Try to Scream

When everyone was finished getting ready to leave, we all met in the hallway. We walked to the bus together and I quietly climbed on and went straight to my bunk. Everyone stayed down stairs to watch TV and make dinner; they knew I was upset, so they wouldn’t bother me.

I pulled out my laptop and plugged in my headphones. I opened YouTube and started watching ChaoticMonki’s, better known as Cry’s, videos. I was watching his Walking Dead series. Yes, it was horror, and yes, it shouldn’t help me. But Cry’s voice was soothing and his commentary was amusing. Suddenly the bunks curtain was moving. I jumped and pulled it aside, ready to hit something. “Whoa!” Niall said, I heard him over Cry’s laughter. I pulled out my headphones and looked at the boy, “Sorry, just checking to see if you are okay.”

“I’m fine.” I shut my laptop and moved over in the bed so Niall could climb in with me. Cora and I did this all the time, it was easier to talk. “That wasn’t very nice. I was scared as it was when we got there.”

“I know.” Niall said, propping himself on his elbow to look at me. “I’m sorry; we didn’t think you’d get that freaked out.” His eyes searched mine.

I gazed down at his shirt to avoid more eye contact. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t be so upset. It was all fun and games.” I looked back up at him, a small smile playing on his lips. My heart started racing as I watched him lean in closer.

I should have pulled back, my head screamed to pull back, push him out of the bunk, anything to stop this moment from happening. But everything else longed for me to dive in and explore. I wasn’t one to listen to my head, so I closed my eyes and leaned against him.

Our lips were just barely touching as we paused, I didn’t dare open my eyes. I wasn’t sure, but I could have sworn I heard both our hearts beating. I took a shaky breath and moved my head in an upward motion and brushed my lips against his. I leaned so I could whisper in his ear, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” And instead of a response, he pulled back and kissed me anyway.

It was intense. One moment we were both on our sides facing each other, then the next, he was leaning down over me, kissing me and I was kissing him. I bit his lip lightly and a small laugh escaped. I smiled and went in for a deeper kiss. We had gotten so into each other, our hands exploring, pulling hair lightly and pure joy, that we nearly missed the voice calling our names. “Niall, Munro. Food.” Liam said, his footsteps quickly making their way up the stairs.

Niall and I pulled away from each other. He went to speak, but I covered his mouth. “Are you crazy?” I poked my head out of the bunk and glared at Liam.

“What?” He asked confused.

“Niall’s sleeping. Did he not tell you guys?”

Liam looked at Niall’s bunk confused, he stood a few bunks back, so he couldn’t see in mine or his, as they were across from each other, but I knew if he came any closer, we were busted. “No, he said he was coming to talk to you, that’s all.”

“He said he was tired and he’d eat when he woke up.” Niall fought against my hand, but I moved my leg and kneed his side. “We’ve been awake forever; I don’t understand how the rest of you aren’t tired yet.”

“Use to it, I guess.” Liam shrugged then started moving forward, “Are you sure he’s fine? Should we check on him?”

“No!” I panicked. “I mean, no, he’s fine, promise. I’ll be down in a bit; I’ll bring him with me, if that makes you happy.” Liam nodded and turned to walk back down the stairs. Niall quickly pushed my hand away and pulled me close to him.

“You liar.” He smiled, but quickly, the smile faded. “Why did you lie?” His beautiful blue eyes met mine again.

“I…we don’t know what is going on yet. We just met a week ago and I don’t want people making something of this when we don’t even know.” I bit my lip, hoping he didn’t take it all the wrong way. I wouldn’t have kissed him back if I didn’t feel something for him. Even if it was the slightest, tiniest feeling, there was something there. He had to know that.

“Oh, okay.” He seemed slightly hurt, but leaned down to kiss me quickly. “I’m starving, anyway. Let’s go eat.” He pulled me out of the bunk and I stopped him from rushing off. I ran my hands through his hair and messed it up, made it look like he was sleeping. His hands smoothed my hair down. “Looks like we are ready.” His lips found my forehead and he pushed me ahead of him.

I descended down the stairs and sat beside Cora. Everyone looked at me for a moment. I looked back. Then Niall came down, yawning and stretching. Their eyes moved to him, and then back at me. I felt like they were observing us. Like, they knew something and it was some kind of game to see who jumped first. But I didn’t give in, nor did Niall. And I thanked him for that; he respected my decision to keep quiet until we figured things out for ourselves.

We weren’t going to be like Zayn and Cora, they were full on and all the time. Since the club, the two became one. And it was nice, but I didn’t want to jump in on blind faith. I wanted to figure myself out, figure out Niall a bit more. I’ve only spent 3 weeks on these boys. I knew about them, I knew what people posted and what they said in interviews and such, but I didn’t know the real them all that well. I wanted to get to know them all, I wasn’t going to be a hookup and I didn’t know if Niall was the type to do that, yet. I wouldn’t surrender my heart only for it to be broken.

Niall sat down by Harry and ate. I didn’t let my eyes linger on him for too long. I shifted them to Harry, who looked back at me. He mouthed ‘Sorry’ before looking away and eating. I cleaned my throat quickly and looked around. All eyes found their way to me. “I’m sorry about acting like a Diva. You guys were just messing around.” I forced a smile.

The boys all smiled back, Louis spoke up, “We’re sorry, too. We knew you were scared. Just be glad it was us and not the other guy in the woods.” I looked at him confused.

“Someone else was there?” Cora asked. “You guys left us alone with some creeper in the woods?”

“Babe, he was just exploring like us. He left for the cemeteries before we even got to the car.” Zayn swayed into Cora lightly. She rolled her eyes.

“That’s still not cool.” I added.

Niall swallowed the food in his mouth, “He seemed cool, very polite.” I didn’t look at Niall as he spoke. “I’m still tired.” I heard him stand. “I’m going back to bed. Night all.” I watched him walk away and again, all eyes were on me.

I could feel my cheeks start to turn red, so I looked down and took a large bite of my food. When I looked up, everyone was back to normal conversations and I wasn’t an experiment in a Petri dish anymore. I was relieved.

I pulled off my boots and my jewelry soon after and climbed into my bunk. I closed the curtain in hopes to help me ignore the fact that Niall was across from me. But the events that happened not long ago played over and over in my head. I was so confused. Here I was flirting with Alex, who was so sweet and I kissed Niall, who I can say I liked. I didn’t know what I was going to do. My only idea for now was to sleep and think about it with a clear head in the morning.