Daydream Away

[I wish you could see your face right now, cause you’re grinning like a fool. And we’re sitting on your kitchen floor on a Tuesday afternoon. Doesn’t matter when we get back to doing what we do, cause right now could last forever, just as long as I’m with you.]

Dan looked over at Josh. They were both sitting on the floor of Dan’s kitchen, leaning their back against cupboards. Josh’ head was flung back and he was smiling to himself. He had a glass in one hand which he kept swirling in circles, occasionally looking at it to make sure he wasn’t close to spilling any drink. It had been silent for a few minutes; the only sound Dan could hear was the ticking of his clock. It didn’t matter though. He was here with Josh. Just him and Josh, it was a rare thing recently, but so nice. Dan had missed moments like these.
“What date is it?” Josh finally broke the silence, lifting his head to look at Dan who shrugged his shoulders his response. Since the band had returned from America and Warped Tour, none of them had been able to keep track of the time. It had taken a few days to shake off the jet lag, and after that, since they had no shows to play, no places to be, and no time to keep, dates and times no longer felt important to them. “Oh, who cares.” Josh mumbled, laughing, showing his perfectly white teeth. “Doesn’t matter anyway.” He continued. He looked up at Dan, with a cheeky look in his eyes before putting his glass down and shuffling close to the other boy, so close that their thighs were touching. Dan’s breathe hitched in his throat.

“You alright, Dan?” He asked, patting the older boy’s thigh playfully. Dan glanced down to Josh’s hand quickly before looking back up at his face.

“I’m fine.” He said, simply. He’d always been a man of very few words.

“Sure? You’re pretty quiet.” Josh raised his eyebrows, “Even for you.”

“Just enjoying the peace…” Dan said, before nudging Josh slightly with his shoulder, “Until you bloody interrupted it.”

Josh nudged him back, “Oh well I’m sorry.” He sarcastically replied, “I’ll keep my mouth shut next time, shall I?”

“That’d be much appreciated!” Dan winked back at Josh, letting his head fall back until it touched the cupboard behind him. Truth was, Dan was enjoying the peace, but if it was broken by Josh talking then it didn’t really matter at all. After a few moments of silence, Josh broke it again.

“Oh, shit!” He rushed to his feet, patting down his jeans and rearranging his hair before shoving his beanie back on. “I didn’t realise that was the time!”

Dan, startled, looked up at the clock, and then back to Josh. “Why…er why is the time so important?” Dan shrugged his shoulders, slowly standing up, brushing any dust or dirt off the back of his jeans, trying to make the question sound unimportant.

“Abigail finishes work in, like, ten minutes. Gotta go and meet her.” Josh answered, with a smile on his face stretching from ear to ear.

“Oh right.” A tang of jealousy shot straight through Dan’s chest. “Got you clock-watching has she?” It came out harsher than he had meant, but Josh didn’t seem to notice.

“Oh, no, nothing like that.” He grabbed his phone and wallet from the kitchen surface, “Just thought I’d be at her place when she got home. You know, surprise her.” Josh’s smile never wiped from his face, and for just a moment Dan hated that.

“Great.” A fake smile planted itself on Dan’s face, but Josh was too busy to notice the sarcasm.

“Good to see you though, mate.” Josh leant over to Dan, taking him in a one-armed hug, patting his back. Dan inhaled Josh’s scent, glad that Josh couldn’t see that his eyes were closed. “Missed this, a bit of flintceschi time, eh?” Josh pulled back, his beard softly scratching Dan’s cheek, and he winked.

“Yeah…” Dan weakly laughed as Josh patted his back once more, and made his way out of Dan’s apartment, showing “see ya!” over his shoulder in a cheerful tone, making Dan suddenly feel very alone.

[You’re just a daydream away; I wouldn’t know what to say if I had you. And I’ll keep you a daydream away, just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose.]

Dan peeped out of his kitchen window, watching Josh walk down the street towards where Abigail lived. Dan tried to ignore it, but Josh almost had a skip in his step. It killed him to see Josh this happy with somebody else but there was nothing else he could do. He didn’t know what he would do even if the opportunity arose. He’d rather just keep himself to himself, that way everyone would be kept happy and his feelings – or whatever they were, did they really need a label? – would eventually fade away. And until then, Dan would just watch from a distance, and be there as a friend. And maybe, hopefully, be there to comfort Josh when it all went wrong.

[We would go out on the weekend, to escape our busy lives. And we’d laugh at all the douche-bag guys, chasing down their desperate wives.]

A couple of days later, Dan woke up late. He checked the clock by his bedside and it was nearing midday. He’d like to have blamed it on the jet lag, but that excuse was a few weeks delayed. The reason why he woke up at all was a mystery to him until he heard a loud knock on his front door, sounding impatient.

“Alright!” He shouted to Mr Nobody, ruffling his hair and stretching out his back. Swinging his legs out of bed he searched his floor for an old t-shirt. He thought it may be inappropriate to answer the door in just his boxers to someone who may be a stranger. Picking up a white one, he threw it on and exited his room, walking down the hallway to the sound of more knocks on the door. He reached the door handle and swung the door open to reveal Josh Franceschi on his door stop.

“Cute look, Dan.” Josh winked, scooting past Dan into his apartment. “Nice top.” Dan looked down and realised he’d picked up a ‘Down But Not Out’ top. He pulled it down as far as he could, feeling slightly exposed. He walked down the hall to find Josh tucking into his fridge.

“Make yourself at home…” Dan joked, walking in and grabbing himself a glass of milk.

“Always do.” Josh said, turning to wink at Dan, flashing that flawless smile of his. “Wanna do something today?” He shut the fridge & turned to Dan, eating a handful of grapes.

“Sure, not with Abigail today then?” In his head it sounded spiteful, but he forced a friendly tone. He hadn’t heard from Josh since that afternoon in his kitchen and he assumed he had spent those days with her.

“Nah. Sick of her. Missed you.” Josh winked, pulling at Dan’s heart strings.

He couldn’t think of anything to respond with. “Let me go shower. I’ll be five minutes.”

20 minutes later the boys left Dan’s apartment with no outlook on what they would do with their day, but that never really mattered when it came to these two.

“The others not free?” by “others” Dan meant Max, Chris and Matt and by asking the question, as much as he loved hanging out with the guys, he secretly hoped they were not free.

“Chris and Matt are busy with their ladies, but Max said he might come hang in a bit. Alright with you?”

Dan nodded, “Yeah sure...” At least he’d get some time with Josh.

They made their way to the park, grabbing a hot dog from a van on the way since grapes had not filled Josh up and Dan hadn’t eat at all. They took a seat at the far end of the park, out of the way of any creeping fans or any eyes at all. They sat behind a bush, scoffing their food without a word between them.

“Mmm..Yum.” Josh mumbled with his mouth still full. Dan nodded in agreement. “Oh, look…” Josh pointed through the bush at what looked like a young couple sitting in the bench. This was always Josh’s favourite game – people watching and making stories up about their lives. No wonder Josh’s lyrics were so loved; he had such an imagination as well as a way with words.

“Who are they then?” Dan asked, playing along with the game whilst wiping his hands with a napkin. Josh rolled onto his belly, facing the couple and Dan followed suit, their arms touching.

“Hmm.” He took a moment to think. “They’re splitting up.” He said, woefully.

“Blimey, bearer of good news you are, aren’t you?” Dan joked, before Josh nudged him with his shoulder.

“Hang on, let me finish! They’re breaking up after a four year, happy relationship.”

“If it was happy, why are they splitting up?”

“He’s…no, She is moving away. Got a better job offer, needs to pursue her dream, that sorta thing.”

“So she’s breaking up with him?”

Josh shook his head, “I don’t think so. I reckon he’s breaking up with her, or at least just doing it for her so she doesn’t get upset, because he wants her to take the job because having a lifetime of happiness in a career that she’s dreamt of since she was small, would make her a better person than being happy with him.”

Dan’s jaw dropped slightly at hearing Josh’s romantic, yet heart breaking false words about a couple neither of them knew. He closed it again when Josh turned to face him.

“Pretty good, eh?”

“You’re in the wrong business. Should have been an author.” Dan said, with truth slipping into his words. He knew that whatever Josh went into he would have been good at.

“Na, too lazy! At least with the band I don’t have to do all the work!” Josh laughed.

“Oh haha.” Dan pointed to another couple, sitting on a blanket. They were both lying on their stomachs, but quite a distance apart, sitting having a picnic together. “What about those two?”

“The ones on a blanket?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh those two are easy.” Josh cleared his voice. “They’re friends, right? Real close friends and have been for years, but suddenly she likes him.”

“Like, likes him?”

“Yeah. He has a girlfriend though.” Dan swallowed his thoughts as Josh spoke. “He’s happy with this girl, it’s early days but he’s happy. As much as he loves this girlfriend of his though, he still finds time to spend with his close friend. But everytime they meet she just wants to touch him, just lean out and touch him, you know?”

“Mmm.” Dan answered, knowing the feeling exactly as he felt the hairs on his arm prick up as his skin brushed against Josh’s.

“And every time they’re together she feels selfish because she doesn’t like his girlfriend, but sort of has to, for his sake.” Dan nodded along, hating the fact that Josh was describing Dan’s situation without realising it. Hell, Dan didn’t even realise the situation until Josh had put it into words like that, talking about another unknown couple and suddenly Dan hated himself for it. He went to stand up. His mind was racing, trying to pull out a good excuse to leave, trying to ignore Josh’s skin on his as he wriggled about trying to get comfortable, when Josh’s phone interrupted his plans.

“Hiya!” Josh answered it and Dan scowled at the thought that it was Abigail, before Josh corrected him by mouthing ‘It’s Max!’ Dan just nodded. After a few “yeps” and “okays” Josh hung up.

“Max is on his way, be here in like ten.” Josh smiled, before shoving his phone back in his pocket and going back to people watching.

“Cool.”

[I would drink a little too much; you’d offer me a ride. And I would offer you a t-shirt and you would stay another night.]

Hours later and the three boys were down the local, on their fourth or fifth pint, after several rounds of shots. Nobody was counting. Josh had just finished telling a joke – something to do with a bar, a blonde and an Irishman. He was the only one laughing, with his hand slapping Dan’s thigh and head rested on his shoulder. Dan rested his head on Josh’s and put a hand over his.

“That was the shittest, Josh.” Max accused, chugging the last few drops of his drink before standing up. He pushed his chair backwards and tripped side wards slightly whilst trying to dig his wallet out of his back pocket. “Another round?”

“Yes mate!” Josh grabbed onto Dan’s hand and lifted it into the air. “Aw, this is nice isn’t it Danny boy?”

“Sure is!” Dan was the most sober out of all of them – or just not a complete lightweight. He was sober enough to realise that his hand was still in Josh’s and they were resting on his own thigh. He took the opportunity to be brave and place his head on Josh’s shoulder – oh, not that sober then. He instantly knew he’d made a mistake when he felt Josh’s hand leave his, but relaxed again when Josh only freed his hand so he could place his arm around Dan, pulling him closer.

“You’re my favourite.” Josh whispered in Dan’s ear, so quietly that Dan had to strain to hear it. “Out of everyone.” He confessed. Dan just kept silent, just kept listening. “Chew, Matt, Max, El, Abi. You. You’re my favourite.” Dan couldn’t control his smile. His head was spinning, from the alcohol or Josh’s words he was not sure, but he was sure of the tangled feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t help but snuggle into Josh’s neck slightly more and felt elated when he felt Josh’s lips touch the top of his head. He had almost forgotten Max was there at all.

“Guy guys guys.” Max slurred, coming back over to the table, “We fucking missed last orders didn’t we!” He held onto the table for support as he grabbed his jacket, “bunch of wankers.” Dan and Josh weren’t sure who he was calling wankers but they knew better than to argue with Max when he was being denied alcohol. Once outside the pub the fresh air hit them all, making them stagger along the street, arms round each other’s shoulder, cheering and chanting random songs, before they realised they had got into the beginning line of “Loverboy.” The boys laughed, leaning up against a building. With Max in the middle, Dan felt so far from Josh, but with both their arms round Max’s waist, they still had some sort of contact.

They came to Max’s house first, enveloped in a group hug, with pats so hard on each other’s backs they were likely to bruise. By the time they reached Josh’s parents house, Josh had realised he had no house key.

“Aw, fucking hell. I feel like a fucking teenager again.” He protested, taking a seat on the front step of his house.

“Oh, quit moaning. Stay at mine.” Dan retorted, grabbing Josh’s arm and pulling him up. He threw one arm over Josh’s shoulder and turning him to walk down the front yard of his garden and back out onto the street.

“I have nothing to wear…” Josh slurred.

“You can borrow my down but not out top.” Dan joked, nudging Josh slightly and receiving a smile in return.

They stumbled through Dan’s front door, Dan shutting the latch behind him. Josh let himself into the kitchen, as usual, and got both he and Dan a glass of water. He passed the glass to Dan with a cheeky glint in his eye.

“What?” Dan asked, taking the glass wearily.

“Race you to the bedroom!” Josh ran from Dan, water splashing everywhere from his glass. Without a hint of hesitation Dan ran after him, all down the hallway until he reached his room. He swung open the door to find Josh tucked up in his double bed. He placed his glass on the side and shut his door behind him.

“Oi, Franceschi, you better not have your bloody shoes on in my bed!” He received no reply, but a shuffle under the covers and two loud bangs told him he had just taken them off and chucked them out the bed. “Oi.” Dan repeated. “Get up.”

“Ooookay!” Josh chuckled. He pushed the covers off him, sat up quickly and threw the glass of water in Dan’s face before collapsing back in a ball of laughter. Dan fell backwards when the cold hit his face, before spotting a giggling Josh rolling around in his bed and jumped onto him. In amongst a tangle of legs and covers Dan wrestled Josh, tickling him and grabbing his arms when he can. Minutes later, Dan was mounted on top of Josh, with the covers thrown on the floor. Heavy breathing replaced laughter, and Dan for once couldn’t read Josh’s face. Before he knew it, Josh had flipped Dan onto his back and Josh placed himself in between Dan’s legs and looked down at the old man. Dan’s heart stopped for a moment. He wasn’t quite sure where he was, or what was happening around him. All he knew was that he had Josh Franceschi in between his legs, and he had just pulled him closer slightly by locking his ankles together. He could feel Josh’s breath on his face.

“Dan…”

“Yeah?” Dan didn’t receive a reply, instead he just felt soft lips against his own and before he had a chance to enjoy it, it was over. Josh pulled away, a smile on his face before releasing himself from Dan’s legs and standing up out of the bed. He pulled his top and jeans off until he was left in boxers, and got back into bed with Dan. He lay flat on his back, looking as shy as the first time Dan met him. Dan smiled at him, before stripping down to his boxers too. He pulled the covers back onto the bed, tucking them around Josh, before lying on his back next to the boy. Josh cuddled up next to Dan hesitantly, wrapping one arm round Dan, and tucking his head under his chin. Dan fell asleep almost instantly, but not before hearing Josh whisper; “You’re my favourite.”

[We never stood a chance out there, shooting love in real-time.]

Dan woke the next morning, his headache interrupting a deep sleep. His stomach turned as he stood up and he threw off his bed covers to race to the en-suite, before hurling his guts into the toilet.

“Fuck…” He murmured, wiping his mouth before splashing his face with cold water to wake him up. He stumbled back into his bedroom, the sun shining through his window piercing his eyes painfully. He got back into bed, pulling the covers over his lap to reveal a piece of paper on his bed.

"Sorry I left early, forgot I had a meeting with Dad today! See you soon buddy, J x"

Dan rushed out of his bed, and ran to the bedroom window. He noticed Josh walking away from his apartment and then remembered the events of the night before.

“Shit…” He murmured under his breath. He ran round his bed, found a pair of shorts and a top and threw them on, before running down the hallway and out the door after Josh, with no thought of what to say to him. “Josh!”

Josh turned to face him with a beaming smile on his face. “Left you in bed for a reason mate! You needed the sleep!”

“Look, about last night, I..”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me stay!” Josh replied, “Although no thanks for letting me drink that much! Look and feel like death, banging headache, and all I can remember is me having a strop cause I didn’t have a house key!” Josh laughed. Dan’s heart dropped – and there he was thinking Josh was in a good mood with him because he was glad about what happened last night. Truth was, he couldn’t remember.

“Yeah, can’t remember much either!” He laughed nervously, looking nowhere but the pavement.

“Sign of a good night, eh?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Look, mate. I gotta go, gotta meet up with Dad to talk about new band merch and shit, see you soon?”

Dan nodded, “alright.”

Josh enveloped Dan in a hug, patting him on the back, but holding him close for a few seconds longer than Dan expected, before he moved his lips to his ear and whispering. “Dunno if you heard what I said last night, but, you’re my favourite. But we have to keep that our little secret” He gave one more sad squeeze before turning away and walking towards his house without looking back at Dan.

Dan understood though. Dan knew what Josh meant. He could remember, he definitely remembered. It’s not that he regretted it, but it’s just they could do nothing about it but daydream about what could happen if things were different, if things were better.