Throw Your Fantasy Away to Fate

"Fuck..", I mumble as I wipe off the sweat coming down my forehead. "Why does it need to be so hot? This is stupid."
Jaime laughs at my frustration with the heat and hands me a cold water bottle. "You and everyone else feel the same exact way- especially all the kids in the crowd! Just look at that! We don't go up for another thirty minutes!" Jaime points towards the crowd we're going to play in front of soon. 
"That'll never get old.", I say and smile. 
"Alright! Get ready boys! You're about to kill it out there!", Casey yells out, overly excited. 
Burke runs around Vic and Jaime joins in, being his energetic self, while Mike cracks his knuckles. 
I take a quick look at my phone and see a text from Stephanie. 
I read it and slightly get bummed out that she can't make it to Pomona today. I had invited her to come hang out after our set and signing was over today, just because I actually did want to see her. Since that day she called- we've been on pretty good terms. She calls me, we talk for a little while about our days, we text, it's just like nothing between us ever happened. Even though I know that when she comes to the San Diego date, it's gonna have to spill. 
What's also really shocking, is that I haven't gotten hammered or shit faced since. Instead of going out to some random pub or bar or club, instead of getting drunk, and instead of hooking up with random chicks, I hang out around the tour bus and have one or two beers with the guys, then go into my bunk for my daily talk with Stephanie on the phone, then call it a night. Vic is extremely thankful for Stephanie coming back into my life, he's told me. He's even stole my phone and sent her a thank you text about it all. The others see it too and so do I. I guess I've finally found another way to get over it all..
Even though Stephanie and I had some things going on in-between us, her hooking up with a random guy while I was seeing Jaime's younger sister, it doesn't change the fact that we use to be together for almost four years. I did a lot with her, she was my other half and I was once in love with her. I miss all those fun hang outs and all those deep conversation. Despite everything that went down in our lives, I miss it. 
I quickly text her back and give Jonny my phone to warm up for our set. 
"Fifteen minutes-", Mike says. "Fifteen till we rock out! You feeling good, Tone?!"
I stretch my arms around my body and nod. "I feel pretty fucking good, man."
This time, that wasn't a lie. I was actually, for the first time in months, feeling honest-to-God great. 
Jaime joins in the conversation and pats my back, smiling at me. "You look good too."
I laugh and nod. "You're a self-esteem booster, Hime."
I'm finally convinced that I might actually end up happy, maybe life isn't going to be so bad after all. I've got everything I need. If she wanted me to let go and be happy, then here it is. I'm letting go and I'm starting to be happy. 
I smile to myself and follow Jaime onto the ramp we stand on before we get on stage. We give each other a pat on the back and do a little chant. Then, in no time at all, I'm up on that stage. I take my snap back off and throw it to the side stage, Casey grabbing it and placing it somewhere safe. 
"What the fuck is up, Pomona?!", Vic yells into the microphone. The crowd goes insane and seconds later, we're playing our first song of the set. 
As always, I'm doing my own thing, playing guitar, throwing pics into the crowd, having a blast. I'm feeling great, I'm feeling better than I've ever felt in a long time. I'm finally getting over her- I'm here, on this stage, playing music, with four of my best friends, in front of a crowd that came to see us. This is all I need. 
As Vic starts to introduce our song next song, I find this short time to take a drink of the water bottle Jonny had left next to my pedal board. As I'm chugging down the water at a fast pace, I stare into the crowd. My eyes wonder towards the front, slowly drifting to the side, the very back of it. Then as I pull the bottle away from my mouth, I make eye contact with a certain person who's at the side of the crowd, in the very back. She's wearing a black tank top, her arms are crossed, and her long black hair lay still, falling down to almost her hips. At first, I assume it's just another random person watching us play, making eye contact with me. 
I squint my eyes a little at her and my mind puts it all together. As I'm twisting the cap on my water bottle, I finally get a good, clear look as who it is. My mind runs crazy and my heart starts to beat faster than it already was. I could faintly see those olive-green eyes glistening under this hot sun. I'd recognize those eyes anywhere. Adrenaline pulses through my body as I see her stare back at me, a soft expression on her face. The expression she's given me many times before back in Alan's house when she wouldn't be able to sleep. When she was restless, she would have that look on her face. 
"I just can't stop thinking..", she murmured. 
I touched her shoulder, propping myself up on my elbows. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head, sighing. "My stupid over thinking. It's nothing- let's sleep.", she had said before laying back down and pulling the sheets over her body. 
I ran my finger over her soft cheek and bent down, planting a soft kiss on her lips before laying down by her side again. "Don't stress about life, baby. You'll be okay. We always end up being okay. Always."
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer. "Always. I love you.", she mumbled as she kissed me. 
"I love you more."
"Paloma- Paloma, it's Paloma-", I mumble to myself. My eyes grow wide and I can't break my eyes away from her. Everything I thought I had gotten over was hitting me, hard. Everything I thought I had lost, was right there. Everything I loved- was standing right there. The look on her face changes, her eye brows crease and she bites her lower lip. I take a step closer on the stage and drop my hands to my side. 
"Paloma?!", I mouth out. I move the hair away from my face and feel as my eyes burn from the tears starting to build up in the them. 
Then, I feel someone smack my back. Startled, I turn around to see who it is and see Jaime playing his bass. "Dude- what the fuck is up? King! King is up- now!", he says before walking back to his side. 
I look around the stage and notice Vic eyeing me skeptically. Out of no where, Kellin comes onto the stage and I realize I'm in the middle of a fucking show. Quickly, I start to play the chords and get back on game, my eyes never leaving where Paloma is. As much as I love playing shows, I want it to end now. I want to throw my guitar back in it's bin, jump off this stage, and run to her. I want to grab her in my arms and never let her go. I want to yell at her, I want to kiss her, I want to love her, and I want to tell her everything she put me through. 
"Tony!", I hear someone yell. Once again, I take my gaze away from Paloma, and notice Jonny waving his hand at me. "What's wrong!?", he yells. I shake my head at him. "I'll take over- what the fuck is wrong?!", he keeps yelling. 
"Nothing!", I yell back and go back to my spot. I eagerly look back to where Paloma is- but everything drops in me when I see no one standing on her spot anymore. 
I feel like collapsing to the floor. Then, my mind questions itself. Was I imaging her? Was she actually there? She had to be! It was her! It had to be her! There's no way in hell that I could imagine such a beautiful person standing there, staring at me with those beautiful eyes. There's no one else in this whole fucking world who could even match up to her. 
I glance over at Vic as we finish up King, and he gives me a questioning look. I look away and start up Cara, our last song. I need to get off this stage. I started off as great and now I can't even control where my fingers land on my fucking guitar. I'm messing up, I'm not focused at all, and I'm not even thinking straight. 
As soon as we finish up our set, I throw a few pics into the crowd and quickly walk back stage, handing Jonny my guitar. 
"Dude- what was up-"
"Nothing!", I cut him off. 
I run off, down the ramp and into the tent we have. Burke throws me a towel. I wipe away the sweat from my face and drop it to the floor. 
"What was wrong? You look so-", he starts off, but Vic cuts him off. 
"Tony! Tony- what the hell was that all about?! You completely lost it during King! What the fuck-"
"Jaime!", I yell, ignoring Vic. Mike and Jaime approach Vic and I, the  same confused look on his face as Vic. 
"Tony- what's wro-", Jaime starts. 
I grab him by his shoulders and stare into his eyes. 
I feel myself start to shake and sweat starts to run down along my face. I'm so insanely tired right now. Usually, after every set, I fall to the ground and don't get up until I'm cooled off. But there's so much adrenaline scorching through my body. 
"I- I- I saw her- she was in the- the fucking crowd! Did you- did you see her?!", I yell. Everyone around me gives me a crazy look. "Did you?! Did you see her?!", I yell and shake Jaime, his sweaty hair moving around everywhere. 
"Dude- calm down!", he says and pulls me off him. "See who?! Who are you- what are you talking about?"
"Tony, you need to relax, man.", Mike says and places his hand on my shoulder. I slap it off and grab Jaime again. 
"Paloma! For Christ sake- I saw her! She's in the crowd! She was- I saw her!"
Jaime's mouth falls open and his eyes grow big. "W-what?!"
I roll my eyes and scoff in frustration. "I saw Paloma!", I yell. "Fuck- we need to-"
"Tony.", I hear in a simple, calm voice. Their hand lands on my shoulder and squeezes it a little. I turn around and see Vic staring at me, straight faced. "No, we don't need to go and find her. We don't."
I stare back at him like he's crazy. What the hell?! So he's telling me to not look for the girl I love and lost, he's really telling me that? 
"What do you- what are you talking about?! Of course I have to go look for her! It's Paloma!", I yell out desperately. 
He sighs, looking down and shaking his head. "Do you really think it's a good idea to bring her back into your life?", he asks as he looks back up. 
At first, I just really want to push him off and leave to search for Paloma. But then, I take thought into what he's saying.
Mike comes up next to Jaime and I. "He's right, dude. Look at you, we finally see an actual smile on your face."
"And Stephanie, Stephanie is back in your life. Don't you want to work things out with her? You two could get back together and everything will go back to normal..", Vic adds on. 
My heart rate slows down and I stare at the grass on the ground we're standing on. Every part of my body denies what Mike and Vic are telling me. But I love her, I still love her. So much. 
I look up at Jaime and he looks at me with a sad expression. Jaime wants to see his sister, I know he does. He misses her as much as I do. "Jaime... Jaime, what should I do?", I ask slowly. 
He wipes away some sweat coming down the side of his head and sighs. "I- I don't know... I don't know.."
He's as stuck as me. 
"Well, you're okay with Paloma and I, right?"
He nods once. "Of course."
"That's all I need.", I say before walking away. 
"Tony! Tony- wait!", I hear Vic yell. 
"I'm going to find her!", I yell back without look. 
"Do you really want this?!"
I stop in my tracks and turn around to face him. I take a few steps closer to him. "You're asking me if I really want her? Do I want I see her again, do I want to kiss her again, do I want to have those talks we use to have late at night together, do I want to actually be happy without the happiness being something fake? You're asking me if I want to be happy? If I want to have the only girl I want to be in my life- you're asking me that?"
Vic and the rest of the guys, including our tech guys, stare at me. 
"What about Cara? Do you really want her back when we go to Texas? Do you really want her to come back into your life?"
Vic gets struck back by the example I used and furrows his eyebrows. 
"Exactly. The way you feel about Cara is what I feel for Paloma. Just like you feel Cara might be the one, Paloma feels like she is the one for me. So yes, Vic and the rest of you, I do want this."
And with that, I walk away without another word said to me. 
I bump into security who won't let me pass the back area of the stage- saying how I'd have to wear a stupid disguise. I shake my head at him and try to walk past. 
"I need to go see someone- it'll be fast-"
"We could bring that person to you, you can't go out there.", he says. 
Knowing Paloma and the situation that's going on right now, she wouldn't go with the security. Then I'd lose her again. 
"No, no, I have to go- no one else."
"I'm sorry, sir, but-"
"Tony!", I hear Jaime yell. I turn around and he waves his hands at me, motioning to go to him. 
I take one last look at the security guard, debating whether or not I should go to him. The sun beats down against me hard, it feels twenty times worse than it did when I was up on that stage. 
"Sir...", the man warns, touching my arm. 
I feel like passing out at this moment. At this point, Paloma probably already ran off. I probably lost her, again.
I ignore Jaime's yells and squat down to the grass, my head in my hands. I try making myself feel better, but instead feel everything around me spinning. 
"Sir- sir, are you okay?", I hear and feel someone touch me. 
I try to speak but no words seem to be coming out. 
"Tony? Tony!", I hear another voice yell. It wasn't Jaime. Nor Vic or Mike. It actually wasn't even a guy voice. 
"Tony- Tony, stay with me, open your eyes!", I hear her yell. 
My eyes are closed?
I try forcing them open but there's no energy in me to do so. Finally, I let all of my tiredness win and let the black consume me. 

I feel a soft hand on my cheek and I blink my eyes open. My lips stretch out and I lick them since they start cracking because of how dry they are. My body feels cool and fresh now, unlike before when it felt heated and scorched. My vision is blurry at first. I see a couple people looking down on me, worried. 
"Go get him some water.", I hear someone say. Sounds like Vic. 
"Is he- is he okay?", I hear the female voice say in a worried tone. 
"He'll be fine, P."
I don't register the small nick name given to the girl, instead I grab the cold glass of water that Mike hands me right after Jaime speaks. I chug it down, feeling even better. I wipe away the water from my mouth and sit up. 
"Slow down, slow down... You don't want to make yourself dizzy.", Vic warns and pushes me down by my chest softly. 
I lay down and place my hand on my head, taking in deep breaths. "What- what happened...", I mumble. 
"You passed out.", Mike says and rubs my arm. He's crouched down next to me on the sofa in our tour bus. 
I see Vic give Jaime a look, Mike and Jaime exchanging one as well. Jaime sighs and looks at me. 
"Tony, there's someone here.", Jaime says calmly. 
I prop myself up on my elbows and stare at him. I'm still confused as to everything that happened. I'm so lost right now. 
I see an arm dangle behind Jaime, then see long, black, curly hair flow by it as the person walks from behind him. 
"Tony, Tony- I'm-", she says and reaches out for me. 
My whole world stops as I see her, almost in slow motion, make her way towards me. I knew I wasn't just imaging her in that crowd. Who could imagine such a perfect, beautiful person? The human mind can't even do that. Her curls run along her body and just like that- her arms are around my neck. I shut my eyes and gasp as I feel her touch. 
Her skin is touching my skin. I feel her hair tickle my shoulders and her body weight pulls me down on the sofa again. I quickly breathe her in. I smile when I realize that she smells just like she used to back when we slept together. The calming smell of lavender and her honey suckle scented hair fill my lungs. I throw my arms around her body and hug her tightly. This can't be real- this has to be a dream. I've never felt so- so- god dammit, there's no word to describe this feeling. 
She pulls away from me too soon. "Tony, are you okay?", she asks me quietly. It feels like it's just us two on this tour bus. 
I stare into her olive eyes and place my hand on her soft, blushed cheek. I need to feel her skin again. I rub my thumb along the bottom of her eye and place my other hand on the other side of her cheek. 
"Paloma...", I murmur quietly. "Paloma.."
Her mouth falls open just a little and she places her soft hand on my wrist. "Tony..", she whispers back. 
Without even thinking, I press my lips against hers. They fit right into place. It feels like they belong there- like they've always just, belonged on hers. I've never felt so at ease and at peace in my life than right now. She doesn't even grow stiff under the kiss- instead, she places her hand on the side of my head and kisses me back. Just like the first time we kissed, but even better. The same spark, the same feeling, is in this kiss. 
I feel water run down my cheek and as we slowly pull from the kiss, I realize that they're my tears. Paloma gazes at me, her expression different now. She backs away from me and bumps into Jaime. 
"Paloma- Paloma, where- what-", I blurt out in a fast pace. 
Paloma stares at Jaime and touches her lips, a scared look on her face. 
"Jaime- I-"
"Paloma, don't, it's-", he starts to say. 
Before he finishes his sentence, I stand up. I feel dizzy and I try to hold my balance. 
"Tony, please, you need to slow down-", Mike says. Vic reaches for me but I slap them away and walk straight to Paloma. 
"Paloma, Paloma, you have no idea- where were you?! Where did you- where did you go?! Why did you just leave me?! Alone?", I ask all these questions so desperately. "Don't you see how much I've- I've missed you!?"
Paloma stands frozen, next to Jaime. 
"Calm down, Tony.", Jaima warns, pulling an arm over Paloma. 
I don't know why, or how, or even where I got the strength or the stability to do it, but what I do next shocks even myself. 
I have Paloma pinned against the sink counter of the tour bus, my face inches from hers. 
"Why did you leave me?!", I yell, my vision becoming blurry as tears start to flood my eyes. 
I see Paloma crying, her eyes wide, staring into me. 
I stare into her beautiful eyes, my eyes full of anger and love. A weird combination of the two. I'm scared of myself right now, what's wrong with me?!
But I can't stop what I'm doing. 
All of my emotions are going hay-wire and I can't stop them. Everything that's build up since the day she left- is making itself visible right here. Right now.
And I can't stop it. I just- can't.