My Life is as Tangled as my Hair
Somethings off
Have you ever had the feeling that something was off about your life? Like there’s things that can’t be explained? Well I feel that way every day. It’s not that my life is bad per say, just that I know there are secrets being kept from me.
When I look in the mirror every morning questions constantly pop into my head, usually the same ones. Why is it I have long blond hair but both my parents are bald? Why is it I have brown eyes instead of blue like my parents? Why does my mother always seem to be mad at me? Why? Why? Why?
But I can never get the answers to my questions. Every time I try and ask my parents they get mad or avoid the subject. I’ve grown up different than other people my age. For one I’ve never gone outside my house. My mother says there are too many dangers in the world and she fears for my safety. Two, I’ve never met anyone else but my parents. I gave up a long time ago trying to figure that one out. Three, I’ve been home schooled since I was little. I’ve been sheltered all my life, and I wish I wasn’t. I want to experience the outside world, and not just through a window or television screen, but through my senses. I just wish I could figure out why my parents are so afraid to let me leave.
. . . . . . . . . . .
“Razel?” my mother’s voice called through the front hallway as she entered the house.
“In here mother.” I called back as I stirred the pasta. I heard her enter, and then I felt her arms around me.
“Aw honey you made lunch, how sweet of you.” She kissed the top of my head then turned and opened the fridge. My mother was beautiful, even with her lack of hair. Her skin was lightly sun kissed and her lips a soft pink. She had all the curves I wish I had, and hair eyes were the brightest blue I’d ever seen. It’s no wonder my father loves her so much.
“So how was the world today?” I asked cautiously, the outside world was a sore subject with my mother.
My mother made a small growling sound in annoyance. “Dangerous as always Razel, people dying, getting mugged, raped, and doing drugs. It’s an awful place. I wish I didn’t have to go out in it.” She gave a small shudder, and then seemed to relax.
“Well I saw today on TV that a group of people were able to build 12 new churches in different countries. That’s amazing isn’t it?”
“I suppose.” My mother waves her hand dismissively and pulled out a fruit smoothie and closed the fridge door.
“Well I thought it was amazing. I want to do that when I grow up.” I looked over to see that my mother had frozen. “What do you think Mom?”
“We’ll discuss it later.” She quickly left the kitchen, and my shoulders slumped in defeat. I could never get her to talk about my future at all. I had so many things I wanted to do, but I had no life experiences what so ever. My parents don’t talk about things that have to do with me all that much, so my future seems almost nonexistent.
After I finished stirring pasta and put the lid on it to let is simmer, I headed into the study to check on Dad. He sat at him desk with a newspaper open, making small sounds in the back of his throat in disgust. “Dad?”
“What is it Razel?” He didn’t put down his newspaper.
“Well just wanted to let you know that lunch will be done in 5 minutes, and that Moms home.” I stayed in the doorway, since dad had a thing about people entering his study without his permission.
“I’m not hungry, put some in the fridge and I’ll eat it later.” He turned a page but made no other movements. I nodded and backed out of his study.
Since I had a few minutes before eating lunch, I headed up to my room for a quick reprieve from my parents. As much as I loved my parents, my room was a safe place from them.
Whenever I walk into my room I feel like I can let out a breath I’ve been holding. The window is open, light is shining in, the radio is constantly on, and my walls are painted a light green. My room is full of books and pictures that keep me busy since I have no electronics.
I sit on the bed and let myself fall back and look up at the ceiling. I have painted a night sky mural, and put up glow in the dark stars. I let out a loud sigh and let my shoulders relax alittle.
“It’s okay Razel, she said she’d talk about it later.” I try to reassure myself. But I know this is just a lie. She was never going to bring it up, and will mostly avoid talking about it ever again. I was going to be stuck in this house for the rest of my life.
I sit up and walk over to the window and look out it to see the rows and rows of trees behind our house. We live in the city but we live near the edge so to avoid people as much as possible. I lean out the window and look down at the ground. My hair falls out past my shoulders and hangs out the window. I smile alittle as I see that it nearly reaches the ground. My mother loves my hair and has forbidden me from ever cutting it, and since I love it too I oblige.
“Maybe one day I can use my hair to reach the ground.” I laugh.
“Razel, go eat lunch!” I hear mother call from downstairs. I sigh and grab my hair and start pulling it back in, then head downstairs.
When I look in the mirror every morning questions constantly pop into my head, usually the same ones. Why is it I have long blond hair but both my parents are bald? Why is it I have brown eyes instead of blue like my parents? Why does my mother always seem to be mad at me? Why? Why? Why?
But I can never get the answers to my questions. Every time I try and ask my parents they get mad or avoid the subject. I’ve grown up different than other people my age. For one I’ve never gone outside my house. My mother says there are too many dangers in the world and she fears for my safety. Two, I’ve never met anyone else but my parents. I gave up a long time ago trying to figure that one out. Three, I’ve been home schooled since I was little. I’ve been sheltered all my life, and I wish I wasn’t. I want to experience the outside world, and not just through a window or television screen, but through my senses. I just wish I could figure out why my parents are so afraid to let me leave.
. . . . . . . . . . .
“Razel?” my mother’s voice called through the front hallway as she entered the house.
“In here mother.” I called back as I stirred the pasta. I heard her enter, and then I felt her arms around me.
“Aw honey you made lunch, how sweet of you.” She kissed the top of my head then turned and opened the fridge. My mother was beautiful, even with her lack of hair. Her skin was lightly sun kissed and her lips a soft pink. She had all the curves I wish I had, and hair eyes were the brightest blue I’d ever seen. It’s no wonder my father loves her so much.
“So how was the world today?” I asked cautiously, the outside world was a sore subject with my mother.
My mother made a small growling sound in annoyance. “Dangerous as always Razel, people dying, getting mugged, raped, and doing drugs. It’s an awful place. I wish I didn’t have to go out in it.” She gave a small shudder, and then seemed to relax.
“Well I saw today on TV that a group of people were able to build 12 new churches in different countries. That’s amazing isn’t it?”
“I suppose.” My mother waves her hand dismissively and pulled out a fruit smoothie and closed the fridge door.
“Well I thought it was amazing. I want to do that when I grow up.” I looked over to see that my mother had frozen. “What do you think Mom?”
“We’ll discuss it later.” She quickly left the kitchen, and my shoulders slumped in defeat. I could never get her to talk about my future at all. I had so many things I wanted to do, but I had no life experiences what so ever. My parents don’t talk about things that have to do with me all that much, so my future seems almost nonexistent.
After I finished stirring pasta and put the lid on it to let is simmer, I headed into the study to check on Dad. He sat at him desk with a newspaper open, making small sounds in the back of his throat in disgust. “Dad?”
“What is it Razel?” He didn’t put down his newspaper.
“Well just wanted to let you know that lunch will be done in 5 minutes, and that Moms home.” I stayed in the doorway, since dad had a thing about people entering his study without his permission.
“I’m not hungry, put some in the fridge and I’ll eat it later.” He turned a page but made no other movements. I nodded and backed out of his study.
Since I had a few minutes before eating lunch, I headed up to my room for a quick reprieve from my parents. As much as I loved my parents, my room was a safe place from them.
Whenever I walk into my room I feel like I can let out a breath I’ve been holding. The window is open, light is shining in, the radio is constantly on, and my walls are painted a light green. My room is full of books and pictures that keep me busy since I have no electronics.
I sit on the bed and let myself fall back and look up at the ceiling. I have painted a night sky mural, and put up glow in the dark stars. I let out a loud sigh and let my shoulders relax alittle.
“It’s okay Razel, she said she’d talk about it later.” I try to reassure myself. But I know this is just a lie. She was never going to bring it up, and will mostly avoid talking about it ever again. I was going to be stuck in this house for the rest of my life.
I sit up and walk over to the window and look out it to see the rows and rows of trees behind our house. We live in the city but we live near the edge so to avoid people as much as possible. I lean out the window and look down at the ground. My hair falls out past my shoulders and hangs out the window. I smile alittle as I see that it nearly reaches the ground. My mother loves my hair and has forbidden me from ever cutting it, and since I love it too I oblige.
“Maybe one day I can use my hair to reach the ground.” I laugh.
“Razel, go eat lunch!” I hear mother call from downstairs. I sigh and grab my hair and start pulling it back in, then head downstairs.