I'll Be Okay

“Sweetie, I’ll be home in just a few hours for your party, alright? I just need to pick up a few things from the store and stop to grab your cake. Don’t worry, Rose’ll be here. Call me if you need me,” My mother said before she quickly pecked me on the top of my head and sauntered out the front door. I looked around my living room and sighed softly in wonder, rubbing my arm awkwardly. I never understood what was so special about a birthday. Today’s my 19th birthday, a very important one to my mother because it was the age she had me. “Her perfect piece of happiness,” she had always explained to me, but I never believed her. And I still don’t.

“Why isn’t she waking up, Danny?” I heard my cousin whisper, my eyes still closed as I slipped away from my dream. I heard Danny answer her before I saw the darkness again.

“Rose, where are you?” I muttered into my house phone, phoning my best friend that had promised to be over just a half an hour ago. The call went right to voice mail, which worried me. She never turned her phone off. I waited another half an hour before I was fed up, grabbing my keys and leaving my empty home to go get her. “Maybe she had fallen asleep,” I whispered to myself, my anxiety kicking in as I made the small trip to her house. I pulled up to her house and didn’t see her car in her driveway, so I decided to finally go home.

“Jenn, relax. She’s going to be okay.” Danny whispered and I felt my body begin to shake.

Deciding to go the long way home, I quickly guided myself to the highway and sighed as the speed limit rose. But right out of the corner of my eye I saw flashing blue lights and looking ahead of me, I saw an ambulance and three cop cars near the ditch on the side of the highway. A bad feeling had grown inside of me then, causing me to look closer and I noticed a small red Jeep flipped onto its side, every window smashed and the doors mangled in. Pulling over to the dirt, I put my car in park and flung myself out of my Volkswagen, a scream escaping my wide mouth. Because what was right in front of me was my best friend Rose, flung from her vehicle and under the front tire of another vehicle; a green Chevrolet Volt.

I jumped then, my eyes flying open as my nightmare jolted me awake. A cold cloth fell from my forehead and onto my lap as I sat us straight, my breathing escalating. Jenn instantly jumped forward, pulling me into a hug as my eyes grew wide. I looked around my surroundings when Jenn let me go, my aunt’s living room appearing before me. I looked down at the couch I had been lying on before I finally looked up at the five people kneeling in front of me.

“Lindsey…” Danny whispered, placing a hand on my arm as I bit my lip. I jumped backwards, my back meeting the couch as I felt my breath hitch. “It’s okay,” he continued, dropping his voice as he reached forward again. I flinched, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear as I felt my heart race. “I just-” He started, but his sentence rolled off of his tongue as he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. I looked over at the two guys behind him; Dougie and Tom; whom were too busy looking around to notice our interaction. Jenn was leaning on Harry beside them, his arm wrapped tight around her waist as she stared up at me.

“What…happened?” I whispered, my voice breaking slightly in the middle. I cleared my throat, looking down as I played with the blanket on my lap. My eyes immediately ran over my wrist that had a large bandage over the back of it, blood stains evident as I flicked my wrist back and forth. I looked up with wide eyes as Danny watched me intently. Realization hit me; the voices I heard, the pain I felt; and I promised myself I would never do that again. “No,” I muttered, staring wide eyes at my cousin, whom was looking right back at me. “I didn’t. Jenn…”

“You wouldn’t open the door; I needed help and they were the first people I could think of to call-” I stood up immediately, knocking Danny onto his backside. His eyebrows raised and I started to stutter, covering my mouth with my hands as everyone’s attention was pulled to me.

“Lindsey,” Danny started but I didn’t stay for the rest of that sentence. I ran out of the house, leaving the backdoor swung open behind me as I felt the tears escape. I took a seat on the porch stairs, placing my head in my hands as my whole body began to shake. I looked down at my wrist and cursed, shaking my head hard as I dropped my arm and looked at the clouded sky. I bit my lip and wiped away my tears as I felt the door close behind me. I dropped my eyes to my shoes and sighed softly. “My favorite color is blue.” I heard him whisper. Looking up slowly, I watched Danny shuffle his feel, sticking his hands in his pockets.

“What?” I whispered, raising my eyebrow as I sniffled. Looking out of the backyard, he spoke again.

“My favorite song is Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen. I love the film ET.” He continued, looking down at me swiftly before looking back up. “My eyes are blue, I was born in 1986, I am 25, and I’m single.” He spoke so softly that I could hardly hear him. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “My girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with my mate, I haven’t seen my mum since Christmas, my band mates are the only friends I have left, and I hate living in my flat alone.” He carried on, taking a step closer to me before he stopped right beside me, taking a seat on the stairs too.

“What are you doing?” I whispered, looking him in the eye as I felt my breath catch in my throat. He looked over, placing his arms on his lap as he sighed, shaking his head.

“A few nights ago, you told me you don’t know me and you’re right. We don’t know anything about each other. So I figured I’d tell you a bit about myself.” He muttered, smiling softly as I nodded. Taking a deep breath, he looked down. “Let’s see, we write all of our own songs, I wrote one especially about the bullies in my past; Not Alone; I love vanilla ice cream-” My head shot up at that and my eyes grew wide. Danny stopped immediately, looking me in the eye as he quirked an eyebrow. “What?”

“You were…bullied?” I whispered, and Danny nodded softly.

“I was 16 and I wanted to be a musician. I was trying so hard but everyone kept saying shit to me…so I wrote Not Alone. It was my way of telling everyone that no matter what you’re going through, you aren’t alone. But I guess I wasn’t just telling everyone else, I was trying to tell myself too.” Danny whispered the last part and I just stared at him with my mouth wide open. He looked over and I watched him chuckle.

“How does it go?” I whispered, and Danny’s face became serious. He cleared his throat, and that’s when I realized that I have never heard him sing before. I’ve heard one or two of his songs before on the internet because I had looked them up after I met him, but none of them were this particularly one. I felt my breath catch in my throat as he began.

“Life is getting harder day by day, and I don’t know what to do, what to say. And my mind is growing weak, every step I take; it’s uncontrollable; they think I’m fake, yeah. ‘Cause I’m not alone, no, no, no. But I’m not alone, no, no, no. I’m not…alone.” His voice rang out around me and I felt my heart race. His voice was amazing. I felt a pull at my heart, too, considering I had been bullied too. He was right; he does know how it feels. Without even realizing what I was doing, I reached forward and pulled Danny into a tight hug. He paused for a second before he smiled softly, hugging me back just as tight.

“Thank you,” I whispered, burying my face into his chest. Danny stiffened, pulling back so he could look me in the eye. I felt a tear escape but I wiped it away quickly.

“For what?” he muttered, and I shrugged, running a hand through my messy hair.

“For not asking about earlier, for sharing that secret about yourself, and well, just for trying.” I whispered, and Danny raised an eyebrow. “No one has ever tried to get close to me before. They just find out that I have issues and they leave before I tell them what they are.” I muttered and Danny sighed, running a hand through his hair as he pulled me into a hug again. I sighed softly, resting my head on his chest as I closed my eyes softly.

“I'm here for you, Lindsey. Don't doubt that.”