Taste This Breath.
Tell me everything will be alright.
As I sobbed in the vacant hallway my mind felt as if it was going to explode.
I couldn't quite digest what had all happened in the past 24 hours.
This was a serious fuck my life moment.
I heard footsteps approaching me and I looked up and simply couldn't believe my eyes who it was.
It was him.
It had been simply ages since I had seen his face.
Not since a party we had both attended about a year prior.
He didn't look much different, he was a bit taller and his jawline was a tad more defined.
I wanted to ask him what in the hell he was doing here but I couldn't speak.
I even thought about how shitty I looked, but I didn't need to be worrying about that at all, there was no point.
It wasn't like I could fix myself up anyways, nor did I have the motive or energy to.
He wasn't speaking he was simply just looking at me.
His eyes were different this time, the ocean of blue they once were....the waves had ceased.
His eyes lacked deepness.
He kneeled and pulled a handkerchief and wrapped it around his index finger.
He reached for my face and out of instinct I flinched.
I wanted nothing more then for him to touch me but at the same time it was like I was almost scared for him to.
He paused for a moment when I flinched and then resumed.
He wiped the tears under my eyes and managed to get the excess black under my eyes off.
I wanted to say thanks and then slap him, hard.
My body was frozen though.
He stood up and held out his hand.
For a moment I just looked at him questionably and he gave me a nod, suggesting for me to get up.
I took his hand and the second we touched I felt a slight spark.
It must of been in my mind because he didn't seem to feel anything.
He wasn't one for talking, which I was thankful for.
If I heard his voice I would bust out in tears and that's the last thing I needed to do, even though I doubt I'd even be able to.
I had sobbed enough the past few days, enough for a lifetime.
With the hospital being so small it had quite a few homey touches.
The hallways were extremely wide, more so then most hospitals.
With there being so much space I distanced myself from him.
I didn't have a desire to bump shoulders with him, he would probably mutter an apology.
Reaching the foyer Sharon informed me that Caine had been let out of surgery and was in critical condition.
Mom pulled me aside and she seemed quite upset.
"What is he doing here Scottney? He's is the last thing we need to have here. You're already in enough emotional distress, how did he even find out about Caine anyways? Much less know you were going to be here, did you tell him?"
"No of course I didn't tell him!" I said in a loud whisper. He was only across the room and I didn't want him to hear.
"Trust me mom, he was the last person I expected to be here! I guess his friend that lives down the street must of called him and told him about the whole scene."
Now that I put thought into the blur of faces I saw around me as I fell to my knees and screamed earlier that morning I thought I had seen him I just wasn't one hundred percent sure.
The look on her face told me that she got the answer to her question so I ran back over to him.
I asked Sharon what room Caine was in and she told me I could go in and visit just to be as quite as a house mouse.
I walked down the hallway and other footsteps trailed behind me.
We both entered the room and what I saw made my mouth come agape.
I had always watched medical shows with mom because I was always interested in educational things like that but the machines that always had hooked up to people always seemed, sci-fy like.
But here they were right in front of me.
The first thing I noticed was the steady beat of the heart monitor and all the tubes that surrounded Caine.
There was one taped to his mouth surely going down his wind pipe to assist his breathing, or maybe it was even breathing for him.
I made my way to one of the chairs that was beside the bed and slowly sat down twiddling my thumbs.
It seemed almost unreal.
This whole situation.
I heard a chair being pulled up beside me and let out a sigh, I had almost forgot he was here for a moment.
I was dreading the tension in the air, you could cut it with a knife.
I knew he was going to speak any minute and my stomach knotted and twisted as if I was on a roller coaster.
I just stared at Caine feeling my eyes start to well up with tears once again.
I knew how fragile life was but this really slammed it in my face.
Before I had the chance to think anything more I heard the crack of his lips before he spoke.
"I..uhm" he paused for a moment letting out a deep sigh.
I got a knot in the back of my throat.
You know the kind you get when you're really excited and you try to speak but your voice comes out in a squeak.
Only this wasn't from excitement, pure nervousness.
"I really don't know what to say..." he said then scoffed.
"I didn't mean what I said over the phone..I guess I just rather you not ever talk to me again so I wouldn't have a chance of hurting you.."
Wow...that was some movie line piece of shit.
"My best friend is hooked up to machines and is critical condition. You honestly think I give
a fuck about you telling me once again I'm not worth it? Don't make this moment about you
because honestly I would rather you not be here. You are the last person I want in this room
with me. I would of expected you to tell me don't worry or everything will be alright. But no, your sentence started with the pronoun I. I'm not sure if you've come to realize this but the earth doesn't revolve around the sun because of you. Fuck you. Nothing is about you."
By the time I had ended that statement my calm inside voice had escalated to a loud hiss.
Not loud enough for others to hear but loud enough to get my point across.
My cheeks felt warm and my eyes ached with pain.
I hadn't realized it but I was merely a few inches from his face and his eyes were wide.
He simply sat there, speechless.
"Why are you here anyways? A few hours ago you basically told me goodbye, forever and now you're sitting here in a hospital room like nothing happened. Well it did happen, and for once I'm not going to let it go and try again. Life is short and I realize that now, I've wasted 2 years on you. That is 730 days of wasted time. I'm not going to waste one more second on you. You told me over the phone I wasn't worth it, but it is the exact opposite YOU are not worth it. Fuck you, fuck your family, fuck your friends, fuck everything that is you or has anything to do with you."
I began to stand up with my fists clenched.
He seemed unaffected, like he thought I hadn't meant it, I couldn't blame him I had done this before.
Not this severe and serious, though.
He began to put his arms on my shoulders as to console me and I looked up at him and I felt that knot that was keeping me from yelling disappear.
"Do it...you have to. Caine would want you to." I thought.
I shut my eyes together and took a deep breath.
"GO. AWAY. MICHAEL. FOREVER." I yelled.
I had said it...I had finally uttered those four words.
His hands jerked back from my shoulders in pure shock.
"Scottney...ba- I cut him off in the middle of his words.
"Go away now. Forever. I never want to see or hear from you again.
I don't want an apology or for you to beg because I'm the last person you have.
Get out of my life. All you are is poison, now walk out that door.
Out of this building.
Out of my life.
Now."
I added extra sting to my voice with the last word.
I expected him to beg, but it was like he had finally gotten the picture.
He looked at me with those blue eyes and ran his right hand through his dirty blonde hair in a stressed manner.
"Okay."
He walked to the door and right before exiting he looked back at me and as much as it pained me to do so I flickered my eyes to ground.
His footsteps echoed through the hallway and as soon as I couldn't hear them anymore I looked out from the doorway.
The hallway was empty, he was really gone.
I turned around and walked back to the chair by Caine.
I grabbed his hand and entangled his fingers in mine.
Laying my head down on the edge of his bed I didn't know what else to do.
So..I began to pray.
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry for the late update...A few events took place in my life yesterday keeping me from writing.Hope you like it :3