Blue Eyes Don't Lie

Matt kept looking at me weirdly. I think it was the whole talk we had last night. I think he wanted me to talk to Josh about it all. I didn’t want to have to explain myself to him. I didn’t want to have to say about how freaked out I was over him freaking out. I wanted to go back to before I thought I was pregnant, and not have even thought about it at all. It was Max’s fault. Fucking Max. I loved him, as a friend, nothing more. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend on this tour. Hell, he was my best friend, as well as Matt. I had hardly spoken to anyone back home for weeks, including my parents.
We were in Toronto tonight, and I felt… weird. I don’t know how to explain it. I felt like something was going to change. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for more change in my life. I’d already changed so much, both as a person, and physically. I’d dyed my hair to a dark brown, which looked black in certain lights; I’d gotten more piercings, which Josh hated. But if I was happy, he was happy; and it worked the other way around as well. We both felt each others’ emotions. If I was upset, Josh would know instantly; which sometimes I was grateful for, other times it was a pain. I don’t think I could live without him now. He was the main constant in my life.
“Hey babe,” he whispered in my ear. “Wanna go somewhere?”
¬¬“Josh, not before a show. Later… maybe.”
He pouted, but dropped the subject.
“Hey! No pouting. I said last time not before a show.”
“Yea… you promise later though?” I nodded. “I gotta go… sound check. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” We kissed and he left to go do his thing.
I watched sound check today. I didn’t normally; I always wanted to wait till show time till I watched them.
Sound check… was a bit of a disaster. Josh was completely distracted throughout. He kept looking at me, and smiling; not really concentrating on the songs. I shook my head, and walked backstage. I hope he understood that I meant I wasn’t gonna watch, and not something else.
When he came backstage he looked… upset.
“How come you walked away?”
“You were distracted again.”
“Oh, it didn’t really matter for this one.”
“Josh, I’m distracting you. I can’t keep doing this. You need to concentrate on the music, no matter what it is.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Just… concentrate more. Yea?”
“Yea. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”

--

When show time came around. Josh had to prove to me I wasn’t a distraction. He put his heart and soul into that performance. I was so proud. Of them all. Not just Josh. I really loved all of them. They were pretty much my family right now.
When they came offstage, Josh engulfed me in a huge hug.
“How did we do?”
“That was… the best show you’ve played. I’m so proud of all of you. Now go change. You all stink.”
“Did I earn something?” Josh asked when they had all walked away.
“Maybe. You’ll have to find out later.”
“You are so mean sometimes.” I shrugged and told him to go get changed.
“Do I really smell that bad?”
“Nah, just all sweaty,” He laughed. “What’s so funny?”
“You and your aversion to sweat.”
“Sorry. It’s just gross.”
“Don’t be,” he chuckled. “I’ll be right back.”
He kissed the top of my head and got his clothes. I went and sat with Matt and Max.
“You guys were great tonight.”
“Really? I played a few bum notes.” Max seemed down heartened.
“Nah, I couldn’t tell. You guys were awesome.”
“Not that you’d be able to tell, of course.” Josh walked back in with a smirk on his face.
“Excuse me? I happen to play.”
“Yea? What?”
“Piano, ukulele, a tiny bit of guitar.”
“Really? There’s a piano right there. Play for me.”
“Fine. Gay.”
I walked over to the piano, and began to play Coldplay, and it was one of his favorites. All of them were quiet as I reached the chorus, and Josh began to sing.
When I finished, I walked away from the piano slamming the lid down over the keys. I sat back down next to Josh and put my head on my knees.
“Hey,” Josh rubbed my back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled through my knees. “I haven’t played for about 2 years. Last time I did, it was for my family.”
They all fell silent. They knew how badly I got on with my family, and how I never spoke to them anymore. I don’t think they knew I was in America.
“It’ll get better,” Josh promised me. “I swear.”
“What if when I go home, they don’t want me there? Where will I go?”
“We’ll figure something out. Get you a flat or something.”
I sat up. “Really?”
“Yea, I feel bad about you not having a place to stay while I’m away. Otherwise you’ll have to come with us again.”
“Josh…” I warned.
“I was joking. I know you have to go home.”
He kissed my head, and we walked back to the bus hand in hand.
In the bus, things got messy. Again.
We decided that it would be a good idea to have pre-drinks, before they all went out, I don’t even think that Josh and Max made it out.

--

I woke up, on the floor of the bus, again. Dan was half in – half out of his bunk, Matt was in the bathroom throwing up, and Chris’s feet were sticking out of the bunk. Josh was behind me, fast asleep, and Max was asleep on the table.
I went and knocked on the bathroom door to check Matt was okay.
“Hey… Matt. You doing okay in there?”
“Not really,” he managed to reply.
“Let me in,” I told him. “Come on.”
He unlocked the door, and he was knelt on the floor with his head in the toilet. I rubbed his back, and smoothed his hair. I sat there with him until he finished, I helped him sit up, and brushed his teeth.
“How you feeling?” I asked.
“Pretty shit really. You?”
“Same,” I laughed. “You’re not gonna puke again are you?”
“Don’t think so,” he laughed feebly. “Sit with me for a bit?”
“Sure. Just don’t vomit on me, please?”
“I’ll try not to,” he grabbed my hand and held it. “Sorry, I normally have someone do that when I’m ill.”
“It’s fine. Just sit, relax.”
We sat there like that for 20 minutes before I heard Josh get up.
“Liz?” He called.
“I’m in the bathroom with Matt.”
“What are you doing in there?”
“He’s ill; I told him I’d sit with him.”
He walked up to the door, which I’d left open. He looked at Matt’s face, which was green as hell, and walked away again.
“I’ll come back soon,” he promised. “I don’t wanna be here when he goes.”
“Okay,” which was good timing, because then Matt lurched forwards towards the toilet and threw up again. “Hey, it’s okay.”
I rubbed his back again until he was just retching.
“God, I’ve never felt worse in my life.”
“Are you sure you’re not ill?”
“I dunno; I hope I’m not.”
I brushed his teeth again, and sat him on the floor opposite the toilet.
“I’ll be right back,” I said. “I’m just gonna get you a drink.”
“Okay,” he replied pathetically. I kissed the top of his head quickly, and walked out.
I went and saw Josh first.
“Hi.” I said.
“Hey, you okay?”
“Better than him,” I gestured to the bathroom. “You?”
“I’m okay.”
“I don’t think it was the drinking. I think he’s ill.”
“Shit, we’ve got a show tonight. Will he be able to go on?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.”
“Okay, go look after him.” He kissed me.
“Okay, I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I went to the kitchen and got a couple of bottles of water, and some paracetamol. When I got back to the bathroom, he was slumped on the floor.
“Oi, get up.”
“I wanna sleep!” He whined.
“In a minute. Drink this, and take a couple of these.” I said handing him the water and the pills.
“Thanks,” he replied. “Most people wouldn’t do this.”
“I’m not most people. Besides, you’ve gotta be better to do the show tonight.”
“Yea, I guess.”
We sat there again, until we reached the venue. I helped him get changed; and tried not to get embarrassed. I then got someone stronger to carry him in. I was honestly worried about whether he was going to be able to do the show tonight without throwing up. We laid him on the sofa backstage and let him sleep, with a bucket by his side. I woke him up when it was sound check.
“How you feeling?”
“Lousy.”
“Well, you can go back to sleep till show time after this. Okay?”
He nodded then went to go do his job. I caught Josh before he went onstage.
“Look after him. I love you.”
“I will. I love you, too.” I kissed him before he ran on.
It went okay today. Matt seemed a bit out of it, but that was to be expected. Josh was great, and so was everyone else.
When they came off, Matt went straight to the bathroom. I looked at Josh, and he nodded, so I ran after him. I found him crouched over the toilet, retching.
“Hey,” I murmured to him, rubbing his back. “Come on.”
Eventually he stopped retching, and he slumped against the wall.
“I’m sorry,” he looked pathetic. “I feel so shitty.”
“Don’t apologize, you can’t help it. Do you think you can do tonight?”
“Yeah, do you remember when I taught you bass?”
“Yea…?” I asked curious.
“Do you remember everything I taught you?”
“Yea, what is it?”
“If I have to come off tonight, you have to go on for me.”
“Matt… I don’t know.”
“You have to. None of the others can. It’ll be for about 10 minutes, one or two songs. Get Josh to help, and Max. I’ll help when I can.”
“Fine. Only cause you’re ill.”
We walked back to the sofa, where Matt collapsed and was out like a light.
“He wants to do it tonight. But he said if he comes off, I have to go on.”
“Didn’t he teach you ages ago?” Josh asked.
“Yea, but you’ll have to help, seeing as he isn’t gonna be any.”
I rehearsed until my fingers were red and blistered.