Throw Your Fantasy Away to Fate

"This isn't much of a day off.", Mike mumbles.
"At least it's something!", Jaime adds in.
"We have a couple hours before we have bus call to leave for Texas. We're good guys!", Vic says. Always the optimist.
I stare down at my shoes lost in thought yet again. Since last night, I haven't really talked much. The guilt is just eating me up inside. I didn't do anything with Amber, I would never cheat on Paloma..
But then again I never thought I'd hide her the way I did last night. Like... She didn't even exist... And... I was okay with that.
The thought alone, of what I did, makes my heart sink. It makes me feel disgusted. How could I ever feel okay without Paloma in my life?!
Jaime nudges my arm. "What do you think?"
I look up at him. "Huh?"
"Where's your head at, bro? Lets go to catering. Get some lunch.", Mike says.
I clear my throat. "You guys go ahead. I'm gonna call Paloma real quick."
They all nod and leave along with the rest of the crew. I walk to the now, empty back lounge and take a seat on the leather sofa, pulling my phone out.
I have to tell her. I can't build up our newly restored relationship on lies. Knowing Paloma, she won't be mad that I lied about her. About us. She'd be relieved. But it just doesn't feel right hiding what I did.
I dial her number and wait for her to answer. Surprisingly, I get sent to voicemail.
I deicide leaving her a voicemail then. I need to tell her.
"Hey P, it's Tone. Um, I- I really need to talk to you about something.. Something I really need to get off of my chest. So call me back whenever you can, alright? Be safe and I love you. Bye."
With that, I put my phone back in my pocket and sigh. I lean my head against the couch and shut my eyes, rubbing my temples.
I know Paloma will understand. That's how she is. It's not like I was lying to Amber and the rest of them because I didn't want her- or them- to know about me...
It was because of what Paloma wanted. And it's always about what she wants.
Because... I could care less about what people think about me, right? Why would I care what Amber thinks of me? Why do I even care about Amber?
Ha, I don't!
It's all for Paloma! Yeah, that's it. It's for Paloma.
With that thought in my mind, I head to the catering section in search for my friends.

"Tony?", I hear someone call my name. I stop walking and look up from the ground only to see Amber a few paces in front of me.
I grin at the sight of her. "Hey, Amber."
She walks up to me and crosses her arms across her black button up.
"You look nice.", I add. Not knowing exactly why.
She gives me a wide smile. "Same to you."
I chuckle lightly and put my hands in my pockets. "Getting food?"
She shakes her head. "Just got done eating with Lisa and Garrett. Were you just heading over there?"
I nod. "Yeah. I'm pretty hungry."
She giggles. "I'll go with you then. I have cutsies."
"No way."
She nods and bites her lower lip. "Mhm. Lisa hooks me up."
I laugh and start walking in the direction of the tents. "Then you're coming with me."
She grins as we start walking. "No, you're coming with me."
She grabs my arm and pulls me to the back of the tents and into the kitchen area. "No need to even step in the line. Grab whatever your little heart desires, Tony."
I look at her right as she says my name and she raises her eyebrows at me, smiling. That devious look in her eyes flows right to that smile of hers and I don't know what goes over me, but I'm officially focused on her and her only as she starts serving me food.

We take a seat at a table a little far from the groups of people spread out here. She sits across from me and I start to pick at my macaroni salad.
I glance up at her as I chew and she leans her head on of her hands, her wavy hair falling to the front of her face. She flips it back and smiles at me.
"What are you looking at?", she chuckles.
I laugh and shake my head, picking back at my food. "Where's Lisa at?"
"She left with the rest of her roadie crew. They're planning shit- I don't know. Manager stuff. Garrett went to go take a nap."
I nod. "And you?"
I look up at her and she laughs. "Why I'm right here."
I chuckle. "No shit?"
She smiles and lightly slaps my hand. "Smart ass."
"I ment where were you heading at then?"
She shrugs. "I planned on walking around. Maybe I'd bump into someone..."
"Hmm... Who?"
She glances at me and grins. "Doesn't matter anymore, Tony."
She licks her bottom lip and looks down at the table.
I let out a short sigh, getting a little shocked by all her confidence.
"You know, I'm not much of a gossip listener..."
Uh oh.
"Because frankly, I do not give a shit about what other people are doing.."
I grin and nod, staring down at my food. "Mhmm..."
"But I couldn't help but to take interest into what some of the people around me are saying."
"And what are they saying?"
"That you have a girlfriend."
I look up at her and drop my fork, replacing it with my water bottle. "People really seem to care about what I'm up to now.", I say as I take a sip from it.
She shrugs. "They don't only talk about you. They talk about almost every one that's in a band here. Don't feel so special."
I laugh and put the cap of my water bottle back on.
"My point is... Everyone is positive you're dating some underaged chick. Which I have nothing against if you are- just so you know."
It takes me by surprise. "You wouldn't care if I was?", I mumble.
She stares at me, serious. "No... I wouldn't..."
I look away and stare at my food.
"Are you?", she says quietly, leaning in forward. "I mean... It is a little weird I guess that a guy- man, as old as yourself would date a girl... As young as her-"
She points to a young teen girl walking alongside some photographers. Adam's told me about her. Her name's Kianna. The youngest of the pack in photographers. She's barley seven-teen. A beginner. And definitely... Very naive.
I look back at Amber. "So you would care?"
She shakes her head. "No, no. Not at all. Love is love I guess.", she shrugs.
I nod slowly.
"But I don't think a grown man would fall in love with a young girl. I don't believe that. He needs a women in his life. Not a girl.", she says and flips her hair back with her hand.
I stare at her for a long second or two and tap on the cap of my water bottle.
"So with that being sad- are you?"
I clear my throat. "Am I what...?"
She grins. "Dating a teenager?"
My heart starts to beat almost as fast as a hummingbirds wings. My palms get sweaty and I know I'm taking too long of a pause to answer her question by now.
What if I say yes? If I tell her every single thing about Paloma and I. About how we hid our relationship because her brother is my best friend and the bassist of the band I'm in. How she left me for months and how fucked up I was when she did. How she isn't just a teenager to me... How she's... My whole life? Should I tell her? Everything?
What would happen after that? Will she look at me differently? Will she not talk to me anymore? What if she tells everyone else?
But then again- why do I care, remember? Who cares if Amber stops talking to me. What is she to me? It's not like I like her or anything....
She folds her hands in front of her, waiting for my answer. Her blue eyes stare at me patiently as she licks the bottom of her lip.
This is for Paloma. Not me.
"Of course not.", I simply say and turn back to my food. "Of course I'm not dating a teenager.", I chuckle.
I stuff some macaronis in my mouth and glance up at her.
She bites her bottom lip and smiles widely at me. "Didn't think you were and I'm pretty relieved you're really not..."
Her hand lands on top of mine and her thumb rubs small circles on it.
I grin at her and feel slightly unsteady.
Just then, my phone goes off. I pull it out of my pocket and check who's calling.
"Who is it Mister Popular?"
I clear my throat. My eyes focus on Amber then at my phone screen. "Just my friend Mike.", I say as I silence the call from Paloma.
The better I hide it, the better Paloma and I are. This is all for her. Yeah, this is all for Paloma.