Good Love

“So what do you want to tell me, Tess?” Annie asked as the two blonde girls walked slowly down the sidewalk lining Jared’s apartment building. After Annie had thrown on some clothes and put her blonde hair into a messy bun atop of her head, Tessa had dragged her outside for a walk. Surprisingly, the weather wasn’t too bad. Actually, it felt just right. Every other time Annie had flown down to Arizona for her annual visits, it’d been summer and deathly hot out. Now, it was a comfortable heat, considering winter had arrived.

“You’re not going to make me talk about it, are you?” Annie prompted, vowing in her head to refuse to talk about it even if Tessa did want her to.

“No. See, after Jared told me what happened, I guess I just thought... I should probably tell you what happened to me, too.”

That piqued her interest. “Did you... did it happen to you too?” She didn’t think she had the guts to actually say it out loud.

Tessa sighed and pursed her lips before answering, her eyes squinting from the bright sun overhead. “Yeah. When I was fifteen. I was walking down the street at night, on my way home, and I got jumped. He, uh, dragged me into the back of his car. When he was done with me, he just dumped me out on the road.”

“Oh my god, Tess. What did you do?”

“I laid there for a little bit. Didn’t think I’d be able to get up. But then I found my cell phone and called my parents.”

“Did they catch the guy who did it?”

She shook her head. “There was no way for us to find out who it was. But don’t get upset over it, Annie. It’s alright. I’ve gotten over it by now. It was scary, yes, but I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone. I’m here, okay?”

Annie nodded, not knowing what to say. There weren’t really words that expressed the sickening twist in her gut.

The two girls rounded the corner, heading slowly back towards Jared’s apartment. After a few minutes, Annie spoke up again.

“Have you told a lot of people? Or is it better to just... try to act like it never happened?” Annie thought that maybe, just maybe, if she could pretend it didn’t happen, she’d feel better eventually.

“Oh, god, no, Annie. Don’t ever act like it never happened. The sick asshole who hurt you doesn’t deserve to get off that well, even. You don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to, though, hun. I’ve only told my parents, Jared, and my closest friends.”

Annie sighed and nodded. At this point, she felt so drained. Almost emotionless, even. She couldn’t imagine telling anyone else, now. Jared and Tessa knew, and that was enough. She felt a tiny balloon of relief inflate in her chest; no one else had to know. No one else would give her pitiful looks and treat her like a porcelain doll. Of course, her aunt and best friend back in Chicago knew, but that was different. “Tess, does it ever go away? The memories? Do you ever forget?”

Tessa gave her a small, sad smile. “Maybe we can forget someday, but it’s been seven years since it happened to me. I can still remember it pretty well. I’m sorry, Annie.”

Annie sighed, wishing her answer could have been different. She’d give anything to forget.

“Annie, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but I have to ask one thing. How bad was it? Not the... you know... but how bad did he hurt you?” Tessa asked, before the two headed into the apartment building.

Annie hesitated, but gave in. It was Tessa; if she couldn’t trust her, then who could she trust?

“See the bruises under my eyes?” Annie asked, pointing to her face. Tessa nodded. “He gave me those. And these,” she said, lifting up her shirt a little. Then she pushed the sleeves of her shirt up, revealing even more bruises. “They’re all from him. Because I fought back. My best friend found me unconscious in an alley near my apartment.”

Tessa gasped, her hand automatically raising up to cover her mouth, and then pulling the other girl into a tight hug. “Oh, god, Annie. That son of a bitch. He deserves to rot in hell.”

“Don’t they all?”

***

Annie sighed as she pulled out clothes from one of her suitcases, folding them and placing them into the dresser of her new room. Jared had, of course, insisted that she stay with him.

“We have an extra room, Annie! Please, just stay here. It’ll make me feel better. Plus, I miss you. It’ll be like when we were kids!” he’d pleaded. Though in reality, he had no reason to plead. It’s not like Annie had somewhere else to go.

“Alright, Jare. I’ll stay. Are you sure your roommate won’t mind, though?”

“Of course not. He’s my best friend; he understands that shit happens sometimes. I called him up earlier and made sure he was fine with it. He’s a great guy, Annie. I promise,” he said, as if Annie were afraid of “getting hurt” again.

"But you didn't tell him why I'm here, right?" she asked, her pulse rising.

"No, sis, of course not."

She wished everyone would stop walking on glass around her.

So here she was, officially moving in to her new room. She prayed that things would be better here.

Hopefully, Jared’s roommate was a great guy like Jared said he was. That would make her stay here that much more pleasant. She didn’t know what she would do if he was some obnoxious asshole like seventy-five percent of the guys back home.

Home.

She caught herself calling Chicago something that it could no longer claim. Chicago wasn’t home and never would be, anymore. It was just a cursed city that she’d never return to. Home was once again Tempe, Arizona. So far, it was only half as promising as Chicago had been when she’d first moved away.

Annie sighed, pulling the final handful of clothes from her last suitcase. Then, she moved on towards her carry-on bag, digging out everything and laying it on the end of the bed, which was a plain and simple black cotton comforter and white sheets with a wrought iron headboard. Annie smiled; it was exactly what she would have picked out herself. It was as if Jared knew she’d be coming all along. Like he was waiting for her to come home.

Instead of finishing unpacking, she crawled under the sheets and covered herself, hugging an extra pillow to her chest. She felt like crying and smiling all at once; Jared had to be the best big brother a girl could ask for. After all, he’d never treated her with anger when she’d moved away (though he’d been a bit disappointed), he’d never hurt her even though they of course had their fights, and he even made the decision to let her live with him before he even knew why she was there in the first place.

Annie lay there for a bit, until her cellphone began ringing with the all-too-familiar ringtone. Normally, she’d just ignore the call, but the sounds resonating through the room signaled that it was her best friend calling; they of course had set up special ringtones for each other.

She hopped out of bed and scrambled for her phone, which was plugged in to an outlet on the floor.

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, you picked up! Annie, I’ve been going crazy! Where the hell are you?!”

“I’m sorry, Macy, I’ve had my phone turned off.” Annie’d been preparing for this conversation. After turning her phone back on for the first time in two days, the phone calls, voicemails, and texts were sure to have piled up.

“God, do you know how worried about you I’ve been? I came over to check on you, and your aunt told me you left. She said you left! I’ve been worried sick, is how goddamn worried I’ve been, Annabelle Monaco! And to make it even worse, you can’t even answer your fucking phone!”

“Macy! Macy, calm down! I’m okay. I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to deal with anyone, alright? I’m in Arizona.”

“You’re in Arizona? What’s in Arizona?” Macy shrieked, still clearly freaking out. Normally, she was the resilient and even-tempered one of their friendship and Annie was the rash and uncontrollable one. But Annie guessed she’d given Macy plenty of reasons to freak out.

“Jared is in Arizona, remember? My brother?”

“So you’re staying with him, then?”

“Yeah, I am. Sorry, for not telling you. But I just... I can’t stand it, being in that city, Mace. I just can’t do it,” Annie said, sighing and crawling back into bed.

Macy was silent for a few seconds. “I guess I understand. I wouldn’t want to live here, either. But what about school? And your aunt?”

“I dropped out. I was failing, anyways.” Annie felt so weak.

“But -oh god, Annie. How are you? Are you alright?”

“As good as I can be, I guess. I wish you’d stop making a big deal out of it though.”

“Well, it is a big fucking deal, Annie. I just want to make sure you’re doing alright.”

“I am, Macy. Really. I’m going to head to sleep now, ‘kay? I’ll call you later,” Annie said, hating lying to her best friend. But she really didn’t think she could handle their conversation for much longer. She loved Macy as if they were sisters, but pity only made her feel worse.

“Alright. Make sure to call me. Or you better bet your ass I will call you.”

“I will, I will. Bye, Mace,” Annie said, waiting for a goodbye from her friend before ending the call. She turned her phone off again, setting it on top of her dresser.

Instead of going to sleep like she supposedly was, she prodded through the things from her carry-on bag that she’d neglected to earlier. She grabbed her small, wooden, lockable old cigar box full of cash she’d collected over the years -her emergency supply. It’d been months since she counted how much was in there, but she was sure the money had to have accumulated by now. Buying a plane ticket to Phoenix was the first time she’d even taken money out in three years.

Annie fished around for the key, locked the box, and hid it under her bed. Not knowing what else to do with the key, she grabbed her favorite book -Looking For Alaska- and, after grabbing a role of tape from a drawer in the kitchen, taped her key on the inside cover. Laying the book down on an empty space on the abandoned bookshelf, she returned to the rest of her belongings.

Suddenly feeling exhausted, she grabbed everything -which really only included an assortment of Chapstick, old jewelry, a paper-clipped stack of old photographs, some random folded papers she’d kept for some odd reason, a framed picture of her beloved calico cat that’d died earlier that year, and her old, hand-me-down film camera, a prized possession. If there was anything Annie loved, it was that cat and her cameras.

“Fat cat,” she said softly, smiling and setting the frame up on her nightstand along with her camera, before turning off the light and curling up under the covers, letting the darkness overtake her.