No One's Gonna Need You More

Rian pulled Alex aside once they all got into the bar.

“Let’s talk.”

“Can I get a drink first?”

Rian shook his head and dragged Alex to a booth in the back. Alex almost groaned as he sat down. He really didn’t want to do this while he was completely sober. He had hoped he could as least have a few drinks first. Or maybe a couple of shots. He was surprised though when Rian held up a finger, telling Alex to wait there, and then left, coming back with two beers. It was better than no beer at all. He took it and thanked Rian, sipping on it idly and waiting for Rian to start the conversation.

“So, you and Ian.”

Alex just nodded his head. No point in denying when he had been completely obvious about it earlier. He knew he shouldn’t have let Ian keep him that long on the bus. They were all bound to notice the two of them missing but Alex just can’t pass up sex. Any kind of sex. He and Ian weren’t exactly having full out sex though because every time Alex went there Ian would push him away.

“What are you even doing, Alex?”

Alex frowned at that, “What do you mean?”

“I mean why are you fucking with Ian and Jack like this?”

“I…I’m not.”

“Yes you are. Jack loves you and adores you and he’s been so miserable with you not talking to him but you don’t even care because you’ve been fucking Ian behind his back. And Ian is so in over his head because you’ve turned on that charm of yours and you have him wrapped around your finger to the point where he’s obviously lost his damn mind.”

Alex sat back and stared at Rian, his mouth open slightly, “That’s…that’s not true.”

“Oh? Then tell me, Alex. What is true?”

“I…I love him…”

Rian scoffed, “Which one?”

Alex glared at him, “I love them both, ok! I’m fucking selfish. I love them both.”

Rian was shaking his head. He didn’t get it. He couldn’t see how Alex felt. How much Alex truly did care for both Jack and Ian. It was just a matter of who he cared for more. Who he was willing to let go of in order to really be with the other.

“Alex, you’re fucking with them.”

“I am not! You don’t understand! How am I supposed to just let go of something that has made me so happy for the past 5 years of my life. Someone who’s been there for me, someone who knows me inside and out? I don’t know how to do that.”

Alex laid his head down on the table, almost flinching when Rian reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, “So, Jack is the one you’re ending things with?”

Alex shrugged, “I don’t know, Ri. Jack is my rock. My best friend. He’s been there for me since we were 13 years old. But Ian makes me feel something in a way that Jack never did. I look at Ian and I know I can’t be without him.”

Alex wanted to laugh at how stupid that sounded. He was sure Rian was going to laugh at him too but he didn’t. He looked up to see Rian just staring at him, a sad smile on his face.

“Then I guess you know what you have to do.”

Alex just shook his head, “I need to think about this. I just…I need to get out of here.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Matt you left.”

Alex stood up from the table and looked over toward where Ian was sitting. He wanted to go over there, to tell Ian to come with him because it was Ian. It was Ian from the moment Matt introduced them in that parking lot.

Rian came to stand beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder, “I honestly wish it was Jack.”
Alex shrugged him off and started for the door, “Sometimes I do too.”

-

Alex decided to walk back to the venue. It was chilly outside but the fresh air was helping to clear his mind. He knew he needed to end things with Jack and as soon as possible because Rian was right. He was fucking with their feelings.

He kicked at the ground as he walked. He wished things were different. He wished Ian hadn’t come on this tour. That Matt had never hired him. He took it back as soon as he thought it though because Ian meant everything to him and he couldn’t imagine not having him in his life. He just wanted things to be simple.

What if he was never in a relationship with Jack to begin with? He wouldn’t have wanted that either. Jack had been amazing to him. His first love and he would never change that.
He sighed as he reached the bus and pulled open the door, traipsing up the steps and falling face first onto the front lounge couch.

He rolled over and stared at the ceiling. He yawned and figured he might as well just go to bed because there was no way Jack was coming back to the bus sober tonight which meant there would be no break up. He didn’t want to break up with him and have Jack not even remember it in the morning. One break up would be tough enough.

Alex had been dozing off in his bunk when he heard the bus door open again.
He was about to get up and help whoever it was, they seemed to be trying to heave another person into the bus but he was being lazy and he was afraid it was Jack. Alex kept quiet as they made their way into the bunk area. He knew one of them was Jack as the other pushed him into the bunk below Alex’s. The person sighed in relief, mumbling quietly about annoying drunk people when Jack was finally in his bunk. He knew it was Ian. Alex knew Ian’s voice. He heard him go into the back lounge.
He slowly got up from his bunk and swung his legs over the edge. Ian had just brought Jack back to the bus and put him to bed. He slipped down from his bunk and opened the back lounge door finding Ian sprawled out on the couch.

“Hey.” And okay that was really lame but he had no idea what to say. He wanted to know why Ian had brought Jack back here. What had happened after he left the bar.

“Hi.”

Ian didn’t even look up at him. He figured that maybe he should apologize or something.

“So…umm… I’m sorry I just left earlier. I had a lot on my mind and I just couldn’t be there.”

“Ok.”

Alex shifted his weight. Ian was being really distant and it was freaking him out a bit. He wanted to go sit by him, wrap his arms around his waist and lay down but Ian isn’t looking at him.

“Is…Is something wrong? Did I do something?”

Ian stares at him hard before switching his gaze to the floor. He’s obviously thinking about something and how to say it. Alex’s heart beat picks up a bit faster.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

Alex’s jaw drops, “What?” He feels like he’s about to have a panic attack, Ian can’t be doing this right now.

“You heard me; I’m not doing this anymore Alex. You have Jack and Jack is so in love with you and I can’t hurt him like this because what if I was in his position? I’m not staying on this tour, Alex. I’ll let Matt know I’m leaving tomorrow and I’ll stay until he can replace me.”

Alex shakes his head. No. No. He can’t. He doesn’t understand where this is coming from.

“It’s for the best, Alex, fix things with Jack and just forget about me.”

Ian pushes gently on his chest successfully getting him out into the hallway. Ian closes the door on him as Alex sinks to floor. Ian can hear his sobs and swipes at his own eyes before burying himself into the couch.

Alex continues to cry, an arm coming to wrap around his waist. The person gently pulling him in to cradle him to his chest.

“I love you, Lex.”