One Day

“I’ve been cheating on you.”

Those words felt bizarre as they left my mouth, the guilt bubbling to the surface again, only this time I could physically see the hurt on my wife’s face. My gaze stayed on my clenched hands, too afraid to look at Gena. It was a cowardly thing to do but I couldn’t bare to watch her reaction. To be honest, I expected her to go bat shit, but she didn’t, in fact, she didn't say anything at all. She was actually smiling at me.

“Gena please, can you just say something?!” I choked out, my voice hoarse. I finally locked eyes with her and frowned. Okay, so she wasn’t crying but her face said it all. The stony expression mirrored in her eyes as I searched for some sort of reaction.

Refusing to look at me, she continued to look over her manicure. I knew that she was enjoying this, making me squirm deliberately, willing me to cause an arguement. It was silent for a long time before she decided to answer me, her normally ocean blue eyes, steely with anger.

“What exactly am I supposed to say, huh Zacky? I’d be really grateful if you could me something useful instead of trying to fill my head with your bullshit apologies. After being married to you for five plus years don’t you think I deserve that? Cause I sure do. But, as usual Zack, your only thinking of yourself.”

I could tell she was absolutely disgusted with me. She stood, taking her coffe cup into the kitchen so naturally I followed her. Gena was a stubborn creature even when we were fighting over little things. Normally I just let her win so the fight could be forgotten.

“C’mon, just scream at me or something!”

Her knuckles turned white, gripping onto a plate as she continued to wash the dishes. I stood in the doorway, refusing to move until she spoke to me. This, I could tell, was making her very angry. She never did like confrontation so by downright challenging her, I knew she wasn’t going to back down easily.

“Seriously what the fuck is your issue?” she seethed, making her point clear that I should go, however I refused. I would not leave until she understood why I was doing this. “I’ve told you to leave me the fuck alone and you still wont do it? what part of that is so hard to get through the thick skull of yours? Just fuck off!”

This time the dinner plate she’d been holding came flying in my direction, it had missed my face by millimetres as it shattered into pieces against the wall. I flipped her the bird, earning another piece of kitchenware to be hurled at me.

“Your a crazy bitch!” I screamed, holding my hands up in surrender. She glared at me, another cup poised, ready to be launched. Her eye make up was smudged, leaving two big pools of black on her cheeks.

“Who was it? Who finally ended our marriage?” she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper.

This was it, flight or fight and I had to tell her, there was no other option. I suppose I didn’t have any right to be hurt, after all, I had single handedly fucked our marriage over, not her. Gena had done nothing but try to fix it, she had poured her into soul into finding new ways of healing old wounds.

“Kirsten..it was Kirsten.” the gasp that escaped her, resonated through the room. It vibrated against the walls and into my core. I was a downright scumbag, hurting her like this was never my intention. The cup she had been holding fell onto the ground, smashing into a million tiny, ceramic pieces. She brought her hand up to her mouth, turning away so I couldn’t see her face.

She looked at me, her brows furrowed. It was obvious that she was deciding what to do, kill me or let me go, without a fight. I had a feeling she would choose to let me go, no way would she ever consider being married to a cheat. It was definitely a deal breaker to her, in fact, she had laid down the law when we met.

“Just go, please. I don’t wanna look at you anymore, you don’t know how much you’ve hurt me right now. I can’t believe you went had and sex with someone who was supposed to be trusted with my feelings?” She stopped mid sentence and pointed to the front door, her gaze never leaving mine.

“Gena..”

She shook her head, point blank refusing to listen to me, for which I didn’t blame her.

“Just go. Go to her.”