Blue Eyes Don't Lie

I didn’t know what to do. I honestly didn’t. I’d never felt so… lost. So hopeless. I just wanted someone to pretend that everything was okay. I had Josh, and at that moment, he was all I had to hold on to. He was there for me like I was there for him. He meant everything to me right now. I knew that I should have been there for my family, but I couldn’t deal with seeing them right now. I couldn’t deal with seeing my sister’s faces. My parents. My grandparents. I loved them, I really did, but I knew that seeing them would do more hurt than good. It was my uncle that got me into the whole photography business, he loved it, and that was something that we shared. I’d miss him with all my heart. I knew that I’d never be the same. We never were after someone died, but after a few days we all sucked it up and moved on. It’s all you can do. It’s a natural process of life. I knew that Chris and Dan had lost their fathers, and I didn’t know how they’d managed to get through it. I knew that if it was me, I’d be a mess; even though my dad and I didn’t get on. We despised each other at times. There were times when I was 16; I couldn’t even bear to be in the same room as him. Sam was there for me through all that. That was one of the many reasons why I loved him. I knew that Josh was going to be there for me through all this now. I knew that I loved him more than I’d ever loved anybody before.
Josh and I were sat on the couch in the venue, I was leaning against his body with my head resting on his shoulder, with his head on top of mine, and our hands entwined. I didn’t want to smile, but with him; I just couldn’t help myself. He knew how to make me smile in my worst moments.
“I love you,” I murmured.
“I love you, too.” He kissed the top of my head and we went back to playing with each other’s fingers.
“Liz?” Matt had come into the room, looking sheepish.
“Mmm?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For?”
“Your uncle.”
“Thanks Matt,” I said with a small smile. He leaned forward and kissed my cheeks, then walked away. “I’ll be right back.” I told Josh.
“Okay, love.”
I got up from the couch, and ran round the venue looking for Chris. I don’t know why I thought Chris would be a good person to see, I just felt like it had to be him. I found him playing his guitar, side stage.
“Chris?”
“Oh, hi Liz, what’s up?”
“I just… I wanted to know how you dealt with… everything.”
“I don’t know really. I had some great friends, band mates. I just felt like… everything still could be okay, even though he was gone.”
“I was hoping for some killer advice, but that works too.” I tried to smile at him, only to burst into tears.
“Hey, there’s no need for tears,” he whispered to me. “You know that he’s out of pain now.”
He got me in a killer bear hug, which made me want to cry even more.
“Yeah, I guess,” I smiled pathetically. “I’m gonna miss him loads.”
“You will at first. Everything gets better. I promise.”
“He was the one who first got me into photography, you know? I wanna… I dunno, be able to do something with that.”
“Take photos of our gigs?”
“Yea, I wanna make him proud.”
“You will. Don’t worry about it, just you know, do something you wanna do.”
“Thanks Chris,” I smiled at him.
“Anytime,” he smiled back, and went back to playing.
I walked off to go back to Josh, and found him waiting down the corridor leading up to the stage, watching me.
“Everything okay?” He asked.
“Yea, just had to talk to Chris. It’s all good.”
“Good,” he kissed the top of my head. “I overheard part of that conversation with him… the whole photography thing. I think you should do it. Starting tonight.”
“I’ll try.” I smiled. I brought his mouth to mine.
“I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Josh. You mean everything to me right now.”

--

During the show that night, it was the first one I’d be photographing. I’d missed the feel of my camera. I’d missed actually taking photographs. I’d basically missed everything about it. I was excited, to be doing something on this tour, rather than being ‘the girlfriend on tour’. I’d gotten some great shot’s of the boys so far, particularly of Josh. He was so unbelievably photogenic. I could see his eyes flickering to me every now and then, I’d catch his eye, and he’d smile. The crowds and the fans loved him. I was a bit weirded out at the fans sometimes, particularly when they declared their undying love for him. I didn’t get how people could say they loved him when they didn’t really know him? I mean, how could you say something that you don’t mean? They don’t know him; they know parts of his life, and what he brings to everything. They know nothing about him; other than the fact he is a singer and what he tells people about his life. They don’t know what he’s really like.
Back at the show, being the photographer was sometimes hard. Although I’d managed to get some great shots, they didn’t stop moving! It was kind of annoying sometimes. I was still having fun there. I didn’t want this to end. I hoped it didn’t. I wanted to feel as good as this forever. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to see my family. I wanted to forget everything that was happening back home, and live like this.
“SING IT WITH ME NOW! 1, 2!” Josh yelled above the noise.
“UNDERDOG!” Blasted in my ears from the crowd.
“Thank you New York, you’ve been a blast! We are You Me At Six, goodnight!”
Josh winked at me before the lights went down, and I turned around and snapped a few photo’s of the leaving crowd, and then went backstage.
“Hey beautiful,” Josh said as soon as he saw me. “Enjoy yourself?”
“I did, thank you,” I smiled. “You kept moving a lot, made it hard sometimes.”
“I’m sorry,” he said with a cheeky grin. “You looked like you were having fun.”
“I was,” I stood on my toes and kissed him. “Now. Go change. You’re all sweaty again.”
“You’re so strange.”
He kissed me and went to change. I sat on the couch, and waited for him to return, when Matt came and sat next to me.
“You okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, I guess? Good show tonight.”
“Thanks. Seriously though, are you okay?”
“I’m coping. This whole gig thing is helping. I wanted to do something to make him proud, and I guess by doing something we both love, I’m gonna be able to do that.”
“I’m sure you’ll make him proud no matter what you do.”
“God Matt! Cheese much! I hate it when people are cheesy like that.”
“You don’t mind when I’m cheesy though…” Josh had snuck up behind me and murmured in my ear.
“Fuck! Josh, really?” He started laughing. “Stop it!” I hit his arm playfully. “Eurgh. You are not even funny!”
“I disagree. I think he’s fucking hilarious,” Max said as he came into the room. “Aren’t you!”
“Yea! I don’t know how you don’t think I’m funny…” Josh told me as he came and pulled me onto his lap.
“I think you’re hilarious…” I mumbled against his mouth.
“Oh really?” He replied against my lips, eyes burning.
“Mhmm,” I gave in and kissed him. I wanted more. Again. “Let’s go.”
“Already?”
“Yeah,” I bit my lip as we started walking toward the bus.
“Liz…?”
“Yeaaaaaaah…?”
“What are you doing?”
“Walking to the bus with you.”
“Seriously…”
“I’m so fucking turned on.”
“Well… walk faster then.”
We half ran the rest of the way to the bus, and as soon as we got on the bus, we locked the door and our mouths were on each others. I pulled off his shirt and trousers in a heartbeat, and he did the same. I pushed him towards the couch where I forced him to sit down, and I straddled him and placed him inside me. I didn’t like being on top, so I turned us both around by lying down. He moved in and out, and it felt amazing, I loved him so much. I could feel his skin all over me; I could hear his heavy breathing. I ran my fingers down his back, scratching lightly at the skin. He gasped and moved faster. His eyes were open wide, and were staring at me. Looking into my eyes. All I could see was him; all I could smell was him. I didn’t want anything else at that point. I could feel him pushing in and out; and I didn’t want it to stop. I was close.
“J-Josh…” I whimpered breathlessly.
“I-I know.” He replied.
We came, and lay on the couch for a while until we heard voices coming toward the bus.
“Liz…” he looked at me with wide eyes, alerting me to the full extent. I half ran towards our bunk, Josh close behind with our clothes. “I’ve unlocked the door, but we need to get dressed… like now.”
“I know,” I rolled my eyes. “Do we have to? We could lay here for a bit?”
“The guys wanna go out… but I guess we could stay here?”
“Nah, if you wanna go out go… I’ll be fine by myself.” I smiled.
“You sure?”
“Absolutely. I could use some time alone, I gotta sort some things out back home anyway.”
“Okay, I’ll see you soon then.” He smiled and kissed me deeply before leaving the bus.
I thought for some alone time, I’d dance around the bus naked. I hadn’t done this since I was with Sam, and I hadn’t done it with Josh yet… I didn’t know if we did that kind of thing. I started singing along to the track, and when I turned around Matt was there.
Staring.
What was going on?!