We're Stuck Halfway

“We’re going to a party,” Charlie informed Holly, who, just a few seconds before, entered the house with a frown and a heavy heart on. Charlie’s words did not help the state she was in.

For almost two years, Holly had been with Jesse almost every day of her life. It might have been an exaggeration, but the longest time they had been apart was a week tops – from then on they wouldn’t be seeing each other for three weeks because she couldn’t get a visa in time for his mini movie shot in China.

She wasn’t being clingy or anything; she was merely mistrustful. Not in Jesse, and somehow not even in herself, just in the people around her. It was all because of that fateful day in 2009… when Garrett barged into her dorm room with eyes full of so much hurt that she didn’t understand even up until that day.

He talked about parties

About pictures

About people

About trust

About love

About her

He didn’t look at her in the eyes the whole time, and she was glad for it because she couldn’t believe what was happening; seeing his blue eyes clearly with so much pain in them would hurt her even more than his words could. He was never good at separating his heart from his sleeve.

She suddenly felt Charlie next to her, hugging her comfortingly and bringing her back to reality with a can of Coke in hand. She didn’t even notice how she sat herself down on a couch in the living room, shaking horrendously.

“Hey.” Charlie lifted her face to smile at her. It was so laid-back that she actually envied Charlie for it. The Coke was nudged in her direction. “It’s only the heat coming back to you. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’m scared to sleepwalk and cheat on Jesse along the way,” she responded, sipping at the Coke and restraining herself from curling up into a ball. She still had three luggages and two handbags to unpack, but she felt so empty that she wanted to do nothing but sob and hide under her covers even if it was over a hundred degrees outside.

Charlie stiffened beside her, sighing. “Why are you thinking of him again? He’s not worth it at all.”

Holly couldn’t help it; she still liked Garrett a whole lot. Never mind the fact that he might have changed over the course of three years. There was simply something really wrong about the way that they broke up with each other. Rather, the way he broke up with her. So to back herself up, she sputtered out, “Because he is worth it. Compared to your party you want to attend, he is.”

Charlie took her face in both hands. “HOLLY, WILL YOU PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF? You sound disgusting.”

“Then I am disgusting!”

Charlie let go, and when Holly mentally declared that she was officially with no bestfriend, Charlie stood up and gestured towards the luggages. “You’re probably not in the mood to unpack, but I think it’s better than talking to you in the state you’re in.”



The uncomfortable heat rapidly grew into Holly once again. She was in California for over half a year, but it was hard to forget the twenty-one years she spent in Arizona beforehand.

“Okay, so… the party,” Charlie began, already trying to make conversation with the better-sensed Holly. She admitted that her mental breakdown might have been caused by the heat, but she refused to say anything else about it afterwards.

She felt much better, and she was capable of summoning her snarky side to take over her actions. She threw her head back in an almost drastic way, heaving a sigh. “I won’t go to that party.” She paused deliberately, glaring at Charlie. “I hate parties.”

She turned away as Charlie grumbled to herself, stacking the three unpacked bags on the ground and casting them away to the side of her room. She made a mental note to deal with them later and then surveyed the rest of the space. She painted it a pale teal a while back to keep it much cooler, matching it with her cream double bed that had a comforter the same color as her walls draped over it. She walked up to her alarm clock, a vintage Star Wars collectible in the shape of R2-D2 that she asked her mom to buy when she was eight.

5:34 PM

Five hours had passed since she first arrived, but it felt like home already. Looking at the neat dresser void of pictures, she pictured the dresser she used to have in her Gilbert home, covered with printed and developed pictures of family and friends, the walls of her old room covered with posters of bands she hung out with and bands she adored from a distance and bands she listened to while growing up. She thought about the laundry line she used for her millions of polaroid pictures, the multicolored Christmas lights and her favorite lyrics scrawled on her walls.

She ditched that room for this one, this clean room with little to no sign of her being the one who lived in it. She kept a scrapbook and a hard drive filled with pictures instead of having them printed out by then. The only thing that still felt truly her was the notebook.

He gave her that notebook.

It was the only thing she allowed herself to keep from those days back. His last gift to her. A Moleskine notebook.

She carefully took it out of her handbag, breathing deeply. It was clad with leather, as thick as her thumb and small enough to fit in her palm. She wrote in it whenever she felt lost, or whenever she needed guidance. Whenever she felt like thinking about him.

It always felt awfully wrong to keep wanting him that way. She had Jesse, after all, a guy many girls dreamed of having. A man many women would die to have kiss their lips and stroke their hair back.

She had to forget him.

So she wrote.



Someone coughed from behind her, and she quickly snapped the notebook shut, clicking the pen closed and turning around. Charlie was eyeing her with crossed arms through a glare.

To get out of what she knew what was coming, Holly stood up from her bed, surreptitiously shoving the notebook back into her bag. “I promised Jes that I’d call him once I’m done with unpacking. The trip back to LA is five hours and forty minutes; he’s probably at his house by now.”

Charlie raised a perfect brow at her. “Don’t you mean your house?”

Holly grimaced, thinking about the possibilities. “We’re not a married couple.”

In reply, Charlie scoffed. “Jesse’s gonna call you when he does get home, so while you wait for his call, let’s make use of your time and talk about the party we’re both going to tomorrow.”

The tone in Charlie’s voice was like a slap to Holly’s face. It was accompanied by a harsh gust of wind from the window care of the Arizona air. The setting sun used to be everything breathtaking to Holly, but the purple horizon just wasn’t all that anymore. Maybe it was the sour mood Holly was in causing her to think like that, or maybe it was Charlie’s. Nevertheless, she felt like poop.

“It’s a Warped Tour party, and Alex Gaskarth is going to be there, and I need the support of my bestfriend to actually have the guts to talk to someone like him.”

The words were out so fast that Holly had no time to comprehend anything but ‘Warped Tour.’ It was like a second slap to her face, considering that it was one of the reasons she lost Garrett to whatever it was she did lose him to. She stood remaining in the same spot, the cold wind sending chills up her spine and all over her body.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Charlie breathed, leaning on the doorway. “But please don’t do that. I called up Jerry earlier and asked him if they were going, but don’t you see? They’re not even on the damn tour! I don’t- I just want a break from this. I need something steady in my life, not only one night stands with guys who wouldn’t even look at me in the morning, guys who don’t like me for well- me.

“I feel- oh God, I can even tell sense know that Alex is going to be different.” She looked up at the ceiling. “I just know it. Please, please. You’ve gone for so long and…” She stopped herself, frustratingly rubbing at her eyes. She never got too emotional, and that was why she and Holly were such close friends. Holly’s emotions were all over the place while Charlie’s were normally kept inside a safe within the depths of her mind.

Holly returned to sitting down on the bed, uncertainty clouding her mind. She didn’t want to go. It wasn’t just because there was a possibility of them showing up. It wasn’t only because she was scared to arrive only to find him on the nearest couch making out with some random chick he picked up because she was attractive enough for him. It wasn’t even about him. It was all about Jesse. Parties and long distance relationships were never a good match.

But one look at Charlie caused the guilt to overflow. For a year and a half, Holly had hardly been in Arizona. They bought the house together two years ago, and they lived as free souls for six months as fresh college graduates, but one night in Los Angeles and Holly found herself caught up with a blond boy who had blue-green eyes and had a newfound fascination for a sincere guy in an industry filled with assholes.

She hadn’t meant to let Jesse in that easily, but he got past the walls she created like they were made of thin air rather than concrete and he swept her off her feet and convinced her to stay in California. She left Charlie in their cabin home. Alone. Without anyone. They didn’t even have any neighbors to surround their place with.

So she made a hasty decision and smiled at her best friend from across the room. “I’m not dressing like a groupie.”

Charlie laughed, going over to Holly’s bed to hug her. She was never as clingy before, Holly noticed. Sixteen months could do so much to people.

Especially three years.

She almost choked at the thought.