Good Love

“Talk about what, John?” Annie asked, smiling coyly as they stood in the now-empty parking lot.

“Oh, come on, Annie. Don’t play stupid. You know what.”

“Okay, I made out with you last night! So what?”

“I just wanted to, uh, make sure you don’t have feelings for me? I mean, w-we’re cool, right?” he asked.

“I was just, ya know, high, John. And you were pretty attractive at the time, I’m not gonna lie.”

“And I was also the only guy in front of you, too,” John replied. His tone was light, but she could see through it. His voice sounded dejected. Annie was almost surprised; John couldn’t be disappointed with her lack of care on the subject, could he?

“Yeah, but I also trust you enough not to take advantage of me when I’m baked. So I knew in the back of my mind that I’d much rather kiss you, than say, Austin or Tim or Eric. You respect me, John, and that’s something I really appreciate,” Annie said sincerely.

“So we’re still friends right? The kiss wasn’t nothing, it was something, but we’re friends? I, um, don’t wanna lose you, Ann.”

“Of course we’re still friends, dumbass,” she smiled, pushing his shoulder playfully. “Now come on, before my brother sends a search party for us.”

And as they walked up the stairs, John swore to god that he had just tossed his heart to the wolves. There it was -the perfect chance to tell Annie how much he really fucking liked that kiss- and he let it go. He just let it go. Why the hell would he do that? Annie had just said such nice things about him, which were surprisingly genuine coming from her. Things that didn’t necessarily point to the friend zone. Yet he acted like he was totally cool with being just friends.

“Are you fucking kidding me,” the girl next to him groaned as they stepped into the apartment. Their friends were running around the room, turning on fans and opening windows. It was hot as hell in there.

“Air conditioner’s broken, isn’t it?” John asked as Jared ran past him.

“Yeah, man. God, we leave the house for an hour, come back, and shit’s gone to hell,” he cursed, flipping through the phone book to most likely find a repair guy. It might have been February, but in Arizona, it’s eternally summer. Literally.

“I hate my life,” Annie mumbled, dragging herself into her room and flopping down on her bed.

“I bet you’d love it a lot more if you were hittin’ it with a certain lead singer,” Macy smirked, walking into the room.

“God, Macy, shut up! John and I are nothing.”

“Did you see the way he kept looking at you during breakfast-”

“No, I did not, because he wasn’t looking at me. Not in any special way. Trust me, I’m the one that knows him. And that’s just his face.”

“Mmm, whatever, baby. Keep on deluding yourself,” her best friend argued, opening the window next to the bed.

“We even just talked about us kissing last night, and we both agreed that we’re just friends.”

“Ya’ll are pretty close friends, if you ask me..”

“Well I didn’t ask you, did I?” Annie snapped, getting off the bed and stomping out to the living room, taking a seat next to Austin on the couch. He automatically put his arm around Annie’s shoulders; it was a knee-jerk reaction. Macy might have been her very best friend, but at least Austin didn’t try to force her into admitting something that wasn’t true.

“Austin?” she asked quietly, barely able to be heard over the tv. She didn’t want the other boys to hear her.

“Yeah, pretty lady?” he replied, not taking his eyes off the tv.

“You didn’t kiss Macy last night, right?”

When she asked that, his head snapped around to face her. “No, Ann. Why?”

“Cause you’re my best friend. You’re my boy, and she can’t have you.”

Austin chuckled at her young her voice sounded. “Of course I’m yours,” he laughed, flashing a charming smile before turning back to the tv.

When Macy joined them in the living room, taking a seat next to Eric, Annie cuddled more into Austin’s side, as if to show Macy that she didn’t care about John. There was nothing going on there. Nothing.

John was a good kisser and he made a good pillow and he was so much fun to hang out with and, god, he was attractive, but they were just friends. Roommates.

Right?

“Ah, god Annie, it’s too hot to cuddle. Sorry, baby,” Austin sighed, lightly extracting himself from her arms.

“The air conditioner still isn’t working?”

“Nah, but a repair guy’s coming in later to look at it,” Jared answered, pressing buttons on his iPhone.

“But I wanna cuddle,” she pouted, glancing around the room to see who her next available victim was.

And fate have it, there he was. John, the only guy with space next to him on the chair. He caught her looking at him and smiled, sending her stomach into jitters.

No. No stomach jitters. She would go over there and sit with John, and prove to Macy -and herself- that John was just a friend. If she could cuddle with any of the other guys and not have an issue, then damn it, she could cuddle with John, too.

“Hi,” he whispered as she dropped herself onto the cushion next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder and tucking her feet under her legs. God, it was comfy.

John lifted an arm to put around her shoulders, and Annie could feel her best friend’s eyes on them. And not only Macy, but basically everyone else in the room, too.

“Why are they looking at me like I’m a zoo animal?” she whispered to the boy next to her.

“It’s just because they’re jealous. Of how hot we are,” he answered, earning a smile from her.

“I guess so. I mean, can’t a girl just cuddle without being stared at?” She might have hated physical contact, but man, she didn’t mind John’s arm around her and she didn’t mind his knee pressed against hers.

What the hell was happening?

***

“Annie,” Macy sighed, sitting next to her on a lawn chair under the dark Arizona night sky. Annie could sit at stare at the stars for hours; it was so different than how she remembered it being here. In Chicago, chances of seeing any stars were slim-to-none. But here, the sky captivated her every night. Staring at it helped clear her head.

She’d been feeling claustrophobic all day, with the amount of people in the apartment and the air conditioning broken and her irritation at, well, everything. She needed fresh air.

So after dinner, she’d slipped out of the room and onto the balcony, her pack of Marlboro Lights in hand. The cool breeze, along with her faithful cigarettes, was doing a good job calming her down.

“Please don’t be mad at me, Ann. You know it’s my job as your best friend to tell you what’s up, and that’s just what I was doing earlier. You know that,” Macy said again, her soft voice blending in with the wind.

“Yeah, I know. I’m not mad.”

“So what’s the matter, babe? You’ve been out here for almost two hours, all by yourself.”

“Huh,” Annie commented, continuing to stare up at the sky. “You sound like my aunt.”

“Well, she’s not around anymore, for you. So someone has to sound like her.”

All that got was a shrug from the blonde.

“Ann, please talk to me. We haven’t talked about.. you know, what happened to make you leave. And I miss you. I want to know what’s wrong.”

“God, Macy, I dunno..” she drawled, taking another drag from the stick between her lips before letting out a long sigh. “I feel like shit. Some days it’s all I can think about.”

“Jared told me you’ve been seeing a therapist. Has that helped?”

“Yeah, a bit. I just hate making a big deal out of it. I hate keeping it a secret from all of my friends. I hate being scared of every goddamn person I pass on the street.”

“You know that Jared would never let anything happen to you again, Ann, it’s okay-”

“I’m not going to be attached to my brother’s side for the rest of my life, Macy.”

“But you know how to take care of yourself, now. I’m not saying what happened to you was a good thing, but good things can always come out of the bad, Annie,” the brunette said. “You might not feel strong, but you are. You took this experience and became stronger and wiser because of it. I’m so proud of you, Ann, and I don’t want you to put life on hold because of what happened. It’s not fair to you, and I want you to try your best to live life to the fullest, okay?”

Annie turned and faced her best friend for the first time, feeling tears prick the corners of her eyes. “I’ll try, Macy. I’ll try, but I don’t know how well that’s gonna go.”

“Just promise me, if you want to do something and I’m not here to force you into it, you’re not gonna hold back. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Do you promise?”

“Yes, Mace, I promise,” Annie said, a smile making its way onto her face. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby girl. Now put that fucking cigarette down and let’s go inside, it’s freezing out here. Plus, I think the boys were playing blackjack,” she winked, her eyes twinkling like one of the stars above their heads.

“Wait, one more thing.”

“What is it?”

“Well, I was thinking, about what you nagged me about earlier...”

“John?” Macy asked, a grin spreading across her lips.

“Mhm,” Annie admitted. “And, I dunno, I guess you were right. Sorta.”

“I knew it! You like him!” Macy squealed, clapping her hands and laughing.

“No! I just, um, have a crush on him. Nothing serious. He’s just, I dunno, fun to hang out with. That’s all.”

“Okay, do you remember what you just promised me? About not holding back?”

“Oh, don’t push your luck,” Annie scoffed, standing up and making her way to the door. She knew, far, far in the back of her mind, that Macy was right. But there was no way in hell that she’d ever admit it. “John O’Callaghan is just a boy.”

She repeated those words to herself over and over the rest of the night, forcing them to be true.

John O’Callaghan is just a boy.