Gerard Way Is My Dad, and Now I'm A Mom

You want to know what's wrong with me, honestly? I have seriously screwed my life up. I can't take back all the shit I've done now.

I don't know if I'm ready to admit what I've done. I feel very guilty and I seriously may have messed up at least two different families with my actions.

So, I'm going to tell you what happened.

A month or two ago, I had sex with Bob. Bob Bryar. My best friend's husband who just recently had their first child. My old crush. The thing was, we were both high. I don't know what posessed me to do drugs. Or Bob. That was one terrible mistake on both of our parts.

Now, I'm pretty much positive I'm pregnant. Everyone, including Nissa, has noticed it. I didn't intend for this to happen, honestly.

But I'm not finished confessing.

After we had sex, Bob and I continued an affair for a few weeks. Just the other day, we broke it off.

So, I cheated on Frank and Bob cheated on Nissa. And now I'm pregnant. Hopeless. Scared. Guilty.

Now Bob won't talk to me. He is absolutely ignoring me. But, he still wanted to know if I'm pregnant or not. I want to know too. And I'm about to find out.

I shut the notebook, crying harder than I had in a while. Frank, Little Gerard, and Melody had taken a trip to the local park and I was home alone. I had to get all the shit off of my chest. But, I couldn't do anything else about it.

I had already taken the pregnancy test and the results lay on the bathroom counter. I hadn't looked at them yet. I couldn't make myself. I was too petrified of the future. My mind kept repeating horrible words again and again. I was telling myself that I was a pathetic slut, that I should burn in hell for what I've done. And that everyone hates me.

The phone rang and I answered it, trying to sound normal. "Hello?"

"H-Helena? It's...Bob. Can we t-talk?" Bob stammered, lowly, into the phone. I gulped, pitifully, and tried to regain my cool.

"S-Sure."

"A-Are you p-pregnant? Like...seriously. P-please tell me." His voice was shaking, just like my hands.

"I...don't know," I whispered, starting to stand up. The bed creaked, loudly, and I jumped. I felt sweat beads dripping down my forehead from my nervousness.

"C-Can...you find out?"

"Y-Yeah..." I stepped into the bathroom and flicked on the light, slowly. I glanced down and yelped, helplessly.

"What? Are you okay?" Bob asked, quickly, hearing my shriek.

"I...I...I'm p-pregnant," I confirmed, almost unaudibly. Bob gasped and I heard slight whimpers from the other line.

"N-No...How do you k-know?" He questioned.

"T-Test."

"Oh...My G-God."

"How....how...w-what...what do we do?" I whisked, lightly.

"Something," Bob mumbled. "I...r-really don't know."

"Honey, I'm home!" Frank called from the living room. I dropped the pregnancy test and wiped my eyes, violently.

"Frank!" I whispered to Bob. "He's home. I have to go." I shut the phone off and tried to do something with my face, quickly. I looked like shit from crying. Well, I still was crying.

"Helena?" Frank walked back to the bedroom and saw me standing, sadly, in the bathroom. "Are you okay, baby?" He pulled me into a hug.

"Y-Yeah, I'm fine. D-Don't worry," I lied.

"What happened?" Frank asked, wiping my eyes.

"N-Nothing. I just accidently got a papercut and then...washed my hands with soap and it burned really badly. That's all," I lied even more. I began to wonder where this stuff came from. How did I lie so easily?

"Oh," Frank said, softly. "Well, we brought food. You hungry?"

"Starved," I answered, truthfully this time. We took each other's hands and walked to the kitchen. I sat at the table and rested my head on the smooth wood. Frank laid a plate of food in front of me and I watched as my grinning children, dug through their plates. At least they were happy.

"Are you sure you're okay, Helena?" Frank dicussed, stroking my hair from behind me.

"Yeah," I said, knowing that I didn't mean it. I sat up more properly and began to pick at the food in front of me. Frank sauntered around the room, glancing at me every few seconds. I finished all I could eat and got up, hastily. "I'm gonna take a nap."

"Okay," Frank replied, frostily. "Do you want me to come with you?" I shrugged and started to walk off. I heard Frank sigh but relunctantly keep his place in the kitchen.

I laid down in bed, thinking over my options. I couldn't tell anyone. I wouldn't tell anyone. No one would know but Bob. And I would get an abortion.

Helena Iero getting an abortion?

That sounded so completely and utterly wrong. I couldn't kill a baby. Bob probably wouldn't even let me.

Maybe I could just have the baby and let Frank think it was his. No one had to find out. But keeping the kid would be too hard. Emotionally, I mean, for me and Bob, probably, too.

Or I could tell everyone the truth and deal with the consequences.

That was when I decided, I hate myself.