Reporting for Duty

"I have to go"
They were the four words that I never wanted to hear. I knew when I met Rian that he was in the army, I knew that one day he might have to go away but I never noted it to happen.

"no" I gasped, feeling my legs give out from under me. Rian caught me and pulled me close. We eventually slid down until we were sitting on the floor and Rian just held me close as a few tears escaped.
"I'm sorry" he whispered "I really am"
"when?" I gasped
"tomorrow morning"
"so soon?"
"I love you" he whispered "so much"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his softly. I took a deep breath.
"when do you come back?"
"two years"

##

I woke up the next morning by myself and almost cried. Almost. I knew that Rian would want me to be strong for him. I got up and pulled myself out of bed and into the living room where I found a photo album with two pictures missing and I smiled to myself. At least he would have something to remember us by.

I walked into the kitchen and spotted a pile of envelopes. I walked over and picked them up. Jack, Zack, Matt, Danny, Ian and (finally) Alex. I felt tears well up again. I wanted to open it but I was to terrified that it would be a goodbye. I put it up in the fireplace instead, next to the photo of us and made a mental note to give the others their letters this week.

There was a knock on the door before Jack bounded in, followed by Zack. Jack jumped on me, pulling me into a hug when I realised. They had no idea that Rian was gone. I hugged him back before he wandered off into the kitchen.
"Hey Alex" said Zack and I pulled him into a hug. We pulled away and he spotted the open photo album with the pictures missing on the couch.
"where's Rian?" he asked softly, watching my face carefully. He obviously saw my distress and pulled me into another hug.

We pulled away and I led him into the kitchen where Jack was . . . Well I'm not really sure what he was doing. Zack laughed and grabbed his hand. Jack looked up at us "Where's Rian?" he asked "He invited us here and won't even show his face?"
Jack and Zack laughed and I cracked a broken smile "He invited you?" I whispered. Not able to look at them, sitting down at the kitchen table as the panic set in.

"Yeah" said Jack "Are you ok?" he sat next to me.
"Rian sent me one too" said Zack sitting opposite us "It says 'look after him', he sent it at a ridiculous time too"
"What's going on?"
"Rian's been called to service" I whispered

##

I sat cross legged on our bed with my laptop open on Rian's Facebook page. He had gotten a few messages from people saying things like 'How've you been?' and 'Catch up soon!'

Didn't they know that he'd been gone almost six months? I'd barely left home. I wanted to be here when he got home. Matt, Danny and Ian had all come over individually. Turns out they were the only people that he told as far as we know. They had all tried to make me leave the house but to no avail. Matt was the only one that had been successful, he convinced me that Rian would need food when he got home, he takes me food shopping every week.

Jack and Zack are the best though. Whenever they come over we just stayed home and watched films. Everyone had read their letters, but me. I couldn't bring myself too.

Zack had tried to convince me the most. He said that it was important that I knew that Roan loved me and that he would never do anything to hurt me. Why did he leave then? Was my only response. That was the last time that he tried to convince me.

##

I went out today. Voluntarily for the first time since Rian had left. I had designed a new tattoo and I knew that it was ready.

I walked into the tattoo parlour and spotted Zack who sent me a smile. He took the sheet of paper with my design on it and led me to the back room.
"Nice design" he said as I sat back in the chair.

It was a simple design, a single rose on the back of my hand that was outlined with the names of the people that I love, my mum, dad, Rian of course and a few others.

Zack worked on it as he always did. Quickly and silently. The only difference between now and when I got my other tattoos was that Rian wasn't here to hold me hand and to distract me.

Once he was finished I paid and left. Grateful that he hadn't mentioned Rian or suggested any group activities meant to distract me from him but only reminded me of him more because I felt like I was the awkward third wheel.

I opened the letter that night. It had been almost a year to the day and I knew that if he came back and I hadn't opened it hat he would be upset.

Dear 'Lex,
I want you to know that I love. I love you so much that it kills me to leave but I have to. The sooner that I leave, the sooner that I'll be back ok? I wasn't you to be happy Lex, I need to know that you'll be ok while I'm gone. I need you to give me every reason so I can come back. I don't want you to be sad.

I know you'll miss me (Lord knows I already miss you and I haven't even left yet) but I've asked Matt and Zack to keep an eye on you and to make sure that you have lots of fun. That way when I get back, we'll both have stories to tell.

Miss you lots, love you more
Yours always
Rian

I read it a few times to myself with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.

##

The next time I long into a computer was to buy concert tickets. I didn't care who was playing but I noted to go, Rian was right, I should be sad because he's coming back and I wanted to have something to tell him other than. 'All I did s stay home, oh and I got this tattoo'

I bought four tickets (I did not want to be the third wheel again) and headed to Jack's. He opened up the door as soon as I had knocked and held up me hands "who wants to go and see New Found Glory this weekend?"

Jack practically pounced on me out of excitement and I smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever.

##

I sat on our bed with my laptop in front of me. It wasn't on or even open, it was just there. I was going to look up the army, to see if they had posted any dates on when the soldiers were coming back, when Rian would be back. But I didn't know where to begin.

I heard the front door open, it was probably Matt coming to check up on me. I sighed and got up and walked to the lounge.

And there stood Rian. He was home, finally home. I ran towards home, jumping into his arms. My arms wrapping around his neck and my legs around his waist, a few tears escaping.
"Don't worry Lex" he whispered "I'm never leaving again"