Without You

I tried to run after Dan but he seemed to go all Flash on me and darted out the door.

“What happened?” Ian asked. “I thought we were all having a good time.”

I face-palmed myself and rolled my eyes at the same time. I turned back to see a now ‘happier’ Brian leaning on the kitchen’s door frame.

“He must really like you to be jealous of him,” Jun joked. Brian looked at him and stared him down. Jun put his hands up in surrender as if he said anything harmful.

“Yeah, I don’t wanna think about that,” I told them. “So what are you guys up to today?”

“We were actually planning to give JR a visit. Wanna come?” Ian said, toying with the guitar that Dan left on the couch.

“It’s not like I have anything better to do now,” I said and Brian looked at me with so much judgment in his eyes. He was hurt, for sure but even I was getting annoyed with his whole diva issues. He was such a girl.

I went to my room to get ready. I grabbed all the things I needed and placed them inside a bag. I changed my bedroom slippers into a pair of Vans and looked into the mirror. I thought my outfit was pretty fine for the day besides, I didn’t want to dress up all flashy.

Once I got out of my room, Brian was texting on his phone while Ian and Jun were raiding my refrigerator.

“Ready guys?” I asked, grabbing the attention of 3 pairs of eyes.

Jun had a bar of Hershey’s in his mouth while Ian had a bottle of water in his hand. I rolled my eyes at them as we all moved out of the room and went down the stairs.

When we got to the car, Brian took the driver’s seat while Ian rode shotgun. Jun and I were at the back as we jammed to Drake songs that blasted out the speakers. It was pretty loud but I had fun nonetheless. It’s been such a long time since I’ve smiled and laughed genuinely and I’m only glad I had friends who were capable of giving me that kind of joy.

30 minutes later, we were right in front of JR’s place. Brian parked the car out front and we all walked in a line as we reached JR’s front door. Once we were closing in on the steps, Ian ran up and knocked on the door while ringing the doorbell.

“What’s up you—” JR stopped abruptly as soon as he saw me. Once he realized exactly who I was, he reached out and wrapped me up in a bear hug. “You do not just go away, come back sick and break through it without seeing me. What were you thinking?”

I seriously wasn’t sure if he was mad or if he was happy. I just held onto him like a daughter would to her dad. It’s not like I’ve ever pictured JR this way. I guess it’s just that nostalgic feeling of having a parent care and worry about you.

“Sorry,” I said through his chest since my face was mushed into it.

Once we had our little reunion, we all went inside to chill. JR told us about his audition for The Voice and we were all so hyped about it.

“You are gonna win for sure,” I told him, bringing my feet up on the couch so I could get more comfortable.

“Speaking of, why are you trying out?” JR asked. I thought he was directing the question to someone else but when no one answered, I realized that it was actually for me.

No one knew – other than JR – that I knew how to sing or at least try to sing. JR always tells me that I should start writing songs and stuff and that we should get together to post videos of covers but I didn’t want that kind of publicity for some reason. I mean, sure it would be awesome to gain more fans and to have some other outlet for my expressions but I don’t know. I guess I’m kinda selfish that way. I didn’t want anyone to find out about my singing voice.

One day, however, JR walked into my room because he wanted to talk about something. I was in the bathroom taking a shower and it was only natural for me to start singing since no one else was bound to hear me. He recorded one whole song and then ran out the door. I wouldn’t have known that he had some kind of recording if he didn’t post a note on my tack board telling me that he’d recorded my rendition of “Thinkin’ Bout You” by Frank Ocean. He blackmailed me with the recording every time I refused to hang with him whenever I stopped by LA or Alaska.

Everyone’s eyes were on me. I looked at them one by one and raised an eyebrow. “What are you implying?” I asked JR who got up and walked towards a certain corner where his guitar stood.

“You know I know something they don’t,” JR said, picking up his guitar and returning to his seat.

By now, Jun and Ian were chanting for me to sing. Brian looked surprised. And if you’re asking, yes. I kept it from him too. As much as I didn’t want anyone else to know my secret talent, Brian was the last person I wanted to share this with. I mean when he wants something, he totally goes out of his way to get it. Likewise, if he wanted me to sing in front of our other friends and family, I probably would’ve sung for them already. He never leaves me with a choice. It’s kind of ironic because even to this day, with the relationship he wants, he’s finding ways for me to fall for him.

Without another word, JR silenced both Ian and Jun and started plucking away to Thinkin’ Bout You. I think there were about a million butterflies in my stomach because I seriously felt each and every one fluttering around, brushing their tiny legs on my insides.

I fiddled with my fingers as JR adlibbed the intro. I closed my eyes so that I couldn’t see anything and once I found the rhythm for the first verse, I sprung on it and let my vocals out.

A tornado flew around the room before you came, excuse the mess you made; it usually doesn’t rain in southern California, much like Arizona. My eyes don’t shed tears but boy, they bawl when I’m thinkin’ bout you, you know, know, know…

I sang the rest of the song like it was my own. For some reason, the runs were smooth and I felt a pang of relief thwack at me as I expressed myself through a song. The song practically summarizes everything I have with Brian and to have him in the room listening to me sing this song to him sorta felt weird because I was never good at talking about my feelings – especially when that person was in the same room as me.

By the second verse, my eyes were open wide as I continued to sing. The expression on Jun’s and Ian’s faces were indescribable. They looked shocked and happy at the same time. Soon enough, I glanced at Brian who was probably internalizing the song since he was pretty deep in thought. He had his thinking face on.

I ended the song with one last run and had Jun and Ian on their feet. I smiled as they all tackled me and tickled my sides. This was the one thing I hated about them. They knew all my tickle spots.

“I can’t believe you had that in you!” Jun said, poking my sides.

“You could’ve sung Happy Birthday for Bam!” Ian said reaching for my neck.

“GUYYYYS! I can’t breathe! STOP PLEASE!” And with that they stopped. But as soon as they did, JR started strumming to a new song.

JR and Brian started to sing the first two lines of ‘Have I Told You Lately’ by Rod Stewart. But after the first four lines, the rhythm started to pick up and the song changed. Brian started to sing to Justin Bieber’s ‘Be Alright’ and I was blown away. I’ve always loved Brian’s voice to the point where I actually told him this one time – as an awkward teenager – that if his voice was an actual person, I’d marry it.

The way these guys frame everything is really surprising. Makes you wonder if they actually plan these things out or if they happen coincidentally. I seriously didn’t think they’d have anything in store for me. And here was Brian singing to me. Even the way he sang the song was filled with emotion. Needless to say, it moved me to tears because every word that came out of his mouth was heartfelt.

Ian and Jun both wrapped me in their arms and swayed us side to side. Brian’s eyes were starting to water as well as soon as they hit the bridge.

I don’t know what came over me, but as soon as the song ended and they finished it with a couple of lines from another Bieber song, I got up from my seat. Brian got up as well. I walked over to him and kissed him hard on the lips and just like that everything turned to bliss.