The Hardest Part
1/1
I’m just like everyone else; a normal twenty something year old girl, madly in love and having the time of her life.
My parents are wonderful, my boyfriend is the love of my life and I know he’ll always be with me no matter what. I’ve got it all going for me; I’m going to college for my art degree, I only had a semester left and I was so excited.
My boyfriend, Jimmy, was my best friend in the whole wide world. I could talk to him about everything and trust him to be there when I needed him.
Lately though, I’ve been needing him a lot more; which is hard for him to keep up with. He and his friends were in a major band and were often in the studio. They expected a lot from him, and often needed him there with them.
Jimmy knew something was wrong from the beginning. I had stopped eating, feeling weak or tired. I was losing weight astonishingly fast and I would bruise or bleed from the slightest amount of pressure.
He took me into the doctors, praying that I just had the flu or something. The news we got left us both in pieces. I had leukemia. The crushing blow was that it was almost too late to do anything about it because it had gone undetected for so long.
The doctor said we could try giving me chemotherapy to see if there was any chance my condition would improve, but the possibility was slim.
I had always been the one to wear a smile on my face, always laughing and having a good time. Always so full of life; just like Jimmy. But both of us were distraught as he held me close while we both cried.
We went home that night and called my parents, letting them know their only child had leukemia. They both began to sob as I cried with them, telling them how much I loved them and what the meant to me.
Next we told all our friends, shocking them, all wanting to give us both hugs, trying to comfort Jimmy and I as best they could.
Jimmy and I decided to make the best of the time we still had, him not once leaving my side. We went and got our hair dyed, mine I had done rainbow, he just dyed his a simple shade of black, a charming look on him. He took me surfing, bought me anything I wanted, we went on picnics, just the two of us.
It was wonderful.
When I started my chemo I was excruciatingly ill, I was unable to eat or drink anything without having it come back up. I was in terrible pain most of the time, it getting worse the more treatments I had. My hair had fallen out, something we expected and I slept a lot, fatigue taking over me.
I was an outpatient, going in for my treatments and being able to come home with Jimmy afterwards. That was something I was grateful for. I couldn’t put up with it if I didn’t have him with me.
The chemo had very small effects on my leukemia, and was actually beginning to kill me more because of the damage it did to my kidneys.
We decided to stop the treatment. It was a hard decision to make, Jimmy wanting me to keep trying. I decided I would rather spend my time with my friends and family, and with Jimmy, than in the hospital where I felt worse with than without the treatments.
I spent a lot of time just hanging out with my friends and family, doing nothing but chatting and having fun. Jimmy spending every waking moment with me, holding me close, cuddling me, being supportive of me the whole time.
One night when our friends had left and we were getting ready for bed I just stopped and thought about my life so far and how amazing it had been.
“Jimmy?” I asked softly, watching as he flitted around the room.
“Yes, Kristi? What is it, baby?” He asked, stopping and looking at me.
“I think the hardest part of this will be leaving you.” I said honestly, studying his beautiful face. He looked tired, and worn out. His eyes were rimmed with red from his exhaustion and when he’d cried earlier. His hair was a mess, but neither of us cared, his clothes miss matched and wrinkled.
He came back over to me, wrapping his arms around me, cradling me to his larger form. I breathed in his scent, a mix of cigarettes, beer and the ocean outside. I hummed softly, just enjoying the moment.
Within the next couple of days I got progressively worse and Jimmy had had to take me back to the hospital. I could feel myself slowing down, and becoming slightly confused. And one night, I decided I didn’t want to be in the hospital.
“Jimmy?” I croaked out softly, turning away from the window to look at him. He looked miserable, just absolutely heart broken, sitting there holding my hand.
“I don’t want to be in the hospital.” I murmured, rubbing my thumb along the top of his hand. He kissed mine, and seemed to think for a little while.
“Kristi, baby, I’ll be right back, okay?” He asked, squeezing my hand and gently setting it down. I nodded, watching him go out the door and talking to the doctor. I saw the man nod, looking through the glass at me as Jimmy came back in.
Jimmy leaned down, kissing my forehead before kissing my lips. Carefully he unhooked all the wires and monitors attached to me; gently lifting my small form from the hospital bed.
He carried me bridal style all the way through the hospital halls, and outside to his car. I smiled at him when he set me slowly into the car, getting me nice and comfortable before he hopped in the driver’s side.
Without another word he started the car, taking my hand in his as he drove. It took an hour to get where Jimmy wanted us to go, and by then I was very tired. It didn’t help that Jimmy had been singing to me part of the way.
When we got close Jimmy parked the car and lifted me into his arms again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, putting my face under his chin. I was so tired, so deeply, truly tired. I didn’t want to go to sleep, not yet, I want to be with Jimmy.
We reached the place Jimmy had picked in about ten minutes. Carefully, he lowered me so that my feet were touching the ground but that he still supported me fully. He had brought us to the place where we first met.
Resting my head on his shoulder I felt him lower us so I was sitting in his lap. It was so gorgeous, the sun setting and turning the ocean and sky golden pink as the wind blew warm and gentle, whispering in the wheat that grew around us.
I sighed happily, closing my eyes, whispering, a single, teeny tiny sentence.
“I love you, Jimmy.” It was spoken so softly that it was surprising he heard it as he kissed my head, tears cascading down his sweet face.
“I love you, too, Kristi baby. I love you, too.” He choked, stroking my face softly, watching as I went to sleep, and knowing I wasn’t going to wake up again.
My parents are wonderful, my boyfriend is the love of my life and I know he’ll always be with me no matter what. I’ve got it all going for me; I’m going to college for my art degree, I only had a semester left and I was so excited.
My boyfriend, Jimmy, was my best friend in the whole wide world. I could talk to him about everything and trust him to be there when I needed him.
Lately though, I’ve been needing him a lot more; which is hard for him to keep up with. He and his friends were in a major band and were often in the studio. They expected a lot from him, and often needed him there with them.
Jimmy knew something was wrong from the beginning. I had stopped eating, feeling weak or tired. I was losing weight astonishingly fast and I would bruise or bleed from the slightest amount of pressure.
He took me into the doctors, praying that I just had the flu or something. The news we got left us both in pieces. I had leukemia. The crushing blow was that it was almost too late to do anything about it because it had gone undetected for so long.
The doctor said we could try giving me chemotherapy to see if there was any chance my condition would improve, but the possibility was slim.
I had always been the one to wear a smile on my face, always laughing and having a good time. Always so full of life; just like Jimmy. But both of us were distraught as he held me close while we both cried.
We went home that night and called my parents, letting them know their only child had leukemia. They both began to sob as I cried with them, telling them how much I loved them and what the meant to me.
Next we told all our friends, shocking them, all wanting to give us both hugs, trying to comfort Jimmy and I as best they could.
Jimmy and I decided to make the best of the time we still had, him not once leaving my side. We went and got our hair dyed, mine I had done rainbow, he just dyed his a simple shade of black, a charming look on him. He took me surfing, bought me anything I wanted, we went on picnics, just the two of us.
It was wonderful.
When I started my chemo I was excruciatingly ill, I was unable to eat or drink anything without having it come back up. I was in terrible pain most of the time, it getting worse the more treatments I had. My hair had fallen out, something we expected and I slept a lot, fatigue taking over me.
I was an outpatient, going in for my treatments and being able to come home with Jimmy afterwards. That was something I was grateful for. I couldn’t put up with it if I didn’t have him with me.
The chemo had very small effects on my leukemia, and was actually beginning to kill me more because of the damage it did to my kidneys.
We decided to stop the treatment. It was a hard decision to make, Jimmy wanting me to keep trying. I decided I would rather spend my time with my friends and family, and with Jimmy, than in the hospital where I felt worse with than without the treatments.
I spent a lot of time just hanging out with my friends and family, doing nothing but chatting and having fun. Jimmy spending every waking moment with me, holding me close, cuddling me, being supportive of me the whole time.
One night when our friends had left and we were getting ready for bed I just stopped and thought about my life so far and how amazing it had been.
“Jimmy?” I asked softly, watching as he flitted around the room.
“Yes, Kristi? What is it, baby?” He asked, stopping and looking at me.
“I think the hardest part of this will be leaving you.” I said honestly, studying his beautiful face. He looked tired, and worn out. His eyes were rimmed with red from his exhaustion and when he’d cried earlier. His hair was a mess, but neither of us cared, his clothes miss matched and wrinkled.
He came back over to me, wrapping his arms around me, cradling me to his larger form. I breathed in his scent, a mix of cigarettes, beer and the ocean outside. I hummed softly, just enjoying the moment.
Within the next couple of days I got progressively worse and Jimmy had had to take me back to the hospital. I could feel myself slowing down, and becoming slightly confused. And one night, I decided I didn’t want to be in the hospital.
“Jimmy?” I croaked out softly, turning away from the window to look at him. He looked miserable, just absolutely heart broken, sitting there holding my hand.
“I don’t want to be in the hospital.” I murmured, rubbing my thumb along the top of his hand. He kissed mine, and seemed to think for a little while.
“Kristi, baby, I’ll be right back, okay?” He asked, squeezing my hand and gently setting it down. I nodded, watching him go out the door and talking to the doctor. I saw the man nod, looking through the glass at me as Jimmy came back in.
Jimmy leaned down, kissing my forehead before kissing my lips. Carefully he unhooked all the wires and monitors attached to me; gently lifting my small form from the hospital bed.
He carried me bridal style all the way through the hospital halls, and outside to his car. I smiled at him when he set me slowly into the car, getting me nice and comfortable before he hopped in the driver’s side.
Without another word he started the car, taking my hand in his as he drove. It took an hour to get where Jimmy wanted us to go, and by then I was very tired. It didn’t help that Jimmy had been singing to me part of the way.
When we got close Jimmy parked the car and lifted me into his arms again. I wrapped my arms around his neck, putting my face under his chin. I was so tired, so deeply, truly tired. I didn’t want to go to sleep, not yet, I want to be with Jimmy.
We reached the place Jimmy had picked in about ten minutes. Carefully, he lowered me so that my feet were touching the ground but that he still supported me fully. He had brought us to the place where we first met.
Resting my head on his shoulder I felt him lower us so I was sitting in his lap. It was so gorgeous, the sun setting and turning the ocean and sky golden pink as the wind blew warm and gentle, whispering in the wheat that grew around us.
I sighed happily, closing my eyes, whispering, a single, teeny tiny sentence.
“I love you, Jimmy.” It was spoken so softly that it was surprising he heard it as he kissed my head, tears cascading down his sweet face.
“I love you, too, Kristi baby. I love you, too.” He choked, stroking my face softly, watching as I went to sleep, and knowing I wasn’t going to wake up again.