I'm Still Human

I remember when I was a little kid I was kinda aware that I was different from other kids. I had two things to pee from, I thought everyone had what I had, but I was wrong. One day, when I was three, I saw my big brother, Matt peeing, and I saw that the thing in his pants is the same thing I had in my pants.

" Mattie, I has dat too!", I squealed pointing at the thing in his pants.

He zipped up his pants," Have what Ivy?"

" Da same pee pee!", I squealed again, yeah, I was a squealer.

" Nuh uh, only boys have that", Matt shook his head.

I shook my head back at him," Nuh uh Mattie, girls can has it too".

" No, Ivy. Girls have va-jay-jays and boys have wee wees, Daddy told me soo", Matt retorted.

" Well, I has both. Look!", I then pulled down my pants to show Matt, as if it was nothing, because to me, it wasn't.

His eyes grew wide, like he had seen a ghost," Mommy, Daddy!!!!".

Mom and Dad barged into the bathroom, looking frantic.

" What, what happened, is anyone hurt?!", Dad asked out of breath.

" No Daddy. Look it, Ivy has a va-jay-jay and a wee wee", Matt looked up at dad as if to ask what was the reason of this.

Our parents looked at each other, as if like in their own language, say " Oh Shit".

" Sweetheart, why don't you help Daddy with the hamburgers?", Mom told Matt, who eagerly skipped away with Dad.

As my mom pulled my bottoms back up I asked," Mommy, is sumtin wong wit me?"

She had a look of sorrow on her face, that was quickly replaced with a smile and she said," No honey, you're perfect, just a different type of perfect" then she kissed me on my cheek and we joined Matt and Dad in the small kitchen.

I settled for that shitty excuse for a while, but as I got older, I realized, I was a freak. No one else had a dick and a vagina. I mean yeah, there are others like me, but it's pretty fuckin' rare. It's called a Hermaphrodite, when a person has both fully functioning male and female organs, I looked it up when I was 12. I do have tits, so that's cool. And before you ask any dumb ass questions.

1. No, I can't impregnate myself
2. I can use either bathroom, but I prefer the men's bathroom, less gossip
3. Most of the times, I piss outta my penis, it's rare when I piss outta my vagina
4. I can get erect, on rare occasion, which is bad on my part.

By the time I got to 7th grade, I became interested in boys... and girls. I knew how to work some of them. I would tell them that if they went out with me, it wouldn't be gay or lesbian because I was a boy and a girl. I would dress like a guy around girls and like a girl around the guys. It worked for a while, but then I got tired of switching, so I stopped the shit. One girl that really like me for me was Candice Rider. She was one of the prettiest girls in school and I couldn't believe that she actually wanted to get to know Ivy Topaz Marie Sanders. So we dated from 8th grade all the way to 9th because I noticed that I wanted to explore other people. She understood and we remain friends to this day. Somewhere between I started going by Ivan instead of Ivy and started dressing like a guy. Now, you're probably wondering," Didn't your peers make fun of you Ivan and bully you?", fuck yeah they did. But I had to remind them that while they called me a dyke, cunt blossom, hermy, freak, butch; back in middle school, you had a crush on this cunt blossom and even dated this hermy, plus my brother was scary as fuck! Bonus points! Unfortunately, Matt wasn't always there to help me, so sometimes I had to fend for myself, which was easy since the people that fucked with me were a bunch of pussies that like to talk shit.I figure, I'll be fighting people my whole life because I'm a Lady Gaga spawn of Satan, yeah I know, but one kid called me that and I laughed at it, cus I happen to fuckin LOVE that bitch.

Besides Candice, I did have 2 other friends, Jared and Ace Fisher. I've known them since I was six. When I told them about my oddity, they thought it was cool. I love those guys to death. Oh and Matt's friends, Zacky, Brian, Jimmy, and Johnny are awesome. They don't treat me like a fuckin' science experiment, they treat me like one of the guys, which was what I wanted... to be one of the guys

" And that's a wrap for today Ivan, that was great", Randy smiled.

I nodded straightening out my shirt, " Cool, so what now?"

He shrugged," Well now, since we have all our classes together and live next door to each other, I'm just gonna walk behind you all day and see what your life is like, for like a month or two. I'm gonna ask a couple of questions as well". OK so, you're probably confused. Randy is my next door neighbor and he has been since he moved to Huntington when he was 10, along with his older brother Salem, who was 12 at the time. I never really talked to them until this year. Me and Randy have film and media class together. Our project was to document someone or be documented on and for some odd reason Randy chose me.

" Alright, and another question", I said.

" Shoot", he nodded at me.

" Why the blue fuck are you using an old ass JVC camcorder, don't you have an I-Pad", I laughed.

Randy rolled his eyes," Yeah, but I prefer the camcorder. It gives it a more, homey and raw feel. I mean, of course I'll edit it, when it's done but I guess I'm just old fashioned". It was during our lunch period, but it was almost to an end and we had gym next, but we don't do shit in that class and the teacher doesn't care if we're late. So we decide to to roam the halls before going to class.

" So, Ivan, do you get a lot of girls because of your... oddity", Randy asked, while holding the camera.

I looked back at the camera and said, " Well, you'd think that because I have the best of both worlds, but surprisingly... no" as I threw my hands up in playful defeat. All of a sudden a girl I know named Tana walked up to me along with her friend I believe is named Kiera.

" Hey, Ivan, had a great time last night,", Tana flirted.

" Yeah, it was the best night of my life, and a pretty great morning too", Kiera winked.

" I had a good time too. Aha, alright now ladies, I gotta get to class, talk to ya later on Facebook", I winked, knowing I wouldn't do what I said I would.

Then Candice walked up to me and kissed me on the corner of my mouth, something she always did.

" Hey there big boy, you were wild last night", She then winked at the camera. I rolled my eyes at the brunette vixen and playfully pushed her down the hall.

" Not a lot of girls huh?", Randy smirked.

" That was only 3 girls, and Candice doesn't count, she's a like a cousin to me", I pointed at him.

" Yeah, a really hot cousin who makes family reunions surprisingly enjoyable for once. Must be a very distant cousin", Randy laughed.

" Oh shut up and let's get to class", I ordered

*** After school ***

" Want me to bring your bag by later?", Salem asked his younger brother.

Randy nodded. I heard someone yelling my name and I turned to see Jared and Ace running toward me.

"Where were you fuckers all day!?", I scolded.

They were laughing there asses off, what was so damn funny?

" Sorry Ives, but me and Ace were hangin' with those two girls from last night, Alaina and Chrishelle. Man those two are awesome chicks. We went all around Cali bro. Did you know all the shit we were missin' that was right beneath our noses?!",Jared jumps around

I however was not amused," Apparently, no I didn't, but I do know you missed the biology test today".

" Oh shit", Jared mumbled, running his fingers through his hair.

I nodded," Oh shit is right, if you fail this marking period, you'll be sent to Idaho with your aunt for spring break. That was suppose to be our time bro". During spring break, me and Jared go down to this beach house down in Los Angeles and we do stupid shit without having to worry about anyone. But Jared's parents said that if he failed this marking period, he couldn't go. This was something I always looked forward to and now it might not happen.

" Sorry Ives, I'm pretty sure Ms. H will lemme take it tomorrow.", he tried to convince me, but I shook my head.

" Nope, she said whoever wasn't there, can't take it, you're screwed", I told him.

He muttered shit again and spoke up saying," I'll make this up to you, Ives, I promise". I scoffed and said whatever and pulled Randy to my car, a '68 Buick, a light blue one.

" Sweet ride!", Randy acknowledge.

I smirked," Thanks".

We drove to my house, which was really an apartment. We walk into the living room to see Matt and the guys all watchin' Goodfellas.

I told Randy to take out the camera and start filming.

He did as he was told pointing the camera towards himself," We are now in the home of Ivan Sanders, where we see his older brother, Matt Sanders, Brian Haner, Zacky Baker, Johnny Seward, and Jimmy Sullivan; a.k.a. Avenged Sevenfold around HB. Say hey guys" He turned the camera to the guys who waved and did rock hand signs.

" Alright, enough of them, lemme show you around" I instructed.

" This is my small ass kitchen, which my mom nor my dad never fill up with food, oh hey mom and dad, you know Randy right?", I smiled at my parents as they sat at the island.

Randy turned the camera towards my folks," Hello Mr. and Mrs. Sanders"

They said hey and we moved on.

" If you look to your right, you will see our awesome bathroom, which we had remodeled when I was 13, because then I actually started giving a shit about how I looked", I chuckled at this.

And we made it into me and Matt's room.

" Lastly, we are in the best room in the house. My bedroom that I share with my brother", I announced.

Randy quirked his eyebrow," Why do you share a room with Matt?"

" We always shared a room. There's only two bedrooms in the house and my parents have the other one. Plus, me and Matt are brothers, it's not awkward because I'm a Hermaphrodite, it actually makes being in a room together more tolerable", I explained.

" Now, for my question of the day. Do you see being a Hermaphrodite a challenge?", Randy questioned.

" No, I see it as an unfair advantage. I see it as something I can learn from. I learn something new about this everyday, and I plan to keep learning. I love who and what I am", Then I smiled and kissed my hand, then swung my hand in front of the camera, like Shane Dawson, except, the camera fell and me and Randy laughed.

Day 1 of "Documentary: I'm Still Human" over