I Had the Weakest Luck
one / one
it’s always those commercials with sad music, high statistics and “real stories” that get you to do shit.
that’s why zayn is on day number three of no cigarettes because, god damn it, those little kids were crying and they just wanted their mother’s back but they couldn’t because throat cancer killed them and he doesn’t want his kid crying over his grave because he made some stupid choice when he was younger.
but he just doesn’t know how much longer he can last. yesterday he got angry at his toaster for making the toast too brown because - who the fuck eats charred toast?
right now he’s getting angry at the phone because he doesn’t want 13 voicemails he only wants 12.
he needs help.
google tells him that exercise can help. google tells him to go buy this dumb boxing because apparently it “works the best” compared to all the other dvd’s out there.
- - - - - - -
five hours later he’s at home, fifty dollars poorer and four boxing dvd’s in hand. how do these things even work? does he need a mat? does he need gloves? how much space will be need?
he’s never trusting google again.
- - - - - - -
“come on man those things have been sitting wrapped up for days now you need to at least try.” harry is bugging him because apparently louis wants to redecorate the house and harry isn’t about to get paint on his really nice jumper because his mother would maim him because it cost $200 dollars because he had to have it.
“i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do! Like, it’s boxing how the fuck do you box at home? don’t you need a giant punching bag?” zayn complains over those dumb dvd’s because right now he’s happier sitting on his ass getting angry at the chips because they have crumbs, than trying to get up to do some dumb dvd workout that might not even help.
“that’s why you have the damn things so you can learn. i thought you were going to uni to be smart, not get dumb.” harry didn’t go to uni. instead he became fluent in like five languages in hopes of wooing someone from another country into giving him money. he’s made about two thousand dollars in a month.
“but what if i look dumb.”
harry is not playing his shit.
- - - - - - -
he’s going to do this.
he’s going to open those dumb dvd’s and learn how to box.
he’s going to become the best boxer in history.
he’s going to go to the olympics for boxing.
he’s going to beat everyone and get three gold medals (or however that shit works zayn really doesn’t care).
except his couch is really comfy and getting angry is so much easier.
- - - - - - -
zayn is standing, watching the title appear on the screen as he presses play, a short sequence before he’s looking into an empty room with three mats and three pairs of gloves by each mat.
this isn’t looking good.
this is looking fantastic.
on screen is this god with curly hair, brown eyes, fuckable abs and, holy fuck, zayn just wants to go through the screen and lick him.
zayn’s night ends with less licking and more tugging at his cock while watching his lips move while he’s talking and watching those rippling muscles move with each punch in the air.
zayn loves boxing.
- - - - - - -
“so, so? how’s the boxing, big buff man?” harry teases as he punches zayn in the arm in movie-standard boxing position with his shoulders tense and jabs short and to the point.
“i don’t give a fuck about boxing. the guy, holy fuck, the guy is just hot and i fucking want him,” zayn groans, not caring that he’s out in public because, holy fuck, everyone needs to know about this man and his body that was crafted by the gods.
“oh? what’s his name i need to google him later,” harry is suddenly interested. with their dumb house remodeling, harry has been out of regular sex and wanking just doesn’t do it like it used to.
“liam payne. fuck his name just screams sex god.” zayn is melting like a teenage girl and harry is cackling like a hyena.
“oh god he’s got that curly hair like mine and brown eyes?” harry just can’t stop laughing because, holy fuck, this is not happening.
“the fuck are you on?” zayn doesn’t like being fucked with and harry is not about to fuck with him.
“i know that kid! he lives in the building across from me and he lends us sugar all the time.” zayn just wants to smack harry and at the same time kiss the ground because this doesn’t happen to people at all.
“well are you going to set me up with that ass or do i have to pretend to need sugar too? help a kid out, mate. i’ve been wanking over him for the past week,” zayn is desperate and is not over pretending that he’s a new roommate for harry and louis and they need extreme amount of sugar and possibly a sexual encounter, but that can come with a glass of milk for cereal.
“fine, fine. hold your horses kid.” harry is holding his hands up, palms facing forward like he’s getting attacked by the police because right now, he wouldn’t be surprised if zayn pepper sprayed him for saying no to his request.
- - - - - - -
okay, so zayn is nervous.
harry basically set him and liam up on a “blind date” because he doesn’t know how to get to two people out on a date without that sort of set up.
at least zayn took the liberty of setting up the place and they’re at a club. hopefully liam gets the idea and takes zayn into the back room to fuck the shit out of him because there is no way he is getting to know zayn in a bouncing night club where he can barely hear his own thoughts.
liam doesn’t get the idea because zayn is stuck sitting at some table nursing some shitty drink he doesn’t know the name of while liam tries to talk to him with his glass of water.
what is this kid?
- - - - - - -
the only good thing that came out of it is that zayn and liam exchanged numbers so now they’re planning date number two. they’re doing coffee and brunch and, god damnnit, they sound like a married couple because who the fuck does brunch?
zayn is only dealing with it because now that he’s seen liam is person all he can think about is getting fucked up against a wall or sucking liam’s cock like there’s no tomorrow.
- - - - - - -
coffee is turning out better. zayn can actually hear what liam is saying about how he likes dogs and how his flatemate niall is a little shit (liam doesn’t use that wording exactly but zayn can tell). And how sometimes he just likes to curl up and watch a toy story marathon when he misses his parents too much because money has been tight and he can’t just waste all that money driving there.
and zayn just wants to cuddle him and pet his hair and tell him everything is going to be alright because he says so and good things happen to good people.
zayn indulges that he doesn’t really do pets (he had a fish when he was younger but it died like a week later so now he just stays away from pets) and how harry is a little shit head (yes it does use the phrase shit head and liam doesn’t seem bothered by it) and how his parents kind of kicked him out because they were tired of him partying.
then they gossip about harry and his """friend""" louis and it’s like they’re in high school all over again and zayn thinks that it’s one of the best dates he’s been on.
when liam drops zayn off at the door liam looks nervous because he’s nothing but red and stutters and twisting fingers.
zayn goes ahead and pulls liam in by the collar so that they’re kissing and it’s fucking perfect.
“i hope my parents don’t mind that i’m kissing a cute boy in front of their house,” zayn teases but liam is acting like he wasn’t there during the date and is flipping out because holy shit they’re going to know zayn parents know that and it’s only date two and they shouldn’t even be kissing until they’re official and married.
zayn just kisses him again to shut him up.
- - - - - - -
“so this is date number 5 with liam, yeah?” harry asks over long over-due drinks at a shitty pub because they can’t afford nice places.
“yeah and i’m still wanking over his dumb videos. why did you tell me he’s a fucking saint? i feel like i’m trying to screw mother theresa.” it’s not that zayn isn’t happy about liam. he’s really, really fucking happy about liam.
but he would like to get some ass at some point in time and liam is not along with that ride it seems.
“you said he looked like god so i was just tryin’ to help a brotha.” harry shrugged as he offered his pint and tapped for a new one.
“yeah that’s another slang word we’re getting rid of. but like, what should i do? i don’t know how to fuck people that aren’t already dropping their pants at me.” zayn is distressed because how do you fuck someone who isn’t giving you a flashing green light and a handwritten message?
it’s all really, really confusing and zayn just wants to drink away his woes.
“uh, you get fancy? i mean, nothing screams “i wanna fuck” like dinner at a nice place and a trip back to your house. really, zayn, i expected better from the man that gets more tail than a toilet seat.” harry is taking generous gulps of his new pint, killing almost a quarter of it in a moment.
“you better be right because even though i like the kid… i need to see his dick.”
- - - - - - -
it’s all going great. liam seemed thrilled at the restaurant. zayn even took the entire bill to be super generous (even though he’s pretty sure he can’t eat for a week now but if he gets a fuck out of this it’ll all be worth it).
now they’re going back to zayn’s place and they’re going to fuck and it’s going to be wonderful.
“so i had a really nice time tonight,” liam said sweetly as they’re standing next to zayn’s door.
“that’s really good. i’m glad you did, y’know?” zayn said back, trying to keep the conversation going. he doesn’t really know how to approach this because liam is a pretty classy fellow and usually he brings back people that are less than classy. it’s a whole new game to zayn and all he wants to do is play the cards right.
“okay so here’s the deal, i want you to come inside yeah? and we could possibly shag if you’re down for that?” zayn finally spits out because he really can’t do this anymore and now liam is looking like a fish outta water.
zayn takes liam’s lack of no for a yes (which is a problem in itself but zayn knows that liam could kick his ass so he goes for it anyway) and plants himself on liam, all tongue and sloppy and wet.
“So, what do you say?” zayn asked after a moment because hell, this is going to haunt him forever if liam doesn’t really want this but is too nice to say no.
“yah, yah of course.” liam just rushed out as he slammed himself back on zayn, at the same time, pinning zayn up against the wall and fuck, this is better in real life than in dreams.
“let’s, let’s go in, yah.” zayn mutters as he goes to open his door and liam is all up against his back hot and chiseled and fuck, he knows what’s on his ass right now and he just wants it all.
it’s messy and sloppy as they kiss again, not breaking as they both try to undo each other shirts at the same time and that’s just way too many hands in too little of a space and liam wins because in a moment zayn is shirtless and he almost slips on his shirt onto the hard floor.
liam’s mouth moves from his lips to down zayn’s neck, hot open mouth kisses that leave a trail of spit and soon he’s just fucking tearing apart zayn’s collarbones because, fuck, zayn’s perfect unblemished skin belongs to liam and liam only.
zayn is just stumbling backwards into his room where he’s knows there’s lube and condoms and all that other shit you need having sex and zayn’s having a bit more trouble than liam was because buttons are really hard to undo while moving and having a hot man latch onto your neck.
“fuck liam i just, holy shit, i just need your cock.” zayn is grunting and groaning and ends up slipping so he’s on the bed with liam on top of him who’s face is all red and lips are all puffy and kissed out and wet with spit.
zayn just grabs liam by the back of the head and kisses him more because he doesn’t need a reason to kiss a hot man that is sitting in between his thighs.
“you have stuff, yeah?” liam asks, breaking it off for a moment because he doesn’t want to start this and then stop because that would suck ass.
“yah, yah, here,” zayn mutters as he rummages through his drawer to find a large bottle of lube and five packages of condoms all latched together.
liam’s working on zayn’s pants and is taking no prisoners because, fuck fabric, he just needs zayn and zayn needs him and they need to become one and these pants are not helping.
in moments zayn’s pants are on the floor, his belt off somewhere else and liam is back on zayn’s lips while zayn is undoing liam’s pants because zayn just fucking loves undressing people. zayn takes no shame in peeking at what’s in store for him and moans at liam’s cock because holy fuck it’s so much better than he expected and he just wants it in him now.
liam is back to kissing him and slipping in cold, lubed fingers into zayn’s hot hole and liam’s fingers are perfect because with a little crook and a little nudge there he’s hitting that one spot and he just really, really wants liam’s cock.
“come on, man. i need your cock.” zayn is a panting mess now because he’s just imaging what that cock would feel like and liam’s all the way to the hilt in one swoop and wow it really had been a long time.
“s-shit liam, you’re fucking huge.” zayn takes a moment to get ready before he’s chanting for liam to go harder and to fuck him into next week and liam just does what he’s told because holy hell liam has size and knows what the fuck to do with it.
it’s a disappointing moment when liam is coming into the condom and zayn is coming into their chests moments later and then the sex is done and over with. it was worth it, and zayn just wants to replay it over and over again. zayn is never getting rid of liam as long as he wants sex.
“holy shit, man. if i knew you fucked like that i would’ve gotten you on the first date.” zayn is just all smiles and grins because wow liam was just fucking fantastic and zayn wants to do it over and over again.
“mm go to sleep and we can talk about it over breakfast.” liam is basically already asleep by the time he finishes that statement.
that’s why zayn is on day number three of no cigarettes because, god damn it, those little kids were crying and they just wanted their mother’s back but they couldn’t because throat cancer killed them and he doesn’t want his kid crying over his grave because he made some stupid choice when he was younger.
but he just doesn’t know how much longer he can last. yesterday he got angry at his toaster for making the toast too brown because - who the fuck eats charred toast?
right now he’s getting angry at the phone because he doesn’t want 13 voicemails he only wants 12.
he needs help.
google tells him that exercise can help. google tells him to go buy this dumb boxing because apparently it “works the best” compared to all the other dvd’s out there.
- - - - - - -
five hours later he’s at home, fifty dollars poorer and four boxing dvd’s in hand. how do these things even work? does he need a mat? does he need gloves? how much space will be need?
he’s never trusting google again.
- - - - - - -
“come on man those things have been sitting wrapped up for days now you need to at least try.” harry is bugging him because apparently louis wants to redecorate the house and harry isn’t about to get paint on his really nice jumper because his mother would maim him because it cost $200 dollars because he had to have it.
“i don’t even know what i’m supposed to do! Like, it’s boxing how the fuck do you box at home? don’t you need a giant punching bag?” zayn complains over those dumb dvd’s because right now he’s happier sitting on his ass getting angry at the chips because they have crumbs, than trying to get up to do some dumb dvd workout that might not even help.
“that’s why you have the damn things so you can learn. i thought you were going to uni to be smart, not get dumb.” harry didn’t go to uni. instead he became fluent in like five languages in hopes of wooing someone from another country into giving him money. he’s made about two thousand dollars in a month.
“but what if i look dumb.”
harry is not playing his shit.
- - - - - - -
he’s going to do this.
he’s going to open those dumb dvd’s and learn how to box.
he’s going to become the best boxer in history.
he’s going to go to the olympics for boxing.
he’s going to beat everyone and get three gold medals (or however that shit works zayn really doesn’t care).
except his couch is really comfy and getting angry is so much easier.
- - - - - - -
zayn is standing, watching the title appear on the screen as he presses play, a short sequence before he’s looking into an empty room with three mats and three pairs of gloves by each mat.
this isn’t looking good.
this is looking fantastic.
on screen is this god with curly hair, brown eyes, fuckable abs and, holy fuck, zayn just wants to go through the screen and lick him.
zayn’s night ends with less licking and more tugging at his cock while watching his lips move while he’s talking and watching those rippling muscles move with each punch in the air.
zayn loves boxing.
- - - - - - -
“so, so? how’s the boxing, big buff man?” harry teases as he punches zayn in the arm in movie-standard boxing position with his shoulders tense and jabs short and to the point.
“i don’t give a fuck about boxing. the guy, holy fuck, the guy is just hot and i fucking want him,” zayn groans, not caring that he’s out in public because, holy fuck, everyone needs to know about this man and his body that was crafted by the gods.
“oh? what’s his name i need to google him later,” harry is suddenly interested. with their dumb house remodeling, harry has been out of regular sex and wanking just doesn’t do it like it used to.
“liam payne. fuck his name just screams sex god.” zayn is melting like a teenage girl and harry is cackling like a hyena.
“oh god he’s got that curly hair like mine and brown eyes?” harry just can’t stop laughing because, holy fuck, this is not happening.
“the fuck are you on?” zayn doesn’t like being fucked with and harry is not about to fuck with him.
“i know that kid! he lives in the building across from me and he lends us sugar all the time.” zayn just wants to smack harry and at the same time kiss the ground because this doesn’t happen to people at all.
“well are you going to set me up with that ass or do i have to pretend to need sugar too? help a kid out, mate. i’ve been wanking over him for the past week,” zayn is desperate and is not over pretending that he’s a new roommate for harry and louis and they need extreme amount of sugar and possibly a sexual encounter, but that can come with a glass of milk for cereal.
“fine, fine. hold your horses kid.” harry is holding his hands up, palms facing forward like he’s getting attacked by the police because right now, he wouldn’t be surprised if zayn pepper sprayed him for saying no to his request.
- - - - - - -
okay, so zayn is nervous.
harry basically set him and liam up on a “blind date” because he doesn’t know how to get to two people out on a date without that sort of set up.
at least zayn took the liberty of setting up the place and they’re at a club. hopefully liam gets the idea and takes zayn into the back room to fuck the shit out of him because there is no way he is getting to know zayn in a bouncing night club where he can barely hear his own thoughts.
liam doesn’t get the idea because zayn is stuck sitting at some table nursing some shitty drink he doesn’t know the name of while liam tries to talk to him with his glass of water.
what is this kid?
- - - - - - -
the only good thing that came out of it is that zayn and liam exchanged numbers so now they’re planning date number two. they’re doing coffee and brunch and, god damnnit, they sound like a married couple because who the fuck does brunch?
zayn is only dealing with it because now that he’s seen liam is person all he can think about is getting fucked up against a wall or sucking liam’s cock like there’s no tomorrow.
- - - - - - -
coffee is turning out better. zayn can actually hear what liam is saying about how he likes dogs and how his flatemate niall is a little shit (liam doesn’t use that wording exactly but zayn can tell). And how sometimes he just likes to curl up and watch a toy story marathon when he misses his parents too much because money has been tight and he can’t just waste all that money driving there.
and zayn just wants to cuddle him and pet his hair and tell him everything is going to be alright because he says so and good things happen to good people.
zayn indulges that he doesn’t really do pets (he had a fish when he was younger but it died like a week later so now he just stays away from pets) and how harry is a little shit head (yes it does use the phrase shit head and liam doesn’t seem bothered by it) and how his parents kind of kicked him out because they were tired of him partying.
then they gossip about harry and his """friend""" louis and it’s like they’re in high school all over again and zayn thinks that it’s one of the best dates he’s been on.
when liam drops zayn off at the door liam looks nervous because he’s nothing but red and stutters and twisting fingers.
zayn goes ahead and pulls liam in by the collar so that they’re kissing and it’s fucking perfect.
“i hope my parents don’t mind that i’m kissing a cute boy in front of their house,” zayn teases but liam is acting like he wasn’t there during the date and is flipping out because holy shit they’re going to know zayn parents know that and it’s only date two and they shouldn’t even be kissing until they’re official and married.
zayn just kisses him again to shut him up.
- - - - - - -
“so this is date number 5 with liam, yeah?” harry asks over long over-due drinks at a shitty pub because they can’t afford nice places.
“yeah and i’m still wanking over his dumb videos. why did you tell me he’s a fucking saint? i feel like i’m trying to screw mother theresa.” it’s not that zayn isn’t happy about liam. he’s really, really fucking happy about liam.
but he would like to get some ass at some point in time and liam is not along with that ride it seems.
“you said he looked like god so i was just tryin’ to help a brotha.” harry shrugged as he offered his pint and tapped for a new one.
“yeah that’s another slang word we’re getting rid of. but like, what should i do? i don’t know how to fuck people that aren’t already dropping their pants at me.” zayn is distressed because how do you fuck someone who isn’t giving you a flashing green light and a handwritten message?
it’s all really, really confusing and zayn just wants to drink away his woes.
“uh, you get fancy? i mean, nothing screams “i wanna fuck” like dinner at a nice place and a trip back to your house. really, zayn, i expected better from the man that gets more tail than a toilet seat.” harry is taking generous gulps of his new pint, killing almost a quarter of it in a moment.
“you better be right because even though i like the kid… i need to see his dick.”
- - - - - - -
it’s all going great. liam seemed thrilled at the restaurant. zayn even took the entire bill to be super generous (even though he’s pretty sure he can’t eat for a week now but if he gets a fuck out of this it’ll all be worth it).
now they’re going back to zayn’s place and they’re going to fuck and it’s going to be wonderful.
“so i had a really nice time tonight,” liam said sweetly as they’re standing next to zayn’s door.
“that’s really good. i’m glad you did, y’know?” zayn said back, trying to keep the conversation going. he doesn’t really know how to approach this because liam is a pretty classy fellow and usually he brings back people that are less than classy. it’s a whole new game to zayn and all he wants to do is play the cards right.
“okay so here’s the deal, i want you to come inside yeah? and we could possibly shag if you’re down for that?” zayn finally spits out because he really can’t do this anymore and now liam is looking like a fish outta water.
zayn takes liam’s lack of no for a yes (which is a problem in itself but zayn knows that liam could kick his ass so he goes for it anyway) and plants himself on liam, all tongue and sloppy and wet.
“So, what do you say?” zayn asked after a moment because hell, this is going to haunt him forever if liam doesn’t really want this but is too nice to say no.
“yah, yah of course.” liam just rushed out as he slammed himself back on zayn, at the same time, pinning zayn up against the wall and fuck, this is better in real life than in dreams.
“let’s, let’s go in, yah.” zayn mutters as he goes to open his door and liam is all up against his back hot and chiseled and fuck, he knows what’s on his ass right now and he just wants it all.
it’s messy and sloppy as they kiss again, not breaking as they both try to undo each other shirts at the same time and that’s just way too many hands in too little of a space and liam wins because in a moment zayn is shirtless and he almost slips on his shirt onto the hard floor.
liam’s mouth moves from his lips to down zayn’s neck, hot open mouth kisses that leave a trail of spit and soon he’s just fucking tearing apart zayn’s collarbones because, fuck, zayn’s perfect unblemished skin belongs to liam and liam only.
zayn is just stumbling backwards into his room where he’s knows there’s lube and condoms and all that other shit you need having sex and zayn’s having a bit more trouble than liam was because buttons are really hard to undo while moving and having a hot man latch onto your neck.
“fuck liam i just, holy shit, i just need your cock.” zayn is grunting and groaning and ends up slipping so he’s on the bed with liam on top of him who’s face is all red and lips are all puffy and kissed out and wet with spit.
zayn just grabs liam by the back of the head and kisses him more because he doesn’t need a reason to kiss a hot man that is sitting in between his thighs.
“you have stuff, yeah?” liam asks, breaking it off for a moment because he doesn’t want to start this and then stop because that would suck ass.
“yah, yah, here,” zayn mutters as he rummages through his drawer to find a large bottle of lube and five packages of condoms all latched together.
liam’s working on zayn’s pants and is taking no prisoners because, fuck fabric, he just needs zayn and zayn needs him and they need to become one and these pants are not helping.
in moments zayn’s pants are on the floor, his belt off somewhere else and liam is back on zayn’s lips while zayn is undoing liam’s pants because zayn just fucking loves undressing people. zayn takes no shame in peeking at what’s in store for him and moans at liam’s cock because holy fuck it’s so much better than he expected and he just wants it in him now.
liam is back to kissing him and slipping in cold, lubed fingers into zayn’s hot hole and liam’s fingers are perfect because with a little crook and a little nudge there he’s hitting that one spot and he just really, really wants liam’s cock.
“come on, man. i need your cock.” zayn is a panting mess now because he’s just imaging what that cock would feel like and liam’s all the way to the hilt in one swoop and wow it really had been a long time.
“s-shit liam, you’re fucking huge.” zayn takes a moment to get ready before he’s chanting for liam to go harder and to fuck him into next week and liam just does what he’s told because holy hell liam has size and knows what the fuck to do with it.
it’s a disappointing moment when liam is coming into the condom and zayn is coming into their chests moments later and then the sex is done and over with. it was worth it, and zayn just wants to replay it over and over again. zayn is never getting rid of liam as long as he wants sex.
“holy shit, man. if i knew you fucked like that i would’ve gotten you on the first date.” zayn is just all smiles and grins because wow liam was just fucking fantastic and zayn wants to do it over and over again.
“mm go to sleep and we can talk about it over breakfast.” liam is basically already asleep by the time he finishes that statement.