Chocolate Eyes

The day that Brian left was hard on EJ. Brian woke him up early for breakfast and the boy complained, rolling away from his father in his bed, claiming that there was no school on a Saturday and no reason for him to get up.

Brian crouched down at the edge of Evander’s bed and ran his fingers through the blonde hair. This was hard on him too, but he tried his best to conceal it. “EJ,” Bri murmured, running his fingers against his back, “Wake up and come spend the morning with me.”

The blonde rolled over and looked at his father. He was wide awake and unhappy. Brian cooed and wrapped his arms around the boy’s torso. He pulled the child from the sheets and Evander wrapped his limbs around his father’s waist. Brian clung to his son almost as much.

“Where are you going first?” Evander asked between bits of his waffles.

“I’m not sure,” Bri answered, “but I’ll email ‘Chelle our tour schedule when I get it so that you two can keep tabs on me.” He pushed the bowl of fruit towards his son.

“I thought we could map the tour,” Michelle said eagerly, “I found this big map of the US and I thought we could stick it on fridge and connect the lines every time they move to a new place.”

“You have a map?” EJ asked, sitting up on his knees to lean closer to his step-mom across the table, “Can I see it? Do you know where Dad is going to be?” He reached out and grabbed Michelle’s arm to stop her from taking a drink. He was desperate for an answer and looked at her with Brian’s big brown eyes.

“I’ll pull it out when we get home later,” she promised, referring to when they’d be back from dropping Brian off at the tour bus. She had wanted to give him something to look forward to. The plan had been to keep EJ connected to Brian and her. Their relationship was getting better, but the boy didn’t fall in beside her as easily as he did with Brian, and this would be something for them to do together.

Brian gave his son a quick bath after breakfast and the little boy lagged. “I’m not done yet,” he complained when Brian reached for his hooded towel.

“You’re clean,” Bri answered, “It’s safe to get out.” He stood out and held the towel out for Evander to walk into, but the child refused.

“I don’t want to get out. There’s more time.” He frowned and slid down under the water so he couldn’t hear Brian’s response. Brian sighed and tossed the towel to the toilet seat. He pushed his sleeves up and reached down to lift his son out. EJ was limb in his arms, revolting against getting out.

Brian set him down on his feet and grabbed the towel. He put the hood on E’s head and wrapped the rest around him. Brian rubbed the towel against his hair and skin until he was mostly dry. Evander stayed quiet, wrapped up like a protesting burrito.

“Come on, man,” Bri murmured lightly. He lifted Evander up like a baby and maneuvered out of the doorway, careful not to bump the boy’s head or feet. He took him back into his room and set him down without a word. EJ’s attitude was brushing off on Brian and every moment closer that they got to Brian leaving, the worse Bri felt about the whole situation.

EJ sat down on his bed, wrapped in the towel, and watched his dad picked out his clothes. He was quiet for awhile, his eyes lingering on Brian, and then asked, “Are you going to be back before Kyle get here?”

Brian turned around at the name. “Of course, sweetheart,” he answered instantly, “We’re going to be home way before Matt and Val’s baby comes. None of us would miss that for the world, Ev.”

Matt and Val told Evander about their pregnancy the day that he found out the men were leaving for tour. One confession was accidental and the other had been planned since the Sanders’ learned the news themselves and shared it with their friends. Evander took it well and it brought on a whole list of questions that the child hadn’t thought of before. He’d spent the last month hanging out with the couple. He adored the idea of having a baby around and wanted to know everything about their baby. He’d even named the unborn child, despite not knowing the gender.

“What if you can’t come home?” EJ questioned, leaning into his dad, “Will I have to live with Michelle forever or can I live with Val and the baby?” He stopped talking and then another question jumped into his head. ”Actually, can I go with Val now?”

Brian wrapped am around around his son’s shoulders. “We’re coming home in a few months,” he reassured for the thousand’s time, “and to answer your question, no, you can’t go live with Valery. Michelle is your family, EJ, and you belong here with her.”

“But I wanna be with the baby,” he rebutted, turning towards his dad.

“You’ll be with them a lot,” he said, knowing it was the truth. Michelle and Valery spent most of their free time together and when the guys were gone, that became even more. And now that one of the twins was pregnant, Bri knew that ‘Chelle would hardly leave her sister alone.

Brian got his son dressed and brushed his hair and teeth. He left his son in the bathroom to finish up while he went and changed his own clothes. His bags were already waiting at the front door and Michelle had been bustling around the house all morning, trying to make sure that Brian had everything. He was so focused on EJ that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he walked out with nothing more than the child.

“E, come on!” Brian called from the top of the stairs.

The little boy hurried out of the bathroom, his sock clad feet sliding against the hardwood. He grabbed his dad’s hand and the two of them went downstairs. The band wasn’t set to leave right away, but it felt like EJ was so close to having to say goodbye.

“Dad, can I just come with?” Evander questioned as he watched the couple load the bags into the SUV. He was standing in the grass at the edge of the driveway with his arms crossed over his chest. He was in a black windbreaker, t’shirt, dark jeans, and tennis shoes. It was one of his favorite jackets, but he automatically hated it because it meant that he was leaving the house and not coming back with his father.

Brian didn’t answer the question. He’d been rejecting versions of it all week. He set his duffel bag in the trunk and pushed the door closed. He followed Michelle to the passenger’s side of the vehicle and pulled open the backdoor while she got in the front. He turned to his son and motioned for him to get in.

EJ didn’t step forward off the grass.

“Evander, come on,” Brian urged, motioning again towards the backseat, “It’s time to go. We’re getting lunch with everyone and the longer you wait, the less time we’ll have once we get there.”

Evander didn’t argue. He wasn’t the combative type. He just sighed loudly and stomped across the gap. He didn’t let his father help him into the high vehicle and it took him a minute to get inside. Brian pushed EJ’s hands away and buckled him in, despite the boy’s objections.

When they got to Zacky’s house, EJ practically threw himself out of the car. When Brian opened the door and unbuckled him, EJ jumped down before Brian could lift him out and darted towards the house that he’d gotten used to spending time in. In the time that EJ and Brian reconnected, Evander became part of the family. He was comfortable in everyone’s house and easily took to whoever he ran into first.

He pushed open the front door and went inside. The group was in Zack’s living room and EJ marched down the hall to them, leaving Michelle and Brian behind him. EJ appeared in the entryway and his family greeted him. He looked at the people one by one and then hurried to Zacky’s side.

Everyone instantly knew that something was wrong and it didn’t take much digging to know what it was. Zacky let EJ climb into his lap and wrapped his arms around the boy’s waist. He met Bri’s gaze when he came into the room and wore the same expression as everyone else.

“Hey guys,” Bri greeted, tossing his bags in with the rest that were piled along the wall, “When are we getting lunch?”

Matt and Val sat on the couch and the singer answered, “We were just waiting for you guys to get here,” he said, “We can head out whenever you’re ready.” He glanced towards EJ and Brian got the gist of what he was implying.

Michelle tightened her grasp on his hand. “We’re ready,” she said. She let go of Brian, who wasn’t getting any closer to comforting his son, and stepped between the couches to get to EJ. The adults were getting up and Zacky stood up with Evander wrapped around him.

“Evander, you’ve got to ride with us,” she said, reaching to take him from Zacky, “You don’t have another seat to go in any else’s car.” She pulled him from the guitarist with a bit of effort. When she got him from Zack, the boy wriggled out of her grasp and got to his feet. He followed everyone out of the building and got back into the car without a word.

When they got to the restaurant, Evander wanted to sit between Matt and Val and he didn’t look at Brian once. Brian sat next to his wife and Johnny and was frustrated by being ignored by his child. “Why is he only mad at me?” Brian asked, eyes stuck on the boy, “I mean, everyone’s leaving. It’s not just me.”

“You’re his dad, Bri,” Johnny answered, “As much as he loves us, he doesn’t care if we leave. You’re the one that he cares about.”

“I wish he would be sad rather than angry, because I can handle him crying on me more than ignoring me.”

“He told Zack that you’re letting him skip school to come visit,” Johnny said skeptically, relaying the news that the left-handed guitarist had shared on the way over from his house.

“Yeah,” Bri answered easily, not hearing the worry in Johnny’s voice.

“Is that smart?” Johnny asked bluntly.

Brian turned his attention to his bandmate. “What do you mean?”

Johnny looked at his friend like he was a complete moron. “You have social workers on your back,” Johnny reminded him, “and I’m pretty sure that his grandparents are willing to use any little thing against you to get custody of him. Do you really think it’s smart to let him skip school to come visit us?”

“I gave him two days,” Brian answered rationally, “Nobody is going to take my son away from me because he’s missed two days of school. If anything, they’d make a better case by claiming that I’m neglecting him by leaving him.”

Michelle was surprised by the admission. She and Brian had taken procautions for those type of reactions. When they learned that another tour was happening so soon, Brian had asked Michelle to legally adopt the child and they went to EJ with the idea. He wasn’t so quick to accept it, unable to understand that it wouldn’t mean Michelle was legally replacing his mother, but that she was going to be listed as another mother, not the only one.

“Will my name change?” the child asked, sitting across from Brian and Michelle at the kitchen table.

“No,” Brian said quickly, “You’re still EJ.”

“But my name is different than yours,” he said, and Bri realized that he meant last name rather than first, “and my mom’s was different. I’m all by myself.”

Brian hadn’t touched the topic of changing his last name. He didn’t want to upset the Kents anymore than they already were. They had lost their grandson to a man they’d never met before and now their last name was going to be eradicated too.

“You want to change your name?” Bri asked. He was surprised by the comment. He didn’t know that Evander thought like that. He had been a Kent his entire life and most four year olds didn’t think about changing what they knew.

“I want to be like you.”

Not only did Brian and Michelle file for her to legally adopt him, but they filed to change his last name from Kent to Haner as well. When the news made it to the Kents through the courts, they’d instantly contacted Brian in an outrage, threatening the order to change his name and Brian’s custody.

“Bri, has anyone said anything about you neglecting him?” Michelle asked outraged, mostly referring to the couple that had hated Brian from the start. “You’re not neglecting him, Bri, you’re doing your job. You love that little boy and they know that.”

“They were just angry,” he answered his wife, “They don’t want Evander’s name to change. They were going to throw out anything they could think of. I understand where they’re coming from too, ‘Chelle, they’re losing the last in their line.”

“You make it sound like Evander died,” Michelle said, whispering the last part like it was taboo, “Their blood line is going to continue, if that’s what they’re worried about, but it’s just going to have a different name.” She rolled his eyes at the thought and looked to her step-son. She could understand why anyone would upset to lose him, but she knew that Brian was best for him, despite her biases.

“EJ thinks I’m neglecting him,” Brian said to the duo on either side of him, “and he’s mad at me for it. I don’t know how I’m supposed to leave with him this upset about it.”

“He’s going to be fine,” Michelle reassured, resting her hand on his shoulder, “He’s going to be upset for a day or two, but he’ll bounce back, Bri. You heard him this morning, he was excited about being able to track your tour on the map.”

Brian called Evander over to him when they were all getting ready to go. They had under an hour to load the bus with their belongings and get on the road. They were meeting a new driver for this tour and he was already at Zacky’s house.

Evander was quiet when they pulled into the driveway behind the tour bus. He’d been quiet most of the ride, but he got out of the car and lingered at his father’s side. It was a drastic change from earlier and he was no longer ignoring his dad. He clung to his side as Brian went from the house to the bus and back multiple times.

“EJ, you don’t have to follow me,” Bri said, stopping in the doorway of the bus to lean down to his son, “You can wait for me, I’m not going to leave without saying goodbye to you.”

“Can I see your bed?”

“It’s called a bunk, buddy,” Brian corrected. He lifted the little boy up and carted him back to the bunk area. He pushed the boy into the third bunk on the right and the child scrambled up into it. He turned around and laid on his stomach, grinning down at his father.

“This is high,” he said, giggling, “Do you really sleep here?”

“Yeah, every night,” Bri answered. “Hang on. Stay there and don’t move, bud.” He turned around and walked back to the front of the bus. He grabbed the stack of blankets that he’d already loaded and carried them back. He pushed them up there one by one and EJ slid to the end to avoid being stuffed into the back.

“Can I have a bunk?” the boy questioned, glancing at the other beds.

“We’ll talk about that when you come,” Bri said. He reached up and grabbed his son by the arms to pull him down. He shifted quickly to get a better grasp and held EJ at his waist.

“Bri, you up here?” Matt called as he stepped onto the bus.

Brian called EJ out to the front. The bus was pretty much a mess. Bags were tossed everywhere, covering the couches and the small table, and Matt dropped another one onto the pile.

“Doug said we have to get going soon,” Matt said, referring to their new driver, “About twenty minutes.”

Brian nodded. “Is ‘Chelle out there?”

“Yeah, she’s with Val. They’re dying to get in here and organize for us. I pulled the pregnancy card on Val, so she’s pretty pissed at me.” He grinned at his own actions and slid past Brian with his bags to shove into his own bunk.

Brian took EJ off the bus and the boy was quiet immediate. He had his arms wrapped around his father’s neck and he clung to him as they moved over to the ladies. “Twenty minutes,” Brian said to them both, eyes lingering on his wife.

She looked back at him softly.

“Come here, little man,” Val said, reaching her arms out for the child, “Lets go say goodbye to the rest of the guys, then I’ll bring you back to your dad, I promise.” She took Evander from his father and gave the married couple a moment to say goodbye to each other. Today was about making EJ okay with the transition, but Michelle was going to miss her husband as much as the child would miss his father. No matter how many time any of them said goodbye, it never got any easier to watch them go.

Val took EJ around to the remaining band members and he hugged each other them goodbye. The blonde was almost in tears as he reminded them all to keep in contact with him and send him pictures. They each reassured him that they would talk to him a lot and that they would be home soon and then Val carried him off to the next one.

When they got through saying goodbye to every, she carried him back to his father and the little boy lost it. He pushed out of her arms and barreled into his father. He wrapped his arms around his waist and held onto him, crying into his shirt.

Brian knelt down to him and EJ’s arms moved to be around his neck. “I don’t want you to go,” the boy cried.

There was nothing Brian could say to him that he hadn’t said before. He’d spent the last month reassuring his son that he would come home and visit a lot, and EJ already knew that. Instead, Brian hugged his son and told him that he loved him.

“I love you so much, EJ, you hear me? I love you. I’m going with my band, but I’ll be back and you’ll be able to come see me whatever weekend you want. I’ll talk to you every morning and night and you can call me whenever you want to talk to me. You’re going to have fun with Michelle, Ev, don’t even worry about missing me.”

Brian crushed his son to him. He was focusing on how much EJ would miss him, but he was going to miss the boy more than he would’ve thought possible. In the past, he never had a connection with the child that he helped bring into the world. He never missed him because he never knew him, but now Evander meant the world to him and in the back of his mind, he was considering giving his up to stay home with the child.

When it was time to go, Brian had to pull EJ’s arms off him. He kissed his son and told him he loved him and then kissed his wife goodbye.

EJ stood between Michelle and Valery and watched the bus pull out of the driveway. EJ put on his brave face. It was the same one he wore when Jake told him he had to go with Brian. When that day came, he didn’t want to be with the dark haired man who claimed to be his father, but now all he wanted was for the bus to turn around and come back for him.