I'll Be Okay

“I think that’s the last of it.” I turned at the sound of Danny’s voice, a large box blinding his vision. He kicked the flat door closed with his foot before he placed the box down on the floor beside about 10 other boxes. Kneeling down beside the many boxes, I pulled open the flaps of the closest one and looked inside. “And thanks for leaving the seat the height of a midget; I was nearly amputated.” A horse chuckle left his lips and I looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear.

“You’re welcome! I’d do anything to help you shrink from your freakish height.” I barely got the words out before Danny wrapped his arms around me, tickling my stomach, causing loud laughter to slip through my lips. “I surrender! I surrender!” I giggled, wiggling out of his grasp. I ran from the room and dove into his bedroom, the sound of his sneaker-clad-feet following two steps behind me. Just as I was about to jump for the bed, Danny wrapped his strong arms around me and held me close, laughter falling past my ear.

“You’re gonna pay for that, Ms. Greene.” He whispered, his lips running up and down my neck. I shivered at the contact before I turned in his arms, my hands weaving in his hair.

“And how am I going to ‘pay,’ exactly?” I murmured, kissing his lips softly. Danny grinned down at me, pretending to think.

“I could think of a few ways.” He whispered, pulling my head closer to his. Our lips met and I felt the butterflies erupt in the bottom of my stomach, the goose bumps covering my skin. I pulled away, breathless, before I smiled shyly at him.

“Well why don’t you tell me how exactly I can repay you while we’re unloading my boxes.” I grinned mischievously before I grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the living room. Kneeling down in front of the boxes, I pulled the closest one to me and began pulling things out.

“Fine, have it your way. But when we’re finished, I’m going to have my way with you.” Danny grinned in my direction, plumping down beside me. I flushed bright red as I bit my lip, trying to keep my mind out of the gutter. “You look so innocent when you blush.” Danny observed, causing me to flush an even deeper shade of pink. Danny ran his fingers down the base of my neck, wrapping his strong hand around my neck before he pulled me over to him and planted a needy kiss onto my lips. Pulling back, I giggled softly.

“Alright, alright; enough. Please, let’s get this done before we get too carried away.” I pulled a pink vase out of the box and held it up, looking around Danny’s clean apartment. “Now where should I put this?” This continued for a few hours; me holding something up from inside one of the boxes, Danny taking it from my hands and placing it somewhere, and then me saying if it looks good or not. Stories were told and laughs were shared until we finally got down to the last box. It read ‘Do Not Throw Away.’ “Oh…” I whispered, pulling the flaps up and looking inside. The box was filled with things from when I was in college the first year, a few of my mother’s belongings, and finally; a small box.

“What’s in that?” Danny asked, leaning over me. I sat back, the black box perched in my hands as I shook it, holding it up to my ear. I furrowed my eyebrows before I pulled the top off.

“I don’t remember packing this-” I paused mid-sentence as I peaked inside, a few objects catching my vision before a note that was folded a few times caught my eye. ‘Lindsey’ was written across it in my mum’s handwriting. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I pulled it out, setting the box in my lap as I looked over the note. Danny’s hand found my knee and he rubbed it reassuringly as I felt a small tear slip down my cheek. “I’ve never seen this before. It’s my mum’s handwriting.” Unfolding the note, my tear-filled eyes blurred my vision and I couldn’t read any of the words.

“Do you want me to read it to you?” Danny whispered, causing me to nod my head slowly. Danny took the folded note from my fingers and he held it delicately in his hands. I leaned over so I was practically in his lap as he read the note, his voice soft and slow.

‘Lindsey,

If you’ve found this letter, than that means the cancer caught up with me. But it also means that wherever you are, you are finally unpacking your things. I feel terrible that I’m leaving you alone like this, especially right after Rose. I’ve known for months that I have cancer; and I didn’t want to tell you because I was hoping I could beat it. Clearly, I was wrong. I’m writing this because I want you to know that I love you. You are the best daughter a mother could ever ask for and you did so much for me; more than any daughter would have. I should have told you about your father years ago but I was too afraid that he would walk into your life and I would have to see him again. Better late then never. After he left me 19 years ago, I still loved him, even though I shouldn’t have. And he dropped everything just to see you for the first time a few months ago. I’m a horrible mother to not want that for you; for never wanting you to meet him. When I found out I had breast cancer, I decided that you should finally meet your father. He came all the way here to England for your birthday, where he passed away a few months ago. He was the driver of the Volt that killed Rose, baby. It was so hard for me to see Rose at the hospital because your father was there, right down the hall, slowly dying on his death bed. His name was Jackson Reeds. Inside this box is every letter and card he had ever sent you. I know this is hard to take in, but I want you to know that he loved you, despite not ever meeting you. I sent him letters year round to tell him about your success; to tell him how proud I was of you. I just felt that even if I wouldn’t let him meet you, I wanted him to know how proud I was and how lucky he would have been to see you smile and see you succeed. Promise me that after I’m gone, that you will find what I never did. I want you to find that special someone that will drop what they’re doing just to help you; just to make you happy. I never found love and I don’t want you to follow in my footsteps. I moved us here to London because I knew that the likelihood of you meeting your special someone back in Wolverhampton was slim to none. Please, open up your heart and fall in love. Do anything that makes you happy because when it all comes down to it; no one should be holding you back. Do what makes you happy and forget about everything else. I’ve always taught you that your happiness is more important than anything. Get that sad look out of your eye and learn how to smile. If I were still on this earth with you, I would push you to be happy. Lindsey, I love you. Promise me that you will forget about everything else. Find your happiness and after that…everything will fall into place. Please, don’t tear your world apart because of me. I will always be with you, right there beside you every step of the way.

I will always love you, Lindsey.

Love,
Mum xoxo’

Tears slipped down my cheeks as Danny placed the note down in his lap. His voice had cracked with emotion as he read the note to me, my chest heaving roughly at the words. My hands were trembling as I wiped my tears, a few hiccups falling through my lips. Wrapping his arms around me, Danny kissed the top of my head affectionately.

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” I whispered, my voice soft and vulnerable. “She’s been gone for months but now it just feels so real. I miss her so much.” I hiccupped a few times as I spoke before I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I keep crying lately and it must make you feel uncomfortable-” Danny cut me off as he shook his head, pushing me back so he could look me in the eye.

“Lindsey, don’t worry about it. I’d much rather see you react to this kind of thing rather than just block it all out and stay emotionless. Seriously, it’s okay. It’s hard seeing you cry because I just want to hug away your pain, but I know you need to get it all out.” Danny whispered, causing me to nod my head softly. Placing his hand on the back of my neck, he pulled me forward and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you.” He whispered, his lips brushing mine. A genuine smile pulled at my lips.

“I love you, too.” I breathed, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him close. “I don’t know what I would do without you. If someone told me just a few months ago that I would fall in love with Danny Jones from McFly and he would show me how to be happy all over again, I wouldn’t believe them. Hell, I wouldn’t believe them if they just told me that I’d have a reason to smile.” I murmured, my lips meeting Danny’s over and over again. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”

“I’m the lucky one. I love you, Lindsey.” Danny whispered, standing up and cradling me in his arms. Walking toward our bedroom, he dropped me onto the bed before he slowly crawled over me, a sexy smile playing on his lips. I giggled quietly, the tears from just a few minutes before disappearing all together. The fact that just being with him and hearing him tell me he loves me changed my mood from upset to unbelievably happy is just amazing. “So…about repaying me…”

*`*

“So…what about college?” Danny leaned against the doorway of his bedroom, wearing just a pair of his boxers with his arms crossed over his naked chest as he watched me wander around the living room. In just a pair of my panties and Danny’s plain white t-shirt, I tiptoed over to the discarded box and crouched down beside it, picking up the split contents.

“What about college?” I picked up the note with my mother’s handwriting written all over it and placed it back in the box, on top of all of the notes and cards that were piled inside. Taking an unsteady breath, I stood up and placed it on the top shelf beside the television, reminding myself to look through it while Danny’s gone on tour. I turned back to the cardboard box with my college things and a few of my mother’s things and just sighed, flipping the lid closed. “Can I put this in the closet beside the kitchen?” I whispered, gesturing toward the linen closet. Nodded with a soft smile, Danny helped me push the box inside and lay a few things over it that I had to move to fit it in.

“Are you going to reapply?” Danny murmured, stopping me dead in my tracks. I turned to look at him over my shoulder and he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around my stomach. “I mean, you always tell me how much you miss the classes. So why not apply to the University of London? It’s an easy commute and it’ll keep you busy while you’re missing me.” He winked, causing me to smile softly.

“I don’t know; I don’t have the money and I’ll have to look to see if they have my major.” I sighed, leaning back into his chest.

“Come on, let’s look it up.” Grabbing my hand, Danny led me into the bedroom and we took a seat on the bed, my laptop perched on Danny’s knees. He clicked on the internet and instantly we started doing research on the University of London. “What do you want to major in?” Danny asked, looking at me in the corner of his eye. Blushing at the fact that he didn’t know that single fact about me, I leaned further into him and watched his fingers fly across the keys.

“I want to be a writer.” I murmured. Danny leaned back to look me in the eye.

“How do I not know that about you?” He spoke, running his free hand through my hair. Shrugging my shoulders, I bit my lip and smiled shyly.

“I guess that never came up.” Danny continued to watch my expression before he focused back on the computer. After a while of clicking and typing, we came to the conclusion that if I were to be accepted, I would be able to successfully graduate from the University of London; considering my classes from the City of Wolverhampton College would transfer over, they have my major, and they give out generous scholarships. A huge smile grew on my face as Danny hovered the mouse over the ‘apply’ button.

“Are we actually doing this, Barney? Is Lindsey Greene completely one hundred percent sure that she wants to apply to the University of London to become a famous writer that makes millions?” Danny spoke loudly, holding his fist up to his mouth as if he were talking into a microphone. Holding his fist toward my lips, a laugh fell through my lips before I cleared my throat, sat up straight, and spoke in the best deep voice I could muster.

“Well, Danny Jones, my answer to that one million dollar question is yes. Lindsey Greene is applying to the University of London the second you press down on that mouse.” Loud laughter fell through our lips before Danny finally pressed on the key, the online application lighting up my face. My smile faltered slightly and I took a deep breath.

“You can do it. Just answer those questions, send in a copy of your writing, and cross your fingers.” Danny pushed the laptop onto my lap and my fingers hovered over the keys. Taking a steady breath, I leaned forward and filled out the application. “I have faith in you, love.” Danny whispered in my ear, wrapping his strong arms around my waist. I leaned into his chest as I took a deep breath, my fingers flying across those keys. Pressing the send button gave me a million goose bumps, the nerves in my stomach coming up for air. I turned in Danny’s arms and he placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

“Now…we wait.”