Good Love

The next two days passed quickly. For Annie, it was spent walking around various cities in California and taking pictures of scenery and city life and people until her hands felt like they could fall off, always accompanied with a “volunteer” from her group of boys; she was partially irritated with never getting time alone to wander, but also partially grateful. She was scared to be alone, to be honest. She was also still photographing the boys while they played, though the pictures weren’t turning out how she wanted them to and it was frustrating her to no end.

For the boys, their days consisted of chugging a couple cups of coffee, unloading a mountain of equipment and instruments, playing soundcheck, playing the actual show, and then hopping onto the bus to do it all over again in the morning. She asked them if it ever got boring, but they denied it with glowing smiles on their faces. It was what they loved. Always had been.

So far, they had played in San Francisco, then LA, and today they were getting ready to park the bus at the venue in San Diego. Austin and Garrett had promised to take her to the beach before they left the coast to make up for their “beach day” in Seattle. Thankfully, the weather was much, much warmer in Cali.

It was an understatement to say that Annie loved California. She was totally infatuated; part of it was full of sky-high mountains, another part was mile after mile of sweet-smelling orchards, and then of course, the beaches and palm trees. And to think, she hadn’t even seen the entire state. She had always thought of California being overrated, but now she was dying to run off and explore, though she knew her brother (or any of the guys, for that matter) wouldn’t let her slip off by herself.

As they parked the bus, Peter in the driver’s seat, it was only around eight in the morning. Annie knew the boys wouldn’t be getting up any time soon, considering the late night they’d had yesterday: playing a long set and then staying after to meet with fans. She really wanted to go out, but couldn’t bear to wake any of them. They all looked so sweet, laying there. She was about to ask Peter to come with her for a breakfast run, when she saw him grab a blanket and curl up on the couch. Damn.

Annie sighed, slipping on a pair of yoga pants and grabbing her pack of cigarettes before writing a note telling where she’d gone and leaving it tacked on the fridge. She stepped lightly down the bus’s stairs and hopped onto the pavement, heading for the other side of the bus, where the ladder was. Once she reached the top, she sprawled out on the roof, lit a cigarette (what a great breakfast, right?), and soaked up as much Vitamin D as she could. Her complexion had really faded over the past few weeks, despite living in the middle of a desert, and she was desperate to gain even a little of her tan back. The morning sun felt so good on her face.

After laying on the dirty roof for maybe half an hour, she felt the bus shake lightly as someone opened and shut the door. Annie leaned over towards the edge to see who the culprit was, and was thoroughly shocked to see John stepping out, shirtless with an acoustic guitar, pencil, and notebook in hand. She watched quietly, not giving away her position, as John took a seat on the pavement as the sun beat down on his shoulders and began to strum on his guitar. At first it was too faint to hear over the rushing sound of cars nearby, but gradually rose in volume to where Annie could hear him singing along with his chords.

He played songs that Annie had heard dozens of times before, either at one of their shows or during practice. She had to admit, watching John play solo was quite the show. His voice was rough and scratchy -from sleep, maybe- but still absolutely amazing.

Eventually Annie took a position facing the edge of the bus, where she could see and hear John but wasn’t in danger of getting caught spying. Her interest grew when he started singing lines she’d never heard before; he was writing new music. She listened, and she determined, one artist to another, that he was writing a song more beautiful than any he’d ever written, or at least any that she’d heard. Those lyrics stuck in her head for days. They itched at her brain and she was dying to hear the entire song.

I’m half crazy, or just cracked up
When will what I have ever be good enough?
I’m sad, funny, it seems lately this ain’t a fairy tale
and I don’t think I’ll ever be happy.

He sang that chorus over and over, changing something every time: chords, notes, keys. Despite its upbeat tune, the song sounded so sad. John himself sounded sad just singing it.

I’d like to think that romance is real.
Open my chest, a heart you could steal.

After this line, he paused. Like he couldn’t figure out what to say next. John sat there for several more minutes, silent, until he finally picked up his things and returned to the bus with a sigh and a shake of his head. It was nice to know that Annie wasn’t the only one getting beaten up.

***

“Gare, please please please take me to the beach! You promised!” Annie whined, jumping up and down in front of the boy in her swimsuit.

“So did Austin! Why don’t you bug him? We have shit to do, Ann, I’m really sorry. Really,” he said gently but forcefully. “I promise, if I have time, I’ll take you to the beach before I die.”

“Well what if I say I’ve decided to kill you at approximately...” she paused, looking at the clock on the wall, “one o’clock? That means you have to take me today!”

He simply chuckled and patted her shoulders. “Sorry, sis. We’re heading out for lunch, soon, if you want to come, though?”

Annie stuck her tongue out at him, muttered a muted duh, I want to come and headed through the bus to find Austin. She checked in his bunk, the bathroom, and finally the back lounge, where she found him passed out.

“Austin! Wake the fuck up, dude!” she yelled, shaking him until he started protesting. “We’re getting lunch, and then you’re taking me to the beach!”

Austin only groaned and rolled over, one arm falling off the couch.

“Well, you leave me no choice, Gibbs,” she said, strutting back to the kitchen area with a vengeance.

“No luck waking him up, huh?” John asked, startling her from his spot on top of the counter.

Even though the two had sort of become friends during their day off in Seattle, she was still a little weary of John. She had met tons of boys like him -slightly arrogant, popular, attractive- and those acquaintances had never ended well. What meant he’d be any different? She was simply saving herself the trouble. Sure, she’d be polite and friendly with him, but would she completely trust him? No. But in the back of her mind, there was the sad boy singing in the parking lot about never being happy. What did he have to be sad about, anyways?

She immediately kicked herself; she hated people who had those kinds of thoughts. She didn’t know John, and surely didn’t know if he had a reason to be sad or not. She’d give him the benefit of the doubt.

Contrary to her myriad of thoughts, she smirked and reached for a cup in one of the cabinets. She didn’t have to trust him, though she did enjoy his presence. “Not yet. But I’m about to,” she laughed, filling the cup with ice-cold water. “Wanna watch?”

“No no no, wait! You’re just dumping water on him? That’s amateur stuff! Lucky for you, we have the goods,” he said, bending down and pulling a bag full of clothespins out. When Annie gave him a look of confusion, he simply smiled and gestured for her to follow him to the back lounge.

They tiptoed inside the doorway, though it didn’t matter because Austin was totally out. Taking turns, the two pulled clothespin after clothespin out of the bag and clipped them all over the sleeping boy.

“You’ve never done this before?” John whispered, placing a clothespin on Austin’s leg.

“No,” she giggled softly. If there was one thing that made her giddy enough to giggle, it was pranking someone. “Think he’ll notice if I clip his ear?”

“Go for it.”

She did with caution, and the two had a fit of laughter when Austin didn’t even stir. Slowly, Annie and John covered him with clothespins, taking selfies with Austin in the background when they finished.

This is what I need, she thought. I need more excitement in my life. I need fun.

“You know, you’re a pretty good partner in crime, O’Callaghan,” she said, grinning as they made their way back to the kitchen. She couldn’t wait for Austin to wake up and discover their destruction.

“Touche, Monaco. Touche.”

***

Annie and Pat ran through the halls of the venue, screaming and laughing the whole time. No one knew how their game of tag had started, but now it was never-ending. Currently, Pat was ‘it’, choosing to target Annie as the rest of the boys set up the stage. She couldn’t have imagined a more fun day. She actually felt good about her life, at least for the day. Minimum thoughts of Chicago had entered her head, and it felt like an accomplishment.

“Dammit Pat, let’s go! Get on the fuckin’ stage!” Tim yelled as his younger brother darted across the room again, trying and failing to tag the blonde girl, laughing and out of breath.

Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around her from behind, constricting her and holding her still. “Come on, Pat, get her! Hurry!”

“No, Austin, quit!” she laughed, struggling to get away as Pat ran forward and touched her forearm. “Goddamn it!”

Austin laughed, walking away and reaching for a beer. “Payback, baby.”

Annie rolled her eyes and headed towards the table where she had set down her camera. For a change, she had decided to take behind-the-scene pictures of the boys as they got ready backstage. Plus, she was really tired of standing in that damn crowd and having fans scream in her ear all night. Maybe it was ideal for some people, but definitely not for her.

While the boys played, she decided to give Halvo a call. She missed the kid’s stupid jokes and comforting presence.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Halvo,” she said casually with a smirk on her face, waiting for him to recognize her.

“Annie! Hey! Why haven’t you called me sooner?!” he shouted.

“Sorry, man. Tour life’s pretty hectic, I must say.”

“Whatever, you’re probably sitting on your ass all day,” he laughed.

“Pretty much! The boys are actually playing at the moment. God, I’ve missed you guys. How’s Arizona?”

“Not bad. Pretty fuckin’ boring, though. When do you guys get back?”

“Thursday.” Three days.

“Ah, finally. We’re most definitely having a party ASAP.”

“Alright, Eric. If that’s what you want, be my guest. Just not at my house,” Annie said. Her distaste for parties wasn’t exactly a secret.

He laughed. “So you’re getting along with the guys okay?”

“Yeah, for the most part. Last week I heard John saying he didn’t want me here, but now we’re okay I think.”

“Hey, don’t mind him, Ann. He’s just a bitter shrew. He’s probably just sexually frustrated; he hasn’t had a real girlfriend since the tenth grade.”

“Good to know,” she said sarcastically, though it did interest her a bit. John was bitter?

“Hey, I’ve got band practice soon, so I gotta go. But call me when you’re close to Phoenix, ‘kay?”

“Sure thing. Bye, Halvo.” Annie sighed. Well, that took up all of five minutes. What else was there to do around here? Maybe she should have taken up an instrument, too.

She roamed around the room a bit, nibbling at a cookie from the large table of food set up for the boys, taking pictures now and then. She could hear John’s singing, Jared and Ken’s guitars, Garrett’s bass, and Pat’s drums. They vibrated the entire building.

“So that was Eric?” Austin asked from his seat on the couch.

She nodded. “He got a kick out of the prank we pulled on ya, Gibbs.” She flashed a grin, satisfied with her antics of the day. Naturally, Annie and John had sent out pictures of Austin covered in clothespins to all of their friends.

He rolled his eyes but smiled. “I gotta admit, that was a pretty good idea. Where’d you get all those clothespins?”

She shrugged. “John had a bag full of them.”

“Oh, so John was helping you. I see,” Austin said, smirking and sipping his beer.

“Excuse me?”

“What?” he asked innocently.

“Oh, don’t give me that crap. Why’d you grin at me when I said John helped me?”

“Is that all John helped you with?”

“Oh my god! What the hell’s that supposed to mean, Austin?”

His grin grew, but he didn’t answer. Annie had a pretty good guess what he meant, anyways.

Men. They were perverted pigs.

She flopped down on the couch beside him, waiting for the show to end. As she lay there, trying to rest her eyes, she missed her own bed terribly. She missed her room and her apartment and her other friends terribly. She missed working at the pub part time with Stephen Gomez. She missed Tempe. It had become a safe haven for her.

Eventually the boys finished up after signing posters for fans and posing for pictures. By that time, Annie had already crawled back onto the bus, feeling lonely and homesick. Though Arizona barely counted as her home.

Tim entered the bus soon after, telling her that they were staying the night in a hotel again. Relieved, she waited anxiously for everyone else to load the bus so they could get to the hotel. She wanted nothing more than to pass out on a nice, fluffy bed.

***

Once they got to the hotel, they assigned each other rooms, giving Annie a room to herself, which she was grateful for. As they were walking down the hallway, John discreetly pulled her aside to speak to her, clearly about something secret.

“You up for another shenanigan, Monaco?”

She eyed him suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I heard no one took you to the beach today. And I know this place not too far from here... I thought maybe I could call a cab and we could sneak out and go swimming.”

Woah. John was going to take her swimming? “Really?” she asked, her mouth forming an O shape.

He chuckled quietly, eyeing the other guys walking in front of them. “Yeah, but we’ve gotta be quiet about it. I’ll come get you when it’s safe to escape, okay?”

She nodded, her thoughts from earlier coming to mind. She wanted excitement, and this was it.

John grinned as the two started walking again. When he reached the room he was sharing with Pat and Kennedy, he turned around and whispered, “Don’t forget your swimsuit.”

Annie hid her blush with a roll of her eyes and continued down the hall towards her room, where Jared was waiting with her room key. When she unlocked the door, her and her brother trudged into the room, not bothering to turn on the lights. Jared flopped ungracefully onto the solitary bed, sighing contently as he laid down.

“Uh, Jare, don’t you have your own bed to lay in?” Annie asked, scowling and taking off her shoes.

“Yeah, but I wanted to sit and talk to my little sis for a bit.”

“How ‘bout we talk in the morning? You need to sleep. It’s late, and you’re going to be a zombie tomorrow if you don’t.”

Jared groaned, reluctantly rising off the bed. “Fine, fine. How come you’re always right? You’re just so smart, Ann,” he said, yawning and pulling her into a hug.

She chuckled. “I’m so smart? I’m so holding that against you every time you pull shit on me.”

He grinned and headed for the door. “Night, sis. Remember, my room’s just down the hall if you need me, or you can call, or-”

“Jared, chill. I’ll be fine. Now goodnight, get out of my room.” She smiled, feeling guilty as hell when she realized she was basically lying to her brother right to his face. She was sneaking out behind his back. Shit.

Annie groaned as she dug through her suitcase, looking for her swimsuit. No matter how guilty she felt, it wasn’t going to stop her from going to the beach, so she might as well just have fun with it.

She slipped out of her clothes, relishing in having an entire room and bathroom to herself, and changed into her swimsuit.

Fifteen minutes later, and John still hadn’t knocked on her door. She’d pulled on a sweatshirt -one of her brother’s actually, which only added to her guilt- and sat on the bed watching shitty hotel channels on the tv. Feeling nervous about going out with John at night, she pulled out a cigarette and lit it, not caring that the hotel had a no-smoking policy. She needed to relax.

Twenty minutes later, and she finally heard a light tap on her door after her second cigarette. She hopped up and opened the door after checking through the peephole that it was, in fact, John.

“Ready?” he asked, taking her appearance. She had the last of a cigarette in between her lips and her blonde hair was framing her face.

“Yeah, just a sec,” she whispered, disappearing into her room as she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and dropped the cigarette butt into the trash.

“I’ve got a cab waiting on us,” he said when she returned, ushering her down the hallway towards the elevator. “And I also have this,” he said, grinning as he revealed a bottle of whiskey. “It was the best I could do.”

“Wow,” she said. “All this so I can see the beach?”

He shrugged. “I wanted to swim, too.”

She smiled as they reached the lobby, thankful that John had gotten a cab so she wouldn’t have to walk the streets at night. She still got flashes of deja vu every time she passed by an alley, and being out nearly alone surely wouldn’t help her nightmares.

John told the cab driver their destination when they got in, and Annie was surprised to find ease with sitting next to John and being around him in general. It was nice, when they weren’t hating each other.

After a relatively short drive, they reached the deserted beach. John paid the driver, surprising Annie with his every move. Maybe John wasn’t so bad, after all.

They walked over the sand, Annie ditching her shoes once she got close to the shore. Excitedly, she ran up to the water, shrieking and laughing when it hit her shins.

“Holy shit! It’s freezing,” she laughed. She didn’t know where the jolt of energy came from, but she was loving it. She was loving the black waves and the light of the city nearby and the moon glowing above them. Eventually John joined her, cursing like she had when the water touched him.

“Maybe swimming wasn’t such a good idea after all,” he chuckled, groaning when the water touched his pants.

“Good thing you brought alcohol, then.”

He laughed. After a few more minutes of standing in the small waves, they walked back to where they had set their shoes and sat down, opening the bottle of Jack.

They were quiet at first, neither wanting to break the peaceful silence as they passed the bottle back and forth.

Finally John spoke first, asking, “You want a smoke?”

She shrugged. “Sure. I’m trying to cut myself down to only two or three a day, but what the hell.”

“Yeah, it’s not a habit I’m too proud of,” he murmured, lighting one and handing it to her before doing the same for himself.

“Thanks,” she whispered. “My brother’s not too happy with it. Neither is Macy. She’s been on my case about it for the past year, trying to get me to quit,” she rambled, the alcohol reaching her veins before she realized John didn’t know who Macy was. “She’s my best friend.”

“Ah,” he said, raising his chin in a nod. “Back in Chicago?”

“Yeah.” A sigh escaped from her.

“Homesick?”

A bitter laugh left her mouth. “For Tempe, sure. But the thought of going back to Chicago makes me sick.”

She could tell that he wanted to question her about it, about why, but thankfully didn’t.

“But you don’t miss anything about it? Not even your friends, or your house?”

“I did, at first. But not anymore. Tempe’s good for me; better than Chicago ever was.”

He nodded and started to say something, but Annie cut him off quickly. “And don’t even think about asking me why I left Arizona in the first place, John.”

“I totally was not about to ask you that!” he replied, but Annie could tell he was lying.

“Oh yeah? What were you gonna say, then?”

“I was going to ask why you came back.”

Annie bit her lip to stop from laughing out loud. “I’d much rather talk about why I left, than why I came back.”

“Then spill. You know, it’s good to talk about things, get them off your chest.”

She rolled her eyes, causing John to grin. “I left because.. I couldn’t stand being around my parents any more. I couldn’t stand being in Tempe; it was suffocating me. I was losing my mind, between my parents screaming at each other every night and being stuck in a high school full of plastic cheerleaders. So I left. Simple as that.”

He nodded slowly, not speaking for a while. “I can understand that.”

Annie took the bottle from him and tilted her head back, taking a long gulp. “So, your turn. I heard you singing this morning.”

His head whipped around, a confused look on his face. “How? I thought everyone was sleeping-”

“I was on the roof again. I’m surprised you didn’t see me up there, actually.”

He shook his head and laughed. “What the fuck do you do up there, anyways?”

She shrugged. “I lay there. I smoke,” she said, turning her head to look at him for the first time all night. He was digging in the sand, letting it run through his fingers. His hair was messy and dirty, and he didn’t smell too great, but Annie still felt an attraction towards him. “I liked that song you were writing.”

“Huh?”

“The song. About not being happy.”

John raised his head but didn’t look at her, only at the dark waves in front of them as he took another sip of the whiskey. “It’s a new one I’ve been working on.”

She felt a little guilty then, for listening to his new writing, when it was supposed to be private. “I used to write, too,” she said softly, so quiet that he almost didn’t hear her. She hated how fast her words were coming out of her mouth; she never willingly admitted secrets to people she didn’t trust with all her heart.

“What did you write?”

“I dunno. A little bit of everything, I guess. Mainly poetry. A song or two here and there. I stopped when I was around nineteen.”

“How come?”

This time it was Annie’s turn to stare at the waves. “Got really depressed. Started drinking a lot and spending all night in clubs.”

“I was like that, too. In high school and for a couple years after. It took me forever to get my shit together.”

“Yeah, but at least you have the band. You’ve got your career, and it’s successful as hell. But me, I ruined it all. I made one mistake, I went somewhere I knew I shouldn’t have, and-” she stopped herself, choking on her words. She felt sick. She didn’t want to even think about that night, much less talk about it. She knew if she told John, he’d treat her like a piece of glass. She couldn’t bear to imagine what he would think; she had made the biggest mistake of her life, heading into that club when everyone told her not to, and now she had to live with that. She didn’t want anyone to know how much she’d fucked up.

“And what?” John asked.

She shook her head. She didn’t trust her mouth. “Nothing, nothing.”

“What? I know it’s not nothing, Annie.”

“No, John. It’s nothing I want to talk about,” she snapped.

“But it’s obviously bothering you.”

Annie let out a dark laugh. “John, there’s something you need to know about me. Normally, I would just let you learn it yourself, but you seem a little slow,” she said, smirking. “I have perfected the art of indifference.”

John shook his head. “There’s a difference between indifference and repressing feelings, Annie.”

“Why the fuck does it matter!” she screamed, but John didn’t even jump. “You can’t just do that! You can’t act like you know someone when you don’t, you can’t get them to do something they don’t want to, you can’t -”

Her words were cut off as John put her mouth to a different use, leaning close enough to her for their lips to touch.

Annie jumped at the sudden contact, and her initial action was to shove him away and run. But the sensation of his lips on hers was distracting her, and it wasn’t angry and forceful like the man’s in Chicago had been. The kiss was hot and fast, but John wasn’t hurting her for power. He was kissing her because he wanted to, and Annie knew he’d stop instantly if she told him to.

But something in her brain wouldn’t let her stop; it was addicting. No one had kissed her like this for years. She felt herself getting swept away by the feeling as she leaned closer and John’s arms went around her waist.

And suddenly she realized what she was doing, and her entire body went rigid. The flashbacks hit her like a brick wall, and she was back in that alley again, trapped. No one was there to help her.

John pulled back, questions in his eyes, and Annie regained her strength enough to shove him away. He fell back against the sand, breathing heavily. When he saw the look in Annie’s eyes, he instantly knew he did something wrong.