Never According to the Plan

“Oh my God.” Hermione whispered.

Draco looked disgusted with himself. “Fucking hell, Granger” he shot at her.

“Oh that’s right, just blame this on me!” Hermione’s voice was un-characteristically hysterical.

Draco rubbed his face with his hands. “Why?” he was muttering under his breath. “Out of everyone here, why you?”

“I’m sorry Draco” sighed Hermione.

He looked up, shocked that she was apologising for this.

“I’m sorry” she said again, this time in a more bitter tone. “I know this must be horrendous for you.” She stepped closer to him and hissed: “How does it feel? To know your lips have kissed these mudblood lips? Dirty? Contaminated?”

Draco’s eyes widened to hear her call herself a mudblood.

“I’m not embarrassed to be muggle-born you know” She smiled sadly, knowing what he was thinking. “But I am embarrassed to have kissed you. So don’t worry, your little Dark Lord worshipping friends won’t find out about this. I won’t be telling anybody, you can be sure of that.” She moved away from him and headed towards the door.

She stopped just before reaching it, then turned and watched him still with his head in his hands. Her eyes once more filled with tears at the thought of what Harry and Ron would say if they knew what she had just done.

“Draco?” she said quietly.

He turned to look at her.

“No one else will know this ever happened. I won’t tell anyone. You won’t either?” she said the words carefully, trying to get all emotion out of her voice.

Hermione saw the look in his eyes soften for a moment. But a second later he was looking at her disgustedly.

“Why would I tell anyone about this, you filthy mudblood.” His voice was filled with hate, but it seemed false. Hermione could tell he wasn’t as angry as he was making out. Confused, yes, but not angry.

“You don’t mean that.” she said quietly, as she exited the room and closed the door behind her.

Hermione was met immediately with cheers, and shouts of: “Well? Who was in there?” She forced a smile on her face.

“I’m not one to kiss and tell, you know! Right, who’s next?”

The bottle was spun once more and Mandy Brocklehurst went into the broom cupboard. For the next few minutes, people continued to pester Hermione to tell her who was in there, but eventually left her alone once they realised she wasn’t going to tell them.

Hermione eventually shook off the last few people, and looked around her. She spotted Ginny in the corner, talking to a few of her fellow fourth-years.

“Ginny” shouted Hermione, running over to her.

“Oh hey Hermione!” smiled Ginny, “how are you?”

“Good thanks” Hermione dismissed the question. “Um, I think I’m going to head off. Tell Ron and Harry thanks for everything, and I’ll see them tomorrow?”

“Yeah, sure!” Ginny lowered her voice. “Hey Hermione, is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah” Hermione plastered a smile on her face. “Yeah, I’ve just got a headache.”

Ginny smiled sympathetically, “I’m not surprised, how much you’ve drank!”

Hermione forced herself to laugh, then said goodbye and slipped out of the door. It must have been at least 2 am now, and Filch and Mrs Norris would be wandering the corridors somewhere. She began to walk as quietly as she could back to Gryffindor tower, but had only moved two steps when she heard a door open and shut behind her.

She slipped round the corner to hide, but not before glancing over her shoulder.

She wished she hadn’t. If it had been Filch waiting to put her in detention for being out of bed, that might have been better than what actually happened next.

Draco had also been leaving the party, and he had seen her look at him as she slipped round the corner. He stopped, momentarily, clearly unsure what to do next. But he had to come past her to get to the staircase to take him down to the dungeons where the Slytherin common room is, and so he carried on walking, slower now.

She could hear his footsteps getting closer to where she was standing. She slipped her right shoe off and pretended to rub the back of her heel, giving her an excuse to have had stopped.

“Chill out Granger, it’s just me.” muttered Draco as he walked past her.

“Draco.” His name had slipped out her mouth before she even knew why.

He stopped walking and spun around, perhaps a little too eagerly. “What?”

“I um –” Hermione stuttered. “It doesn’t matter.”

Malfoy looked down and frowned at the floor. “This doesn’t change anything you know?”

“What?”

“This. Me... And you. What just happened... Nothing is going to change. Potter and the Weasel won’t –”

Hermione interrupted him, saying “Don’t call him tha-” but Draco cut across her again.

“Shut up and listen to me Granger.” He had taken a step closer to her, and was looking down on her threateningly. “Potter and...” he hesitated, “Weasley, they won’t find out about this. No one will. Not Crabbe, not Goyle, not Pansy. And not any of the stupid little girls in your dormitory. You know they’ll want to know. But you won’t tell them. No one will know. If you have to tell them something, say it was some sixth year you didn’t know. Tell them anything, lie to them, it’s not hard.” He paused for breath, aware that he had been speaking for an unnecessarily long time.

Hermione looked into his eyes with the coldest look she could muster. “I don’t need you to tell me what to do, Draco. You think I want to shout about what just happened? Merlin, I knew you were arrogant, but I never realised you were this bad. I will take this secret with me to the grave, and you will have to deal with the fact, that there is at least one girl at this school who doesn’t want to brag about having kissed you. There is at least one girl at this school, who has kissed you, and my God, who wishes she hadn’t.” She paused, and saw the anger in his eyes falter for a moment, where he simply looked in shock.

She continued, “You strut around here like you’re God’s gift or something, thinking every girl wants you, and every guy wants to be you, but it’s just not true. You’re cocky, you’re conceited, and above all, you’re a bully.”

Malfoy blinked, clearly shocked at hearing this. Hermione doubted anyone had ever said anything like this to him before. However he quickly regained his usual confidence and retorted angrily.

“Perhaps, Granger. Perhaps you don’t like me. But do you really think I care? No, maybe the Hufflepuffs, and the Ravenclaws don’t like me either, but I really don’t give a shit. So what if that makes me conceited? Maybe every girl doesn’t want me, but plenty of Slytherin girls do, and they’re the ones I want. Why would I want some Gryffindor mudblood like you? Don’t fucking flatter yourself. And at least I’m happy being where, and who I am. You live for other people’s approval. Like tonight, that’s not who you are! You’re not the kind of girl to get drunk and make out with a randomer just because it’s your fucking birthday! But you did. You did because you’re so desperate for people to like you! For Potter, Weasel and all of the others to think your cool. Everyone thinks you don’t care what people think about you, but you do, don’t you? You really do, I can tell. You want nothing more right now to go to your cosy common room, sit by the fire and read a book. I bet if you were really honest with yourself, you would rather have done that than come here tonight. And you want to know the worst thing? There’s nothing wrong with that! If that’s what you want to do on a Saturday night then fine! Yeah, it’s a bit lame, but who gives one? But that’s not enough for you. Doing what you want to do, isn’t enough. And it’s pathetic.”

The silence was ringing in Hermione’s ears after this little speech. Then she did something that she had only ever done once before. She reached up and punched him in the face.

“Don’t you dare.” she snarled, “don’t you dare pretend that you know me.”

She ducked around him and stomped off. When she had got to the end of the corridor, she allowed herself to glance behind her, expecting to see an empty hall. But she didn’t. Draco was still there, standing still, and rubbing his jaw where she had hit him.

The anger she had been filled with weakened slightly. He looked so alone. She had never seen him like that before. Obviously, she’d seen him alone before, but normally he strode around the castle like he owned the place whether he was on his own or not. But here, now, he just looked weak. He looked fragile and lost, like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

No sooner had she thought this, did Draco turn on the spot and hurry down the Grand Staircase, glancing around him as he went. If he had seen her watching him, he did not react.

A resounding bang of a nearby door brought Hermione back to her senses. Although it was probably nothing, she thought she better get going, just in case Filch came round the corner in a minute, and she hurried off in the direction of the Gryffindor tower.

****

As soon as she climbed through the portrait hole, she was met with a welcoming sight: an empty common room. She ran up to her dormitory to find it just the same. ‘Everyone must still be at the party.’ She smiled slightly at the thought. She really wasn’t in the mood to speak to anyone now.

She pulled on her pyjamas and climbed into bed. She kept the hangings around her four-poster open, allowing a stream of moonlight from the window to fall over the room, basking it in a cold, white glow.

She liked the room like this. It seems depressing, but sometimes Hermione felt that the coldness and the emptiness were comforting. It even smelt cold. You know that smell you get after a thunderstorm? It smelt like that.

The white-gray light that the room was under made the whole dormitory look eerily beautiful. Hermione was taking in every aspect of her surroundings, to put off the moment where she had to think about what had happened.

She pulled the duvet up under her chin, and allowed her mind to play flashbacks of the events of the night.

Hermione felt disgusted at herself. Her head was still spinning at the amount of alcohol she had consumed; her hair was still messed up where Draco had run his fingers through it and her heart was still pounding, for reasons she could not explain.

Harry and Ron would be furious if they found out what she had done. Tears started to stream down her face as she thought of their reactions.

‘No’, shook herself firmly ‘No, they won’t find out. They can’t find out’

Draco wouldn’t tell anybody. She knew he wouldn’t. And she wouldn’t tell anyone either and it would all be okay.

But that didn’t change the fact that it happened. She, Hermione Granger, had kissed Draco Malfoy, the only person in the whole school that Harry and Ron hated as much as Professor Umbridge.

But that wasn’t even the worst part. She had kissed Draco Malfoy, and she had enjoyed it, that was the worst part. She had liked the way his arms had felt around her. He had a lot to boast under those robes, which were all anyone ever saw him in. She had liked the way he was so forceful with her. The way he didn’t care who she was, or what was happening. His silent confidence and slight arrogance, in the way that he had just kissed her so passionately, so fervently... well, it was just completely new to her. And it excited her.

Hermione was playing those moments in the broom cupboard, again and again in her mind. She was almost feeling the way his hands felt on her skin, the way her heart was pounding with every kiss. She was reliving the elation that she had felt in those last few minutes before the door was flung open, changing everything.

Hermione sat bolt upright. She had to stop thinking like this. It was Draco Malfoy, the biggest prick in the school, why couldn’t she get him out of her mind?

She supposed it was just the element of surprise, the forbidden secret. Even now, it filled her with a strange sense of excitement.

What was wrong with her having a little secret? No one would know, no harm was done, so why should she have to be ashamed?

Hermione sighed. She could tell herself that over and over again, but she knew she should be ashamed. To get drunk and make out with a stranger was not who she was. Draco had been right, and she hated that.

His words echoed through her head: “Everyone thinks you don’t care what people think about you, but you do, don’t you? You really do. I can tell.”

He was right. He was right and she hated herself for it.

The tears where streaming thick and fast down her face now.

‘No’ she said out loud, wiping her face and trying to regain her composure. ‘I don’t have to be ashamed of anything if no one else knows. I won’t talk about it again. I will never speak to him again. It will be my-little-secret.” She whispered the last few words through gritted teeth.

Hermione was just about to clamber out of bed to freshen up her face when she heard voices laughing from outside the door. The girls were back. Hermione threw herself back into bed, but didn’t have time to draw the hangings closed. She squeezed her eyes shut as the door opened, hoping they’d assume she was asleep.

“Oh my God, what a night!” came the loud, high pitched shriek of Lavender.

“Shhh” came another voice, the quiet, cautious voice of Alice, “I think Hermione’s asleep.”

“Who cares?” laughed Lavender, but she was quieter this time.

“Is Fay not back?” asked someone who sounded like Parvati Patil.

“Ooooh she must still be with Seamus!” cried Alice, sounding excited. The other two girls made noises of agreement.

Suddenly, the three girls started whispering, so quietly that Hermione couldn’t hear.

Her stomach churned, she couldn’t bear not knowing what they were saying.

“Hermiionnee” said Parvati in a sing-song voice.

Hermione kept her eyes clenched tightly shut, but she could hear Parvati moving closer to her bed.

“Hermione, come on” Alice sighed, “we know you’re awake! Come on, we want to know what happened!”

Hermione’s stomach dropped, if possible, even further.

This went on for a few minutes, where Hermione kept her eyes firmly shut, until at last she felt them move away from her bed.

“Ah well!” cried Alice, loudly and dramatically, “she’s got her eyes closed so she simply must be asleep!”

“Oh yes!” shrieked Parvati, in the same pantomime tone that Alice was using, “now we can all bitch about her like we all wanted to!”

“Oh goodie! She’s so annoying! With her perfect potions –”

“– and perfect spells –” came Lavender’s voice.

“– and perfect everything, my God she’s the most annoying thing ever!” Alice shouted, still in that same mocking voice.

Hermione grinned in spite of herself.

“HA! There we go, we knew you were awake you numpty!” cried Parvati, leaping onto her bed and crushing Hermione’s feet.

Hermione was forced to open her eyes. She sat up and glared at the occupants of the room.

“Well, for your information, I was asleep before you lot came in here shouting!” Hermione said, grumpily.

“No you weren’t, we could here you moving around and sniffling from outside, what’s wrong with you?” said Lavender with a small laugh.

Hermione looked down. “Yeah well, I’ve got a cold.” She muttered.

She looked up to see Alice raising her eyebrows disbelievingly. The other two seemed to buy it however, as Parvati jumped off Hermione’s bed, ran over to her own and grabbed a small bottle from the cupboard.

“Here” she said, handing it to Hermione, “Madam Pomfrey gave it to me last time I was ill, there’s still some left.”

Hermione smiled gratefully, and put the bottle on the table next to her bed.

“I think I’m going to get some sleep now though guys” Hermione faked a yawn and made to lie back down.

“Hold it!” cried Parvati and Lavender together.

“You’re not getting out of it that easy.” smirked Lavender.

“Tell us what happened!” said Parvati excitedly.

“What happened when?” questioned Hermione, feigning ignorance. “What are you talking about?”

All three girls looked at her, eyebrows raised.

“Who was it? In Seven Minutes in Heaven? Come on Hermione, you have to tell us!” Lavender cried.

“Oh, that!” Hermione exclaimed, thinking of a way to get out of this conversation as quick as possible. “Awh guys, I’m just not sure I want to tell anyone!”

Alice seemed to sense her reluctance, as she suddenly spoke up. “Come on girls, us three will go and get ready for bed, Hermione can make us all some hot chocolates and we can discuss this in five minutes, alright?” She smiled encouragingly at Hermione.

The girls all agreed, and the other three went off to the bathroom, leaving Hermione alone once more. She climbed out of bed and grabbed five mugs. Mixing hot chocolate powder and milk together in a small cauldron, she began to heat it with her wand. Within one minute, Hermione had poured it into five mugs and set them on each girl’s bedside table, putting a bubble-charm around Fay’s, to stop the heat from escaping whilst she was still out.

She climbed back into bed and began to warm her hands around her mug, mulling over excuses not to tell the girls in her mind.

The door flung open and Fay staggered in, beaming. She instantly ran over and sat down on the edge of Hermione’s bed.

“Oh my God Hermione, you wouldn’t believe the night I’ve had!”

Hermione sat up a little taller and encouraged her friend to tell her. This was a part of the night she didn’t mind discussing.

“Right so, I was with Seamus at your party wasn’t I? And, might I add, he was looking amazing. I’ve always thought dark coloured shirts suit his skin tone really well...”

Hermione smiled slightly. Fay had the biggest crush on Seamus, it was sweet really. Hermione allowed her thirty seconds of describing, in detail, every aspect of his outfit, before urging her to get on with the actual story.

“Oh yeah, so I was talking to Seamus all night, we’d both had a bit too much to drink y’know, and we were dancing and all this, and it was just... nice, you know? It wasn’t like we were just hooking up because we were drunk and having a laugh, we spent hours just talking and laughing and dancing before anything actually happened...”

“And then?” enquired Hermione, full of genuine happiness for her friend.

“And then, oh looking back it was so corny” she laughed, “but the music changed and that really slow, nice song came on, you know, ‘Kiss me’ by Six Sickles None The Richer? Yeah, so we kind of slow danced for a bit and then he just kissed me. Oh my God, Hermione it was amazing. I just forgot about everyone else in the room. It wasn’t like any other guy I’ve kissed, it was deep and, I don’t know, it just felt...”

Fay paused, biting her lip nervously, “... meaningful. I know it probably meant nothing, but I really felt like he felt something towards me in that moment. Oh God, it sounds so stupid! I know I shouldn’t think like that, because he probably just wanted to hook up with me and nothing else, but I can’t stop myself from thinking what if it’s something more!” Her tone changed and she started to sound nervous and upset. “God, to be honest, now I feel a bit stupid.”

Hermione lightly touched her friends arm. “Fay” she said gently, “there’s nothing stupid about that. I know exactly what you mean, it’s like... it’s like you know it meant nothing, but you can’t stop yourself from hoping it’s more. Or like you know you shouldn’t be looking at it like that, but you just can’t help yourself.”

Fay furrowed her brow. “Yeah” she whispered, “yeah that’s exactly it. Why, who do you feel like that about? What happened, Hermione?”

For a brief moment, Hermione wanted to tell Fay everything. But she brushed the thought aside and forced a smile on her face. “Oh nothing, never mind” she said, “So what happened then? With you and Seamus?”

Fay did not look completely convinced, but her delight in telling her story overtook her curiosity.

“Right” she said, “so after that he just kind of pulled away and said to me: ‘you wanna get out of here?’ which is pretty much when I came over to you at the party, yeah?”

Hermione nodded to show she remembered.

“So we left and went up to the astronomy tower to have a drink and we carried on kissing up there, like we were just lying on the floor, and he had his arms around me and we were snogging and it was so perfect! And then –”

She was cut off by the dormitory door opening again, and the other three girls coming in and climbing into their beds.

“Come on then!” shouted Parvati “aren’t you going to tell us, Hermione?”

“Tell you what?” asked Fay

“Who this mystery guy is that Hermione hooked up with at her party!”

“WHAT?” shrieked Fay, “Oh my God, you kept that quiet! Tell me!”

Hermione groaned. “Leave it guys, please? Come on Fay, tell us more about what happened with Seamus!”

“Oh well we went up to Seamus’ dorm and had sex” she reeled off, “It’s not important, come on, I want to know about your night!”

Hermione made a dismissive movement with her hand and slumped back into her pillows.

“Well, we’ll tell you what we already know” Lavender said to Fay.

As the other four girls started discussing what they knew about her antics that night, Hermione’s mind started to drift again and Draco’s words echoed in her head: “If you have to tell them something, say it was some sixth year you didn’t know. Tell them anything, lie to them, it’s not hard.”

“Well?” Fays voice brought her back with a start.

Hermione hated that she had to do what Draco said, but she couldn’t think of any other option.

“Fine” she muttered, “It was just some sixth year I didn’t know, there!”

“Oh” said Parvati looking crestfallen. “So that’s it? Why didn’t you just tell us before?”

Hermione shrugged sheepishly. “I don’t know” she muttered, hating herself, “I guess I just felt... slutty. I don’t even know the guy. That’s not the kind of thing I do.”

The other girls nodded. “Too bad” smirked Lavender, “but how was it? Was he hot?”

Hermione laughed. “Yeah, he was quite good looking I guess. And yeah it was... it was fine. It was good.”

The girls pushed Hermione for more answers but she stayed as vague as she could. Eventually, the conversation veered onto other events of the night. Hermione allowed her mind to wander, only tuning back in when she heard Parvati say the words that made her heart sink.

“Did you guys see Ron trying to kiss my sister? Oh my God, that was awful!” They all nodded in agreement.

“Why did she slap him though?” asked Alice. “I’m not being funny, but it seemed to me like she was perfectly happy to flirt with him before he tried to kiss her?”

Parvati rolled her eyes. “To be honest, she just likes the attention. She draws boys in by flirting with them and then pushes them away. It makes her look like she has so much attention of boys that she’s turning them away. I know she’s my sister, but to be honest it’s bloody annoying.”

“Yeah I know what you mean” nodded Alice, “It’s a shame, Ron is a nice guy too.”

“Isn’t he just?” smirked Lavender.

Hermione rolled her eyes at Fay, who laughed quietly.

“Nahh” Fay smiled, “He is nice, to be fair. I saw him earlier and he wouldn’t shut up about you, Hermione.”

“What?” cried Hermione, perhaps a little too eagerly, “when was this?”

“Oh it was earlier sometime. Like I said, I was up in Seamus’ dorm, and after we’d... well, y’know” Fay hesitated.

“After you’d shagged his brains out, yeah, we know” laughed Lavender.

Hermione rolled her eyes, Lavender was always so crude.

Fay laughed, and continued with her story. “Yeah, well anyway, afterwards I was just getting dressed and I heard voices coming up the stairs, and to be honest, I just panicked! I know Seamus will probably tell them anyway but I didn’t want anyone to see me so I just hid in his closet! I thought I could wait until they’d got into bed and then sneak out of the door!”

“What?” laughed Alice, “why? I bet none of them would even care!”

Fay shrugged. “I don’t even know, I just panicked, like I said. I was still a bit drunk, and only half dressed and probably looked a mess...”

“Sex hair?” winked Lavender, only to receive a pillow in the face from Fay’s direction.

“Anyway!” Fay continued loudly over Lavender’s shrieks, “It was Harry and Ron coming up the stairs, and they were just talking about you, Hermione. Ron sounded all worried that you’d left so early, he kept saying that he hoped you’d had a good night, and he was worried that he had ruined your birthday and stuff. He sounded like he really cared to be honest!”

The other girls all wolf-whistled, making Hermione blush.

“Oh stop it, you lot! Well, what did Harry say?”

“He didn’t really say anything to be honest, he just kept saying ‘mmm’ and ‘yeah’. He’s always a bit out of it nowadays isn’t he?”

“Well, can you blame him?” said Hermione sadly.

“Yeah” agreed Alice, “most of the school thinks he’s crazy. That’s got to put a bit of a downer on you.”

“Well” said Lavender, coldly, “I’d have to agree with ‘most of the school’ then. That boy is such an attention seeker! He’s not happy unless something’s going awfully. He just goes around looking for trouble, and frankly, he’s starting to annoy me.”

This outburst was met with a very pregnant pause.

“I think you’re being a little bit narrow-minded Lavender.” said Hermione quietly.

“Narrow-minded? You’re calling me narrow-minded?” cried Lavender, with a half laugh.

“I believe that’s what I said, yes.”

“How can you say that? You mean you actually believe the shit he’s coming out with? That you-know-who is back? It’s a fucking joke!”

“Yes” said Hermione, a little louder but fighting to keep her voice level. “Yes I do think Harry is telling the truth. Do you really think he would make something like that up? Something so shocking that most of this school is stupid enough to think he’s lying? Do you really think he’d do that for a lie?”

Lavender had stood now, and was almost shouting. “Oh so now I’m fucking stupid, am I?”

“Oh sit down, you pathetic girl.” spat Hermione, “I’m not going to have a fight with you. Yes, I believe Harry, and yes, I think you’re stupid not to. Yes, I do believe that...” she hesitated, plucking up her courage, “...that V-Voldemort is back.”

Lavender sat down at the shock of hearing the name, and Hermione heard several gasps and flinches coming from the other three girls in the room.

Hermione took a deep breath to settle her anger, and spoke again. “Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’d like to get some sleep. Thank you all for a lovely birthday party, I truly enjoyed it.”

She drew the hangings around her bed shut with a flick of her wand, and pulled the duvet up under her chin.

She paused, just for a moment to hear the other girls shuffling slowly around the room and into their beds. The air in the room was finally filled with slow breathing and tension.

Hermione allowed herself one moment of self-pity, before brushing away her tears and scolding herself. As she relaxed on to her pillow, she became aware of just how exhausted she was, and she managed to shut off her brain, and let the sleep wash over her.