Lie To Me, Just One More Time

I hear him as he carefully sneaks into our bed. I stay still and keep my breath even. As he eases himself into his spot I can almost hear him relax, another night not being caught. He probably thinks he's in the clear, that I don't what he's been doing after I 'fall asleep'. I open my eyes in slits and look at my husband, the father of my son, and ask myself where we went wrong.

“Tell her I say hi next time. Will you?” I say and turn my back to him. I can feel him tense in the bed that once held happy memories.

“Alyx,”- The sound of his voice saying my name makes me sick.

Isn't it bad enough that he cheats but then to sound so innocent and sweet when I call him out on it? That's just not right but that's the person I have dedicated my life to.

“Don't Jordan. It's not worth it.” I cut him off and lift myself to my feet. I grab my pillow and walk towards the bedroom door.

“Alyx.” His voice is in my ear. It's candy coated and so tempting. I could turn around and taste the sweetness that teases me but then I remember who else just tasted what's suppose to be mine.

“I want a divorce.” I say before opening the door and going into the living room without turning around.

“What?” He whispers now that we're in the living room.

“You heard me Jordan. I'm done with you and you're infidelity.” I whisper back not wanting to be loud.

“What are you talking about A?” The shift in his tone tells me he knows exactly what I'm talking about.

“Jordan, I don't want to fight, we do that enough. We both know that you leave when I'm asleep and go to who ever and do what ever. It's not fair to me or Micah for that matter.” I sound defeated even to me.

“Don't bring Micah into this.” Jordan hisses. For all of Jordan's faults he loves that baby with everything he has.

“You brought him into this the moment you cheated. Did you honestly think that'd I just accept this? That I would stay in a loveless marriage?” I ask my voice still low.

“I do love you Alyx.” Jordan sounds older than twenty, much older, when he says this.

“No, you love what I bring to the table. You love the idea of me and it's very different.” I run my hands through my hair and sigh.

“That's not fair.” Jordan manages.

“No Jor, what's not fair is that I hope everyday that we will work, that you'll love me the way you use to, and that we aren't only still together because we got pregnant but then every night you're slipping in and out of our bed.” I looked directly at Jordan and see the person I once loved. I see the boy who's laugh was captivating and whose eyes lit up when he saw the ocean.

“I won't lie to you Alyx. If we didn't have Micah we wouldn't have gotten married, we wouldn't be a couple.”

All of the boy I hoped was still there disappeared with those words. The realization of it truly being over hit me in the heart. I wipe the tear from my face and take a deep breath.

“I'll call a lawyer tomorrow.” I say crossing the apartment to the couch. I drop my pillow on the cushion stained by Micah's grape juice.

I lay down and watch as Jordan walks back into the bedroom. He closes the door and I can hear him crying. Knowing it will be a sleepless night I don't even try to doze off. I just stare at the ceiling and listen to Jordan's sobs. He stops crying at around five. I don't hear anything for a while but then Micah is crying. Letting his parents know it's time to get up and start our day. I push up from the couch and walk into the his little room.

“Mama.” Micah is standing in his crib with his arms outstretched to me.

“Hey Buddy!” I say picking him up. I feel his diaper and grab a new one. Once he's dry and in an outfit I bring him into the living room. I pull out his blocks and let him go wild while I make breakfast. Jordan emerges from our room a little after breakfast is ready. You can tell he's been crying because his eyes are red and puffy.

“Morning. Breakfast is in the kitchen.” Looking up for only a minute before going back to playing with Micah.

“Thanks.” His voice is hoarse too.

“DaDaDa.” Micah crawls over to him and outs his arms in the air.

“Morning baby!” Jordan picks him up and kisses him. Securing him on his hip Jordan grabs a plate and feeds baby bits to Micah even though he's already eaten.

“It was good. Thank you.” Jordan says to me.

“You're welcome. I called the lawyer this morning, we have an appointment with him at ten.” I inform him.

“Okay.” Is all he says and gets ready. We go to the lawyer and he draws up the papers for us. The next appointment that will be made is for the custody of Micah. When we get home and put him down for the night I bring it up to Jordan.

“What are going to do about Micah?” I ask as I bring the dinner dishes into the kitchen.

“What do you mean?” Jordan asks following me.

“About custody.” I say.

“You want custody?” He sounds shocked and defensive at the same time.

“Joint custody. I'll move somewhere really close so the distance won't be an issue.” I've thought about this all day. I saw a nice little apartment three down from here. It's probably going to be expensive but money has never been a problem.

“You're moving out?” Jordan's shocked by the news. It's like he hasn't thought about this at all.

“Why wouldn't I? Unless you want to.” I load the dish washer and then turn to face him.

“Oh. Umm, I uh, I'll stay here.” I knew he'd stay here, the apartment is paid in full.

“So back to Micah.” I raise my eyebrows.

“Joint custody is good. What maybe like Mondays, Wednesdays, and every other weekend with you?” He breathes deeply and I wish this wasn't happening.

“Yeah, that sounds fair. I'll get the papers tomorrow.” I smile sadly as I watch as my life slowly gets flushed down the toilet.

“Night.” I say before going into the bathroom to change out of my clothes.

“Night.” He whispers and goes into the bedroom. I go to sleep and wake up to find a note left by Jordan.

Alyx,

I took Micah to my mom's for the day. We'll be eating there.

Jordan