Try to Scream

A couple days had passed and there was a lot of talk about the week off. I knew I was excited. I missed my family and I wanted to see them. The boys were already booking plane tickets. Niall constantly asked me if he wanted him to stay back a few extra days, but I always said no. I wanted him to get in as much time with his friends and family as he could. This was the only break they had until Halloween, when they were all going back home for good.

There were a week of concerts all over and then a week in the studio back in California. Then we’d make our way up and spend another few weeks of concerts across the states. That ended half a week in the studio in New York. Then the final half a week on concerts.

It didn’t seem like much, but it was hectic. I never realized how much work went into being famous. I never wanted that. I never wanted a boyfriend that was always far away and I realized I now had one. As much as I liked Niall, he was everything I didn’t want. I didn’t want someone girls fawned over, I didn’t want someone who was never around, and I didn’t want a boy who had something more important than me. I honestly wanted to be number one. Well, that was not including his family and friends, of course.

But, through all the negative, he was also perfect. He was sweet, kind, generous, sensitive. He was hardworking and dedicated. He had a steady job and a dream. He was determined, persistent. Niall Horan was my last choice and my first choice. He had everything I wanted, everything I didn’t want.

Of course, I was following my heart here. My mind was screaming, “You are going to get hurt, stupid!” over and over, occasionally it went, “You’re worthless, you are nothing. You are a normal girl with a pop star. How do you think this will end? Wedding bells, stupid girl. This isn’t a fairytale.” My head was right, my heart was right. How could both, with completely different opinions be right? I’d most likely end up hurt, forgotten. But I liked him, he made me happy, at this moment and time, he was the reason I smiled.

It also occurred to me that most relationships don’t last. I could just be a fling. Something to have. Maybe I was another notch in the bedpost. Another name and number in the black book. My heart said not to worry. To have fun, to give it a chance. My heart was positive, my mind was negative. Maybe I should have listened to my throat. No one says that. You have 2 different opinions going, one good, one bad. Why couldn’t there be a happy medium? Why couldn’t you say, “I am going to listen to my throat.” Okay, yes, that sounds ridiculous. I know this. But you get the point? Where is the happy medium? I want that.

Anyway, I am side tracked. The past couple of days had been talk about the break. I was going home, I had a plane ticket ready. Only 3 more days until I got to hug my mom, got quizzed by my sister. I was looking forward to it. Tonight was a concert and tomorrow was filled with interviews. The day after, everyone was going to spend the day doing something. All to end with a concert. We were ready.

El, Cora and I were all going on a shopping day while the boys prepared for the concert. We’d meet them just before it started and we’d watch our boys perform before heading out for a quick group dinner and getting to sleep for the early day tomorrow.

Eleanor was an expert on shopping. It’s like, if Cora and I were youtubers, just normal vloggers, Eleanor was that huge popular youtuber who got fanmail and nonstop comments. She was queen on shopping.

We’d start in one store and walk out with multiple bags and loads of cash. She could spot an amazing deal from down the road. We watched her closely throughout the day, but we couldn’t see how she did it, how she could spend so little on so much. She was literally piling clothes on our arms, urging us to try it on, to buy it. And when we did, we had to collect our jaws off the ground.

“Okay, girls. I’m hungry. Who’s up for some fine dining on Management?” Her eyes met my pocket where the card Management gave me the first day, sat. I hadn’t used it for much, just food. The words “fine dining” got me. I wanted to refuse.

Cora spoke up, “Yes! We were given the card for a reason, let’s actually use it, MoMo. Like, no more Subway, please?” Cora smiled and El pouted.

I rolled my eyes, “Fine! But only because you guys are adorable.” I stuck my tongue out and handed off my bags to the security guy behind me. He placed the bags in the car as we started up the street to a fancy looking place.

We ate until we were stuffed and wrapped the dessert up for the guys. We stopped and grabbed some burgers for them as well. They were probably hungry and I could hear Niall now, “I want food! Paul, can you get me something?” Paul would get him something and they’d continue doing what they were doing and Niall would be at it again. I was surprised the boy managed to do an entire show without stuffing his face.

When we arrived with the food, we were engulfed with kissed, hugs and thank yous. They boys ate and picked through our bags as we started folding and putting things away. It seemed like time had passed quickly because we were rushed off to the arena and placed in our seats. When the boys came on stage, their eyes managed to find us instantly. Niall held his goofy smile back as all the girls cheered his name. As much as he wanted to wink at me or blow me a kiss, he was single in their eyes.

But as he sang, the smallest words that meant a lot, anything that would remind him of me, his eyes found me. Just a quick glance, a small cheeky smile would form on his lips. Fans would pick up on it later, but in that moment, it was our little secret. Our special moment.