Walls

Later that night, I asked my mom to Google All Time Low for me. We listened to some songs on YouTube by them. She downloaded some songs onto my iPod for me. "Mom, do you think you could describe the singer for me?" I said.

I wanted to know what he looked like. Not that it mattered if he was cute or not. I just wanted to know.

I wanted a better mental vision of what he looks like. "Well, he's very very handsome. He has brown hair that's sort of long and hangs in his face. He's not stick thin. He's muscular... Why the sudden interest with the singer?" She questioned.

"I met him today. I knocked into him at the park and we argued and then he took me out for coffee." My mom awed.

"My baby had her first date!" I groaned. "No, Mom, it wasn't a date. It was an apology coffee for him being an ass." I could feel her grinning. "Erin went on a date. Erin went on a date." My mom sang like a child. I laughed.

"Mom! Don't you have work?" She stopped singing. "Oh, I do. I gotta leave now. I'll see you tomorrow, sweetie." She kissed my forehead and left.

I turned on my iPod and started listening to All Time Low on repeat.
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I woke up, crying and shaking. I had the dream again.

The one where I lived through it all again. I've had them since the first anniversary of my daddy's death and the accident.

Mom wasn't home yet so I just cried. I felt like it was my fault. It was all my fault my dad was dead.

If I had just said no to ice-cream, I would be able to see and Daddy would still be here.

I could never tell this to Mom though. She would only try to convince me otherwise. Although, I know deep down she knows it's my fault.

I cried myself back to sleep.