it so you can fall into a pile of regrets and insecurities but before either of you could say anything, Vinny is talking again. “Hey look, I don’t care if you’re together or not, but I’m just saying make it a little less obvious if you’re trying to hide it, y’know?”

You open your mouth to say something when Vinny’s phone rings. “It’s my girl, gotta take this.” He says as he gets up and leaves the bus, leaving you both in silence.

“Well now what?” You ask finally.

He looks like he’s at a complete loss of what to do. “I don’t know.”

“It’s not like we have many options. Either we tell people we’re…” You trail off and look him in the eye, “What exactly are we?” It had been on your mind for the past three days and it was time you got an answer.

His eyes drop to the ground. “I don’t know.” He mumbles quietly and you want to tear out your hair. You sigh loudly and get up off the couch, yanking open the fridge and grabbing another beer, suddenly in the mood to drink now.

You don’t notice him get up off the couch until you close the fridge door and he pins you lightly against the wall. He kisses your cheek softly. “Look, I’m sorry, things are just really complicated right now and I just think it’s too soon to tell them all. Let the tour get rolling and things get settled first okay? I promise we’ll tell everyone eventually though.” He says, and you notice how he completely avoided the topic of relationship status. You sigh quietly, nodding in agreement, because what else can you do? He’s still the one calling the shots here and you’re just the secret he can sweep away and hide until he wants to play with you again.

It hits you just how much you can’t stand being hidden like this. It really is like he’s ashamed of you, or that he doesn’t think the rest of the guys would approve. And why would they if they knew everything? You’ve known each other for just over two weeks and have already fucked. You know deep down that none of them would actually judge you like that because they’re all really good guys but in this kind of shitty mood, you choose to ignore that and jump to the worst conclusion possible.

His lips brush against yours lightly and cautiously and you consider denying him the kiss but you were dying to taste his lips once more. You can taste the beer on his breath and your head spins because his kisses were almost as intoxicating as the drink. He breaks the kiss, pressing one to your forehead before stepping away from you and sitting back on the couch again. You sit back down across from him again and he tosses you the bottle opener as Vinny comes back on the bus.

-x-

It was getting close to the time for everyone to start showing up and you’re a little bit tipsy. You were trying really hard not to get completely drunk because you were a very horny and flirty drunk and that would end terribly. You managed to even out the beers with food and the bus only spun around you a little bit, but your bad mood was still fully intact. The past few hours have been spent just talking, drinking and eating, most of the talking being done by him and Vinny and most of the eating done by you.

“Alex and Rian are here,” He says as the door to the bus opens and a shock of pink hair enters. You could barely keep your jaw from dropping at Alex’s new hair color. You probably would have had the same reaction if his hair hadn’t been dyed bright pink because this is Alex Gaskarth we’re talking about.

He drops his bag on the ground. “What’s up mother fuckers?”

Alex exchanged bro hugs with both of them before looking down at you in your corner you still claimed on the couch. “And you must be our new intern.” He plops down next to you and holds out his hand. “I’m Alex.”

“I know who you are.” You smile, and you feel a lot better suddenly. Alex’s presence was so comforting and uplifting. You take a sip of the beer you were clinging to, you weren’t sure what number this was but it didn’t matter to you anyway.

“You already did a beer run awesome!” Alex grins and jumps off the couch, heading right to the fridge as Rian takes his spot next to you and smiles at you. “Where’s everyone else.”

“Zack’s ten minutes away and Jack’s flight is landing as we speak.” He explains, looking up from his phone. “Everyone else is already here and on the other bus, so we’re just waiting for them.”

“Are you always this quiet?” Alex asks sitting next to him across from you.

“Not really, no,” You answer. If one more person points out how quiet you are, you’re going to throw something.

“We are pretty overwhelming group of people so I mean she’s probably just trying to get used to us.” Rian jumps in, still smiling. You’re not overwhelmed at all, you know exactly what they’re like, but it seems to be a better explanation than to tell them all your pissed off at their tour manager already because he won’t make up his mind of whether or not he wants to be in a relationship or not. Yeah, we’ll go with overwhelmed instead.

You sit there in your silence, observing the four men drinking and laughing and you think back to the night you convinced him to go skinny dipping with you and how he said he was more of an observer than a doer while you live it up in the moment. You find it amusing how you’ve switched places since he’s the one who is now drinking heavily and laughing for no reason while you sit and watch. You’ll definitely be the one handing out Advil and water to them for their hangovers in the morning.

Zack arrives and shortly after him, Jack and now it’s a party with screaming and one man dancing pits. Still, you stay tucked away in your corner, laughing when one of them falls or trips over nothing but their own feet because they’re wasted. Much to your relief no clothes get taken off except for the occasional shirt. You don’t think you could handle seeing the entire band naked on the first night. You’re also amazed at how this group of six guys can have so much fun with nothing but some lame pop music and a case of beer, but you’d probably be laughing and having a good time with them had it not been for a certain black haired, lip ring bearing man.

You feel kinda bad for blaming your ruined day and bad mood on him because it wasn’t all his fault, it took two to tango in this mess but it wasn’t fair that he seemed to not have a care in the world while you’re slowly falling apart at the seams because all you want to do is walk across the bus, shove him against the wall and kiss him.

Soon enough the music gets turned off and the band starts to stumble their way into their bunks, falling into a drunk slumber. You’re ass had gone numb from hours of sitting in the same spot save the few times you got up to get more beer and it’s four in the morning. Surprisingly, you’re not as tired as you should be. The bus is dim, the only sounds are light snores and clicking of glass against glass and the only person left other than you is him. He’s trying to clean up the mess of bottles while still being drunk himself and it’s not working to well. You sigh, standing up and going over to him, taking the bottles out of his hand.

“Hey, let me do this.” You say quietly, “You go to bed since you have enough to do in the morning.”

He pauses, looking like he wants to say no but let’s go of the empties. “Thank you.” He mumbles softly. You weren’t expecting him to wrap one arm around your waist and pull you into a sloppy, beer tasting kiss before he turned around and made his way to his bunk, that just happened to be directly across from the one you laid claim on before anyone else got here.

You spend the next twenty minutes trying to quietly set all the bottles in an empty case, and then wipe up all the spills off the counters and floor so no one slips on it when they wake up. Once everything is almost as clean as it was before, you turn off the remaining lights and crawl into the hard bed that you’ll be spending the next three months in, sighing softly.

So it’s like this: Everything just got a bit more complicated.