Throw Your Fantasy Away to Fate

I hear someone enter the room and seconds later, the blinds from the window are pushed open, letting in the sunlight. 
I squint my eyes at the bright light and pull my blanket over me. "What the hell, Ruth?"
"It's Angie."
I pull the blanket off and rub my eyes, adjusting them to the brightness. "Angie?"
"Mhm.", she says as she sits on the edge of my bed. 
"What are you doing here?"
"I came here to pull you off your ass!"
"I'm tired."
"No, you're just moping around again."
"Look, I don't wanna-"
"And we're not. If you don't want to talk about it, then I won't ask. Just please get off your ass and do something. Because if you keep on laying in bed and moping, eventually I'll have to ask you what's wrong. And I will keep pushing it until you tell me every single detail of it. So if you don't want that, you'd get up and enjoy the day."
I stare at her blankly and sigh. 
"So what do you say, P?! Wanna go to my place and have some breakfast?", she says cheerfully and pats my leg. 
I put my head in my hands and rub my eyes, trying to find even the smallest of motivation in me. The pros of my life- not the cons. 
But still I find nothing. 
I lift my head up and sigh. "Sure.", I say and forcefully give her a smile. 
She grins at me and gets up. "Great. Ruth and your Aunt are out and-"
"How did you get in here?"
"They left the door unlocked for me.", she says with a cheeky smile at the end. 
I roll my eyes and chuckle. "Wow."
"Now go get dressed!"

"Maybe we should go to Disneyland on Tuesday! They're giving you the day off, right?"
I push the eggs around with my fork and nod. "Yeah. What a miracle."
"Let's take it to our advantage then! Disneyland it is."
She sits down next to me with her plate full of food and starts to eat. 
"I haven't been to Disneyland in a while. Remember when we went last month with Hayden and Ryan? That was a lot fun. They're so funny."
"Mhm.", I mumble. 
"Maybe we should invite them again! Oh my god, that would be so much fun! Unless you want it to be just us- then that's just fine!"
I shrug and bite off a small piece of bacon. 
"Remember when we went on Indiana? Hayden wanted to sit next to you and you two ended up tangled in each other's arms at the end of the ride. He couldn't keep his eyes off of you!"
I set my fork down on my plate and sigh. 
"You two would actually make a really cute couple. He's good looking and really funny, and he obviously likes you. I think you should definitely go for it!"
"Angie..."
"I think we should invite them to Disneyland."
"Hey, Angie.."
"Paloma and Hayden. Has a nice ring to it, right?", she says and puts a fork full of eggs into her mouth. "I could totally see you two together."
"Angie! Okay!", I say loudly and push my plate aside. 
She stops chewing and stares up at me, wide eyed. She swallows her food and props her elbows up on the table. "What?", she says slyly and smiles. 
I roll my eyes. "You're terrible."
"I don't see what I did wrong.."
"He freaked out yesterday. Not just any freak out- but he- he just wasn't Tony."
She places her hands on her lap and sighs. "What happened, Paloma?"
"I did what I told you I would do. I showed up to the venue and I just watched."
"From the back?"
"Yes, from the back. I don't know how he found me. He just looked up and I felt it coming- and it did. He saw me.."
"How did he.."
"Well he stopped playing for some seconds while they started a new song. It was so weird seeing Jaime and them- it was so weird. We stared at each for a while until I kinda saw Jaime nudge him or something. A couple minutes later I decided to leave."
"Is that when you called Jaime?"
"Yeah.. He didn't answer so I left him a voicemail. I only wanted to see him- but he brought me into the tour bus where I saw Tony just fucking passed out on the damn sofa."
"Passed out?!"
I nod and play around with my fingers, remembering how he looked laying on that small leather couch. His hair was messy and his cheeks were pink, sweat coming from down his forehead. I sigh. "Yeah... He looked so drained. They said he just passed out. They didn't tell me how or why- probably because of the heat."
"And what happened next?"
"He was like that for about thirty minutes... I was really worried but they kept telling me he'd be fine. I went up to him and touched his cheek... And..", I pause for a moment, remembering how his skin felt against the palm of my hand. "His eyes opened not too long after. I got scared and hid in back of Jaime."
"That's when he freaked out?"
I shake my head. "Not exactly. Jaime told him I was there and I- insticntively I guess, went up to him. That whole moment was just so perfect, Angie.", I say and smile at her. "We even kissed."
She gasps and smiles. "No shit?!"
I laugh. "Y-yeah.. Did I miss that.. But after that, I kinda freaked and that's when everything went to shit.."
"When he freaked out?"
I nod and stare at the table. "And when I decided to leave."
I feel her hand on mines and I look up at her. "Don't go blaming yourself for what happened. Not again."
"What am I supposed to do now?"
"You need to go back and talk to him."
"Didn't you listen to me? I've already tried."
"Try again, Paloma. Don't just give up on him because he had a mini breakdown."
"It's not that... I'm just.."
"I know you're scared.. I know you feel like you don't even deserve him after you left. There's absolutely nothing stopping you from going after him again. Other than yourself. You're making this hard- no one else. He's right there. He's a phone call away. It's that simple, Paloma."
I bite down on my lower lip, staring at my lap. 
"It's that simple.", she murmurs again. 

~ 

"You need to focus on our music now. I know how much she means to you, Tony. And trust me, we all care about her, but I can't let you drag down the whole crew. We'll have time to contact her again. That wasn't your last chance on seeing her, I promise. I need you to be the level headed guy you were before any of that happened, please? We all need you to be that.
If Vic wasn't so right about his words, I'd punch him. Well, I still want to punch him but only because I know he's right. 
"Yeah, sure. I'll focus on the music. I'm sorry."
"This wasn't your only chance, man. Believe me."
I shake my head, walking to my bunk. "Yeah, sure. Just let it go."

Laughing and chatting and drinking, as everyone around me have a good time, I'm stuck in my own thoughts again. 
I'm not sad, but I am definitely not happy. I'm just here now. I'm the guy who plays guitar for a band and nothing else. 
Someone bumps into me and I spill whatever was left in my cup on the grass. 
"Shit man- I didn't see you there! What the hell are you doing just sitting around?!", my friend, Alan, says. 
I shake my head. "I'm just tired."
"Yeah, you guys killed it up on that stage. Great job, man! It's been a while since I've seen you guys play."
"It has.", I say as I start to walk to the cooler filled with beers. 
I bend down to grab a cold one, and look up at a crowd of laughing people. Vic, Mike, Jaime, his girlfriend, and Stephanie, along with her other friends, are all chatting and laughing. Alan leaves my side and walks over to the crowd, joining in the fun. 
Stephanie arrived here about two hours ago. I guess it's pretty strange how we spoke so much over the phone but in person all we could say is a stupid hello. 
I shake it off and make my way back to my seat, opening up my beer and taking a long sip of it. I'm scrolling through my phone, not actually paying attention to what's on the screen. I'm just angry with myself. I'm in my hometown, with a bunch of friends and family, during warped tour... What am I doing? I've been so hung over a girl who keeps leaving me. 
But there's nothing I could do about it because I love her. 
"Hey..", I hear in a soft voice. I look up and see Stephanie's blonde hair fall over her small face. She pushes it all back in one swift move and gives me a grin. 
I put my phone back in my pocket and nod. "Hey.."
"Mind if I...", she says and motions her hand towards the seat next to me. 
"Go ahead.", I say and sip my beer. 
As she sits, I could smell her perfume and it takes me back to the days when we lived together. Everything smelt like her. The bedroom of course, the kitchen, even my shirts and jeans. Not that I didn't like it, it's a nice smell. Sometimes it changed from time to time when she would change perfume, but this scent, it's her original. Her favorite. I remember we were going to go out with some pals and hit up a casino, she basically drenched herself in it. Making me stuff my face into her neck because of how good she smelled. Girls and their smells. 
Paloma always smelt the same. The same scent, the same body wash, the same shampoo, the same perfume and body spray.. 
But always such a beautiful scent. What I'd give to just stuff my face into her hair and smell it one more time. 
Stephanie clears her throat which makes me focus on now again. I turn my head to her and give her a cheap smile, just to show that I didn't forget she's here. 
"How have you been, Tony?"
I let out a pathetic chuckle. "Just great..", I say and turn away from her. 
"You seem pretty quiet. You always look forward to San Diego dates."
At least she remembers something about me. 
"I'm just tired."
Even I'm tired of saying I'm tired. 
"Hmm.", she mumbles. 
"Hmm.", I mimick. 
She sighs. "Shouldn't we... talk?"
Now we're on to something. "About?", I say and look at her. 
She rolls her eyes. "Oh, stop it. You know what about."
I smirk. "Well, you've been here since- let me think- nine? Ten? Now you have time for me?"
"I'm sorry. I was just.. Nervous. Okay? I'm sorry.."
She looks down and plays with her fingers. I study her face and sigh, giving in to her. 
"It's okay. We could talk now if you want to."
She looks up and gives me a shy smile. "I would like that."

~

"I'm so excited!", Angie squeals, taking out some lip gloss from her bag. 
I zip up my jacket and cross my arms. "Me too.", I say, obviously not excited at all. 
She wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek. "Don't be nervous. Everything will be okay. By the end of this day, you'll be with Tony again and... I'll probably be with Mike.", she practically squeals the last part. 
"Jesus Angie, I thought you were over him."
"I hide things pretty well.", she says and shrugs. 
We get to where all the tour busses are but before we could pass the gate, we get stopped by two heavey weight security men. 
"Pass?", the heavier one asks. 
"My brother is bringing them to us.", I say and check my phone, waiting for the text from Jaime. 
"Can't go by without one."
"She knows.", Jaime says, showing up behind him. 
A smile appears on my face as Jaime hands Angie and I the small, plastic passes. 
"Come on."
We pass through the gates and I take this chance to throw myself over him, giving him the tightest hug I've given anyone in a while. 
"Thank you.", I mumble in his neck. He hugs me back even tighter and kisses my cheek. "I'm so happy you decided to show up. I miss you so much, P."
I clutch onto his back and feel tears form in my eyes. 
There's so much we've been through. Even though I held a huge grudge on him because of the whole parent passing away and neglecting me thing, I love Jaime more than anything in the world. And I've missed having my brother around. We're all we have left of our family. 
"I miss you too, Hime.", I say and pull away from the hug. 
He smiles at me and pats my shoulder, looking away and covering his teary eyes. "Angie! You've grown so much!", he says and gives her a hug. 
She laughs. "Hey Jaime."
"So- you ready to party?", he asks and claps his hands together. No more sentimental Jaime. 
"Hell yeah!", Angie says almost immediately. 
I cross my arms again, feeling the nervousness in my stomach. "At least one of us is."
"Well, that was meant for Angie. I know what you came here for. And it's about time."
We start to walk to the crowd of people and lights ahead of us. 
"I'm so nervous.", I whisper. 
"I know you are. Hopefully it won't be like last time. I don't think he'll freak out again."
"Even if he does, I won't run off."
"Good.", he says as we approach the crowd. "I trust you."
He smiles at me and I grin at him as we emerge into the crowd of people. 

~

"Tony..", she mumbles as I kiss her neck. 
I place my hand in her hair and grab a handful of it, feeling the soft silk slip in between my fingers. 
"Hmm?", I say and kiss her lips before moving to her jaw. 
She gasps quietly as I grip my hand on her hips tighter. 
"Tony- we can't.", she says and places her hand on my chest. 
I pull away from kissing her and look down, letting out a sigh. "I know."
"I'm sorry... I- I just can't do this with you anymore."
I nod and scoot away from her. She pulls down her dress and fixes her hair. 
"Don't say sorry.", I say and rub my eyes. 
"I don't want to be that girl you use just to forget."
I look up at her and scoot back to where I was, placing my hand on her cheek. "I don't want you to be that girl either. I'm sorry, Stephanie. Really.", I say and let my hand fall on her thigh. 
She holds my hand in hers and wraps her other around me, placing a kiss on cheek. "It'll be okay, Tony."
"Tony?", we both hear. 
Stephanie and I both turn our heads to the entrance of the tour bus and my mouth falls open as I see Paloma standing there, her arms slowly falling to her sides. 
"Paloma?", I whisper out. 
She puts her hands in front of her and shakes her head. "I-I-I'm s-sorry- I didn't- I didn't know- I-", she stutters out. 
I pull away from Stephanie as she does the same. We both stand up and I walk towards Paloma, quickly. 
"No- no- it's not-", I say and walk to her. 
"I'm sorry-", she says and turns around, walking out the door.
"Shit- Paloma!", I yell and walk out, running behind her. 
It's dark outside other than the light coming from the crowd of people. I try to focus on Paloma's figure and follow it as much as I can. 
It's like one of those dreams where you're chasing something but it feels like it's going farther and father away even though you're running as fast as you can towards it. Like its impossible to reach it. 
But in this dream, I finally win. 
"Paloma!", I say and grab her elbow, turning her to me. 
She stares at me, breathless and shocked. Her eyes red and her cheeks pink. Her mouth opens but before she could say one word, I latch onto her body by wrapping my arms around her, stuffing my face into her hair. 
As expected, that lush scent fills my lungs and I'm in heaven again. 
"Oh Paloma...", I whisper and grab onto her tighter. 
Her arms slowly wrap around me and I could hear her silently cry as we both craddle each other in each others arms. 
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for causing all of this- I'm so sorry.", she sobs. 
I feel her tears spill all over my shoulder and I pull away from her, cupping her head into my hands. "Don't cry. I don't want to see you cry. I don't want to..", I mumble and kiss her. 
Her hands fall around my neck and we're left standing like this for what seems like an eternity. 
We both pull away from the kiss and she places her forehead against mine. "I'm sorry."
"I forgive you."
She chuckles and pecks my lips again. 
"Let me take you back to the tour bus."
She nods and without another word said, we walk hand in hand to the bus. 

~

Tony walks me back inside the tour bus where we find Stephanie on her phone. 
She looks up and clears her throat. 
"P-Paloma..", she says. 
Tony looks down and lets go of my hand. 
"I swear, we didn't-", she starts. 
I shake my head and walk to her, giving her a small hug. "I know."
We pull away and she gives me a slight smile. "It's nice seeing you."
"Same to you."
She looks at Tony than back at me. "I'll leave you two alone now."
She walks out and now it's just Tony and I. 
He simply stares at me, not one word shared between us. 
I walk to him and grab his hand, holding it in mine. He laces his fingers through and stares down at me with a smile. 
"You look tired, Tone.", I mumble and throw my arms on his shoulders. 
"I don't care.", he says and kisses my cheek. "I want to know everything. I want to know what you've been through. What's new. What's old. What's going through your mind. I want to talk to you again. I miss you."
I stare up at him and place a hand on his neck. "We have all the time in the world. I'm not going anywhere... anymore."
"Cross your heart."
I cross my heart and he grins. "Hope to die."
"Stick a needle in your green eyes."
I laugh and walk him to his bunk. "Let's go lay down. You need to sleep."
I jump into the small bunk first and Tony quickly makes himself comfertable next to me, not letting go of my hand. 
He wraps his arms around me and my back lays against his stomach. 
"You'll be here when I wake up, right?", I hear him murmur. 
I turn my body to face him and lay my hand on his neck, rubbing his ear. "Yes."
I take his hat off, throwing it somewhere outside of the bunk, and kiss his forehead. 
"Okay."
His eyes look heavy as he blinks. 
"Go to sleep, Tony. I promise that when you shut your eyes, I'll still be here."
"I know... I just don't want to stop looking at you. I've missed you so much."
I pull my hand under his shirt, running my fingers up and down his back. A small remedy that makes him fall asleep. 
"I've missed you too. I'm not leaving you anymore. That was the stupidest decision ever."
He laughs lightly. "Yeah, it was."
I chuckle. "Sleep Tony."
"Hmm.", he mumbles as his eyes finally give in to his tiredness and shit. 
I kiss his neck, chin, and lips as I hear his breathing slow down, fading away into unconsciousness. 
"I love you.", I murmur against his skin and shut my eyes.