Good Love

The next couple of days passed in a blur for Annie. After getting sick at the restaurant in Salt Lake City, John had lead her onto the bus and stayed out in the parking lot momentarily so she could have a few minutes to herself.

She’d put on pajamas and headed into the back lounge, not even bothering to get into her bunk because she knew she wouldn’t wake up there in the morning.

Annie had put in a movie and laid down, opening the windows in the small room for fresh air. A few minutes later, she heard the boys come in, and wasn’t surprised to find Jared knocking on the door and giving her a brotherly lecture on answering them when they call for her, because he was fucking worried sick. He then asked how she was doing, and then gave her a kiss on the forehead after she convinced him that she’d be alright.

Then Pat, Austin, and Garrett had come into the room, bringing saltine crackers. The four of them had all formed one mass of blanket-clad legs, Annie in the center as they covered the couch in crumbs. Austin had fallen asleep ten minutes into the movie, which didn’t surprise anyone, and the other two had slowly drifted back to their bunks after the movie ended.

She’d then used Austin as a pillow, his warm body contrasting the cool air leaking in through the windows. As she lay there, listening to the whirr of tires on the highway and her friends’ snores throughout the entire bus, she couldn’t help but feel safe. There was her brother, who’d always be her rock, and the other boys were slowly growing on her, too. She loved them already.

For a moment, she was mad at herself. She was mad that she left Arizona in the first place. If she’d just stayed, if she had just toughed it out, she never would have gotten into this mess that she now called her life. She never would have moved to Chicago, she never would have met that boy, and she never would have gotten hurt. She’d be healthy.

But then her phone had rang from across the room, and she slipped away from her friend to answer it. She’d seen the caller ID, reminding her of the good that had also come out of Chicago, and quickly answered the call.

“Hey, baby girl. How’s tour?” her best friend asked.

Annie had rolled her eyes; it was nearly two in the morning and Macy wanted to make small talk. “It’s alright. How’s college?”

“Tour is just alright? Ann, you’re going around the country with a bunch of rockstars! You’re living the dream!”

“Correction: we’re going to a few states, not the whole country. And yes, it’s pretty fun, Macy. But at the moment, I’m not having too much fun. I kinda just threw up my dinner.”

Silence. “Oh.” Then, a sigh. “I’ll be coming to visit you soon! February will be here before you know it.”

“I know, I’m excited for you to get here and meet the boys. I think you’ll like them.”

“Yeah, but the real question is: do you like them, Ann? Anyone catching your pretty little eye?”

Annie exhaled loudly into the receiver. “No, Macy. Definitely not. Why did you call me so late, anyways? It’s got to be, like, three in the morning your time.”

“Almost. But I knew you’d be awake, and we haven’t talked in a few days, and even if you’re not excited about tour, I’m excited for you!”

Annie laughed. She missed her best friend. “Thanks. Hey, I’ll call you tomorrow okay? I don’t want to wake up the boys,” she said, noticing how Austin had begun shifting his position on the couch. If she’d managed to wake him, she had to have been pretty loud.

“Alright. Love you, babe!” Macy had said.

“Love you too,” Annie had whispered before crawling back under the blankets next to Austin. As he pulled the blankets up around the both of them, Annie couldn’t help but think maybe he was giving Macy a run for her money.

The next morning and afternoon had flown by quickly. Annie had woken up to an empty, parked bus. When she’d groggily walked into the kitchen area, she found a note from her brother stuck on the fridge -along with a few vulgar drawings courtesy of Garrett- telling her that they had gone inside the venue to set up and didn’t want to wake her. Annie was surprised; she didn’t think she’d slept that long. She’d then looked at the clock, and sure enough, it was around four in the afternoon. She didn’t even know where they were.

Instead of getting dressed and heading into the venue, she made herself a bowl of cereal and turned the tv on, watching Friends re-runs. Later she had decided to take a shower, feeling dirty from her escapade at the restaurant the night before. After she was done, she again put her pajamas back on and laid down on her new makeshift bed in the back lounge. She had felt exhausted, though she had no reason to.

She vaguely remembered hearing distant voices on the bus through her slumber, but had then drifted back to sleep.

***

“Annie! Annie Annie Annie Annie! Wake up!” a voice yelled, pulling her from unconsciousness. “We’re going to the beach!”

When she heard the word ‘beach’ she sat up instantaneously, surprised when she realized she was laying in an actual bed. She vaguely remembered Jared carrying her into an elevator late last night and laying her down, though she was too tired to process her good fortune. They’d stopped at a fucking hotel!

She was still wiping the sleep off her eyes, but was able to question the boy jumping on the bed. “The beach? Where the hell are we?”

He laughed, revealing himself as none other than Patrick Kirch. “Of course! We’re in Seattle!”

“Don’t you guys have to play show?”

“Not until tomorrow night! We have the day off, now get your butt up!” he said excitedly, not calming down until Annie got up and dressed.

Soon enough they were loaded into a couple of taxis -which left her squished in between Garrett and John- and they were finally met with the shoreline.

Though, when they all ran like madmen towards the beach, there was one slight fact they had forgotten.

Seattle. In January. She should have known how fucking freezing it was going to be.

“We’re idiots!” Garrett screamed, causing Jared to laugh loudly as the other boys ran around the beach like hooligans. Just because it was way too cold to swim or lay out, didn’t mean they wouldn’t have their fun.

Meanwhile Annie huddled with Peter nearby, watching the boys cause destruction. The two of them weren’t exactly fond of the piercing wind on the so-called beach.

“You want a cigarette?” Peter asked her, holding out his pack.

“God, please,” she said, pulling one out. “Thanks.” She couldn’t deny the twinge of awkwardness that followed her when she was with Peter alone; the two didn’t know each other very well.

They ended up sitting down on a hill of sand, keeping a comfortable silence and exchanging a few comments now and then, mainly laughing at an antic of one of their friends.

“Come on, sis!” Jared yelled. “Come play with us!”

“Sorry, maybe next time. Don’t wanna get sand in my boot!” she yelled, clearly making up a lie but sticking to it.

The boys continued nagging her and Peter to join them as they ran around the beach, flicking sand on each other and standing in water up to their ankles, their shoes and socks strewn on the sand.

Annie laughed, feeling her fingers twitch as she reached into her messenger bag and pulled out her DSLR camera, snapping pictures of the boys, because that’s one of the two things she did best: taking pictures, and fucking things up.

“Smile, Pattycakes!” she yelled, catching their attention. Pat was currently on top of Tim’s shoulders, screeching out profanities at anyone who threatened to make him fall into the freezing water. He grinned for her, held up the peace sign with his fingers, and made a duck face for the camera.

While the boys messed around on the beach for the next hour, that was how she entertained herself. Pictures. Like her teacher at Northwestern had always said: when in doubt, photograph.

***

At the mention of the word ‘lunch,’ Annie instantly felt the anxiety bubble in her gut again. She did not want a rerun of last night, and she didn’t think her stomach could handle any of the greasy food joints the boys were debating.

The group walked down the streets of downtown Seattle, while Annie lagged behind, taking pictures. It was such a beautiful city, and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to photograph it. She couldn’t care less if she got lost from the boys on their way to lunch; she didn’t want it anyways.

“Hey, watch out!” a voice laughed, pulling lightly on her arm. She hoped he didn’t notice her involuntary flinch at physical contact.

“You almost walked into the street,” John said, smiling crookedly at her. “You’re pretty absorbed in your camera there.”

She nodded, tugging on the scarf around her neck. “That’d be a pretty great way to die, though, don’t ya think? Walking obliviously into traffic while taking pictures?”

He chuckled and raised his eyebrow, giving her a look before making an elaborate gesture of moving in between her and the speeding traffic.

“Thanks,” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes at him, but he only smiled even bigger. She glanced ahead, and could see her brother’s flop of red hair moving amongst the crowd. John must have lagged behind to reach her. But why?

“So, uh, I saw this vegetarian, all natural restaurant a couple blocks back. You wanna go there instead of In-N-Out? Cause I’m pretty sure that’s where they’re headed,” John said, motioning with his head towards their friends in front of them.

His offer took Annie by surprise. He saw a vegetarian restaurant?

“I don’t know..” she sighed, eyeing her brother. He’d flip a shit if she went anywhere in an unknown city without him.

Suddenly, an urge of rebellion rushed over her. Jared wasn’t her dad, so what the hell was he doing babying her? So she had gotten hurt before. And that one time might have fucked her up pretty badly, but she could take care of herself. She was confident of that, and confident enough to prove that to her brother.

“I already asked Jared, he said it’s cool,” John said, as if reading her mind.

Well, shit. So much for rebellion when she was given permission.

“Fine, let’s go,” she said, letting him lead her in the opposite way they’d been walking.

As they walked, Annie could subconsciously feel John’s hand on her back, guiding her, and flinched away.

“You don’t have to hold my fucking hand,” she snapped as they crossed the street. “I’m not a child.”

John held his palms up in surrender. “Hey, blondie, I just don’t want you to walk into any more traffic!”

She scowled. “Whatever. Where’s this restaurant you were talking about?”

“It should be...” he trailed off, counting in his head. She had to admit, he looked kind of cute with his green eyes squinted in concentration. “Four blocks!”

“Four blocks? You said it was a couple blocks!”

“Eh, I might have stretched the truth a little. It might even be five blocks,” he said, grinning.

Instead of replying, Annie held her camera up and took a picture of John’s smirk. “I’m going to photoshop the hell out of this picture, and make you look like the ugliest faggot to ever walk this earth.”

“What?! I take you to a healthy restaurant instead of fried shit and that’s how you treat me?”

“I’ll do whatever the hell I please, John O’Callaghan. If I want to make you look like an ugly faggot, then I will.”

“Wow,” John said, grinning again. “Annie Monaco has quite the attitude.”

“At least I’m not an ugly faggot,” she muttered under her breath, causing John to laugh loudly. What an interesting lunch this would be.

***

“So this place is pretty great, yeah?” John asked from his seat across from Annie. They’d finally found the all-natural vegetarian restaurant after getting lost twice because John had no idea where the hell he was going. No matter how many times he said it was “just around the corner.”

“I have to admit, it is pretty great. It might not taste as good as a greasy cheeseburger, but I do feel pretty damn good.”

“Yeah? You don’t feel sick, right?”

And that was when shit hit the fan. He just had to bring up last night, didn’t he?

Annie knew she shouldn’t have been angry at John for making sure she felt alright. But she hated feeling like she was just a little girl that they had to look after. Especially when John had just been complaining to Jared about her being with them in the first place.

“You just brought me here out of pity, didn’t you?” she growled.

“What? Pity? Seriously, Annie?”

“Oh, don’t ‘seriously, Annie’ me. I thought you’d have learned by now that I don’t want your fucking pity, John.”

“Oh my god! Can’t a guy just want to do something nice for his best friend’s sister? I saw this place last night on our way to the hotel, and thought maybe you’d actually like it. Because, hey, I’ve been kind of a jerk lately, and I wanted to make it up to you! You can’t act like last night didn’t happen, Annie. Because it did. And I’m pretty sure we all know that it wasn’t because you have the stomach flu, or whatever shit you’ve been telling the guys. As much as you hate it, most of us know that you came back to Arizona for a reason, a bad reason, but sorry, princess, that we actually care about your well-being. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again,” John said harshly.

For the first time, Annie was speechless. Well, shit. John was right, wasn’t he?

“Can I get my check?” John yelled loudly, causing Annie to jump. And you can bet your ass that John noticed how frightened she looked, and knew in the back of his mind that she was a lot more messed up than she acted.

The two were silent while they waited for a check and boxed up their left over food. And when they left the restaurant and started walking towards their hotel, the group’s rendezvous, with no more words exchanged.

While they walked, Annie felt like shit, and John felt like shit, so naturally they stayed as far away from each other as they could. Annie walked ahead, her blonde hair blowing in the wind as she walked without any direction, and John was a few feet behind her, hands in his pockets, instinctively watching over her.

He was about to call out to her for the first time in ten minutes because their turn was coming up, when he noticed a man in a business suit walking quickly in their direction, talking on his cellphone and not paying attention. Before John could reach Annie and move her out of the man’s way, it was too late, and the businessman collided with the oblivious girl, nearly knocking her onto the concrete.

“Watch it,” the man yelled as Annie stumbled backwards.

Before she could fall, her back hit John’s chest and he put his arms on hers to steady her. “You watch it, you heartless pig,” John shouted back, matching the man’s anger eye for eye.

“You okay?” John asked. He didn’t care if Annie got pissed at him again for asking her that.

But instead of yelling, she nodded, out of breath. Suddenly, her arms shot around John’s neck, and Annie was hugging him tightly.

Wait. She was hugging him? Was hell freezing over?

He could feel her shudder against his chest, and he hugged her closer.

And it was then that John realized how starved Annie was. She was starving for innocent contact. She was starving for affection and love and safety. She was starved for peace and happiness, and that made John sad. He didn’t know what had happened to Annie back in Chicago, but it was starting to make sense: her anger, her distance, her caution.

“I’m sorry. That was really shitty of me back there,” she whispered, not moving from her position in John’s embrace. It was too comforting to push away from. “And you’re right. Last night did happen, and it wasn’t because of a stomach flu. I just can’t handle food that well anymore, I guess. And as much as I hate to admit it, I’m really glad I came back to Tempe and met you guys. I just have a sour attitude sometimes, and I get hard to deal with. I’m probably going to flip out on you for no reason again in the future, so feel free to just tell me I’m being psychotic, okay?”

John laughed, leaning back to look at her. Her brown eyes were dry, but he could tell that she’d either been on the verge of tears, or had already wiped them away.

“You know, Ann, needing a little help from your friends doesn’t mean you’re weak. None of this means you’re weak. Shit hurts, and if anyone knows that, it’s me. You can trust us.”

Annie gave him a smile, though he could tell it was forced. “I know. Thank you. Can we.. can you not mention this to my brother? He’d flip out.”

“Of course. Now come on, blondie, let’s head to the hotel. Maybe we can go for a real swim, in the pool,” John said, winking. Annie rolled her eyes, and John didn’t expect any other reaction. A wink and a roll of the eyes could perfectly describe Annie and John’s relationship from day one until the end, far far into the future. Trust me, the end was nowhere near.

That afternoon, if someone at the Comfort Inn in eastern Seattle looked out their window, they’d see two kids crossing the parking lot in the January air. A messy-haired boy with his arm on the small of a girl’s back, and the girl with black boots that crunched on the gravel as she walked.