You're Just Like Me

The next morning I woke up, expecting to see Roxy lying next to me. So I was disappointed when she wasn’t. When she wasn’t sitting with the guys in the lounge either I was worried.

‘Guys, where’s...’ I started but Ryan cut me off.

‘Outside on the phone. She didn’t seem too happy when she walked out,’ he told me.

I nodded and left the bus to see how she was. By the time I reached her she had finished her conversation and had tears on her cheeks.

‘Roxy, baby, what’s wrong? What’s happened?’ I asked, instinctively wrapping my arms around her as she began to sob into my chest.

I didn’t get a reply, we simply stood in that manner for a while until she pulled back to wipe the tears from her cheek.

‘Has someone hurt you?’ I asked, fully ready to beat up anyone who had upset my girl.

She shook her head. ‘Not really,’ she said, before turning away from me and letting out a frustrated scream.

‘Babe...’

‘That was my mum,’ Roxy cut me off, and started running her hands through her hair. It was weird, that was a habit I had when I was nervous, she clearly did it out of anger. ‘Apparently, her and dad are furious that I haven’t been in contact. I then tried to tell her a bit about my life and she flipped out completely! How dare you start a serious relationship and not tell your father and I? You can do better than a rockstar! What do you mean touring?’ she mimicked her mum in a less than flattering tone, before letting out another annoyed scream. ‘Is there something wrong with me, Ronnie? I mean, should I have stayed in contact with them, or is mum overreacting? God, I don’t even want to call her that anymore!’

‘Babe, they abandoned you when you needed them most, that isn’t what parents do, trust me, I know,’ I said, as I pulled her back into a hug hoping to calm her down.

‘Of course, you don’t even know your mum,’ she said softly.

‘Yeah, but if she turned up today and was all ‘Ronnie, I’m sorry, you’re still my son and I love you’ I would genuinely tell her to fuck off! She’s never been there for me so I’m better off without her,’ I told Rox. ‘I know that’s slightly different, at least you were old enough to look after yourself when your parents abandoned you.’

‘But I still needed them,’ said Roxy, sounding close to tears again.

‘Let’s get back on the bus and calm you down,’ I said, picking her up bridal style and taking her back to our room receiving more than one strange glance from the guys as we passed.

I sat on the bed and held her close to my chest as she buried her face in the crook of my neck.

‘Let me be the one who never leaves you all alone. I hold my breath and lose the feeling that I'm on my own. Hold me too tight, stay by my side and let me be the one who calls you baby all the time,’ I sung softly to her.

The Used were one of our favourite bands that we had had in common since prison and I knew I would never think of anyone other than my Roxy when I heard Smother Me. As I finished the song, I felt Roxy’s grip on me loosen. When I looked down I noticed her eyes were closed, so I lay her on the bed before heading back out to the guys.

‘Is she all right?’ questioned Ryan.

I nodded before adding: ‘Family shit.’

Ryan simply nodded in return, knowing that I wasn’t going to say anything about Roxy’s personal life without her consent.

I decided I would sort all of the merch out for her, taking it through to the venue and setting everything up, trying to remember how she organised it. If I got it wrong, I knew she’d tell me and rearrange it herself, if she was up to it today. I was fully prepared to ask our tour manager to sell merch for us today; he knew we could be trusted backstage with our stage times and everything so he could be front of house. Just as I was about to leave the merch stand, however, Roxy walked in.

‘Hey,’ I said as I noticed her.

‘You didn’t have to do this babe, you should have woken me,’ she said.

‘I couldn’t wake you,’ I told her. ‘You looked so peaceful and after the state you were in I thought you could use the rest.’

She smiled at me and came over to hug me.

‘It’s just...’ she said, before letting out a sigh and continuing. ‘I’m so confused, Ron. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’m as strong as they think I am. They assume I’m now some hardened criminal so anything they say will just bounce straight off but it doesn’t. I’m still their little girl and they are still my parents they just don’t understand that.’

‘Look, I wish I could help, but when it comes to stuff like this, you’ve got to do what you think is best. I mean, do you still need them? Or love them? Or are they worth all of this? You are the only one who can answer that,’ I said, trying to help the best I could. ‘Are you up to working tonight?’

‘Yeah, I’m definitely working. The fans are really nice, they’ll take my mind of off things,’ she said smiling up at me. ‘Thank you.’

‘For what?’ I asked, I wasn’t aware I had really done anything.

‘For caring and being there for me and listening to me; it really helps,’ she said, pecking me on the lips.

‘I’m always here,’ I whispered in her ear before taking her hand and leading her back to the bus.

Despite how fucked up our lives have been, both me and Roxy are strong people no matter what she says about herself she can cope with a lot of shit. Sometimes, however, I find myself wondering what I would be like now if I hadn’t met Roxy. I’d still be clean and sober and in a band but I don’t think I’d be able to have such a positive outlook. I can clearly imagine having a future when I’m with her and I hope she can with me. When I first got out of prison I had no idea what would happen to me and she was such an inspiration. It was hard to adjust and deal with so many people again it genuinely freaked me out, but the fact that Roxy managed with less people around her than I had convinced me that I could do it, even if it took longer for me.

As we sat in our room on the bus together, in silence, relaxing before the show I kept looking at her wondering what I had ever done to deserve this. No matter how arrogant and cocky I try to appear, there’s been a part of me ever since jail that’s really insecure and doubtful of everything, but I wasn’t going to let that part of me ruin this amazing relationship.