Honey, This Mirror Isn't Big Enough

I watch as he breaks the mirror, stand still as he pulls out the draws, stays silent as he screams at me, “WHERE ARE THEY!?”

The first time I hid his drugs, he pulled the house apart until he found them. All he did was lock himself in the bathroom, which I ended up having to pick the lock to open, to find him unconscious on the floor, barely breathing. It’s been like this for a while now. Five years after I met him, he had picked up the habit from a friend and ever since then I’ve come second.

Before our relationship went to shit, our lives were perfect. We were on our fourth year together, engaged, and planning to have a child. I remember the times when I would come home from work, sore all over, he would rub my back and then we’d go out somewhere, just for the hell of it.
Now, all I do is come back to a house I feel like a stranger in, lay in bed next to a man I feel I don’t know, and hide away until work the next day.
I missed those days where there were no problems.
I’ll never get them back though, not now.

“Please Scott, I’m begging you, get some help!” I cried, finally having enough. He glared at me, his eyes were dark.
“I don’t need help.” He snapped, pushing me roughly and walking out of the kitchen. I land on the floor, tears welling in my eyes.
“You do though.”
”You can’t tell me how to live my life!” He yelled, throwing his arms in the air before turning away.
“But you’ll end up killing yourself!” I got up, facing him, trying to convince him.
“So what!? It’s not like you care, it’s not like anyone would care!”
I felt my blood boil. I don’t care? I’ve been looking after this man for over five years, and he thinks I don’t care?
“I fucking care! You need help, you need to stop with the drugs, the drinking, or else!” I warned him, trying to look as angry as I felt but the tears rolling down my cheeks didn’t help.
He scoffed at me, waving me off as he replied, “Or what?”
“I’ll leave.”
He stopped walking, he stood still for a moment, before slowly turning around on his heel.
“What?” He asked, looking disbelieving.
“I’ll leave,” I replied. “I’ll leave for good, you can clean yourself up.”
I hoped he wouldn’t see the bluff on my face. I hope he couldn’t tell. I hoped he wouldn’t be able to see through my obvious lie.
But, he laughed. Loud and full. His face looked more alive then I had seen it in a while.
“You’ll leave? Ha! Good riddance, we haven’t been working out lately. Just take your shit and get out actually, not as if I need you anyway.” He mumbled and just like that, my heart broke more then I ever thought it would. He picked up a bottle from the floor, and chugged it back, falling on to the couch, as if he didn’t just hear my heart shatter.

I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think.

I gasped for air as the tears hit me again, when it soaked in.
He looked up at me, an eyebrow raised. “What?” He said. “Go on, get moving.”
I shook my head, fighting the ball in my throat.
I turned quickly, my hand coming up to cover my mouth, lock in the sobs, as I ran out the room. I went into my bedroom, grabbing the biggest bag closest to me and started shoving my things in. Going around the already destroyed room, knocking everything over and into my bag.
He’ll just let me leave like this?
Yes, he will.
Doesn’t he love me anymore?
No.
He won’t even try to fight for me?
Are you kidding me?
What happened to the man I loved?
He’s gone, just like the girl who fell in love with him.

As I reached up to get the car keys, my ticket to leave, I caught sight of my ring.
The engagement ring he bought me. I slowly brought my hand back down, holding it in front of me.
It still shined. The only pure looking thing in this whole place.
I shook my head, he doesn’t love you anymore Emily, just forget about it.

I took the ring off as I walked into the lounge again. There was now a bottle of pills, I don’t bother remembering what he takes anymore, on the table, half of them scattered across the glass top.
I cleared my throat. He looked up at me, his greasy fringe falling in front of his eyes. Those dead eyes that used to hold so much light in them.
I place the ring on the table and say the last words I hoped to ever said to him.
“Fuck you, I hope you’re happy.”
I was quick to exit the house, to run away from the person who ruined vulnerable, naïve Emily Derrick.
On my way out, I hesitated to close the front door behind me.
My entire life is in that house, and if I do close it, there’s no going back. Will I really leave all of this behind?
Yes, I decided as I heard a bottle smash and a thump in the living room.
I closed it and got into our, or my, car. Where to go? I thought.

I didn’t really think about it, I kind of just ended up there.
I parked in front of the house, my heart beating hard. Should I do it?
Again, I didn’t really get to think about it. My body moved for me, stopping the car, taking the keys out, locking it as I walked up the driveway, knocking on the door of his brother’s house.
I heard a muffled voice behind the wood, calling out, ‘Hold on a sec!’
Roughly a minute later, the door opened, and standing in front of me was Jake.
“Emily? What are you doing here?” He asked, his eyes widening.
I shrugged, “Long time no see, huh?”
“No shit,” he replied, putting his hand on my shoulder and pulling me in. “What happened?”
I exhaled heavily as the door closed behind me. I turned around, a sad smile on my lips.
“I left him.”
“You what?” He asked.
I sighed and leant back on the wall. “I left him.” I repeated.
“Em,” He said slowly. “I, he needs you Emily, he-.”
I erupted in sudden laugher, loud and crazy, more tears forming. “Bullshit!” I cried out. “Bull-fucking-shit he needs me! He doesn’t need me, he said so himself.”
I looked to the ground, chuckling to myself, at my sick joke of a life. I’m losing it.

“What is all this yelling about?”

My head snapped up to look at the familiar voice, my laughter cut short.
“Emily?” Rory asked, a confused look on his face. I flinched, my name on his tongue sent me back to those memories. “Whoa, are you okay?”
I shook my head, trying to rid my thoughts, but he took it as me answering his question.
“What happened?” He asked, stepping closer.
“She left Scott.” Josh answered for me, subtly stepping between Rory and I. He knew what happened.
Rory’s eyes went wide. “What?”
All Josh did was nod.
“I’m going to kill that bastard!” Rory yelled. I jumped, looking up at him again. “What did he do to you Em?” He asked, rushing over to me. I moved back a bit, out of his touch.
“I had enough. So I left him.” I replied quietly, the wall my safety.
“’Bout fucking time.” Rory grumbled, moving back.
“Hey, come on-.”
“No, he didn’t deserve her, he never did!” Rory interrupted Josh, who was quick to defend his brother.

“Hey, he wasn’t always like this.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he treats her like shit.”

“I know it doesn’t, I know that he’s not right at the moment, but he can change back.”

“And what? The past they had would just be gone?”

”Of course not, but they could work through it!”

“Fuck that! She left him, he doesn’t deserve a second chance with her!”

“Don’t you start this again! Not now!”

“I can start whatever the fuck I want!”

“Just because you’re jealous that you lost your chance, doesn’t mean-.”

“SHUT UP!” I yelled out, my eyes closed. I couldn’t take it anymore. “SHUT UP, SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP!”
It was silent until I opened my eyes again. They both looked at me, shocked faces.
Rory was the first to speak. He tried to move over to me, hold me as he apologized.
“No!” I moved out of the way. “You stay away from me alright, you just keep away.”
Everything was catching up with me. All the events from today. I was feeling light headed.
“Emily, I-.”
“No, Rory, just,” I gasped a breath, sobs were escaping now. “Just leave me alone.”

I collapsed to the floor, holding myself as I cried. I sobbed hard into my knees. I felt a hand on my back, I flinched, but didn’t move. I couldn’t, even if it was Rory. I was too weak.

I heard the doorbell chime.

Then impatient knocking.

Then the door opened, and I heard his voice. I sobbed even harder, the hand on my back pulled me to their chest, their arms around me.
“WHAT THE FUCK!?” I heard Scott yell.

And then, I passed out.