Blue Eyes Don't Lie

She found me crouched over the toilet. Again. For what must have been the 12th time that day. I don’t get why she came to help, every single time. She rubbed my back and stroked my hair. It felt so good. I gotta stop thinking about her like that.
“Hey,” she whispered to me. “Come on, you gotta be better.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” she looked at me with her amazing eyes. They changed color so often it amazed me. “You just gotta feel better soon.”
I nodded and fell back against the wall. She helped me brush my teeth, and then helped me back to my bed.

--

I woke up, and she was looking out of Josh’s bunk at me.
“How you feeling?” She murmured.
“Better. What time is it?”
“About… 4 in the morning? Maybe 5?”
“Have you slept yet?” She shook her head. “You are mental.”
“I know. I just can’t seem to shut my brain off.”
“You have trouble often?” She nodded. “How can you survive without sleep?”
“I don’t… I’ve been like this for almost 3 years now. I just… can’t seem to sleep. No matter what I do. You wanna get something to eat?”
“Sure, what are we eating?”
“Toast. Best thing for you right now.”
“Toast? But that’s so boring!”
“Shh!” She hushed me. “And yes. Toast.”
She got out of the bunk and I followed her into the pathetic excuse for a kitchen. She put some bread in the toaster, and sat across the sofa from me.
“What’s got you all fired up?” I asked her.
“Just thinking about shit really. I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.”
“Do you wanna tell me?”
“I’m mainly thinking about home. When I go home, I’m gonna have to face Sam. And I don’t wanna do that.”
“Why can’t you avoid him?”
“Cause I have to eventually face my past. Rather get it out of the way now, while I’m young than carry a grudge till I’m older and then can’t learn from my mistakes.”
“You’re so weird.”
“No! You don’t say!” She said, sarcasm coating every single syllable.
“Shut up,” I said jokingly. “You are mental though, you have to admit.”
“I do. I already know I’m weird, if I was normal I wouldn’t have come to America with you guys, I’d probably be sat at home, on my sofa, eating ice cream, still depressed cause of Sam.”
“I’m glad you’re a weird one then.” I said with a wink.
The toast came out, and she buttered it for me. She was amazing.
“Cheers,” I said and took a bite.
We sat there for a good 10 minutes, when she scooted closer to me on the sofa and put her head on my shoulder. She sighed loudly.
“What’s up?”
“Thinking.”
“Sleep then.”
“Okay,” she leaned closer to me. “Is this okay?”
“Yeah… wait a minute,” I lifted my arm up and wrapped it around her. “Better?” I asked as she pushed herself closer to me.
She nodded, and sighed. I felt her relax more and soon she was out. I leaned back against the wall and soon I was asleep as well.

--

When I woke up again, Liz was at the other end of the sofa curled up in a ball. She looked cold, so I found a blanket and put it over her, and I tried to go back to sleep, but couldn’t. I decided to Skype Holly, my girlfriend. My girlfriend. I couldn’t feel this way about Liz and have a girlfriend, it was unfair to Holly.
“Hi,” she said when she answered. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good. You?”
“Better now.” She smiled.
“Holly… we need to talk.”
“Don’t tell me you’re breaking up with me over Skype,” I didn’t answer. “Oh my God. You are.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s someone else isn’t there? Who is she?”
“Holly. There is no-one else. The only girl on the tour here on the bus, is Liz. Who is Josh’s girlfriend.”
“Whatever. Bye Matt.”
She disconnected and I was left there sat facing a blank screen.

What the fuck had I just done?