Get Rhythm

[JOHN]

"Don't be offended," Garret said. Hesitation rang in his voice. "John, you do realize we have got to finish up some stuff in the studio, right? We did as much as we could without you but..."

"I know, I know," I sighed. I ran my hands through my hair, looking back at Garret. "I know."

"Dude, don't stress. We aren't trying to add any pressure to you, we just need to know that this record is still on your mind."

I nodded. "Of course it is. It's just... Flora acts fine and she says she's fine and she is fine... But it's been two weeks and I'm starting to see the little ways that asshole took a tole on her. She's so anxious now, especially if it's a tense situation and if anyone even talks loud her demeanor changes."

"Have you talked to her?"

"No... I don't know what to do or say. Anytime I try and bring anything up she gets upset or just tells me she's fine."

Pat shrugged. "You and Fiona have been saying the same things. Why don't I ask her to come over and we can all figure out what the best plan is? She's as torn up about this as you, of course."

I inhaled deeply and shook my head. I rubbed my hands across my eyes, a headache that had become a familiar friend the past couple of weeks returning. "This is my problem when I get too close to her. I can't focus on anything but her. We need to get the record done. I need to put my efforts in to that."

"John you have good reason for being so attuned to Flora right now-"

"I know," I interrupted Jared. "But if I don't get some kind of handle on this... this obsession I have with her then I'm never going to get anything done. Sooner or later we, the both of us, are going to have to figure out how to balance each other with real fucking life. It's not realistic, the way we're living. It's like we are in some fucked up goddamn fairytale, that kind of love. It's not-" I stopped myself, taking a deep, shuddering breath. I ran my hands through my hair and down my face. "I'm going to Flora's apartment and stay the night there and head to the studio first thing in the morning. That's when you guys are going back, right?"

"Tomorrow night, yeah." Jared nodded. Concern was all over his face, same as the rest of the guys. I think they were too shocked and startled to question me. No one knew what had been going through my mind and I imagine they didn't even think of it.

"Well we can all just meet up tomorrow night there. That will give you some time to clean up anything you need to and get some stuff done on your own," Kenny suggested. We all agreed to the plan. We said our goodbyes and Jared left when I did after one last beer.

"Listen... I haven't thought of it before and I'm sorry for that... But how are you?"

I smiled and shook my head. "It's cool." The moon was big and bright in the sky. I knew immediately I wanted to pick Flora up and take her somewhere to just talk while we looked up at the moon. "I wouldn't have thought about how I feel either, and if I cared that much I would have said something to someone. I feel so... selfish."

Jared laughed. "You're anything but that. Listen, going to the studio will get your head straight, relax. If you need me, call me. You know the same goes for all of us." Jared was looking me in the eyes, seriously.

I nodded. "I know. Thanks. See you tomorrow." We hugged and I got in my truck, driving to Flora's.

&&&

[FLORA]

"What is it?" I asked, sitting up and pulling my knees to my chest. I rested my head on my arms. I looked up at John expectantly. His voice was full of excitement and longing mixed with something I couldn't quite name.

He smiled at me. "You're so pretty. Come on. It's so beautiful out tonight. I want to look at the moon and you should come too... I- I uh, gotta go to the studio tomorrow."

"Oh!" It felt stupid to feel surprised because obviously I knew John and I couldn't live like this forever. We both had neglected all the things we had worked so hard for. It was kind of like a slap in the face. "How long?" I was getting out of bed and pulling pants on, looking at John and trying to memorize every detail of his face.

"A week at least, but probably longer. We are still just in the beginning stages of this process."

I nodded. "Well I'll come, of course."

"Get some blankets and pillows and we can spend the night out there in the bed of my truck."

I raised my eyebrows. "Is that safe?"

John laughed. "You're from the south! Don't you do that kind of shit there among a slew of other redneck shit?"

I rolled my eyes. "I lived in a city... A small one comparatively, but a city. And redneck is a stupid word."

John grinned and kissed my forehead. "Anyway, I would never put you in any proximity to danger."

"Well let me get some blankets. Get the pillows from my bed."

&&&

"It's so pretty out here." I marveled. We had driven to his Grandparent's house. They lived in a rural area, I couldn't tell if we were still in Tempe or not. They had a lot of land and John drove out on it and parked his truck. It was so beautiful, the moon, the trees, how beautiful the land was... Flowers were all over the place, benches and ponds. It was obvious at least one of his Grandparents really loves the outdoors.

It felt nice to be out in the night air, so peaceful and so alive. I hadn't just sat outside like this in awhile and it seemed weird that this was so foreign to me... Humans used to rely on nature so much and now it is something foreign to them, in the everyday sense.

"The moon is so pretty."

"So are you," John mumbled, rolling on his side to face me. I copied his actions and sighed.

"What doll?"

"I wish you weren't leaving... I mean I get that you need to and I understand it... It's gonna be weird not having you around."

John nodded. "I know. That makes me more nervous than how this record is gonna turn out."

"Why?" I asked surprised.

"I have been here knowing that you're safe and knowing that you're taking care of yourself, or at least when you aren't knowing that I could do it... I'm not going to have that control. I have to trust that you'll take care of yourself for yourself... Or uh, at the very least me. I'm asking you, please, Florence... I know how you get lost in your head."

I frowned slightly. "I'm fine John... I don't know-"

"You have to keep repeating it because you aren't totally fine Florence. If I talk above a certain volume you shut down. If I move to quickly you flinch. If I'm too quiet you think I'm angry... That isn't the Flora I knew before that dick."

I sighed. "I need to be high if we're going to have this type of conversation." The air was chilly. That was my only complaint. John didn't seem cold at all, but I felt like I was freezing.

John got out of the bed of the truck and walked around, opening one of the doors to his truck. Classic rock songs were playing softly. John said he didn't care about the battery as he could get easily jumped here.

"Here." John came back, a plastic bag, a book, and a sweater in his hands.

"You're gonna be cold."

"I'm not cold now and you are. Besides, my leather jacket is enough. I don't like sweaters like that unless it's really cold."

"It is really cold!"

John rolled his eyes at me. "Put the fucking sweater on. I'm a normal human being, it's perfect out. You're always cold."

I smiled and pulled his gray and black sweater over me. It was huge and warm and smelled like John. I decided to find a way to keep it when he left. "Thanks."

I buried myself under the blankets, getting warmer with the sweater. John rolled a blunt beside me. Any tension that was building previously gone. The moon was bright enough to make out his features perfectly.

"Are your Grandparents going to wonder what we're doing out here?"

"Nah, I do this all the time."

John inhaled deeply and then passed it to me. "You seemed surprised when I said I had to go."

I nodded. "I don't know why... It just kind of woke me up I guess. It's like we've been in this world of us and that's all I've been able to think about and now here I am waking up and realizing that there is absolutely no way we can live like this forever."

I was afraid that would hurt John's feelings, but he smiled wryly. "I know. It's not healthy. It's... It's not good love. I don't want this to be a skinny love between us. You're too good for that."

I smiled and locked our fingers together. "Thanks Bon Iver... We have to... We have to find some way to balance us and every other stupid thing there is."

John laughed hoarsely and kissed me. A creeping fear and desperation was crawling all over us. It occurred to us that we may never be able to do "us" in a healthy way... It would be something we would have to work at and that wasn't even factoring in John's sporadic schedule.

"It's so hard not to be so completely enamored with you... I don't even notice myself getting lost in you until I'm in too fucking deep to pull myself out."

I laughed. "It's no different for me. You're so... Intellectual. I want to explore every part of your mind John, you astound me the things you come up with and the way you write... You're so kind and warm and you're so handsome. You're perfect John O'Callaghan."

John took a deep breath and pulled me against his body. He held me tight in his arms. "If you said it this instant I wouldn't go to the studio."

"I wish I could be that selfish."

He chuckled. "It's better that you can't. You mean all the more to me for it and we'd just end up resenting each other for it later... We've both worked really hard for the success we've had. That isn't something to throw away, no matter how much we mean to each other."

I nodded. We kissed and when we put out the blunt I felt like we had come to an understanding, or some kind of peace at least. I laid on John's chest, his breathing and heartbeat calming my mind.

"John?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm gonna miss you."

"You know I'll miss you Floral."

"Do you think that we're going to be able to figure out how to do this right?"

John shrugged. "I'm pretty damn determined to find a way. Don't worry Flora, everything's gonna be alright."

I nodded and closed my eyes, inhaling John's scent. He began singing along with the radio. I felt immensely lucky to be here with him.

"If this isn't nice, what is?"

I kissed him again. He began singing again, I let myself relax completely and lay in his arms, looking up at the moon.