R.I.P

Dear Lily.

From the moment I met you I knew you were something special. Somebody I could never forget. I knew my simple day to day life would never be the same again. From your sparkling personality to your insane beauty; I knew I had found perfection. You've always been the centre of my universe. The reason I kept going through these dark times.

I will never forgive myself for saying those bitter words to you. Calling you that despicable name is something I regret hugely. I can't help wondering what would've happened if I had kept my mouth shut. Maybe things would've been different? You could've been mine, I could've been yours? We could've been so happy. But as Dumbledore says: "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live." So I must not dwell on what could've happened. Dumbledore was the glue that held everything together and slowly things are falling apart without him. He was the one who knew what was going to happen. And I had to kill him. It was the worst experience of my life. But I had to do it. And now I can’t bear it, everyone thinks of me as a cold hearted killer. But all I’m trying to do is to keep everything together, to keep the dark lord on my side so I can take care of Hogwarts. So I can help your son.

Hogwarts isn't the same warm loving home we grew up in. It's turned dark and cold, the mermaids no longer sing. Peeves has slowly disappeared. Rules are never disobeyed. The consequences from the Carrows are too heavy. The pure blood mania has hit this world hard. It's a cruel unloving world I now live in lily.

My days are coming quickly to an end and I know soon I will be dead. I never thought I should or would be scared of deaths cold hand, but I am. The only piece of mind I have is knowing I will be in heaven with you. I guess death is my reward. And I know you will never read this, because Voldemort took you from me. You were so brave lily, you sacrificed yourself to save Harry and I hate him for it. When I see him my blood boils. It was his fault, he killed you. But he is the only reminder I have of you.

The deadly truth will be out very soon. The right thing will be done and Voldemort will die. But there will be heavy consequences. Death. I'd always known this would be the outcome, yet it's come so quickly and I'm scared. I wish you were here to tell me everything will be okay.

I love you lily. My love for you is unimaginable. Unexplainable.

Forever yours.

Severus.