Uncharted

I sat on my couch, chewing on my bottom lip in anticipation. I had been wondering what Desmond had to say for weeks or maybe even months. I never had any idea of what was going on in his perfect head. I needed him to tell me what the fuck he’d been keeping to himself since he obviously had been keeping his affections for me under wraps. I mean, until the day he burst in and kissed me. Even then, I was a little confused by his actions.

I had no idea what Des was going to say. I thought that maybe he would say he had feelings for me because that’s kind of the message got the day he busted into my flat. If he did that, I wouldn’t know what to do. He was easily the most attractive men I had ever laid eyes one, easily. However, I only knew him as miserable Desmond the guy who lived next to me. I knew very little about Desmond and what I did know wasn’t very appealing such as the fact that he cheated on his girlfriend without hesitation. Then again, I didn’t want to assume anything. I had to remind myself that I wasn’t dealing with just anyone. I was dealing with Des, he was unpredictable and he seemingly liked to mess with my head.

Somewhere deep down, I was still upset over what happened between Dylan and I. The thought of being with someone else scared me. I knew it shouldn’t have. The only thing I should have been scared of was Dylan and how hung up on him I seemed to be. I bit down on my lip hard, trying to expel all thoughts of my cheating, slime ball, ex-boyfriend out of my head. I could feel my dull headache getting more intense the longer I thought about Des and feelings.

I realized I was overreacting. I was insane. The only thing Des could have possibly wanted to talk about was the fact that his crazy girlfriend tried to fucking kill me. I figured the only things he could have to say to me involved not pressing charges against Moira. Suddenly, I felt stupid for ever thinking that Desmond would ever have romantic feelings for me. I was stupid for ever thinking Desmond would have romantic feelings for anyone. He probably the same miserable, mean Desmond he always was.

A knock on the door brought me out of my thoughts. I hugged my knees to my chest as a defense mechanism. I wasn’t about to let Des come in and bully me into letting his crazy bitch girlfriend get away with attempted murder. “It’s open!” I yelled loudly, making my head throb with pain.

I tried not to look at Des while he walked down the hallway toward me where I was still hugging my knees. That was a task, let me tell you. His perfect dark hair was disheveled from being outside with the angry wind, somehow it fitted him. It was like one of those hairstyles that only famous people seemed to be able to pull off. As usual, his hands were stuffed in the pockets of one of his normal black hoodies. He looked so lost in his thoughts I was surprised he was able to navigate himself to couch where I sat waiting for him.

Des sat down, his body was facing me but his gaze was locked on a large framed photo that was hanging on the wall to my right. He didn’t say a word, neither did I. I didn’t want to be the one to start this conversation since I had no idea where he wanted it to go. I didn’t have any idea where I wanted it to go either, I realized. I couldn’t find any light in any possible conversational direction.

“Do you want anything to drink?” I asked quietly, hoping he’d break out of his trance and start talking.

“No. Thank you.” He responded faintly and continued to stare at the photograph I’d taken just a year prior.

“Are you hungry? Elle went shopping earlier so I have loads of food.” I tried again to gently shove him in the direction of conversation.

“No, I’m fine. Thanks.”

We settled into silence. Des kept staring, lost in his thoughts. I was still hugging my knees, keeping my eyes closed while I breathed in his distinctive scent of cologne and smoke. Suddenly, Des snapped out of his blank stare. It was like an invisible man slapped him across the face and brought him back to his senses.

“I’m going to be completely honest with you.” Des stated softly, his perfect olive eyes fixed on my own green eyes. “I really fucked everything up.”

“What do you mean?” I asked numbly, not being able to think a single coherent thought when our eyes were locked and I was breathing in his scent.

“I like you…a lot.” Des confessed.

I opened my mouth, trying to think of a proper response but I drew a blank. I still hadn’t figured out what I would say if he dropped this on me. In addition, I was completely awe-stricken. Never in my wildest dreams would I think that some like Des, who was so fucking beautiful it hurt to look at him, would like someone like me, who was just plain and boring. We were from two completely different planets.

I never did have to reply because Des continued after a short pause. “I’ve always liked you. I just-I just fucked everything up badly. Jesus Christ.” Des said and then took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair, making his struggle with words very apparent. “You had a fucking boyfriend, and that pissed me off because for the first time in a long time I found someone who genuinely interested me. So I tried my hardest not to like you at all. Then he fucking cheated on you, I heard you crying and it fucking broke my heart.”

I just sat there, blinking occasionally as he spoke.

“I was so fucking jealous of him.” Des looked down, breaking our eye contact for the first time. “You loved him, so much. He treated you like shit and it really pissed me off because I was right here willing to do almost anything just to spend a minute talking to you and he was out there…fucking cheating on you.”

I was breathless and light headed as I tried to digest the words that were falling out of his mouth.

Des connected our eyes once again. “You were so broken up about him and you were so miserable, I hated seeing you like that. I hated seeing you cry over the bastard. Everything just got fucked after that. You were still so hung up on him and I was so fucking mean to you because I was really at him.” He paused but only for a few seconds, in which he studied my face. “The night we slept together, I thought that things would finally be different between us. I don’t know what I thought. I guess that I was hoping you’d give me a chance. You weren’t there when I woke up and that fucking hurt, Ol.”

“Des-“ I started but he quickly cut me off.

“No. Let me finish. I felt so rejected but I’m so crazy about you that picked fights with you just so you’d notice me. Then I got back with Moira, even though I swore to myself I’d never get back with her again, because I wanted to make you jealous…but you didn’t even fucking care. Then finally one day after that stupid fucking fight, I couldn’t take it anymore. That’s the day you told me we couldn’t be together because of Moira. I broke up with her because I’d do anything just to kiss you one more time, Ollie. Fucking anything. It’s my entire fault that you got hurt because I told her how crazy I am for you and she went mental.” Des took a deep breath. “I just wanted to let you know.”

It was like I didn’t even have to think about it. I grabbed Des by his sweat shirt and pressed my lips against his.