All Grown Up

You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.

I liked to pretend my childhood was good. I liked to let people think I had it easy. It was easier then explaining it to everyone. It was a whole mess that I didn't want to get into everytime I met someone new. It was too much trouble. So I let them think my loving grandparents raised me, gave me everything I wanted, left me everything of theirs when they passed away a few months back, and made sure I was taken care of even after they were gone. 

I was never one of those people who liked their personal business told to the whole world. I kept personal stuff to myself. Most people didn't do that. They screamed everything to everyone at the top of their lungs. People like that needed filters on their mouths. They needed mute buttons. Not everyone wants to know when you got plastered last. Or when you last made out with someone. My mum and dad kept their private lives private. They were quiet people to begin with, but the friends they did have they didn't tell them their deepest darkest secrets.

When they died I was only fifteen. I wasn't expecting it. No one was. All they wanted to do was go out to eat. One of their weekly dinner dates they had every Wednesday. I went to bed thinking the smell of my mums waffles would wake me up. Instead I got woke up at one am by pounding on the front door. When I answered and saw the police officers standing there as it drizzled, I didn't know what to think. I was still half asleep when they informed me my parents were no longer alive. They were driving down the winding roads leading to our cottage when their car lost control on the wet road and ended up fishtailing, then flipped a few times and wrapped around a tree. They suffered. It took the ambulance thirty minutes to get there. By the time they got there they were barely hanging on by a thread. Once they got them in the ambulance they didn't even last two minutes. They were gone forever. The last thing I told them was I hated them for making me go back to school. Those were the last words I spoke to my parents before they died. I was a horrible daughter. No matter what anyone said, in my eyes I was a horrible daughter and didn't deserve anything. 

But my grandparents didn't think that. They gave me everything. When they died they left me my parents cottage we had all three lived in after they passed, all of their money, and their belongings. I kept everything of course. I didn't live in the cottage, but I kept it as a vacation house. I had people come out and take care of the horses and the lawn every day. I left it as it was and stayed in my London flat with my roommate, Lillian.

“Sia, hurry it up! We gotta get going!" I picked up my old leather backpack and did a quick check of my outfit in the mirror before running out the door that she was already halfway out of. She never liked to be late for uni. Or anything for that matter. 

When we got in her Volkswagen Bug, she immediately turned the volume up on the stereo and zipped out of the parking garage. She always had music on no matter what. That's why we got along so well. That and we balanced each other out. 

“As we promised, we're back and with One Direction. I'm going to start this interview off with a bang. What do you say lads?" The radio host asked. Five deep voices answered back, making him continue. “Alright then. Harry this first question is for you; there's been rumors that you're dating Cara Delevingne, is that true?"

“Um..no, we're just good friends," another deep voice answered. It sounded vaguely familiar. 

“So the Harry Styles is still up to his player ways?"

“Yeah, I guess you could say that."

Before anything else was said, I changed it to a cd. I can't believe I didn't recognize his voice. Normally, I could put a voice with a face almost immediately. But not seeing a person or hearing their voice could stump you a little when it came to that. With him it was different though. I pushed any and all memories of him out of my mind. He wasn't something I wanted to remember. Not after what he put me through for a majority of my life. 

“Why'd you change it?" Lilly whined. “I wanted to hear the interview." 

I hadn't told her about my childhood of bullying. She didn't need to know every little thing about me. She knew the important things and that's all that mattered. It's not like I'm lying to her, I'm just not telling her everything. It's need to know and she doesn't need to know. 

“Oh, well the CDs already playing." I shrugged. I didn't take my eyes away from the tinted window. The scenery calmed me down as it whizzed by. Being outside always did. One thing I didn't need right now was to get all bent out of shape over something that quit happening two years ago. I had just gotten to where I didn't think about it. It still bothered me but I didn't let it be known. Like I said, I don't like people knowing every little thing about me.


This was one of those nights where I would go out and sit on the wooden swing in the backyard. I always did that when I still lived in the cottage. It wasn't raining for once and there was a slight breeze. It was perfect weather for sitting outside and watching the stars.

As soon as I pulled up to my childhood home a small smile appeared on my face. Even after spending three hours on the road and it was almost eleven at night I was still happy to be here. This held so many good memories for me. It didn't remind me of what went on in school or what happened to them, it reminded me of the time I spent with my family. And that's all that I needed to remember. 

I got my suitcase out of my Mini Cooper and headed up the front walkway. The old key slid in the lock with a little trouble, but as soon as it went in and I had it unlocked, I pushed the door open. The familiar smell of cinnamon and oranges flooded my nose. This was what I missed when I was in London. Cinnamon and oranges was what this cottage had always smelt like. My mum would put a pot on the stove filled with water, cinnamon sticks, apple peels, orange rinds, and whole cloves then let it simmer all day long. It made the house smell amazing. She taught me how to do it so I did it in my flat every day. Lilly loved me for it. She said it smelt better then the store bought air fresheners and didn't cost me or her near as much money. 

“Home sweet home," I murmured. My bag was dropped in the entry way as I headed toward the backyard. I got outside and headed for the single wooden swing on the tree. Swings were something every child loves. I can remember being three and begging my dad to build me a swing on the tree. The next morning when I woke up he was tying the swing to the tree limb. 

“Daddy, can you please builds me a swing?" My three year old self begged. I pulled on his pant leg as I looked up at him with my best puppy dog eyes. 

“Not today sweets," he replied, reading his newspaper. A pout took over my mouth. He didn't even put down his newspaper. 

"But Daddy, Mummy said she didn't cares and to ask you." I tugged on his pant leg a little harder making him look at me from around his paper. “Ginny and Tommy have one that they daddy built. I want one like thems." 

He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. “I'll make you one later sweets. Now get on to bed, I know you're knackered from playing all day." He kissed my forehead and pushed my long blond hair behind my ear. “I love you sweets."

“Wuv you too Daddy." I kissed his cheek and scurried off to bed. When I woke up the next morning my dad was nowhere to be found. “Mummy, where's Daddy?"

My mums curly blond locks framed her face as she stood at the stove flipping pancakes. “He's outside Bug," she replied. Her voice was like wind chimes. The sound of her voice always made a smile appear on my face. I padded through the kitchen and opened the back door. There under the tree on a ladder was my dad. He was tying two big pieces of rope to the huge tree limb. At the end of those pieces of rope was a flat piece of pink painted wood.

“You builded me a swing?!" I shrieked. “And it's me favorite color!"

He finished tying the last knot and climbed sown the ladder. “Sure did sweets. Now get your little bum over here and try it out." I squealed and took off for the swing. As soon as I got on it, I held on to the ropes and felt him give me a push. 

“Fhank you Daddy! I loves it!"

“No problem sweets."

As I swung back and forth on the swing, I looked out over the many acres behind the house. Our -or rather my- horses were in the barn for the night, so I didn't need to worry about them. Everything was taken care of for me. If it wasn't I would have to make the three hour trip every day to check on them or live down here and quit uni.

“Hey Mum and Dad," I spoke softly, staring up at the starry night sky. “I got a week off from uni and thought I'd spend it down here. My friend Lilly is going to come down tomorrow."

I had never dome this before. Well...besides that one time, but that didn't count. I had no clue what to say. My mind was void of anything important. Talking to my parents when they aren't here is hard. Three years of not talking to them was hard. They were talkative people, so we were always talking. We joked around and just had fun. We couldn't do that anymore. And that's what bothered me. If I was going to talk to them I wanted them to be able to talk back. Having a one sided conversation was enough to get you admitted into an insane asylum. 

“I hope you're proud of me."


I remember when we broke up the first time
Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like
We hadn't seen each other in a month
When you said you needed space. (What?)
Then you come around again and say
"Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me."
Remember how that lasted for a day?
I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."

Oooh we called it off again last night
But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Like, ever...

I'm really gonna miss you picking fights
And me, falling for it screaming that I'm right
And you, would hide away and find your peace of mind
With some indie record that's much cooler than mine

Oooh, you called me up again tonight
But oooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

Oooh yeah, oooh yeah, oooh yeah
Oh oh oh

I used to think that we were forever ever
And I used to say, "Never say never..."
Huh, so he calls me up and he's like, "I still love you,"
And I'm like... "I just... I mean this is exhausting, you know, like, we are never getting back together. Like, ever"

No!

We are never ever ever getting back together
We are never ever ever getting back together
You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

We are not getting back together,
We oh, not getting back together

You go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me (talk to me)
But we are never ever ever ever getting back together

I slowed my jog to a walk and caught my breath. Being out away from the hustle and bustle of the city gave me the chance to go running. It was ten when I left so that probably made it about eleven or so now. I passed several other houses along the way but I didn't pay them any mind. The only thing on my mind was running and my music. That was until a football flew over and hit me in the side. I winced when it made contact and took my earphones out of my ears, bending to pick up the round white ball. 

“Sorry about that!" A deep Irish accented voice shouted. Looking up I saw a boy with blonde hair that was messy and looked like he just rolled out bed jogging over to me. He had on an American flag tank top with dark wash, loose skinny jeans and white sneakers. His jeans were sagging showing off a little of his boxers. What is it with boys and wearing their trousers like that? 

“Oh it's fine," I replied. “Just watch where you're kicking the ball next time, yeah?" 

He chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “I'll try. My names Niall by the way." 

Niall. That was an unusual name, but it fit him. He seemed like he was unusual, in a good way of course. 

“My names Anastasia. Oh, um, here's your ball back." I tossed it to him and watched as he caught it with ease. “Thanks. Hey I've never seen you around here before. You just move here?"

I couldn't help but laugh. I was never someone who everyone noticed. I was always in the background. “No, I've actually lived here my whole life. I own the last cottage just down a ways," I replied. 

A grin overtook his face. “So you probably know Harry? Har--"

“Niall, mate, quit flirtin' with your bird and hurry it up! We wanna play some ball!" A deep British accented voice shouted. A head popped over the bushes that sat in front of the house behind Niall. It was a boy with dark hair that looked to be styled to perfection. His skin was tanned and his eyes were dark. He was the meaning of tall, dark, and handsome. 

"Buzz off Zayn. I'm talkin' to me new friend," Niall hollered back. "And don't be jealous that I get more girls then you. You know ladies love us Irishman."

A small giggle fell from my lips making his eyes light up. He looked like a little kid in a candy store. “Well I better get goin'. It was nice meeting you Niall." 

“Nice meeting you too Anastasia." With that said I started down the road, choosing to leave my earphones out. “Hey Anastasia!" I stopped and turned to see Niall jogging towards me. 

“Yeah mate?"

“Me and the lads are having a bonfire tonight and I wanted to see if you would like to come. Harry won't mind." Harry. Who is this Harry character? I already don't like him, and just because of his name. Is that bad? But what could it hurt. It's my week off and I'm only going to be hanging out with Lilly in the cottage and be lazy, so this was something that would get me out of the house. And I'm sure Lilly wouldn't mind. 

“Yeah, that'd be nice. Is it okay if my mate Lilly comes too?" He nodded and told me the time to be there. “I'll see you then Niall." I walked off with a wave and felt the corners of my mouth lift up in a smile. 

Being a semester into uni gave me the chance to start over, meet new people, and make new friends. I was cautious at first after my experience in earlier years. People were cruel and didn't care who they hurt. I learned that the hard way. I had my walls up all the time ready to block anyone from figuring me out. Even though I did that I still hung out with people. I didn't want to be a hermit or a loner. So meeting new people was a good thing for me in certain ways. This won't be that bad. I'll be meeting new people and possibly making some new mates. It would make my parents proud of me for coming this far.