Time Bomb

I open my door, feeling the usual warmth of my room hit me. I drop my bag, carelessly, on the floor and go to dash from the room again. The kitchen calls me as it usually does when I arrive home after being away, food is my first thought as I enter my house, and this want cannot be kept at bay for long. I glance back at my bed, something catching my eye. I frown in confusion, tilting my head slightly, reminding myself of a mildly baffled puppy. Wandering over casually, my confusion grows as I begin to register the items laying just below my pillows. Flowers. No one ever gives me flowers. Perhaps my mother, though, she occasionally buys me some, just to spruce up my room. But why would she not just give me them? She wouldn't lay them so delicately and weirdly romantically on my bed, how creepy would that be? No, and there's a note, definitely not from my mother. I see my name written across the envelope its placed in. The writing is neat, perfect almost. I don't know any men that write like that, all the men I know have writing akin to a 3 year old child. Do I dare open it? Suddenly there are knots in my stomach. I'm torn between apprehension and curiosity. My curiosity is stronger, as it turns out. I find myself grabbing the letter and practically tearing it open. Well I can never open enveloped neatly anyway, no point in wasting time I say. Upon unfolding the note inside, I close my eyes. I can't bring myself to look at it, not yet. Taking a deep breath, I try relax myself. I have to read this slowly, carefully. No skipping or second guessing. I open my eyes and begin to read, my heart thumping.

Dearest Becky

I know we said we'd keep away, but I needed to speak to you again. How could I not? I hope you don't mind, I had the flowers delivered along with this, though you deserve much more. I've barely stopped thinking about you since that day. I know it's been nearly two months now, and I should really get on with things but it's not that simple. I don't know if you feel the same way, but I hope you do. I regret the way things had to be, and still are. The situation is so messed up and I can't bare it. Though I've known you since you were little more than a baby, it's strange to think we've only just really got to know each other. I wish I had seen sooner just how amazing you are, I was stupid in that sense and I apologize greatly. I should really get to the point now. The thing is, I can't stay away from you, and I won't. It saddens me that our paths never seem to cross since we've both grown older. I'm taking things into my own hands now, my parents can no longer accommodate my wishes. I have enclosed in this envelope the name of a hotel and travel details, please meet with me? I need to see you, even if only once more. Also enclosed is my phone number, please let me know your decision soon.

I hope to see you soon.

Yours truly and eternally
Alexander

I stare at the page for a few more seconds, not even breathing. I can't even take in what I've just read. I sit down, my legs turning rapidly to jelly, the letter falls gently onto the bed. He wrote me? I must be dreaming, surely. My mind wanders dangerously close to his memory. I had always thought he was handsome, even when I was about five years old and he was eight. He seemed so confident, something which I had always lacked. His sandy blonde hair fell over his face so perfectly. As he grew older, his looks only improved. His blue-green eyes sparkled constantly. They took my breath away. His uncle was my mothers boss. We live on an estate, it's not the kind of place the cleaners daughter goes falling for the owners nephew. It's just not the done thing here. That's why it was always a secret. We had made a promise to each other after that day, a promise that neither of us would tell anyone about what had happened, ever. There would be too many consequences, and we just couldn't handle that. Truth is we were just two stupid kids. We didn't know what we had started, but we didn't care. His kiss was a deadly poison that left me needing more. Before I could fight my feelings or rationalize, we were locked in a passionate intimacy.

I shake my head, pushing him back behind the threshold of my memory. I had never been so confused in my life. What was I supposed to do? No one could help me now. I knew I wanted to see him too, of course I did. I had tried my hardest to stop thinking about him, convincing myself that if I didn't leave him in the past now, I would never be able to. Of course, though, I didn't stop thinking about him, I couldn't. He's the permanent imprint on my brain and in my heart. He'll always rule over that part of my body, the organ that beats in tune with his, and only his. I read through the letter over and over until the words memorized like lyrics in my mind. The flowers have been given prize position on my bedside table, next to the picture of my and my granny. I look to her then. "What do you think I should do granny?" She smiles back at me and I almost see a flicker of an answer, hearing her in my head as if she were right beside me once more.
"Yeah, I think so too" I smile slightly at her, picking up my phone. I know my mother is out of the house, but I can't help but feel anxious, wary of her coming back. I dial the number and it rings for what seems like forever. He doesn't answer. I'm almost relieved at the escape from talking to him, though my heart sinks at the same time. I wanted to hear his sweet voice again, I've always been a sucker for his posh boy English accent. I used to make fun of him for it and we'd laugh together.

The beep sounds and I breath a deep breath, almost choking as I try to swallow at the same time.
"Hi, Zandy? It's me. I got your letter, and the answer is yes. Phone me back when you get this message" I hang up, feeling oddly empowered. I ignore the lingering feeling of dread knowing I have to lie to my mother and make up some ingenious excuse for going away for a weekend. My mind is only focused on him.
I put my ITunes up. Music is my fuel for every mood. Shuffle, lets see what luck gives me. I laugh a hollow and amused laugh as I hear the song start. This was the song I listened to. Everyday when he left, I would put this on, amazed at how much it summed us up. How strange it is, how a song can totally relate to your feelings.

From the get go I knew this was hard to hold
Like a crash the whole thing spun out of control.
On a wire, we were dancing, two kids no consequences
Pull the trigger without thinking
there's only one way down this road.

It was like a time-bomb set into motion
we knew that we were destined to explode
and If I had to pull you out of the wreckage
You know I'm never gonna let you go
We're like a time-bomb,
gonna lose it, let's defuse it
baby we're like a time-bomb, but I need it,
wouldn't have it any other way

Well there's no way out of this, so let's stay in
Every storm that comes, also comes to an end
Resistance is useless, just two kids stupid and fearless
Like a bullet shooting the lovesick
there's only one way down this road.