Uncharted

I made my way upstairs to the seventh floor in somewhat of a daze. I hated how Des could never just let me be. He always had to do something or say something that left me clueless. Mostly, I hated the way he suddenly seemed hyperaware of how attractive I found him and seemed to be using that to his advantage. I’m sure he was. There was no other explanation.

As soon as I stepped into my flat I began to shed my wet clothes, not even bothering to go into my bedroom before stripping down to my under garments. At that point I didn’t give a fuck about anything. That simple kiss that had obviously pleased Desmond left me utterly infuriated the more I thought about it.

In nothing but a pair of underwear and an oversized sweater, I made myself a mug of hot chocolate. Of course I couldn't just wait for it to cool. I had to drink it immediately and burn my tongue like an asshole. I growled a string of expletives under my breath and moved into the living room.

I was so fed up with everything that I figured the only cure would be to watch Tangled. That movie made me so disgustingly happy that it was unreal. However, every time it ended I felt totally lost because everything worked out for Rapunzel but I was still stuck. Alone.

As soon as the end credits of Tangled began to roll I felt a the depression set in. How sad is it that I was envious of a fictional character? I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what Dylan said the day he traipsed into my backyard. I did regret breaking up with him at that very moment because I felt so alone. I was so tempted pick up my phone and call him, but the rational side of me told me not to.

To recover from my Tangled induced depression, the next movie I decided to watch was The Nightmare Before Christmas. Mostly because that movie was so comforting to me. It was a movie used to watch every night because I loved it so much. It made me feel safe and less lonely considering I knew the movie so well. Mostly, I put The Nightmare Before Christmas on because it was literally like a lullaby for me. It could always put me to sleep.

Not even twenty minutes into the movie, I was drifting in and out of sleep buried in on the many blankets I kept on my couch. My phone began to buzz from beside my mug half full of cold hot chocolate. Lazily, I grabbed for it and pulled it under the blankets with me.

I was slightly surprised that I had received a text messaged from Desmond considering we hadn't been on the best of terms as of lately. 'I'm bored.' was all it said. I lazily texted back a simple 'That sucks.' I was a little irritated that he had nothing interesting to say, after fully waking me up.

I closed my eyes and laid back down, settling into a comfortable position. My phone buzzed again, this time it was still clutched in my hand but I let out an annoyed sigh before opening my eyes again to read the new text.

'What are you doing?'

I rolled my eyes but relied regardless 'Watching a movie.'

Now I was fully awake realizing that Des was going to keep texting me. 'Exciting. What are you watching?'

Even through text Desmond's sarcasm was present. 'Nightmare Before Christmas.' I texted back, while I yawned rather loudly and closed my eyes again.

'I love that movie.'

'That's weird. I thought you hated all good things in life.'

'Most things. Not all things.'

‘Good to know.’ I replied and held my phone in my hand, waiting for his reply. After ten minutes of no new messages I decided our pointless conversation was over. I figured it was safe to lay back down and go to sleep. I placed my phone on the coffee table and burrowed into my mess of blankets and pillows.

Of course, Desmond never made things easy. Just as I was beginning to drift off my phone vibrated against the table. I ignored it, in hopes that he would get that I was done talking to him. Alas, my phone vibrated two more times with in the minute I had ignored his first message. I grabbed from my phone and read the messages.

‘I’m still bored.’
‘Come over.’
‘Hang out with me.’

‘Don’t feel like moving. I’m tired.’ I texted him back, hoping he’d get the hint that I didn’t want to hang out with him. Partly because I was tired, but mostly because I didn’t have any idea what was going on with Des. I had no idea if I hated him or if I liked him. I had no idea. I was so confused. He never made anything easy. The minute I thought I knew how I felt about him he’d go and confuse the shit out of me.

‘Then I’ll come over.’

‘Fine.’ I agreed hesitantly, knowing this could go really well and we’d just fall asleep or it could go really badly and we’d end up having another screaming match. I also agreed knowing that Des wasn’t about to let me sleep until we hung out.

A minute later I heard Des knocking on my door. I mentally kicked myself for having locked it earlier that night because then I had to haul my ass off the couch to unlock it. The tiles from the hallway were like ice under my feet as I made my way toward the door to let in Des. I unlocked the door and pulled it open to reveal Desmond dressed in his usual attire, sweat pants and a white v-neck t-shirt.

“Hey.” I greeted dryly, I didn’t even wait for a response from him. I went on my way back down the hallway. I was eager to get back into my warm mess of blankets.

“Nice pants, Ol.” Des laughed referring to the fact that the only thing covering my ass was a pair of grey boy shorts.

“Thank you.” I laughed as I collected my pile of blankets and readjusted my position on the couch so there would be room for Des.

“No. Thank you, It was really quite a lovely view.”

I only responded by shaking my head at him and wrapping myself back in my blankets once again. Des sat on the opposite end of the couch but he was so tall that the spare cushion between us was being occupied by his long legs. We settled into a comfortable silence, both of us keeping our eyes trained on the TV. The whole time I just kept thinking about all the mixed signals I was getting from Des. He had my head constantly spinning and I decided I would finally do something about it.

The movie was just ending when I finally found the right words to start a conversation. “So, how was igloo building?” I asked, shifting my position so that I was looking at a sleepy Desmond lounging across half of my couch. I knew it was a weak start but I was hoping I would be able to get the conversation moving in the right direction after some small talk.

“Alright. We built it. So okay I’d say.” Des said through a yawn, stretching his long tattooed arms over his head, consequently sending a gust wind carrying the scent of his cologne in my direction.

“Is it safe to go inside of?” I wondered, still trying to recover from the intoxicating scent.

Des laughed “Mostly likely not.”

“Good.” I said, shaking my head and laughing lightly. There was a lull in our conversation, the only sound in the room coming from the credits that were still rolling up the screen. I decided that it was my time. Who knew when I would have Desmond alone and in a relatively good enough mood to talk to about serious matters?

“So…” Des trailed off but kept his perfect green eyes locked on my face. I wondered if he was trying to have this conversation too…or if he was waiting from me to get up and put another movie on.

“So…” I repeated back to him, keeping my eyes stuck on the loose thread of my blanket, only looking up at him in fleeting glances.

“Are you okay?” he questioned, which made me look up at him in confusion.

“Yeah, why?” I asked, squinting my eyes at him.

“Cooper pegged you in the face with snowball…” I could tell he was trying his hardest not to laugh at the memory, instead of laughing in my face a faint smile was playing on his lips.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” I smiled. “Are you okay?” I fired back at him.

My question had obviously taken Des by surprise. His brows pulled together and he squinted his eyes at me, turning his head slightly. “Why do you ask?” he mumbled, suddenly struggling to keep the kindness in his voice.

“I don’t know.” I said nervously, trying not to initiate another fight. I kept my eyes my fingers that were still fidgeting with the lose thread. I looked up at him quickly to see that he previously upturned lips were now set in straight line. “You seemed really pissed this morning at breakfast…and then last night when you came outside it looked like something was bothering you.” I looked up at him again, and shifted my eyes downward again, afraid to look at him because I figured he’d get pissed off about this.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.” He mumbled.

“You’re mad.” I said more to myself than to him, wishing I could change the subject. But we were already far too deep into the current one.

“I’m not fucking mad.” He shouted, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yes, you are. You’re yelling at me. “I mumbled, making sure I kept my eyes on that stupid little thread.

“I’m not yelling.” He said only a tiny bit more quietly.

“We have a lot of things we should talk about. I assume we’re just going to keep ignoring them since you’re obviously opposed to talking to me. Every conversation turns into a screaming match with you, Des…and if you’re not screaming at me you’re kissing me for God know’s what reason when you have girlfriend! You confuse the shit out of me. One minute you’re super nice to me and the next you’re biting my head off. You’re impossible!” I blurted out, instantly I regretted saying it.

“What the fuck are you even talking about?” he raised his voice even louder than he had previously. “You can’t even look at me when you’re talking and you’re sitting here bitching about how I don’t know how to have a conversation?” he was standing at this point, heading for the door.

“I don’t want to look at you when I know you’re going to react this way!” I defended myself, finally looking up to see the back of him retreated toward the door. “Go ahead, Des. Walk away like you always do!” I called after him.

The only response I got was a middle finger being thrown in my direction and my door slamming shut behind him.