Act Your Age

#Taylor#

Is this real? A month ago, I was worried I'd never be able to set foot on the ice again, and here I am, staring down at an old friend I have missed dearly.

I ditched Ronni to turn on some music, so skating wouldn't be a complete bore. I couldn't even hear it though. As soon as I opened the gate, everything fell silent. The only audible sounds were my heart thumping like a jackhammer and my breaths, growing more uneven as the time passed by.

Part of me wanted to wait for Ronni... after all, this was a lot of her hard work too that was about to pay off, but at the same time... it was a huge moment for me, and it was kind of personal. I was shaking, I was so excited and nervous. My knee was practically begging me to test it out, and so I did.

I carefully placed my left skate down on the ice, putting some pressure on it. I steadied myself as I put my other skate down as well. Step onto the ice: check. I soaked it all in. I looked around me, stared up at the stands, wondered if any of its future and past occupants missed me.

I glanced at center ice and established it as my target. I slowly put one foot in front of the other, constantly gauging my knee as I went. Once I felt more comfortable, I sped up. I tried a few laps around the rink. My knee felt a little weak, and for a moment, I thought it would give out, but it held strong.

I hadn't realized it, but I was laughing. I raced over to center ice and just flopped onto my back, cackling like a wild hyena as I went. I was out of breath, but I didn't care. I was so happy. "Yes!" I screamed, throwing my hands in the air.

My usual sensations had begun to return to me the longer I sat there. The music became louder, the ice chilled my backside, and I could no longer focus on my heartbeat. I was about to chant again when I felt something hit my stomach. I flew up to see what caused the pain only to find Ronni sitting in front of me, grinning. "Someone's happy." she commented with a grin.

I lightly shoved her before caving and giving her a huge hug. "Thank you..."

She laughed into my shoulder, trying to pull away and look at me, but I wasn't letting go. "For what?' she questioned.

"For giving me my life back..." I answered simply, lying back on the ground.

Ronni shook her head, moving the hair out of her red and cold face. "You did that yourself... I just guided you in the right direction. Come on." She stood up and held a hand towards me. I took it and stood up. "Besides, it'll be worth it when I can see you skate for real and score a couple goals." She winked at me.

"The first one will be for you..." I sighed with a grin. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss her.

Ronni opened her mouth like she was going to say something smart when the song abruptly changed. Her smiling face turned to that of sadness, confusion, anger, and I couldn't understand why. She couldn't look at me. She glared at the ground. "What... what song is this?" she asked quietly.

*Ronni*

It.. it couldn't be... not now... not right now, when everything was going so well. "What song is this?" I just barely choked it out. It was so low, I didn't know if he actually heard me or not. My eyes were watering, and I knew I couldn't stop what was coming next.

"Uh, Summertime, by Sublime. But it's just a cover-"

Every word after Summertime faded away; I could only hear the deep humming of the song. It slowly morphed into the one voice I missed the most. I remembered when I broke my ankle and my dad sang the song to me to stop me from crying. I remembered my dad taking me to the beach with my mom, building sand castles, playing in the water, and humming it. I remembered the funeral, when it played while he was being buried.

All the events I had been holding back, suppressing, hiding away in the recesses of my mind, had somehow resurfaced... just by the simple tune of the song. I could practically feel my head cracking as the memories overflowed the sturdy damn I had constructed in my brain to keep them contained.

I was sobbing. I couldn't figure out where to run to. Part of me knew that Jordan was probably in the building and that I should have gone to him for comfort, but considering Taylor was the closest one... That's a lie. If I was being honest, I would have looked for Taylor before Jordan, and I couldn't quite articulate why.

I fell to my knees, holding my hands over my mouth as I cried like a baby. Actually, at first, I gasped for a while, attempting to restrain tears that had been waiting to fall for three long years. I was suddenly aware of how cold it really was in Rexall Place. I closed my eyes, hoping the painful reminders would disappear, especially the tortuous one playing boisterously throughout the stadium. I prayed Taylor would wrap his arms around me, rock me back and forth, and tell me it was going to be okay, that it was all a dream...

He did, for the most part. I felt him cradle me next to his solid body, making me feel safe and warm in his arms. Taylor was stroking my hair, shushing to calm me down. "What's wrong?" he asked. I just wailed louder. He tried to look at me, but I just hid my face in his chest, ashamed.

#Taylor#

"Ron... Ron, what's wrong? Come on... calm down I... it's okay." I whispered, petting her hair. What the fuck do I do? What's wrong with her? "Shh... shh... it's alright, it's alright. Just... just look at me for a second." Reluctantly, she pealed her wet face off of my chest and stared up at me. I knew something was wrong this morning, and it was especially evident now. I leaned forward and wiped the tears from her cheeks with my sweatshirt sleeve. "What's going on?"

She sniffled, not speaking for a moment. "I... I..." Ronni sputtered and wiped her red nose. As inappropriate as it seems, part of me wanted to call her Rudolf and see if it made her laugh. Somehow, I think that would have made things worse. "He... it's..." She tried again, but only started crying harder.

"Shh.... no, no, it's okay, you don't have to tell me just... shh...." I brought her back in for a hug and held her there tightly. "It's okay." I stroked her hair again, resting my head on top of hers. Ronni was slowly relaxing, just sitting in my arms silently. Try something.. Anything! "I killed my goldfish once..."
Ronni backed away from me and gave me the strangest look I'd ever seen. "You...? So?" she asked, confused. She was shivering, maybe from the cold, so she wrapped her arms around herself. "Why-"

"I was like seven and I had this toy with glittery-water in it and I was playing with it over the fishbowl and.... it popped. Dexter accidentally inhaled some sparkles and died..." I sighed and looked at her, but she was still lost.

"I don't get... why did you tell me that?" she pressed, crossing her legs in front of her.

I shrugged and touched the ice with my finger. I traced one of the cuts I had made in the ice with my blade, keeping my eyes firmly on her. "I thought... whatever you're crying about, can't be all that bad. I mean... I killed my one and only pet."

Ronni was glaring at me. She didn't say anything, just sat and glowered as if I had shown her a dead mouse or something. Then, her grimace gradually transformed into this goofy smile. She still had tears on her face, but Ronni burst out laughing. She covered her mouth with her hand as she snorted. I love it when she does that.

"What-why are you laughing?" I questioned, annoyed. "This isn't funny!"

She shook her head and tried to stifle a giggle. "No-no... of course not.. I would never-"

"You're laughing at me! I was trying to share something personal!" I insisted. Ronni gave me the most serious look she could muster, but it was a feeble attempt. I started laughing just because she looked so ridiculous. The two of us sat across from each other, cackling like fools. Okay, so maybe it wasn't the saddest thing I could share, but still!

She shook her head. "I'm sorry..."

"Well... it made you laugh." I reminded her. She nodded and smiled. "Is it that bad?" I asked after a minute or so of silence.

Ronni followed by example and traced a slash in the ice with her finger. "Oh, it's way worse." I didn't say anything, partially because I was wordlessly praying that my frigid ass would warm the fuck up. I waited until she explained, though; I wasn't letting her leave until she felt better about whatever it was that was making her cry. She took a deep breath. "Today... my dad died.... three years ago."

"I...I'm sorry." It was all I could think to say. She rolled her eyes, but I don't think it was intentional. "Really..." I reached for her hand and pulled it off the ice. I squeezed it until she made eye contact with me. "That sucks... you don't deserve to live with this... Bad stuff happens to wonderful people."

She smirked. "It's alright... I just... this day is always hard, and I haven't really dealt with it. This is the first time I think I've actually acknowledged it..." I cocked my head to the side. And you're sharing it with me? "And you're the first person I'm sharing it with...."

"Uh... I could go get Jordan-" I began. This is kind of weird, now that I think about it. She shook her head. "Okay.. well, do you want to talk about it?" I asked nervously. Ronni nodded. She got up and walked over to the boards, sitting down against them. I plopped down next to her and waited for her to speak.

*Ronni*

I probably sat like that for a while, propped up against the boards by center ice, looking at the penalty box. My concept of time was a bit off considering how fuzzy my brain felt. I didn't know if I really wanted to. Then again, I needed to if any of it was going to get better. Am I really going to talk about it? With him? Of all people?

Yes. "Well... three years ago, my dad and I had gotten into a f-fight... A fight over my future. Where I was going to go, what I was going to do, college, all that jazz..." I instinctively started tracing a cut in the ice, on the side of my body where Taylor wasn't, for fear he would stop me again. It made me feel better. "He said I could do what I want, as long as I went to school... he was nice like that."

"Sounds like a good dad... from what I'm hearing so far." he laughed quietly, putting a hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, not looking at him. "I know, but I was mad at the time.. he wouldn't let me go to a party or something stupid like that. So, I lied. I told him that I didn't want to be a physical therapist, in fact, I didn't want to go anywhere at all, as we had planned."

"Oh... was he mad?" Taylor asked, staring at me.

I smirked and nodded again, staring at the penalty box still. "He told me to go up to my room and not to come out until I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life." Taylor and I just looked at each other and started laughing. "I know... simple task for a seventeen year old, right? I mean... I know, he wasn't being completely serious about the whole 'know your future' thing, but I was tired of him breathing down my neck about it. So, I got in my car, and left."

"To.. go to the party?" Taylor wondered.

I liked the fact that he was asking questions; it meant that he was actually paying attention to the story. "No... I was just driving around, trying to clear my head and calm down... What I didn't know, was that soon after I left, my father followed." My face dropped. I hated this part. My finger froze on the ice and thankfully, Taylor distracted me by holding my other hand. He must have noticed the shift in behavior. I heaved a sigh and continued. "Once I drove around for half an hour, I went home to find my mom, crying on the porch and a cop car sitting in front of the house."

"They sent the cops after you?" Taylor boomed, breaking my concentration. I whirled around and glared at him. He shrank back. "Sorry..."

I let out a short laugh. "No, they didn't call the cops... My dad... They were there because... It was raining hard that night, and it was hard to see anything. Apparently, my dad had hydroplaned while turning a corner. He hit a light post and crashed his car..." It was hard to get out the rest. Every word felt like sandpaper as it scratched up through my throat and out of my mouth. "No one else was hurt... just him and... He was dying, when we got there, there was no way they could save him, even if they did rush to the hospital..."

"That..." Taylor began but fell silent.
I shrugged and wiped my eyes before any tears could fall. "I watched him die there... in an ambulance. It was only a block away from our house. I still feel weird driving by the intersection on my way home." He opened his mouth, probably to apologize, but I wasn't finished. "I didn't get to say I'm sorry... They wouldn't let my mom or I close enough until they were sure they couldn't save him and... by that time, it was too late."

"Ronni..." he sighed, placing an arm around my shoulder and hugging me tightly. "It's okay-"

I shook my head. "No... no it's not... but it will be, eventually..." He gave me a peck on the head and rubbed my shoulder. "They say he died from a combination of things.. a huge loss of blood and his major organs were injured. Without the blood, he didn't even have a fighting chance... his body couldn't heal itself... and the last thing I said to him was 'Get out of my life.' How-"

"Don't start." he said firmly. I narrowed my eyes at him, ready to argue. "What? I'm not allowed to feel guilty-?" I started, crossing my arms over my chest.

He shook his head. "No. It's not your fault. None of it."

"If I hadn't-" I started again. It was my fault. He only went out there because of me...

Taylor grabbed me by the shoulders and stared hard at me. "No. It's nobody's fault. No one could have predicted it and... it just happened. There was nothing you could do about it." He was kind of right. "You can't carry that around with you... It's going to weigh you down... let it go."

I nodded and sighed. The guilt had been a burden. But, I had never talked to anyone about it in the first place, so it was subtly driving me insane. "Still... the last words I said... that must have hurt. He was probably so mad-"

Taylor grinned. I didn't know why. "So? Dads and kids fight. Besides, seventeen years of love can't be erased in five minutes of arguing..."

"Still. I mean... If I had known-" I started.

He shook his head. "You didn't... There was no way of knowing. I'm positive that, wherever he is, he still knows you love him, no matter what and... he understands but... you can't bottle this up. I mean, it's great that you can talk to me but.. talk to your friends, your mom too. That way, maybe you won't cry whenever this song comes on."

I did feel better. A weight was lifted off my shoulders; no matter how difficult it was to let the words fall from my lips, it made all the difference because now, I felt calmer, less stressed and just... happier. Then I started crying again, tears of joy, this time. I had finally told someone a secret that had been eating away at me for years and now, it had stopped. I didn't feel guilty, or as guilty about it. I will always feel bad for what I said, because that's just me. I still feel bad for making fun of Taylor's maturity the day I met him.

I wiped my tears and smirked at Taylor. I opened my mouth to say something, Thanks, I think, when he leaned towards me, placed his hand on my back, brought me close, and kissed me.

#Taylor#

It was impulsive. I couldn't help it. She looked beautiful, even when crying. When she started crying again, even after I did my best to cheer her up, I did the only thing I could think of to make her smile again. Except, in actuality, it probably wasn't the only thing I could have done, but it was more fun for me.

She kissed my back, if I'm not mistaken. Her lips matched mine perfectly. Ronni wrapped her arms around my neck and I brought her onto my lap. We sat there, tongues dancing, for about a minute, before it dawned on both of us.

"Taylor...?" she sighed, forehead resting on mine. "Did you just-"

"I'm sorry..." I huffed, letting her go. She stayed on my lap, looking at me. Don't touch her. Don't! Jordan. Jordan-think of him. "I didn't..."

Ronni grinned. "You liiiiiiiike me!" she sang. I rolled my eyes and wiped my mouth with my sleeve. "Admit it, you like me!" Ronni grabbed my hands and started swinging them around like jump ropes. "You like me."

I shook my head. "Ronni-" I couldn't even get a word out before she started singing again. "No, I-" I began. This is wrong, wrong WRONG!

She was laughing. Ronni poked my cheeks and teased. "Are you blushing?"

I swatted her hands away, but they kept returning to further embarrass me. "Shut up! I was just trying to make you feel better." I laughed at my weak attempt at saving myself. "Quit it, I'm warning you!"

Ronni nodded. "Oh, you made me feel better alright." She laughed, poking my cheeks again.

I grabbed her wrists and pinned her back onto the ice. Ronni gasped, trying to wiggle free of my grasp. I grinned and gently let go. "If I'm not mistaken, you like me too."

"According to who?" she asked. Ronni crossed her arms over her chest, eyebrows arched high. "Hmm?"

I laughed, and pointed to her. "You. I heard you and Magnus talking... I heard him blab my secret." Ronni's face was now the red one. "Yeah! That's what I thought!" I howled.

She rolled her eyes. "We're some fucked up people Taylor... What are we going to-"

"Nothing." I assumed she was talking about Jordan, but I didn't think she was fit to deal with it at the moment. She stared at me, waiting for an explanation. "Just.. go home... relax. Hang with your friends... We'll deal with it later." Because that's been working out great so far. Just push it off until later. We'll deal with it... eventually. And by eventually, I mean never!

She gave me a weird look. "I mean... but are we... what are we going to do about us?"

I shrugged. "I don't know... I mean we could try... but I... I think I just need to skate." 'I just need to skate' You're so lame.

*Ronni

I nodded. We were rushing into something and we didn't even know what it was, like two blinds kids racing for a tornado. "Right..." I agreed, standing up. "We'll talk, later. I'm going to go hang with my friends for a bit... figure things out..." Taylor stood too and gave me a quick hug before skating towards center ice. I was at the gate, one foot on the rubber floor when I called his attention. "You know... you do this to me a lot."

"Do what?" he asked, swirling around to face me.

I smirked. "Mess with my head."

"And you're not guilty of that too?" he shot back with a grin.

I shook my head and walked off of the ice. Once off, I unlaced the skates, found my sneakers, and put the skates back where we had found them. Then, I walked out to my car, and drove to my apartment. I had to admit, I was pretty happy... Maybe things were finally looking up for us.

I got home to find Annie and Phoebe sitting down with Kevin and some sleaze ball that I took chemistry with last year. He's been known for using girls, and he's also friends with Kevin.

"Uh... hey guys." I greeted when I walked in. They were smushed together on the couch, watching a movie.

Annie grinned and waved. "Watching National Treasure."

"Yes, the most artistic and intellectual movie this world has ever seen..." Phoebe mumbled quietly under her breath. "How was Taylor?" She asked, face hopeful. I couldn't tell whether she was still worried about my anger towards her, or if she was just nervous about Taylor.

I gave her a friendly look, or what I thought was one, calming both lingering jitters. "Well..." My smiling probably gave it away too. "he skated today." The two of them ran over and hugged me.

"I'm so proud of him-you both of you!" Anni cheered.

Phoebe added, "We should celebrate! Dinner tonight, and then-"

"Who?" Kevin inquired from his spot on the couch. He paused the movie, standing up. He crossed his arms over his chest, disapprovingly. "Who is this?"

I coughed, forgetting he was there. "Taylor. He's-" I began.

Annie stepped towards him, hands on her hip, and continued, "A friend. Why?" She looked so cute when she was angry... like a mad kitten or bunny. But when you got too close, it was like she turned into a mountain lion.

"First it's that Ryan kid, now-" he growled, taking a step towards Annie.

She threw her hands in the air. "First of all, it's just Ryan. Secondly, nothing happened. Thirdly, I hardly know Taylor! And- you know... may I speak to you... outside?"

Kevin balled his hands into fists but reluctantly followed Annie out of the apartment, leaving me with Phoebe and sleaze. I looked from Phoebe to sleaze who was standing up. I really should learn this kids name. But do I care enough? Ehh...

"Right, well... Derek, It's been fun but... you know, Ronni and I have some... studying to do so... I'll see you... later." Phoebe blathered as she opened the door. Derek, who was gaping at the time, walked out without a word, shocked. Once we were positive that he was in the elevator, I looked to Phoebe for an explanation. "He probably thought we were going to do it."

I grinned and patted her on the back. "Look at you, Ms. Thang. I'm so proud." I gave her a tight squeeze before hopping over to the couch.

"Are we okay...?" she asked, anxiously. I opened my mouth to respond, but she kept talking. "Because, I'm super sorry. I... I know what you said, I was just... I've been... I can't just-"

I gave her a hug and patted her head to my shoulder. "I don't care... honestly. Just... know you can talk to me, okay?" Phoebe returned the hug, not letting go for a minute or too.

"I promise, I won't touch him again. I know you... Well, I don't like him like that and..."

I laughed and tightened my grip on her. She better not like him like that... Once we pulled apart, I finally sat down and groaned, "Ugh... I'm so beat."

"Why?" she asked, sliding next to me and passing me some popcorn.

I gratefully took a handful and popped one in my mouth. "Had to workout with Taylor... but I mean, he's on the ice!" I hadn't realized it, but I was still smiling like a weirdo.

"I know, that's great but... you seem really happy... like really really happy... which, I mean, it's not bad but... it can't be just because of his accomplishments, can it?" she asked, crunching a piece of popcorn between her teeth.

I grinned. She'll get it out of you sooner or later. I gushed, like a teenage girl. I told her about the chat I had with Magnus, the training with the guys, me spilling my heart out to Taylor and, yes, the kiss. I was still smiling by the end of it; I felt like a giddy school girl.

"Well, good for you! But... what about Jordan?" she asked.

I frowned, eating more popcorn. "I don't know... I have to tell him. I just don't want to." I laughed. She rolled her eyes at me. "I'll do it once Taylor is on the ice and everything else is back to normal. Maybe then it won't be such a shock to his system."

"I think it's going to be a shock either way. Does Taylor agree with this?" she wondered. I shrugged. "You're going to talk about it though?" I nodded. "Where is he now?"

"Rink..." I wanted to be back there now. I had to find something to get my mind off of it. "You know... I think I'm going to go on my laptop for a little bit, shower, and then text Jordan and Taylor
about dinner tonight." I stood up, patting Phoebe's thigh before going.

"Sounds good and... Ronni?" I was at the door to my room when I turned to face her. "You know... if you ever want to talk, about your Dad-"

I smiled and waved her off. "I-I know.. thanks." I blew her a kiss which she caught.

Phoebe blew one back when the door burst open. We both looked up to see Annie standing in the doorway with her hands in the air. "Kevin and I are officially broken up!" She cheered. Phoebe and I whooped loudly as she did a victory lap. I can honestly say I've never seen someone so happy about a break-up. "Why didn't either of you remind me how much I dislike the guy?"

"Kind of hard when you're sucking his face off..." I teased.

Annie turned on the couch and glared at me. "Why... why are you smiling so big?"

I rolled my eyes. "Here we go again." I chuckled before flopping on my bed.

Phoebe giggled, "I'll explain it... So basically..."

Her voice faded off into background noise as she recounted the story I had just spent fifteen minutes telling her. When on my laptop, I visited my facebook, I stumbled a bit on stumbleupon, and then I checked my email. I scrolled through each entry, tossing most of it into the trash section.

As I weeded out the random coupons and sales for stores I didn't like, I found that the remaining emails were from sports teams. I had one from Pittsburgh, asking me to be a physical therapist for the Steelers, two from Philadelphia, asking me to do sports medicine for the 76ers and the Phillies, one from L.A. for the Kings... the list went on and on.

The one that stuck out the most was the one for the Florida Panthers; like most of the other offers, the Panthers organization was asking that I transfer to some college in Florida, intern at the Bank Atlantic Center, and work there once I graduated.

I don't understand. How do these many teams, organizations know about me? I didn't do any interviews. I had never seen or met with these people before! How did they know I even existed? How did I make it on their radar.

On second thought, who cares! I'm going to Florida, bitch!

My heart was pounding as my future unfolded before my eyes. Ronni Mitchell, physical therapist and avid beach goer. Or, maybe, Ronni Mitchell, physical therapist and hardcore night club enthusiast! The possibilities were endless.

Endless, that is, until I read the last email in my inbox. It was from the Oilers. It wasn't the same bright and happy news I was getting from the other sports teams, however. I stared hard at the screen as I read it over.

Dear Ms. Mitchell,
We have been notified that you have been going against our code of conduct here at Rexall Place. An anonymous source has claimed to have witnessed you engaging in inappropriate behavior with a co-worker outside of the rink. We feel that it is unethical to maintain a romantic or otherwise improper relationship with clients or others in the workplace. And-

The email rambled on for a page and a half. My smile had suddenly diminished to nothing but a frown. They gave me a warning, a threat, really. If they saw me with Jordan, whom I assumed they were referring to, again, then I would be fired on the spot. Who ratted me out?