Eternally Yours

“No!” she cried, tugging on my arm. “Don’t leave!” Tears streamed silently down her cheeks as she stared up at me with her wide green eyes, cutting me straight to my core.

“I’ll be back,” I say, taking her face in my hands. I stare into her eyes, trying to communicate to her how much she means to me, trying to make her understand that I cannot and will not stay for what is coming next. “I promise,” I whisper, leaning down and pressing my lips softly against hers. Her hands squeeze my shoulders and I can feel her shaking as she leans against my chest.

When I pull away from her I can see the pain clear on her face. I turn, not wanting to see her anymore, not this way. It is not the first time that I have ever caused her pain. I have broken her heart more times than I can possibly count and I wish that I could handle it—staying with her until the end—but I have found through countless, and painful trials that I am just not strong enough.

“I love you,” I tell her, kissing her one last time. “I’ll be back.”

“Wait!” she begs, pulling me close. “I do not understand why you are leaving. Please, Andrew. You will not tell me why, at least tell me when you are coming back.”

“I have not told you because I do not know when I will be back. But I always find you, so don’t worry about that. Now I really do have to leave, sweetheart.” I kiss her cheek for the last time and pry myself out of her arms. “I love you!” I call again as I walk away.

“I thought you did,” I hear her murmur to herself just before the door catches.

Every instinct in my body tells me to turn around, carry her to my bed and prove to her that I love her, but I know that would be wrong. I know that the longer I stay, the more at risk I am to be here, with her, when it happens. That is the last thing that I could ever want to happen.



I open the paper, searching despite my best efforts not to. I have done this every day since I left. I just cannot help it. I need to know even though I do not necessarily want to. I would rather forget about it until I find her again. I cannot help but torment myself over this. I am compelled to search every name.

For the past twelve days I have not found her name, and I suppose I had gotten my hopes up. So when I see her name printed, fourth down in the list, my heart clenches more painfully than I would have expected. It becomes hard to breathe and I toss the paper to the floor. I do not need to read the rest. I already know what it will say, because it happens the same way every time. Every single time, my girl suffers the same way and there appears to be nothing that I can do to stop it.

I have tried everything I could think of. I have begged forgiveness, promised to stay away from her, I have tried to love someone else, I have looked for ways around the rules but nothing helps. Nothing can ever change our fate.

I gasp, pulling in a deep breath and feeling wetness on my face I wipe my eyes. And then I can’t help it. I just cry.