If You Ever Come Back

~Four months later~

Niall was sitting in the living room, in a chair turned towards the window, looking outside at all the orange leaves floating through the air. Dusk was quickly approaching and he could feel the chill through the open window.

His phone buzzed loudly through his pocket, and he picked up immediately. “Hello?”

“Sorry, Niall, its just me.” Harry stated.

“Oh…Hi, Harry.” He sighed, wiping some stray tears off of his cheek.

“The boys and I were wondering if you wanted to get some drinks with us tonight…I understand if you don’t want to, its just a suggestion.

“I’ll be there.” He said and hung up.

He stood up from the chair and dragged himself to the bathroom to make himself seem decent.

He hasn’t done a thing all week, and he definitely looked like it. He stared at himself in the mirror, noticing the dark circles under his eyes, the small patches of stubble on his cheeks, how hollow they looked. He shook his head and stepped under the water. Afterwards, he dressed himself and headed down the street.

He pulled open the door and stepped inside, making a beeline for the bar and planting himself on a stool. He didn’t even turn towards the door when he heard his friends walk in. They all sat down next to him, patting him on the back and saying things like, “Thanks for coming out.”

They all engaged in a conversation about which beer was the best, not even bothering to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Niall kept ordering shots of vodka or bottles of beer and got into some of the argument, forcing himself to laugh at the lame attempts of jokes. After awhile he could hear himself slurring, but continued to drink more. By the time the bar was ready to close, he was completely gone. The boys had to practically drag him out while the struggled to get back in. Through all the frustration, he started to tear up, yelling at all of them.

“I just need one more!” He argued, “Just one more so I can pass out and forget.”

“Niall, this is only hurting you. Its not going to make anything better.” Liam whispered, holding his face to look at him.

“It is going to be better! When I wake up, Lou is going to be fine! Just let me get one more!” He yelled before crumbling down to the ground. He let the tears fall, mumbling, “He’s going to be fine.”

The boys all crouched down next to him, “Yes, he will. Eventually, but for now let’s go home. Alright, mate?”

“I’ll be fine, Horan.” He heard, and his head snapped up. “Damn, you look horrid.”

“Louis?” He squinted.

“Yes, I’m here.” The boy nodded, “As soon as you fall asleep we can talk more, alright?”

“What does that mean?” He asked, but Lou was gone.

“What does what mean?” Zayn asked.

“Louis! LOUIS, COME BACK!” Niall shouted, scrambling up and running down the road.

“Niall, be careful!” Harry yelled, following behind him.

Liam ran up to catch him, “Mate, he was never here. Let’s go home, now. Alright?”
Niall felt everything spinning around him, he could barely make out anything before he crashed to the ground. The three boys struggled to wake him up before calling an ambulance for him.

“Niall? Can you hear me?” Louis called.
Niall shook his head and covered his eyes, shading himself from the bright, white light. “Yes? Louis, thank God!”
“This isn’t the time for thanking, Niall. You drank yourself into this.” Louis said sternly.
“I just wanted to sleep, so I could see you again.”
“This isn’t sleep, Niall! You’ve given yourself alcohol poisoning!”
“What?”
“You’re having your stomach pumped right now, and you’ll be up in a few hours.”
“What about you?”
“That’s what I had to tell you…Niall, I need you to move on. I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be here.”
“Don’t say that! Just a few days ago you said you were healing up just fine!” Niall shouted.
“I know, I know. But now…I’m not so sure. I’m so sorry.” Louis placed a soft kiss on Niall’s lips before the light was gone.

Niall’s eyes blinked open, only to see a nurse murmuring something to him. He ignored her and asked to go see Louis right away, but he couldn’t stand up. There was too much pain coming from his abdomen that he fell right back to sleep, this time with no white light.
A few days later, he was allowed to go home, seeing as the doctor’s thought he looked healthy enough. Not only did he consume too much alcohol, but he was so malnutrition, that his body practically went into shock.

Now, he was sitting at home, in the same chair as earlier that week. There were two empty plates on the counter, a bed only made up on one side, and an eerie quiet throughout the flat.
How could Louis tell him to move on? He would never be able to. He was too in love with him to even attempt that. All he could think about was Louis. But he’s been gone so long; the last few months have felt like eons. He felt a rush of emotions, not even crying could help.
He walked to his room and picked up his guitar, brushing some dust off of it. His fingers immediately started playing a tune he found himself rarely playing unless on tour.

“Close the door, throw the key,
Don’t wanna be reminded, don’t wanna be seen,
Don’t wanna be without you,
My judgment’s clouded, like tonight’s sky,
Hands are silent, voices numb,
Try to scream out my lungs, it makes this harder,
And the tears stream down my face,
If we could only have this life for one more day,
If we could only turn back time…” He found himself singing the rest of the song, with tears falling to the floor. He played it over and over, only wishing he could end the pain.
Something in his head told him that Louis was gone, but the other half told him not to give up.
By the time dawn had come around, his eyes were red, his fingers were stinging, and his voice was practically gone from screaming the lyrics. He had spent the night playing, his first staying up since he had been in the hospital. There was a note on the bathroom mirror, and a bottle of pills just waiting in the cabinet.

He decided that he would visit Louis one more time before tonight and headed out.

The way there was a blur, and before he knew it, he was sitting next to Louis’ bed.

“Hi there, Tomlinson.” He murmured, as if he could hear him. “I’m so sorry I haven’t been in to see you these past four months…I just, I couldn’t do it. I miss you like crazy, though. Please try your hardest to come back home. We all miss you. I need you, Lou. I don’t want to give up on you. But…seeing as this is practically impossible, I’m going to do what you said and move on. I hope to see you there. I love you, Louis. I just wish I could have told you one more time before this happened.” Niall placed a soft kiss on one of Louis’ hands, on both of his cheeks, and one last one on his lips before heading to the door.

He took one last look before turning the knob.

“Where are you going, Horan?” He heard.

“Not now, Lou, I just said goodbye to you. I can’t have you yelling at me in my head all the way home after I just said everything I needed to say.” He whispered.

“Well, turn around, crazy, I can’t say what I have to in your head.”

Niall whipped his head around and practically fainted seeing Louis smiling at him.

“Louis! You’re alive!” He rushed over and went to hug him but stopped. “Let me call the doctor.”

“Not yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

“I need to get them, though, so you can get help.”

“I’m fine right now. Sit down, love.”

Niall had to fight back a smile at his phase and obliged, “I missed you.”

“A little too much, it seems.” Louis joked.

“Don’t even start with that. These past four months have been horrid.”

“Four months? Really? I thought I was gone a lot longer.”

Niall shook his head, “Nope. Four long, terrible months.”

“What was that you were saying before about me being in your head?” Leave it to Lou to have a one track mind even after suffering a coma.

“You were in my dreams every night, but ever since about a week ago, you’ve been gone. I thought you were finally gone, too.” He sighed.

“And that’s why you were going to kill yourself?”

“You picked up on that, huh?”

“I can’t believe you, Horan. You were telling me to come back, when you were leaving.”

“I can’t believe you heard me.”

“Of course I did. That’s how I willed myself to wake up. All this time, I thought you have been gone, fine without me and with someone else. But then you showed up here, and I had to get you to stay.”

“I could never move on from you, Lou. I love you too damn much for that.”

“You didn’t have to end your life because of this, Niall.”

“You don’t know how hard it has been without you.”

“That is no excuse.”

“I love you more than anything in the world, and I was afraid that you were gone forever. I knew that I couldn’t move on, hell, I could barely eat or sleep without you. I was going to die one way or the other; I just wanted to end the pain now.” Niall practically shouted, then apologized for being so loud.

Louis shook his head, “You’re crazy, Horan. But, damn, I love you more than anything, too.”
Niall couldn’t help himself any longer, he forced his lips onto Louis’, kissing him as passionately as he could. Louis had pulled him down onto the bed with him, so Niall was straddling his waist. Deepening the kiss, Louis started to buck his hips up to meet Niall’s. Niall held back a soft moan before pulling away to kiss down Lou’s neck, whispering, “I love you” over and over.

There was a short knock on the door and it opened slowly, with enough time for Niall to hop off and into the chair.

“Mr. Horan? There is someone else here who…” The nurse trailed off, “Mr. Tomlinson, you’re up!”

“Yes, I am.” He beamed. She said a few kind words and ran off to find the doctor.

“All because of my little leprechaun. I love you, crazy.” Louis said and reached over to give Niall another kiss.

Niall grinned and kissed back. “I love you more, Tommo.”

The next few days passed by quickly for each of them. Niall had cleaned up the flat, and thrown away the pills, so all was set for Louis to come home.

He had Nandos all set up on the table, and was just waiting for the boys to come back from the hospital so they could all carry on as if it had never happened.
Niall took the time to thank God for giving him Lou back before he could take his life, as he had been doing anytime he had the chance to lately. The door swung up and the four boys rushed in, smelling their favorite meal.

Louis gave him a kiss before sitting down.

“Where is yours?” He asked.

“I kind of ate mine already.” Niall blushed, beaming.

The boys all laughed.

“Its good to have both of you back.” Liam commented.

“We’re glad to be back.” Louis smiled.

“Yes, we are.” Niall nodded in agreement, “We’re so lucky to have you all here. Thanks for all the help, lads.”

“It was no problem.” Zayn, Liam, and Harry shrugged.

“You’re the one we’re lucky to have, Horan.” Louis commented with a knowing wink.

“Keep that stuff to yourself, alright?” Zayn joked, “I’m trying to eat here.”

Louis stuck out his tongue and noisily kissed Niall.

“I LOVE YOU!” He shouted before doing it again.

“I LOVE YOU, TOO, LOU!” Niall laughed, kissing back.

The other boys started to get up from the table, laughing, saying, “We should probably let you two be alone. We’ll see you tomorrow,” before heading out the door.

“I thought they’d never leave.” Louis pounced into Niall’s lap.

“I’m really glad that worked.” Niall smiled, placing his hands on Lou’s waist.

“Eh, we just got lucky.” Louis smirked.