Status: Posted originally on my tumblr...
Blue Eyes Don't Lie
Chapter 9;
All through their set, all I could think about was him. I couldn’t concentrate on the music, and it was obvious he was struggling too. He looked distracted all the way through. I made a mental note to not have sex with him before a show.
The set ended and he came off-stage and kissed me hard.
“I could not stop thinking about earlier,” he whispered into my ear.
“I know, and neither could I,” I replied.
“How could you tell?”
“You looked completely distracted, and I thought I came on the condition that I wasn’t gonna distract you.”
“Yea, but I can’t help it! I’m a bloke!”
“Other than that the set wasn’t bad. The boys played well, and your singing was good, just looked distracted is all. Don’t worry.” I kissed him.
We hadn’t fought once yet, and I was worried. I knew that when we did have a fight it was going to be bad.
“Good. Drinks?”
“Yes,” we started walking back to the tour bus. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” We kissed and got back to the bus.
Once we got inside, things got pretty mental. It was purely shots for about an hour, and then after that… it just got messy.
--
When I woke up, I wasn’t sure where I was. I knew I was in the bus, and Josh’s arms were around my waist, but I didn’t know where we’d gone to sleep. We weren’t in the bunk. I sat up fast, and instantly regretted it. I honestly had the worst hangover ever. When I decided it was okay to open my eyes again, I saw that we’d passed out on the floor. I began to laugh but instantly felt nauseous. I ran to the pathetic excuse we had for a bathroom and threw up noisily.
“Hey,” Josh came in and held my hair back and rubbed my back. “Come on.”
Once I’d finished, he sat me on the toilet and helped me brush my teeth.
“Are you okay?” He asked me seriously.
“Yeah, I think I overdid it last night though. Wanna get me something?”
He helped me to the bunk and went off to find something and a bottle of water.
“Thanks,” I smiled. “I am not drinking for at least a week. Eurgh.”
“Looks like someone can’t handle their drink!” Max practically shouted in my face.
“God! Max, fuck off!” I replied. “Got a shitting hangover, and I don’t need you to fucking shout in my fucking ear!”
“Feeling a little pre-menstrual, are we?” He joked.
All of a sudden it wasn’t that funny. I’d never thrown up from drinking before. I couldn’t remember when my last period was.
“Fuck.” Was all I said.
“What? What is it?” Josh asked, all concerned.
“I don’t know when my last period was.” I looked at him. We’d never used condoms. For all I knew, I was carrying his baby. This was gonna fuck up so many things.
Josh sat down on the bunk with a terrified look on his face. He wasn’t ready to be a father, and I sure as hell wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was 18 for God’s sake.
“You think… you think you’re… pregnant?” Max whispered.
I nodded, un-able to speak. I felt sick again. I ran to the bathroom, and threw up again. This time it was Max that came to help me.
“Why isn’t Josh here?”
“He’s still sat on the bed with that terrified look.”
“I don’t wanna be pregnant Max. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have his kids, I just know, that it’ll fuck up so many things. It’ll fuck up his career; I mean who wants to be a father at 22? He’s not ready and neither am I.” I explained once I was done.
“I know. I saw you last night. You guys are still pretty young, so I think you should go get some tests, see what they say. You never know. It could be an after effect of that surgery. I mean; that was only a month or two ago? And you’ve just come off of those pills.”
“I suppose. Where are we tonight?”
“Day off today, and Toronto tomorrow.”
“Come with me to get them? I don’t know if Josh’ll be up for it.”
“I’ll come.” Josh had appeared in the doorway. He still looked pretty messed up. I suppose we all were.
--
Josh and I had just come back from getting the tests. He was as nervous as I was. I didn’t want to fuck everything up by getting pregnant. I wanted everything to stay as it was. We had hardly spoken at all today since I told him I could be. Matt, Dan and Chris knew nothing, but they knew something was wrong with Josh and me. We didn’t sit with each other like normal. We hardly touched each other at all. I mean; how could we? We couldn’t, not with this hanging over us. Eventually, I summed up the courage to actually go and take one, I left Josh sat with Dan, and Max waited outside, and then once I was done, came inside and timed it.
The set ended and he came off-stage and kissed me hard.
“I could not stop thinking about earlier,” he whispered into my ear.
“I know, and neither could I,” I replied.
“How could you tell?”
“You looked completely distracted, and I thought I came on the condition that I wasn’t gonna distract you.”
“Yea, but I can’t help it! I’m a bloke!”
“Other than that the set wasn’t bad. The boys played well, and your singing was good, just looked distracted is all. Don’t worry.” I kissed him.
We hadn’t fought once yet, and I was worried. I knew that when we did have a fight it was going to be bad.
“Good. Drinks?”
“Yes,” we started walking back to the tour bus. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” We kissed and got back to the bus.
Once we got inside, things got pretty mental. It was purely shots for about an hour, and then after that… it just got messy.
--
When I woke up, I wasn’t sure where I was. I knew I was in the bus, and Josh’s arms were around my waist, but I didn’t know where we’d gone to sleep. We weren’t in the bunk. I sat up fast, and instantly regretted it. I honestly had the worst hangover ever. When I decided it was okay to open my eyes again, I saw that we’d passed out on the floor. I began to laugh but instantly felt nauseous. I ran to the pathetic excuse we had for a bathroom and threw up noisily.
“Hey,” Josh came in and held my hair back and rubbed my back. “Come on.”
Once I’d finished, he sat me on the toilet and helped me brush my teeth.
“Are you okay?” He asked me seriously.
“Yeah, I think I overdid it last night though. Wanna get me something?”
He helped me to the bunk and went off to find something and a bottle of water.
“Thanks,” I smiled. “I am not drinking for at least a week. Eurgh.”
“Looks like someone can’t handle their drink!” Max practically shouted in my face.
“God! Max, fuck off!” I replied. “Got a shitting hangover, and I don’t need you to fucking shout in my fucking ear!”
“Feeling a little pre-menstrual, are we?” He joked.
All of a sudden it wasn’t that funny. I’d never thrown up from drinking before. I couldn’t remember when my last period was.
“Fuck.” Was all I said.
“What? What is it?” Josh asked, all concerned.
“I don’t know when my last period was.” I looked at him. We’d never used condoms. For all I knew, I was carrying his baby. This was gonna fuck up so many things.
Josh sat down on the bunk with a terrified look on his face. He wasn’t ready to be a father, and I sure as hell wasn’t ready to be a mother. I was 18 for God’s sake.
“You think… you think you’re… pregnant?” Max whispered.
I nodded, un-able to speak. I felt sick again. I ran to the bathroom, and threw up again. This time it was Max that came to help me.
“Why isn’t Josh here?”
“He’s still sat on the bed with that terrified look.”
“I don’t wanna be pregnant Max. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d love to have his kids, I just know, that it’ll fuck up so many things. It’ll fuck up his career; I mean who wants to be a father at 22? He’s not ready and neither am I.” I explained once I was done.
“I know. I saw you last night. You guys are still pretty young, so I think you should go get some tests, see what they say. You never know. It could be an after effect of that surgery. I mean; that was only a month or two ago? And you’ve just come off of those pills.”
“I suppose. Where are we tonight?”
“Day off today, and Toronto tomorrow.”
“Come with me to get them? I don’t know if Josh’ll be up for it.”
“I’ll come.” Josh had appeared in the doorway. He still looked pretty messed up. I suppose we all were.
--
Josh and I had just come back from getting the tests. He was as nervous as I was. I didn’t want to fuck everything up by getting pregnant. I wanted everything to stay as it was. We had hardly spoken at all today since I told him I could be. Matt, Dan and Chris knew nothing, but they knew something was wrong with Josh and me. We didn’t sit with each other like normal. We hardly touched each other at all. I mean; how could we? We couldn’t, not with this hanging over us. Eventually, I summed up the courage to actually go and take one, I left Josh sat with Dan, and Max waited outside, and then once I was done, came inside and timed it.