Taste This Breath.
Take me anywhere but here.
"You don't get it! You don't understand, do you?" I screamed over the phone while choking down sobs. "I've done everything for you! All the sleepless nights and the time I've wasted on you. I do love you. I DO. Why don't you believe me?! I've tried to prove it to you for over two years! Who's always there for you when you have no one else? Who tells you you're amazing and perfect in every way when everyone else shuns you? Me! That's who! You loved me once, why can't you love me again?!"
I had said this a million times before and even though every time I get the same response for some reason I always go crawling back to him, every time. I was sure what I had just said was barely audible and I stood in anxiousness while awaiting a reply although the other side of the line was silent. I knew he had heard me, every single word. It was only merely a few seconds but it felt like eternity, I heard his voice.
"Scottney...I....can't. Nothing is worth anything anymore, not even you." Then the line clicked. I threw my house phone as hard as I could and it broke apart as it collided with the wall. I fell to the ground and screamed at the top of my lungs. I most certainly woke the neighbors considering it was a 2 am phone call, purely out of just desperation. I felt so fucking stupid and my body ached with exhaustion. This had been going on for almost two years, ever since I was 12.
I just couldn't let go of him. He was the only thing that had ever made anything okay. I crawled into bed sobbing and wheezing. It just didn't make sense how the person who makes life worthwhile is the same person who absolutely made me feel like dying. Emotions didn't make sense and neither did my life. Nobody loved me, not even the one person who I wanted most of all. It's not like I wanted much, just someone to make me feel okay. I guess I'm so worthless I didn't even deserve that.
All I could do was lay there and cover my pillow with mascara, I was helpless.
I had no friends, nothing I could turn to, I had nothing now.
I didn't even have him anymore, not in the slightest bit.
I felt like slitting my wrists, it wasn't like I had anything to live for anyways.
Alas I was too much of a coward to do that.
I'm absolutely pathetic, all I do is complain, and people have it worse than me.
"Fuck everything." I murmured through my tears.
"Why can't I just be thin? He would love me then right? That's why he doesn't love me...because I'm fat. If I was thin I would be irresistible and then I could have everything I ever wanted, my problems would be fixed." I said to myself knowing that what I had just uttered was certainly fucked up logic but it made so much sense in today's modern society. Thin equaled beauty, and that's what I wanted was to be beautiful. What was the point of living if I wasn't beautiful, I might have a great personality but no one would give me a second glance or even attempt to get to know me if I wasn't beautiful.
I was a prisoner in my own body all 5'2 and 170 pounds of it. Sure I carried it well and I wasn't disproportional but that didn't keep me from being fat. I was fat. BMI said it, strangers said it, even when I asked my "friends" to be honest with me they said it. Eventually my tears dried up and as I laid in bed with a headache from the crying I must have passed out. The next thing I heard was the sound of the sirens, and boy were they loud.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hello everyone, so I don't know but this all popped into my head so I decided to start writing a new story!Short chapter I know but I like it.
This story is a tiny bit based on how I feel about myself and life but the tragedies that will occur in this story have not happened to me.
So please don't think I am suicidal or very depressed, I just write tragic and depressing things.
Anywho, thank you for reading and I hope you like it C: