I'll Be Okay

“Here, Lindsey, don’t forget to take these before you get ready,” I looked over at my Aunt Janette from the bottom of the stairs, gripping my mug of tea. “Your medication,” she said, holding up two pill bottles. I nodded, placing my mug down on the table beside me. I took one pill from each bottle before quickly placing them in my mouth, taking a mouthful of tea to wash it down. One of the pill bottles had ‘Klonopin’ written across the side to help my strong case of anxiety and the other held Prozac pills for depression, both medications I have to take every morning.

“Thanks,” I whispered before I slipped the pill bottles into my sweatshirt pocket, taking my mug as I ventured up the wooden stairs to the spare room; my bedroom. After my 19th birthday, my mother was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. My mother fell into depression and she lost her job, immediately spending all of her money on doctor visits. When my aunt found out what state we were in, she immediately offered a place here for us to stay until my mother got back on her feet. When we had moved in, I felt completely out of place because my cousin lived her as well, and we were quite the opposite. I had quit my job and even dropped out of college to help pay for my mother’s doctor visits but it was no use when my mother passed away two months later. I still feel out of place here.

“What time is your session today, Linds?” My aunt shouted through my closed door. With a small sigh, I turned down my stereo and pulled the door open, beckoning my aunt in. Considering I had gotten the spare bedroom and I was too preoccupied with my mother, I never got the chance to fully unpack, a few boxes littering the corner beside my bed. “When are you going to finish unpacking?” My Aunt Janette persisted, biting her lower lip. I rolled my eyes, looking back into my room quickly before looking back at my aunt, answering her first question.

“Eleven, I have to leave in 15 minutes.” I turned back to my closet, stepping in front of my mirror and pulling my blond hair into a loose ponytail. I touched up my mascara before running a brush through my bangs, tucking them behind my left ear. My aunt took a seat on my bed, placing her hand flat on the throw blanket, rubbing it softly.

“Look, Linds…” She sighed softly, looking up at me with wary eyes. I flattened my tank top and skinny jeans before I turned to her, furrowing my eyebrows. She was looking at my stomach and how small it is. Ever since my mother’s death, I had stopped eating most meals. I didn’t go anorexic, I just ate less, and in result, I lost a lot of weight. “If there’s anything you want to talk about, I am just down those stairs…” She whispered and I rubbed my forehead, sighing softly.

“I’m fine, Aunt Janette, honest.” I muttered, leaning over and pulling on a pair of black flats. Satisfied, I took a seat beside her and sighed, dropping my shoulders.

“The past two months have been really hard on me as well, sweetie, and I know it hurts-” I cut her off, turning to look her in the eye.

“Listen, I don’t want to talk about it, okay?” I whispered, looking down at my hands. “Maybe some other time, but not right now.” I stood up and fixed my tank top sighing softly. And just at that moment, my cousin Jenn came waltzing into my room, her eyes wide and curious. She’s my age, but she’s the complete opposite of me. Bubbly, energetic, and, well, fun.

“I’m going to a party tonight, mum. Nothing too big, just a little get together.” Even I knew that really meant ‘a huge party.’ Aunt Janette sighed and gestured toward me, shaking her head at her daughter.

“Why don’t you invite Linds? I’m sure that would open her up a bit, yeah?” She muttered, and Jenn shrugged her shoulders, looking over at me. Ever since I’ve moved in here, I haven’t left the house unless I was going to my therapist sessions or going for an uneventful drive to clear my head. I always make up excuses.

“No thanks, Aunt Janette, I’ll stay in tonight if you don’t mind.” I shrugged my shoulders before I grabbed my purse off the chair in front of my desk, tossing it over my shoulder. “I need to go or I’ll be late.” I left them both in my room as I walked swiftly down the stairs, grabbing the keys to my black Volkswagen Golf as I walked right out the front door. I didn’t mean to come off rude, I just hate the pressure.

The drive to my therapist’s office was very uneventful, my radio shut off so I could drive in peace. Her office was just a few miles from my aunt’s house, considering we live right in the middle of London. I took the elevator up to the third floor and greeted the receptionist, Carly, and she immediately phoned Dr. Jones to let her know that I’ve arrived. I sat patiently, waiting as I stared blankly at the closed door leading to her office. The door opened across from me nearly 10 minutes later, Dr. Jones stepping out with a small smile on her face, escorting a man just a few tears older than me out, pecking his cheek quickly.

“I’ll call you at around 12:30, alright Danny? Then we can go out for lunch.” She muttered to him, her voiced low as he chuckled, nodding his head quickly before giving Dr. Jones a side hug. They looked merely identical, my eyes running over the features of their faces quickly. I didn’t want to stare and come off rude, so I looked away.

“Sure, mum.” My eyes lifted at the sound of his thick voice, my eyes meeting his momentarily. They were blue and piercing, looking over at me curiously. I looked down quickly, nerves running through me before I stood. Dr. Jones ushered me over and I clutched my bag, greeting Dr. Jones silently as I slipped past the pair. I couldn’t even crack a smile. I don’t even remember the last time I did.

“Lindsey, you’re here early. Come in, we can get started.” Dr. Jones smiled, letting me into her office. I looked over at her son, Danny, watching as he looked over at me again, curiosity in his eyes. It wasn’t an uncomfortable stare, just a look that meant he was trying to figure something out. And before he got the chance, Dr. Jones spoke quietly to him and he broke his eyes away from mine, nodding to her with a soft smile. Dr. Jones closed the door behind her and took a seat in her usually comfortable seat, her clipboard balancing on her knee. I took a seat slowly in the plush, green chair, looking up at her as she smiled at me. “What would you like to talk about today?”