Uncharted

Cheat.

He cheated on me. I was blindsided. I was destroyed.

It was cold, freezing even… but for once it wasn’t raining. At least not yet anyway.

I had myself propped against the brick wall, right beside the door leading back into the apartment. I was only outside because I wanted to call him and say goodnight without the line going dead as it did sometimes when we talked on the phone Though at that point I wondered if it was the line going dead or him hanging up because girlfriend number two walked into the room.

The only thing protecting me from the cold was a thin grey cardigan, a white tank top underneath it, and a pair of beat up black leggings. My hair was in a messy bun at the top of my head. I’m almost 100% positive that any make up I had on when I stepped outside was long gone at this point.

My cell phone was clutched tightly in my hand as I sobbed to the empty city around me. I had no idea what time it was but I assumed it had to be pretty early if I couldn’t hear any drunks screaming from the street. It didn’t matter though. Nothing mattered at that point. Even when a light misting for rain began to fall I stayed put and just cried and cried. I kept asking myself over and over again how I couldn’t have picked up on this sooner. Why wasn’t I good enough?

Dylan was my rock. He had been for quite a while. My life could be pretty fucked up sometimes but he was always there, he was always the one who made everything okay again. I had almost no friends in Ireland so of course it was Dylan who kept me company via text almost every day. Cooper had a life of his own, friends of his own. Everyone at work seemed to hate my guts except for Eleanor who had been quite busy getting ready to head back to England. Des rarely even looked at me let alone spoke to me. Who was going to be my rock now? No one.

It was then that I realized that I was utterly alone. I cried even harder and let my phone drop to cement floor of my balcony.

At rattle came from Des and Cooper’s door notifying me that one of them was about to open it. I quickly tried to stop the tears because I really didn’t want either of the two take notice of me out here. It was my only plan since I couldn’t bring myself to move.

Des emerged from the door wearing his normal attire: black jeans, no shoes, a t-shirt, and thick hoodie. He glanced over at me but didn’t say anything. He walked over the edge of the balcony. Des pulled and lighter out of his pocket and lit a cigarette. I stopped watching Des, I knew better than thinking he would care or even notice. He hadn’t looked at me or talked to me for more than a month.

I stared at the building across the street, letting my mind drift back to Dylan. I bit my lip and let the silent sobs shake my body.

“Ollie?” Des asked.

“Hmm?” I asked alarmed. I wiped my eyes quickly on my cardigan sleeve and sniffed a bunch of snot back into my nostrils.

“Yah okay?” Des asked, he started to walk to toward the gap between our balconies.

“Yeah…yeah. I’m fine.” I said trying my best to smile at Des. He looked at me skeptically while he took a drag of his cigarette. I decided it was best to change the subject fast before I started to cry again. “How was your date?” I asked, considering he talked about it earlier.

Des looked up at the sky and made a “huh” sound while he blew his smoke toward the street.

“Shit.” He answered.

“What happened?” I asked carefully because I knew how Des was when it came to talking about anything personal. It sounds pathetic but I really needed the company of another person, even if it was Des, and I really didn’t want to scare him away.

“Well, the night was shit. I left my wallet at work, so I had to turn around and get that. Got to the fuckin’ pub and sat around waiting. She never showed.” He stuck his cigarette back to his lips and took a deep breath in.

“I’m sorry.” I said quietly.

“So am I. Proper waste of my time.” He said exhaling.

Des and I shared a comfortable silence for a few minutes. All the while I was trying desperately to keep the tears from falling.

“I could hear you cryin’ from my room.” Des stated, no emotion audible in his voice.

“Great.” I said sarcastically wiping my eyes before the tears could fall again.

“You’ve been out here a long time, you’re gonna get a cold wearing that.” Des commented, waving his cigarette in my direction. I think it was his way of asking me why I was so upset. Even if it wasn’t I told him anyway.

“Dylan cheated on me.” Once I said it out loud and clear the flood gates opened and I began to sob again.

“Shit.” Des cursed under his breath. A minute later I heard the jingle of whatever was in his pocket as he jumped the small distance between us.

“You were right. I shouldn’t have trusted him.” I said, my voice shaking more and more with every word as I recalled the day that Desmond told me it was foolish to trust a man who was living on an entirely continent.

“C’mere, love.” Des said softly and pulled me into his arms. I latched onto his hoodie like it was the only thing keeping me alive. There was no holding back now, I wanted to apologize to Des for my behavior but I couldn’t form any words I was crying so hard. I was falling apart in the arms of my neighbor, a man I hardly even knew, who I was pretty sure hated me most of the time.

I stopped trying to say anything, I just clung to Des. It was nice to have contact with a human for once. I cried into his hoodie, he was pretty much cradling me while we sat outside the doors to my apartment.

Des rubbed a hand on my back in a calming manner while he swayed me from side to side very gently. He smelled like cologne and cigarettes, it was an oddly comforting scent, considering I usually associated Desmond’s scent with glares and cold shoulders.

I don’t know how long it took but I finally ran out of tears but I just kept holding onto Des because I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to stay there with me because I felt safe and protected in his arms. It felt like someone finally cared about me for the first time since I got to this country.

“Ollie, he’s a fuckin’ ass. He doesn’t know what he had. He’ll regret this, he probably already does. You deserve better than that.” Des said quietly, still swaying. I didn’t say anything. I knew he didn’t anything by it, even if it sort of sounded like he did. That’s just what people say to one another when they get cheated on. They were empty words but they were also comforting words. “I think we should probably get you inside before yah get sick. Yeah?”

“Sorry that I got your hoodie all wet.” I apologized crawling off of his lap and picking my phone up from the floor.

“It’s fine. Go change into something dry. I’ll make you some tea.” Des said holding the door to my apartment open. I nodded my head in agreement and walked by Des, keeping my eyes on the floor. I felt so embarrassed for acting the way I did…because as far as I knew he could barely stand me. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

This is when it all started. This when my life began to spiral downward.