Chocolate Eyes

The Kent’s rented house was small, but more modern than their home in Broken Bow. It was two bedrooms, just like the other, but laid out in a way that made it feel more open. EJ walked in cautiously, imagining that the ground might open up and swallow him whole. He held onto Michelle’s hand and eyed the place. It wasn’t the same as the other house he’d been flown to. There were no pictures or furniture pushed up against every lick of wall space. It was a couch, and a coffee table, and a TV that the Kents would never turn on.

In the corner of the room was a pile of presents with EJ’s name on them. When he walked in, he went straight towards them, hoping to get them open and get out as soon as possible. James and Holly expected so much, even at four he could feel it, and he was apprehensive of their motives, even if he couldn’t place why.

Holly took his actions for eagerness and thought that he looked mighty comfy on the floor near his presents. He sat down and looked at the tags, reading the letters of his name off each one. Evander, they all said, cause James and Holly never called him EJ.

EJ looked to his grandma, eyes traveling back to James, who lingered in the open kitchen. “Can I open them?” he asked, pressing his palms into the top of one, fingers resting on the edge of the red and green paper.

Holly told Michelle to feel free to sit down and the blonde poised on the edge of the couch, watching EJ. “Yeah, go ahead,” Holly said, nodding. She then made a surprised noise, causing EJ to pause, and darted around the corner of the kitchen. EJ watched until she came back, sporting a camera.

“That sweater is such a nice touch,” Holly gloated to Michelle, “Really makes it feel Christmassy. Although, I can imagine that he has to be sweating in it. It’s summer in California.”

Michelle didn’t remind her that it was barely 65 degrees today, she just smiled and nodded so hopefully the woman would let it drop. And she did, because as soon as EJ tore through the wrapping paper, he was snapping pictures of him doing it. He looked stoic as he tore the shred apart and tossed it aside. It wasn’t until he got to the Lego set underneath that he showed any emotion at all. He smiled at the box when he realized what it was and flipped it over to get to the right side.

It was a Lego town set, including build-able cars and buildings. EJ’s eyes lingered on the images painted on the front of the box, but pushed it towards Michelle so that he could get to the next one. It was a lot narrower than the last one, but longer and wider, and the tag said that it was from Santa. EJ was excited. All the things he’d gotten from Santa at his dad had been things he’d put on his wish-list at school and mailed to the North Pole. He was hoping this was something from there as well.

When he opened it, he discovered that it was a two-hundred piece art set. It had markers, crayons, gel, colored pencils, chalk, and paint. He undid the snap and flipped it open, showing Michelle the chalk pencils that he hadn’t seen before.

“I think there’s some paper in the desk in your bedroom,” Holly said, motioning towards the shallow hall, “How about we go check it out and then we can draw something nice.”

EJ climbed up from the carpeted floor and followed her down the hall. His grandfather followed them towards the back bedroom, but Michelle stayed put, grateful for the breather. EJ walked into the bedroom. It was smaller than the last and the one at his father’s, but nice and clear and lacking photographs. There were no toys, but a child-sized desk was pushed against one of the walls and Holly pulled open the drawer and revealed clean computer paper.

EJ trudged his two-hundred piece set up onto the desk and pushed it open. He reached for the paper and began to draw. Holly sat down on the edge of the narrow twin bed and watched him.

“You know, your fifth birthday is coming up,” she said, seeing the purple swirls mess with the blue ones on the page, “I was hoping we could celebrate together. Go to breakfast or lunch or something and eat cakes and open presents, what do you say about that?”

“I’m going to Disney World,” EJ answered honestly and with excitement, “I’m going to see my dad in Florida and he’s taking me for my birthday. I’m big enough now.” He doodled in the corner of the paper, creating an interpretive mouse before returning to his original drawing of curved lines and loops.

“Really?” Holly asked, eyes darting to James’, “When is all this taking place?”

“My birthday,” he chirped, annoyed with the question because he’d already answered it. It was obvious that it was happening on his birthday, that’s why they were going to celebrate.

“Your birthday is next weekend, sweetheart,” Holly answered, not believing that he would be flying out to Florida in just one week, “How long have you had this planned?”

“Dad just told me,” he answered, turning in his seat to look at her, “But maybe you can come to my party.”

“Is that an invite?” she asked, pleased with his words, “Is your dad having another party when you get home? For all your family in California?”

“I don’t think dad can come,” he answered softly, frowning at the idea, “But Michelle and Papa said that we’re going to have cake and open presents and go swimming. I can even invite kids from school and soccer.”

It took both adults a moment to catch onto the fact that ‘Papa’ was referring to Brian’s father, his other grandfather. Sometimes they forget that there was another one. They had gotten so used to the idea that they were Evander’s only family and it took an adjustment to accept that Brian really was his blood. It would take another to consider the rest of EJ’s paternal family. They seemed to remember the band and nothing else.

Brian had explained to them once that he was close with his parents and had a brother and sister, neither of which whom had kids, but from there had gone on to list band members and significant others, and other family members that the Kents had hopelessly lost track of.

“I would love to come, EJ,” Holly said as he husband left from the room, “I’ll ask Michelle when it is and hopefully we’ll be extended an invite. I want to meet your dad’s family.”

“Yeah,” EJ agreed.

Holly stood up and went to the dresser, claiming the boy’s attention. She opened the first drawer and pulled out another wrapped gift, this time in blue and white paper rather than red and green. “If we can’t make it though,” she said, “I want to give you your first present.”

It was thinner and smaller than the others and not big enough to be a toy. It was rectangular and soft in the middle when he held it, like he could push through the paper without even touching the thing inside. He took it from her and held it, surprised by the weight of it. He set it down on the desk and tore through the wrapping.

What he noticed first was that it was a frame. It was black around the edges with glass in the middle, on both sides. Cased between the two panes of glass was a piece of paper, and EJ wasn’t sure what it really was. He studied the letters, able to make them out but unable to understand the purpose or calligraphy.

“What is it?” he asked, looking away from it to Holly.

The woman smiled and pointed back at it. “You can figure it out, just look at it for a moment.”

He stared at it for another two seconds before he got up from the seat and side-stepped his grandmother. He carried it out to the living room and passed James to Michelle. He handed it to her. “Birthday present,” he said, watching her expression, “What is it?”

Michelle took it from him when he passed it over and her eyes landed on the words at the top. State of California. Certificate of Vital Record. Underneath that it read, Los Angeles County. It only took Michelle a moment to realize that it was his birth certificate. It listed his weight and length and time of birth. And his name on the top lines. Evander Joaquin Kent and below that, Claudia Kent and next to that, the space where Brian's name was printed in sketchy letters, covered mostly by one of the photos that had been slid in with it. It showed showed Claudia holding EJ as a child, and the other was of the Kents and their grandson from Thanksgiving. Nothing of Brian showing.

Michelle knew the insult immediately and she stood up from the couch, brushing EJ out of her way so she could face the couple head on. They were making a statement about his name change, about how his life started out. His legal documents would be reissued when his name change became final. He would have a new social security card and birth certificate and all the other ones. Claudia’s name would still be there, but EJ's would match Brian's instead of hers. The original would be sealed.

Michelle handed over the frame to Holly roughly. “He doesn’t need that,” she said forcefully, eyeing the couple, “I don’t know what way you were intending for that to come across, but he doesn’t need a version that favors his mother over his father.”

Holly looked at the piece like she wasn’t sure she’d seen it before. “I wanted him to have the original,” she said, holding it out, “It’s not to say anything poor about Brian. He’s EJ’s father, nothing can change that, but once his birth certificate is sealed, he won’t know the truth about how he was born. About his mother.”

“Not everything is about her,” Michelle spat, “It’s about EJ now, not her. You need to stop thinking about her every minute of your lives and think about him! Do what’s best for him, not you two. He doesn’t need constant reminders of what he lost. He’s felt it enough. You two need to grieve and get over it, because you’re not bringing this memory back into his life every time you see him.”

“We’re trying to keep the memory of his mother alive,” James answered, “He’s being raised by people who didn’t even know her. How is he supposed to maintain a connection to her? He’s her son and she deserves that, he deserves it, but no one is thinking about that.”

“We’re thinking about EJ,” Michelle said, softer this time, “Because he’s all that matters. He’s all that’s here. He’s all we’ve got and we’re trying to do right by him. You two don’t understand how much Brian loves this little boy - How much I love him. Brian would change the whole world for him, so don’t you dare imply that Brian’s not enough, because Brian alone is more than either of you could give him.”

The Kents were both silent after her words. Holly’s eyes fell on EJ, who stood silently behind her, watching his new mother defend his father against his grandparents. He was better off now than when he’d been with his mother. She didn’t have much to give him and was so structured that he didn’t even have room to breath. Of course, she was his mother and nothing could replace her or make losing her worth it, but he’d landed on his feet. He’d ended up with his dad and it was a kind of life that Claudia and Jake could never even have imaged providing.

Holly felt guilty for the first time. She schlepped off the anger that she’d been muting with exersion and looked at the two people in her house. EJ felt like a stranger for the first time. She’d kept seeing her daughter in him, believing that she had some claim to him that way, but now when she looked at him, she saw a different child. She saw someone who was Brian’s, who was shaped by Brian.

She looked at her husband and knew that he didn’t see EJ that way. He still saw Evander as theirs, the way she had. “I’m sorry, Michelle,” she said, speaking honestly, “You’re right, it’s wrong of us to belittle Brian the way that we have and to put so much on Evander. We know he’s a child and he deserves better. We just don’t know how to love our daughter and let him go. If we lose him… we lose Claudia.”

“You’ll lose them both if you don’t back off,” Michelle threatened, knowing that it was the truth. Brian had rounded up the best lawyers to ensure that his son stayed where he belonged. The Kents would have no chance. They would lose all ties to EJ before they even had time to hire someone to help them. “Brian would change the world for him,” Michelle repeated, “and it that means keeping you two out of it to keep him happy, he’d do it. EJ means everything to him and he’d level the Earth before losing him.

“You can either have part of EJ or none at all,” Michelle continued, “You can have him as himself, not his mother, or you can love a memory of him instead of the real thing. I know Bri, and I know that no one’s getting near EJ without his consent. And he’s not on your side like I am.”

“You’re not on our side,” James answered angrily, “If you were, you would be trying to bring our grandson home to us, but you’re with Brian, and you’ll always be with Brian.”

“I’m on EJ’s side,” Michelle said brazenly to the man, “and what’s best for EJ is to have everyone who loves him in his life. I know Brian better than you and I know that he’s the one who’s going to call the shots, even if you take him further through the court system, it won’t matter. So, I suggest you let it go now and enjoy the relationship that you’ll have with EJ if you accept that you’re not going to be raising him.”

James hadn’t been this angry since the first time Brian spoke these words to them. He wanted to throw the blonde woman from the house and tell her never to disrespect them again, but Evander would go with her. He wanted to nothing more than to take him from her. She wasn’t his family. Brian had left Evander alone while he went around the country with his buddies. Evander wasn’t his priority. He should’ve been with them.

“You and Brian speak as though you know the outcome,” James stated, “You act as though you’re more capable just because you have money. Well, I love my grandson and I know that God will bring him home to us, because it’s the right thing.” He ignored his wife as she started to speak up and kept going. “Evander was created for us. He was meant to be Claudia’s legacy, but you’ve turned him into another one of you. Children need boundaries and structure, not rock and roll and everything they ask for.”

Holly grabbed her husband’s arm, trying to silence him. She was watching EJ as he spoke and could see they were upsetting him, despite the blank look he put on his face. “James, be quiet,” she coached, turning to him to look up at him, “You should calm down and really think about everything you’re going to say. Evander is Brian’s son, there’s nothing on God’s green Earth that is going to change that, even if his custody does.”

“I know that,” James argued, pulling his arm from the woman. Michelle could tell that he wanted to warn her not to interrupt, but he didn’t in front of company. There was a hierarchy in their relationship, in their lifestyle. Man, woman, child. She wondered if they put more stock in male children too.

“Then stop talking,” Holly said, “Today is supposed to be a nice day, James. I’m tired of forcing them to leave with him whenever we get to see him. We need to stop this. I want to know my grandson.”

James didn’t reply that they needed raise him more than know him. He set his jaw and looked at the child. He looked older than he had six months ago, much older. He wore an expression that told James how unhappy he was with the fighting and stood just behind Michelle and to the side. James realized that Evander had taken to Michelle in just months, but they had yet to win him over and had known about him his entire life.

“Excuse me,” James spoke, glancing at his wife and grandson, before he left the living room and went back to their new bedroom to be alone. There were so many more things he wanted to say. He felt powerless to losing Evander and his wife was starting to give up. When Claudia died, they vowed to look out for her son, to make sure that he was raised the way she was - the right way.

In the living room, Michelle kept standing until Holly asked her to sit. EJ climbed up onto the couch and sat beside her, so close that their arms and legs were touching. He wanted to leave so he stuck close to Michelle in case she decided to make a quick escape.

“I’m sorry,” Holly spoke again, this time to both of them, “I don’t even mean to make you feel uncomfortable, Evander. It’s just sometimes adults, and kids, want something so much that they start to forget about how the other person might feel about it. I know that you want to live with your dad and Michelle, and while it breaks my heart, I’m going to try to be okay with that, and convince your grandpa that it’s okay too.”

EJ watched without accepting.

“I want to be in your life, Evander,” Holly continued, “And I will be, even if you don’t want me to be. We’re family and you can’t change family, so I’m going to keep coming back into your life until it’s natural. We want to know you, Evander, and we won’t abandon you.”

Holly asked Michelle if she could speak to her in the kitchen and the blonde allowed it. She followed the older light-haired woman into the open space and around the slight corner and stopped, waiting for another serious conversation to ensue.

“I want to apologize to you too,” Holly said, and Michelle knew she would speak those words again, “And I’m sorry for putting you in such an awkward position today. I also want to apologize to Brian and I was hoping you might relay the message.” She paused hopefully and waited until Michelle nodded. “I’m sorry that we’ve judged him so carelessly and doubted his ability to look out for Evander. We’re not knowledgeable about your lifestyle or the people in it. We’ve always stayed away from that type of music and tattoos and men who look like your husband, so it was frightening to learn that EJ was going to be thrust into that life with no one looking out for him. But I’ve learned that you’re good people, that Brian’s a good father, and I don’t want to take him from you any longer.”

“James doesn’t seem so understanding,” Michelle commented, arms crossed over her chest as she stared at the other blonde.

“James believes he knows what’s best for Evander, and he might be right. Coming here might be best for that little boy, but I’m going to accept that there is more than one right place for him to be. I’m going to put faith in you and Brian that you can give him a good life and keep him from becoming something Claudia would’ve never wanted him to be.”

Michelle didn’t say much to that affect. She managed to steer the conversation to something lighter and it took the adults back out to the living room where EJ was attempting to open the Lego set. Michelle stopped him with her words. “E, we’re gonna get going,” she said, causing his dark eyes to snap up to her, “But we’ll be back to visit with Grandma Holly in a couple weeks, so you should leave those toys here so you have something to do next time we come over.”

He stood up from the carpet and brushed his hands over his knees. He wanted to ask if she was going to be coming with him next time. He had heard already that he was court ordered to spend time with them, but he thought he’d just be dropped off and left behind. Instead, he stayed quiet until Michelle loaded him back in the car.

Holly said emotional goodbye, promising EJ that they’d have more fun next time he came over, and saying goodbye to Michelle kindly. She was the same woman as she’d always been, but she pushed her personal feelings away and thought about her grandson.

EJ asked the question when they were a couple blocks again. “Will you stay with me next time?” he asked, looking at her from an angle because of being sat directly behind her.

“Next time you visit?” she asked for clarification, “Yeah, I don’t see why not. Victoria mentioned that you would also have someone else go with you in the future and stay for the duration of your visits, but I think that James and Holly are fine with it being me instead.”

“Why someone else?”

Michelle tried to think about how to word it. “Sometimes people don’t get along,” she answered, “and it’s better for those people not to be around each other. So if your grandparents and I weren’t getting along, then another adult would go with you, so that way you’d have someone there just for you.”

They were home in twenty minutes and EJ stepped into the house. He walked over to the couch, dropping Michelle’s house key on the side table, and sat down, eyes watching the ocean beyond the glass wall. Michelle came in with a few bags and took them straight to the kitchen. She then swiped her keys from the table and tossed them into the bowl on the island.

“EJ, you should work on that homework assignment that you skipped last night,” she called out to him, “You know you’re not going to want to do it tomorrow.” She dropped what she was doing in the kitchen and walked back out when she didn’t get a response. She rounded the couch and saw that his eyes were closed. It had been a stressful day for him, for both of them, so she let him sleep right there.

She took his birthday present from her from the bags in the kitchen and stashed it in the closet in her bedroom, pleased that he’d fallen asleep and saved her the trouble of having to sneak it past him.