You're Just Like Me

The first week of tour had been great. I hadn’t got to spend quite as much time with Rox as I had hoped, but in a way I felt like that would be best for us. I was worried that if we spent too much time with each other we would get bored of each other or wind each other up too much. What I hadn’t expected was me arriving back to the bus after soundcheck one day to be harassed by Rox.

‘I thought you knew how important it was to me that we shared everything?’ she asked, the minute I set foot through the door.

‘I... sorry, what?’ I asked, completely confused as to where this mood swing had come from.

I knew that me and Roxy both had short tempers, but it usually actually took something to set them off.

‘You’ve been hiding something from me, and then publicly announced it in an interview that Vix has watched so you can’t deny it.’

‘Baby, just tell me what I’ve done, and I’ll talk to you about it all you want, you know I’m open with you,’ I told her hoping she would just let me know what was wrong.

‘Can’t you work it out?’

Why did women always insist on being so goddamned cryptic? I stood for a moment wracking my brain, trying to think what possible information I would have hidden from my girl, but told some random interviewer.

Then I realised. I had been going to a specialist therapist to help me adjust to life outside of prison.

‘Babe, there was never an appropriate time to mention it,’ I told her.

‘I don’t understand why you felt the need to do it though. I mean, don’t we talk enough? You still had to talk to a therapist.’

‘Ok, you know how insecure I can get, and yes, almost everything in my life I can talk to you about, but what did I do if I needed to talk about you or about doubts about my worth as a boyfriend?’

‘You could still talk to me about that,’ she said looking so genuinely hurt. ‘I don’t want to seem like some sort of control freak, and I’m not saying you can’t talk to someone else, not by any means, it’s just...’ she sighed. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Babe, it does. If you’re upset about it, of course it matters,’ I said, hoping she would stay and continue talking to me. ‘Rox, I understand completely why you would want to know, ok? And since I’ve been on tour, the therapy has stopped. You still know more about me than anyone.’

Roxy nodded.

‘I know, you always tell me that.’

‘Because it’s true,’ I assured her.

She nodded again.

‘I’m gonna go out and grab myself a drink. I’ll be back soon,’ she told me before walking out.

I mentally kicked myself for not having told Roxy sooner. But honestly, when was an appropriate moment to announce ‘Babe, I still go to therapy even though I’m no longer in prison’?

After a couple of minutes, decided to go after her. I mean, sometimes girls seem to complain if you don’t follow them to make up after an argument. My first worry was: she had gone to a bar. I did trust Roxy, of course I did, but there was a small part of me that was worried she would have started drinking alcohol again after her promise not to. This thought, however, flew completely from my mind when I saw who she was standing at the bar with; who she appeared to be engaged in polite conversation with. Now, the rational, trusting part of my brain was completely overruled and I could feel the anger burning deep within me.

I was torn. I had half a mind to march straight over there, drag her away from him and hit him as hard as I could square in the face, God knows he deserved it. But, the part of me that won, was worried about how an already pissed off Roxy would react to that, so instead, I stormed back to the bus.

I lay in my bed for a few moments, deciding that I had made the right decision, not only on Roxy’s behalf but considering the media and the fans, too.

Jacky then entered my room.

‘What happened, man? I thought you were going to talk to Roxy.’ he asked.

‘Yeah, well she’s got someone else to talk to. Fuck! She’s probably just fucking bitching about me, and he’s being the perfect, understanding man she needs,’ I said, punching my pillow.

‘What’s going on? Ron, who’s she talking to?’

‘Max fucking Green.’