Gone and Never Coming Back
Gone: Chapter Eleven
Cameron/Chris
I slid into my room with the note book and pen promptly in my hand and eased the door shut slowly and quietly. I had been out all night randomly sleeping on a bench with Aaliyah. We hadn’t got home until 10:00 am this morning.
“Breezy is that you?” I heard Mijo hoarse voice throughout the upstairs.
I didn’t answer because if he came in here and saw what I was about to do he would be more than disappointed in me.
I grabbed the pen and let out a deep breath that I had been hanging onto for four years now. I was ready to let her know.
Dear Aaliyah,
I don’t even have to tell you who this is because I know you know. I love and I miss you and I am so sorry for leaving. I can’t tell you why I left and I don’t know If I can return to you. I miss you more than anything and I never stopped loving you. It was nothing you did or said, so don’t even worry. Forget about me please, and go on with your life. Smiling and being happy.
I tossed the pen to the other side of the bed and put my head into my hands. I didn’t want to hurt her any more. I wanted to just pour out my heart to her. Wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her softly and tell her how sorry I am and how much I cared about her.
Aaliyah probably wouldn’t even be able to fathom anything if I told her. After all these years I probably wouldn’t either being though she is so hurt, it will be hard for her.
Cameron was just the substitute I was the real deal and I didn’t like how I looked to her as Cameron. An odd guy who all of a sudden shows up in your life and wants to make you happy. Life doesn’t work like that. It never works like that. Aaliyah knew and I knew.
I tossed the paper into the desk not even thinking about sending it anymore and stepped out of the room to see Mijo trying to work his way around the hall in crutches.
“Nigga what are you doing?” I asked. He knew full and well he should be in bed.
“I’m thirsty as ever man. I was calling your light bright ass but you didn’t answer.” Mijo said walking back towards the room.
“You want a bell or some shit?” I asked laughing. “My bad man.”
He laughed. “You the only one who helps me around here and you didn’t come home last night so a nigga was thirsty, hungry and if I tried my hand with them stairs I would have been at the bottom of them when you came home.”
I chuckled. “Nigga I had some out time last night.”
“Falling in love with Aaliyah again, damn dick head!” He shook his head at me. “Get me some Nest Tea and order me some breakfast from that spot that deliver.”
“Got you man.” I chuckled racing down the steps and heading for the kitchen.
A lot on my mind and I needed to get some steam off somehow. I didn’t know exactly how I was going to do it. I looked towards the counter and read a flyer.
“Open mic night?” I said raising my eye brow.
Aaliyah
I stepped into the club and walked over to the sign up. It was another open mic night I was invited to do. My poetry was the stuff around these places, and they could get enough of it.
I walked up to the desk and smiled softly. “Aaliyah Rome.”
“Girl I already knows what you are about to do tonight.”
“Yup more poetry!” I beamed
“Do your thing girl, we got a few new talents here tonight, and it’s going to be one of them good Open Mic nights.” She grinned.
I chuckled. “That is always good.”
I took a seat on the sofa and waited until my name to be called. So far three people had gone and a man who was going to be singing was next.
“Up next an original by Cameron Lee!” The announcer announced, before walking off the stage.
I bit my lip and pushed the thoughts of the Cameron I knew coming up here and singing something. He didn’t look anything like the singer, or writer type. But I could be wrong.
He brought a stool out and licked his lip causing all the ladies to ooo and aah like little teenagers.
“My name is Cameron, and I’m going to sing a song from my heart tonight. I wrote it four years ago, and It’s titled Without you.”
They all clapped and he began.
“If you had a choice then what would you chose to do? I could live without money. I could live without the fame. And if every day was sunny I could live without the rain. And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down. That life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.”
Tears immediately slid down my cheeks and this was all a part of me being an emotional wreck. Why was a crying? Cameron voice was so beautiful; I couldn’t even maintain my tears. I wiped my cheeks and sipped some of the sprite in my cup. The words to this song Cameron had written were so deep.
“If I couldn’t blink would I still be able to see you? I couldn’t imagine. Without arms could I reach? No way could I ever hold you. I need these things like I need you. If you had a choice what would you choose?” He smiled, and looked down at his feet. “I could live without money I could live without the fame and if every day was sunny I could live without the rain And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down that life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.”
I grabbed a tissue out of my purse and looked at everyone who also had sore faces; Cameron was leaving an effect on everyone in this place.
“If I couldn’t dream…Would I believe that there could be a you and me? And if I couldn’t sing would you be able to hear my melody? And know that something’s wrong, and I’m afraid that you’re moving on. How can I fly when you’re my wings?” He took in a deep breath and ran his hand across his head “I need these things like I need you. If you had a choice what would you choose?” He smiled, and looked down at his feet. “I could live without money I could live without the fame and if every day was sunny I could live without the rain And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down that life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.” Cameron spotted me and smiled, and it turned into a frown after realizing my tears.
I was probably a weakling to him, like I was to everybody else but I couldn’t help it.
“You can take it all from me and it wouldn’t mean anything! Turn the whole world against me, As long as you don’t leave. Its getting hard for me to sleep, Even harder for me to breathe I’m used to life with you, Tell me what I need to do!” He finished it up with the chorus before standing up. “Thank you.”
I wiped my eyes and applauded like everyone around me, until I realized it was my turn.
Cameron/Chris
I watched as Aaliyah walked up to the stage and took a seat in the same stool I had just gotten up out of. Her eyes and cheeks with the same shade of red; I felt so horrible.
“I am going to be reading a poem I wrote about some things I’m going through.” She smiled lightly and began.
“You left without an answer, without an explanation. I don’t even recall you telling me. The same man I loved for all these years is the cause for so much pain. The same man who got on one knee and stopped playing me like a board game. The love is there because you can see it through the tears of my despair. Whoever said to look on the brighter side hasn’t seen a day on mine, and all of you saying he’ll get his never ever felt like this. I am a woman, who thinks she can’t stand tall because of what he did. But maybe it was something I said or did to end up like this. Or something I may be missing and the girl in the different area code has. I am the woman who cries at night because she can’t stop thinking of you! Who knew a long kiss goodbye could bring sadness in my life? And I’m done wearing this disguise, because I am that woman who can’t say goodbye.”
I ran my hand across my temples and she placed the mic back up into its place and walked off the stage. The whole room erupted with applause and standing ovations. I would probably stand too if this wasn’t about me.
I grabbed my drink from the table I was sitting at and walked towards Aaliyah quickly wrapping her in the hug she desperately needed. I was like her damage control or something.
“That was great.”
She sobbed. “You were great too.” She looked up. “You’re probably past tired of me crying all the time.”
“You don’t have to tell me, I’ll just hold you like I always do baby girl, and you know that.” I kissed her hair and she looked up at me.
“Thank you.”
It was something she always said when I did this.
“My pleasure… My fucking pleasure.” I mumbled to myself.
I was reminded daily how fucked up I was, and how much I had fucked shit up for Aaliyah. She was on the edge just like me, and it was only a matter of time before we slipped off.
I slid into my room with the note book and pen promptly in my hand and eased the door shut slowly and quietly. I had been out all night randomly sleeping on a bench with Aaliyah. We hadn’t got home until 10:00 am this morning.
“Breezy is that you?” I heard Mijo hoarse voice throughout the upstairs.
I didn’t answer because if he came in here and saw what I was about to do he would be more than disappointed in me.
I grabbed the pen and let out a deep breath that I had been hanging onto for four years now. I was ready to let her know.
Dear Aaliyah,
I don’t even have to tell you who this is because I know you know. I love and I miss you and I am so sorry for leaving. I can’t tell you why I left and I don’t know If I can return to you. I miss you more than anything and I never stopped loving you. It was nothing you did or said, so don’t even worry. Forget about me please, and go on with your life. Smiling and being happy.
I tossed the pen to the other side of the bed and put my head into my hands. I didn’t want to hurt her any more. I wanted to just pour out my heart to her. Wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her softly and tell her how sorry I am and how much I cared about her.
Aaliyah probably wouldn’t even be able to fathom anything if I told her. After all these years I probably wouldn’t either being though she is so hurt, it will be hard for her.
Cameron was just the substitute I was the real deal and I didn’t like how I looked to her as Cameron. An odd guy who all of a sudden shows up in your life and wants to make you happy. Life doesn’t work like that. It never works like that. Aaliyah knew and I knew.
I tossed the paper into the desk not even thinking about sending it anymore and stepped out of the room to see Mijo trying to work his way around the hall in crutches.
“Nigga what are you doing?” I asked. He knew full and well he should be in bed.
“I’m thirsty as ever man. I was calling your light bright ass but you didn’t answer.” Mijo said walking back towards the room.
“You want a bell or some shit?” I asked laughing. “My bad man.”
He laughed. “You the only one who helps me around here and you didn’t come home last night so a nigga was thirsty, hungry and if I tried my hand with them stairs I would have been at the bottom of them when you came home.”
I chuckled. “Nigga I had some out time last night.”
“Falling in love with Aaliyah again, damn dick head!” He shook his head at me. “Get me some Nest Tea and order me some breakfast from that spot that deliver.”
“Got you man.” I chuckled racing down the steps and heading for the kitchen.
A lot on my mind and I needed to get some steam off somehow. I didn’t know exactly how I was going to do it. I looked towards the counter and read a flyer.
“Open mic night?” I said raising my eye brow.
Aaliyah
I stepped into the club and walked over to the sign up. It was another open mic night I was invited to do. My poetry was the stuff around these places, and they could get enough of it.
I walked up to the desk and smiled softly. “Aaliyah Rome.”
“Girl I already knows what you are about to do tonight.”
“Yup more poetry!” I beamed
“Do your thing girl, we got a few new talents here tonight, and it’s going to be one of them good Open Mic nights.” She grinned.
I chuckled. “That is always good.”
I took a seat on the sofa and waited until my name to be called. So far three people had gone and a man who was going to be singing was next.
“Up next an original by Cameron Lee!” The announcer announced, before walking off the stage.
I bit my lip and pushed the thoughts of the Cameron I knew coming up here and singing something. He didn’t look anything like the singer, or writer type. But I could be wrong.
He brought a stool out and licked his lip causing all the ladies to ooo and aah like little teenagers.
“My name is Cameron, and I’m going to sing a song from my heart tonight. I wrote it four years ago, and It’s titled Without you.”
They all clapped and he began.
“If you had a choice then what would you chose to do? I could live without money. I could live without the fame. And if every day was sunny I could live without the rain. And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down. That life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.”
Tears immediately slid down my cheeks and this was all a part of me being an emotional wreck. Why was a crying? Cameron voice was so beautiful; I couldn’t even maintain my tears. I wiped my cheeks and sipped some of the sprite in my cup. The words to this song Cameron had written were so deep.
“If I couldn’t blink would I still be able to see you? I couldn’t imagine. Without arms could I reach? No way could I ever hold you. I need these things like I need you. If you had a choice what would you choose?” He smiled, and looked down at his feet. “I could live without money I could live without the fame and if every day was sunny I could live without the rain And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down that life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.”
I grabbed a tissue out of my purse and looked at everyone who also had sore faces; Cameron was leaving an effect on everyone in this place.
“If I couldn’t dream…Would I believe that there could be a you and me? And if I couldn’t sing would you be able to hear my melody? And know that something’s wrong, and I’m afraid that you’re moving on. How can I fly when you’re my wings?” He took in a deep breath and ran his hand across his head “I need these things like I need you. If you had a choice what would you choose?” He smiled, and looked down at his feet. “I could live without money I could live without the fame and if every day was sunny I could live without the rain And if I ever went up to heaven I would fall right back down that life wouldn’t be worth living because you’re the one I couldn’t live without.” Cameron spotted me and smiled, and it turned into a frown after realizing my tears.
I was probably a weakling to him, like I was to everybody else but I couldn’t help it.
“You can take it all from me and it wouldn’t mean anything! Turn the whole world against me, As long as you don’t leave. Its getting hard for me to sleep, Even harder for me to breathe I’m used to life with you, Tell me what I need to do!” He finished it up with the chorus before standing up. “Thank you.”
I wiped my eyes and applauded like everyone around me, until I realized it was my turn.
Cameron/Chris
I watched as Aaliyah walked up to the stage and took a seat in the same stool I had just gotten up out of. Her eyes and cheeks with the same shade of red; I felt so horrible.
“I am going to be reading a poem I wrote about some things I’m going through.” She smiled lightly and began.
“You left without an answer, without an explanation. I don’t even recall you telling me. The same man I loved for all these years is the cause for so much pain. The same man who got on one knee and stopped playing me like a board game. The love is there because you can see it through the tears of my despair. Whoever said to look on the brighter side hasn’t seen a day on mine, and all of you saying he’ll get his never ever felt like this. I am a woman, who thinks she can’t stand tall because of what he did. But maybe it was something I said or did to end up like this. Or something I may be missing and the girl in the different area code has. I am the woman who cries at night because she can’t stop thinking of you! Who knew a long kiss goodbye could bring sadness in my life? And I’m done wearing this disguise, because I am that woman who can’t say goodbye.”
I ran my hand across my temples and she placed the mic back up into its place and walked off the stage. The whole room erupted with applause and standing ovations. I would probably stand too if this wasn’t about me.
I grabbed my drink from the table I was sitting at and walked towards Aaliyah quickly wrapping her in the hug she desperately needed. I was like her damage control or something.
“That was great.”
She sobbed. “You were great too.” She looked up. “You’re probably past tired of me crying all the time.”
“You don’t have to tell me, I’ll just hold you like I always do baby girl, and you know that.” I kissed her hair and she looked up at me.
“Thank you.”
It was something she always said when I did this.
“My pleasure… My fucking pleasure.” I mumbled to myself.
I was reminded daily how fucked up I was, and how much I had fucked shit up for Aaliyah. She was on the edge just like me, and it was only a matter of time before we slipped off.